Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Thoughts On The DC Universe Reboot

For those that care to know, DC Comics has recently gone on record stating plans for a massive reboot of all their major titles and characters this fall.

To non-comic fans, this means you can expect to see (or in the case of those that truly don’t give a fuck, not see) a bunch of comics and trades bearing the increasingly common designation of “Issue #1” in the coming months.

The reasoning behind this rather ballsy maneuver by one of comics’ biggest publishing houses, has largely been attributed as an effort to contemporize the characters and origins of the DC universe.

While part of me feels that this could in fact pay-off, and might even prove beneficial to the legacies of some of the more obscure characters of DC (Hawkman, Deadman, Red Tornado, etc.) by giving them extra face time and a new coat of paint; the comic-whore in me can’t help but feel a little thrown by the idea of a universe-wide reboot.

Pictured: When Superman met the 90's... Things could've gone better.

It’s not the fact that I’m a continuity whore or anything either.

I grew in an era when most people considered themselves either “DC Kids” or “Marvel Kids,” and with the exception of Batman and Superman; (mostly Batman…) I was very much a “Marvel Kid.”

What can I say, Marvel's always been good at aiming low...

In the past decade or so, my undying allegiance to The House of Ideas (AKA Marvel, dumbass…) has loosened up, or rather; my appreciation for DC has grown, but even so, I’ve never really found a good way to get my feet wet when it comes to the labyrinthian mess that is DC universe continuity.

I think it’s the Multiverse aspect of DC that has always scared me off when it comes to DC crossovers.

Though I have to admit, this is pretty fuckin' awesome.

Sure, you could argue that Marvel has a Multiverse as well, (one that I don’t really pay attention to aside from the MAX imprint) but the difference between the 2 is that DC merges their universes from time to time, while Marvel usually keeps theirs separate.

Keeping track of hundreds of characters in a single universe is one thing, but when you put together a host of stories I.E. the Crisis series; that draw into focus numerous iterations of said characters across multiple universes, I’m sorry, my feeble mind just can’t handle it.

For this reason, along with the occasional poor review or 2, I haven’t read any of the Crisis stories, nor do I think I’ll ever care enough to do so.

Case in point: Superboy Prime.

The point I’ve been trying to make with all of this bullshit, is the fact that when it comes to DC; I don’t really have that much of an investment in the history of it’s characters… Aside from Batman, Superman, and maybe Green Lantern.

Call me crazy, but I kind of liked it when Hal Jordan went nuts and killed off the Corps.

Could've done without the creepy pedo-face though...

Anyway, the first thing that came to mind when I heard DC was going to be dumping a fatty diarrhea of reboot juice into their books, was Marvel’s Ultimate series.

I haven’t read any of the Ultimate line, largely because, unlike in the case of DC, I’m very comfortable with Marvel’s continuity, past and present.

From what I’ve read, the basic mission statement for the Ultimate line was along the lines of:

“Purge all the non-essential/less popular characters, make the characters more contemporary, make use of big-name writers and artists, make it accessible for non-comic readers/people that like the Marvel movies.”

To reiterate: Marvel, not afraid to whore themselves out to the kids.

That’s basically what I’m thinking DC is trying to do with their reboot.

The really goofy thing about this whole reboot thing, is the timing of it.

Superman: Secret Origin wrapped not that long ago, the ink on Superman: Earth One (not be confused with “Earth-1“) has yet to dry, and Batman: Earth One is likely to follow in the coming months.

Even Wonder Woman was recently revamped from the ground up.

Oh God! It's the 90's all over again!!!

When I think about it, it seems like DC’s been teasing a reboot for awhile now, but it’s only just now they’ve built up the courage to go ahead and do it to their entire line, and not just their A-list characters.

Deep down, I know that DC has some serious housekeeping to do with their characters and storylines, as would any other book line published over 70+ years; but starting from scratch is not something I like to consider.

