Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

2011 In Review

This is me patting myself on the back:

Here’s an excerpt:

London Olympic Stadium holds 80,000 people. This blog was viewed about 380,000 times in 2011. If it were competing at London Olympic Stadium, it would take about 5 sold-out events for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

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Large Marge Is Scary Lookin’.

Pee Wee’s Big Adventure:

A fun-ass movie, with a kick-ass soundtrack, filled with bizarre, and borderline terrifying characters.

While Large Marge’s stop-motion animated visage was kind of scary to me back in the day, by far the weirdest/creepiest character I can recall is Francis Buxton, the fat/rich-ass man child:

Hide your kids, and hide your wife....

I remember seeing the same actor play pretty much the same character (though dialed down a notch or 2…) in Leprechaun, and I was weirded out by him then too.

Something about his pale complexion and red lips, combined with his doughy and highly malleable facial expressions just makes me…. uncomfortable.

Seriously, I like Tim Burton, I like him a lot, but I’ll never forgive him for having Francis do a scene with his shirt off… In a pool:

Pee Wee Herman: Anti-Fat Body Activist

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , ,

And Now, John Candy Making A Mockery Of My People In The Name Of Comedy.

I don’t think I have to tell you that Who’s Harry Crumb was far from John Candy’s best films.

I still like it, but I could totally see it being not everyone’s cup of tea.

Following in the footsteps of Eddie Murphy’s make-up FX infused “multiple character performance” in Coming To America, Harry Crumb’s character incarnations and jokes were largely inconsistent, with a plot that was a little more involved than was necessary.

Oh yeah, and did I mention John Candy’s hair was fuckin’ ridiculous?

It's like they stapled Conan O'Brien's scalp to John Candy's skull...

Without John Candy’s natural charisma, and excellent bit role performances from Jeffrey Jones, that one lady that played Irma in Ghostbusters, and Deebo, (Tommy Lister) the movie most certainly wouldn’t have worked.

That being said, the clip above, as well as the one below, demonstrate Candy’s character of Harry Crumb demonstrating his proficiency in the martial art of “Akido.”

As any Steven Seagal fan should already know, the correct spelling and pronunciation is “Aikido,” and no, it’s not a fighting style that involves backflips or shoe flinging ala Random Task.

Oh well, Hollywood’s proven time and again that racially insensitive/oafish white people are both hilarious and bankable in the eyes of the average movie-goer, and if any movie is guilty of both of these things, it’s Harry Crumb.

By the way, in case you’re wondering, I’m not being critical of the movie, or it’s politics, I’m just an Azn guy that really misses John Candy.

To this day though, I can’t quite decipher all of the subtleties/sense involved in his performance as Deszu…:

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sgt. Slaughter G.I. Joe Commercial

I love how they tried to give Sgt. Slaughter a theme song specifically for this commercial.

In spite of their efforts, I’m sorry, but no matter how much love and enthusiasm you put into it, lyrics like “Sgt. Slaughter is noooooow a part of G.I. Joe!” come across as flat out lazy.

Lazy and hilarious.

Oh well, any Slaughter is good Slaughter, especially when it comes to cheesy action figures.

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And Now, Jim Ross Attempting To Be A Heel, And Failing Miserably Due To Sheer Awesomeness.

To this day, Jim Ross remains perhaps the single greatest wrestling commentator of all time.

Gorilla Monsoon was excellent, as was Vince McMahon and, to a lesser degree, Jesse “The Body” Ventura; but for my money Jim Ross remains the best I’ve ever heard.

That being said, his most iconic role has always remained that of the straight laced and technically oriented commentator, though there have been a few instances in his career in which he was tasked with playing a rowdy heel.

The video above serves as a prime example of his demeanor during one of said instances.

The problem with his heel performances however, at least for me anyway, is the fact that he’s just so goddamn awesome on the mic, that even when he’s screaming at the audience, he remains 100% likeable.

Seriously, the man could cuss me out, or condemn me and everyone in my family straight to hell, and I’d still find a way to like him.

That being said, I was never a fan of the heel version of Jim Ross, and I’m happy it’s appearances in wrestling were scarce.

Filed under: Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , ,

And Now, JR Mistaking Chris Benoit For Chris Jericho.

I know they’re both named Chris, and they’re both Canadian, but c’mon JR, you’re better than this…

Props to Triple H for pulling his ass out the fire so casually.

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Merry Christmas From The Azn Badger!

Filed under: Movies, , , , , , ,

Bad Ass Looks Bad Ass

My first reaction to this trailer was to say to myself:

“Who the fuck made a movie about my dad without his consent?”

I’m not even kidding.

My dad might not be Mexican, or look at all like Danny Trejo for that matter, but if you were to throw a camo jacket on him, and