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m fine with comics simply ignoring or retconning the less important or relevant moments in their continuity.

As a fairly seasoned comic fan, I don’t think a reboot is all that necessary; but if it breathes new life in the industry, and grabs new fans that otherwise wouldn’t have given a shit, then more power to ’em.

In any case, here’s hoping DC’s gamble pays off.

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Filed under: Comics, Movies, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

BEST. CAKE. EVER.


I ask you, have you ever seen a birthday cake as awesome as this?

That’s right, didn’t think so.

This was a belated birthday gift, made for me by my brother’s girlfriend.

I know, weird, right?

I betcha’ if I had a girlfriend of my own, she probably wouldn’t have taken the time to do something this awesome for my birthday.

If you feel yourself overwhelmed with intense feelings of jealously, don’t worry; such a reaction is expected when dealing with handmade Jurassic Park cakes.

Anyway, I’m kind of wiped from wandering around the Folk Life Festival/running in the fountain at the Seattle Center.

Check back tomorrow for a real article, or failing that; another stupid clip of a pro-wrestler falling on his head/flubbing his lines!

Oh well, no reason we can’t do some of that today as well:

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Remember That One Time Brock Lesnar Botched A Shooting Star?

It’s funny, in reading some of the comments on this video; it became apparent to me that a lot of people really like Brock Lesnar, both as a former WWF wrestler, and current UFC fighter.

I don’t know what it is about the guy, but for whatever reason; I just don’t like him.

He was kind of fun as a wrestler, back when he was doing squash matches for Paul Heyman and, y’know; not talking, but in his MMA career, I’ve seen little to like.

In the UFC, the man is a symbol of meatheaded-ness and muscular hypertrophy… And gaudy/hideous phallic tattoos:

Yes it is, Brock. Yes it is...

More than all that though, it may just be my inner conspiracy theorist talking; but I see Brock Lesnar as UFC’s mascot.

I think Dana White saw the image Lesnar projected, and adopted it as the ideal of the UFC demographic.

I think Lesnar was positioned, from the start, to be their Heavyweight champion (after only 4 fights) and become the highest paid fighter in their roster, regardless of whether he deserves it or not.

Not every guy gets to make the cover of their sport’s official videogame after 5 fights and barely 3 years of activity in the league.

Such is the kind of sleazy shit one can pull when they own the promotional rights to every athlete in an organization.

He’s their John Cena, a t-shirt and supplement seller.

I hate him, but I gotta' give him credit: The kids love him.

Maybe it’s just my undying allegiance to boxing talking, but I’ve never been able to see the beauty of Brock Lesnar’s fighting soul.

From what I’ve been told, the man has a legit background in wrestling, however his approach to MMA rarely shows it.

He’s quick on the shoot and intimidating as fuck, but his lateral movement is non-existent, and his bulk utterly unwieldy when it comes to anything other than lifting heavy objects, or failing that; laying on top of them.

"BROCK STRONGEST ONE THERE IS!!!!!! Brock take nap now...."

I may not be speaking from experience on this one, but I think it’s safe to assume 60 lbs. arms don’t exactly make for the best handspeed or coordination.

Ever since he debuted, Brock Lesnar has been my go-to guy for taking jabs at the UFC.

I’d be lying if I said watching Cain Velasquez beat the ever loving fuck out of him wasn’t one of the happiest moments of my sports viewing lifetime.

Well, there's goes Brock's sponsorship with Jimmy John's...

Anyway, I don’t know why I decided to use an afternoon of my Memorial Day Weekend to write about this; but oh well, at least the video was funny.

I don’t hate MMA, I just hate the image the UFC projects.

Enjoy your Sunday!

Oh Brock, we keep finding ways to slip you in...

Filed under: Boxing, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Attempted Screenplay #4,701

Answer: YES.

Yesterday I found myself slapped in the face by my fair weather friend, “creative inspiration.”

I didn’t have any super-awesome ideas or anything, rather I was simply struck with the feeling of “I need to do something EPIC.”

Said feeling arose in direct response to a film I watched yesterday, directed by a good friend of mine; Sean Parker.

The movie in question was Mr. Parker’s most recent film, called “Coup De Cinema.”

TRAILER HERE

I’ve got a full-blown review planned for “Coup De Cinema” in the near future, but for now, I just want to ruminate on the creative fire that it lit under my ass.

Seeing my friend’s work, written and directed with such professionalism and polish, made me remember that I’d like to make a “real” film someday too.

The first step to actually making a film though, comes in the form committing to the project, of dedicating one’s self to getting it off the ground.

I’ve always been kind of flaky in retaining interest in my various film projects, rarely getting more than a few pages into the writing process; but at present, I’m feeling a little more committed to the idea of devoting myself wholeheartedly to a project.

I’m getting older, I’m not working at the moment, I’ve been consistently writing every day for over a year; I think it’s about time I tried shooting for something “big” by my virtually non-existent standards.

In all my years, I’ve barely made a complete film; and at this point I’d really like to change that.

As of yesterday, I’ve started writing a formal screenplay for a very much d0-able movie; and if every goes my way, hopefully I’ll be done with a draft within a month or so.

I’m lacking for resources and manpower, but I figure if I can at least get the whole thing, from start to finish; on paper, I might be able to inspire my neighborhood buddies to help me get it shot.

Anyway, thanks Sean Parker for making such an awesome movie, and for giving me the creative kick in the sack that I’ve been needing since… Well, since college.

 

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , ,

OMFG: Hulk Hogan’s Main Event

I’ve written exactly 1 article detailing my thoughts on the Xbox Kinect.

Said article consisted of an ungodly amount of pissing and moaning regarding my general disinterest in the technical innovations the peripheral offered, as well some whining about how many of them I had to pack while working at the Amazon.com warehouse during it’s launch.

To this day, I have yet to visit a household in possession of a Kinect, nor have I had any desire to make a fool of myself on the demo rig at my local Best Buy.

In short, I have little to no interest in the Kinect as a gaming peripheral/LIFESTYLE CHANGING, LIVING ROOM DOMINATING APPLIANCE, nor have I ever found myself viewing any of the software designed for it as anything less than high-budget niche market tripe.

Well, let me tell yah’ somethin’ brothers, today I heard about a game being developed for the Kinect that, if it should live up to any of it’s potential, I might just might end up eating my words.

Said game is of course the upcoming, Hulk Hogan’s Main Event.

WHATCHA' GONNA' DOOOOOOOO!!!!!??????

From what I can tell, the game utilizes the motion sensor to gauge the players movements as they perform not just wrestling strikes and movements, but crowd pumping gesticulations as well.

It would be really awesome if all this included not just winning wrestling matches, but “selling” them as well.

I ask you, how cool would it be to thrash around your living room pretending to get your ass kicked by an imaginary/digital wrestler opponent?

I think Hulk Hogan is lending his voice and likeness to the game as well, though I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing at this point.

The Hulkster has been kind of hit and miss since his days at the WWF, and given that he’s supposed to be a trainer of some sort in the game, I’m guessing the Hulk we’d be getting would be more in line with American Gladiators Hogan:

… Let’s just forget that all happened, ‘k?
In other words, Hulk’s in it; but I’m only excited if it’s the real HULK HOGAN as opposed to the recently divorced corporate whore we’ve been seeing the past few years.

In my mind, I picture the game as being kind of a like a dance game, but cast in the skin of a wrestling and entrance walk simulator.

I know it sounds dumb, and the chances of it being at all a technically sound production are slim to none, but I ask you this:

What self respecting MAN wouldn’t want to try their hand at strutting down the ramp to the ring at Wrestlemania while aping the hand motions and posture of Hulk Hogan?

Hell, I’ve done played out this scenario both in real life and in my head plenty of times, but the idea of seeing my own wrestling avatar play out these same motions, to music and fireworks etc., just sounds fuckin’ awesome.

Anyway, the game will probably suck some serious balls, but if I ever see a demo of it; rest assured I will man-up and give it a shot.

If said scenario should ever come into play, expect to see some video footage of my performance at some point…

I guess this will have to do for now...

 

Filed under: Games, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dream Project: Jackie Chan’s “Time Belt”

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I spent this afternoon pounding out an idea for a Jackie Chan “dream project” with my buddy Mencius.

It all started when I asked my buddy:

“If you had Jackie Chan in his physical prime, what movie would you put him in?”

Surprisingly, my answer to this question was rather straightforward and simple, being that of Armour of God III or something like it.

To be honest, I’d still like to see a 3rd Armour of God, as I’ve always felt it could be a good “farewell” movie for Jackie.

Getting back to the matter at hand, my buddy Mencius had something a little more off the wall in mind, something more unique; at least when it comes to Jackie Chan movies.

Mencius’ idea was that of a time travel adventure film where Jackie, playing a kung fu expert/dopey non-hero that accidentally finds himself hurtling through exotic time periods and locales.

Okay maybe the plot isn't totally unique. But The Myth sucked, so it doesn't count.

While I was initially turned off by the idea, largely due to it’s lack of a concrete source of conflict, I found myself revisiting the idea throughout the day, constantly feeding Mencius ideas that I thought could make for a fun movie.

The first idea I felt needed to come into play, was that of a group of villains chasing Jackie through time.

Basically, Jackie is like a janitor in some time travel laboratory, and then a bunch of thieves break in trying to steal the time travel gear; whereupon Jackie accidentally activates the device and gets lost in time.

Using a device with extremely limited time travel capability, the bad guys chase Jackie through time, showing up for action beats throughout Jackie’s adventures.

Mencius and I didn’t really get around to finalizing anything for this idea, but at the end of the day we came up with at least 2 locations the film would visit, namely ancient China, and Victorian England.

Naturally, Jackie would run afoul of plenty of thugs and bad guys in these places, leading to much brawling, yelling of “I don’t want any trouble!”, and weaponization of household items.

In my mind, given that this in fact a “dream” project, and can really include as many stars (in their physical primes) as I’d like, the cast of the movie would be fucking epic.

Imagine this:

Jackie goes back in time to old timey China.

He meets Wong Fei Hung, played by Jet Li.

They fight, and it most certainly doesn’t suck like in The Forbidden Kingdom.

Somewhere along the line, Jackie meets a rotund butcher played by Sammo Hung, and his fiery cohort, played by Yuen Biao.

Pictured: Comedy and Action, GOLD.

Naturally, they all become buddies.

At the end of it all, Jackie, Sammo, Yuen and Jet Li all join forces to take on the local Axe Gang, every member of which is played by a notable Hong Kong villain actor.

Imagine a crowd fight with these 4 taking on the likes of Dick Wei, Billy Chow, Ken Lo, Chin Siu Ho, Fan Siu Wong, Wu Jing, Xing Yu and Al FUCKING Leong, all at the same fuckin’ time.

Hell, I'd pay money JUST to see Jackie take on Al Leong...

Now imagine Jackie, Yuen and Sammo travel to Victorian England, only to be immediately accosted by a thuggish Jason Statham.

After escaping The Transporter, the trio run afoul of the local authorities, the leader of which happens to be Darren Shahlavi AKA Twister:

Now imagine the rest of the movie includes fights with the pursuing bad guys played by the likes of Scott Adkins, Cyril Raffaelli, Marko Zaror, Benny Urquidez, and Brad Allan with DONNIE FUCKING YEN serving as the “final boss.”

Tell me, would this not be the coolest movie ever!?

Anyway, in tribute to the classic Channel 101 show of the same name, I feel it’s only appropriate that this “dream project” be titled:

Jackie Chan’s “Time Belt”

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Cowboys & Aliens WILL Kick Ass.

Despite it’s ridiculous title, and dubious connections to the original comic book source material, I’ve got a good feeling about Cowboys and Aliens.

Aside from the inherent possibilities that could emerge from the peanut butter and chocolate combination of cowboys and aliens, I think the biggest thing going for the movie (at least the movie that’s being marketed to us) is it’s serious, but not too serious tone.

Given the goofy title, Cowboys and Aliens could very easily have ended up being a pandering and goofy-as-fuck giggle fest, but based on the visual aesthetic, and “hardened” expressions of most of the cast; it would seem director Jon Favreau has opted to imbue his film with at least some semblance of class and drama.

In addition to this, with a cast consisting of an Onimusha/Devil May Cry 4/Lost Planet/God Hand/EVERY CAPCOM GAME OF THE NEW MILLENIUM gauntlet armed Daniel Craig, the always excellent Sam Rockwell, and an aging and hammy-as-fuck Harrison Ford; the possibility of Cowboys and Aliens being anything less than “fun” are nearly non-existent.

The real reason we're all going to see Cowboys and Aliens: ADAM BEACH.

To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t always as up on Cowboys and Aliens as I am now.

In fact, when I first heard of the movie, I thought it sounded like a lame joke; another Snakes on a Plane without the loving support of every meme-gobbling fanboy in existence.

Don’t pretend you weren’t one of them.

In other words, I didn’t expect much; and I certainly was planning to see it.

That all changed when I found myself reminiscing about an old Ray Harryhausen movie of my childhood, The Valley of Gwangi:

In case you couldn’t tell from the trailer, The Valley of Gwangi was one of the coolest movies ever, especially to a dinosaur obsessed child like myself.

You could take pretty much any expectations you’d have for a cowboy or dinosaur movie of it’s day and expect to find them met in some way shape or form by Gwangi.

It was an excellent movie that I’ll continue to love for the rest of my days, and will likely see fit to show to my kids whenever I’m fortunate to have them.

That being said, in remembering Gwangi; I realized that, in the case of Cowboys and Aliens, there’s a good chance it could all work.

There’s a good chance Cowboys and Aliens could capture the magic of something like The Valley of Gwangi, and by golly; I’m excited to see if it does.

Come this July, I’ll be heading to the theater for Cowboys and Aliens, not as some internet retard looking for a cheap laugh; but as a wide-eyed man child looking to be blown away by a movie that’s title advertises exactly what I think we’re all hoping for:

FUCKIN’ COWBOYS, fighting FUCKIN’ ALIENS.

Filed under: Games, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Looking Forward To Sector 7

As anyone who’s read a few posts on this blog is probably aware, I have a weakness for monster movies.

Growing up, Godzilla was my biggest hero, and guys like Ray Harryhausen and Stan Winston’s name listed in the credits of a movie was enough to make me beg my parents to rent it for me.

If there was any genre of film I’d love to see return to the splendor of it’s past, it’d have to be the “Monster on the Loose” sub-genre.

The genre isn’t dead by any means, but mainstream releases are few and far between.

Thankfully, with the release of Cloverfield a few years back, and the impending release of both Super 8 (which may or may not include some sort of monster) and the new American Godzilla movie; it would seem my wish is well on it’s way to coming true.

Nice, but if it ain't got a man in a suit; it ain't Godzilla.

Running parallel to all this, is the curious emergence of South Korea as a major player in the monster movie genre.

Before the 2000’s, the only Korean monster movies I knew of were Pulgasari (which was NORTH Korean) and Yonggary, 2 movies I’m sure the land of Starcraft and Taekwondo would like to forget.

...Though they're probably still kicking themselves in the pants over the remake.

In the past several years though, movies like the uber-hit, The Host, the uber-expensive shit-fest D-War, and even the boar on the loose movie, Chaw have been produced in Korea, contributing some legitimate hits (and misses) to the ongoing renaissance of the South Korean film industry.

Which leads me to the film of the title of this post, Sector 7.

I posted an article awhile back professing my love, not just for monster movies, but more specifically for aquatic monster movies.

Given that Sector 7 takes place on an oil rig, and involves some sort of tentacled and (presumably) man-eating whats-it, it’s hard for me to deny that; even on paper, Sector 7 sounds like a must see for me.

Thankfully, the trailer seems to deliver the goods for the most part, with stellar production values, a neat location, and all without a clear shot of the monster in sight:

Call me crazy, but I’m one of those guys that really likes to be surprised by the big reveal of the monster in a movie.

Hell, I remember struggling, day and night; to avoid all the media hype surrounding Roland Emmerich’s Godzilla movie, just because I didn’t want to have the Big G’s appearance ruined for me.

Pictured: The sight that put the nail in the coffin of my childhood.

What a waste of my motherfuckin’ time that was…

Anyway, I really don’t know a whole lot about Sector 7 at this point, but the concept, neat sets, and promise of a nasty monster on the prowl have me itching in my boots.

Filed under: Movies, Tokusatsu, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Remember That One Time Sid Vicious Apologized On-Air For Being An Idiot?

Filed under: Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , ,

What Happened To Theme Songs?

Remember, back in the day, when every movie/TV series/cartoon had a cheesy self-titled theme song to go with it?

I miss those days.

I miss the days when (almost) every James Bond movie would have a goofy song of the same name as it’s theme.

I miss the days when the opening lyrics of my Saturday morning cartoons would remind me every .125 seconds of what the hell I was watching.

I miss the days when Kamen Rider would ride into battle to a triumphant theme song bearing his name.

Something happened to the traditional self-titled theme song in the past decade or so, and by golly; I’m upset.

Don’t get me wrong, theme songs still exist, especially for cartoons, it just makes me sad that culture has seemingly trended towards out-moding them in the mainstream.

Some time in the mid-80’s, a few years before I was born, it seemed like everything had a dumb self-titled theme song to go with it.

In example, I give you the (awesome) theme song for Cat’s Eye:

Cat’s Eye was an exceptionally shitty Stephen King movie by the way.

Not as bad as The Langoliers or anything, but nowhere near “good.”

Moving on, for the requisite sports drama; we have Sammy Hagar’s not quite named after the movie, but close enough theme song for Stallone’s appropriately titled, Over The Top:

While many of the songs of this era were kind of shitty, I always found it kind of cool that they were obviously written specifically for the production they were used in.

It shows that someone cared enough about the production to make a song dedicated to it.

As silly as that sounds, I think that’s kind of neat.

These days it seems like, anime, tokusatsu, movies, and TV shows no longer have “traditional” theme songs, rather they simply have some sort of pop song in it’s place.

Kamen Rider used to have self-titled themes for all of it’s iterations up until the 2000’s, when the themes seemed to stop making mention of the title character.

To be fair though, Kamen Rider theme songs seem to have been produced specifically for the shows they’re used in, as evidenced by the lyrics typically being firmly rooted in the core themes of the show, as well as occasionally being sung by some of the cast members:

What really grinds my gears though, is when pop song themes don’t really have anything to do with the production they’re used in besides serving as a musical motif in the soundtrack.

My best guess is, across all aspects of the film medium; this is done for economic purposes, but I ask you:

Does fuckin’ Linkin Park really hold a candle to the old Transformers theme?

Didn’t think so.

And by the way, no, I’m not going to embed the Linkin Park song for you ’cause… Well, just ’cause.

If there was any one thing I could wish for in Transformers 3, it’d have to be the inclusion of the Gen 1 theme song in some form.

Well, that and I suppose it would be nice if the movie didn’t suck.

Anyway, this has been a retarded rant, hopefully you all aren’t confused and/or angered by it.

Filed under: Movies, Tokusatsu, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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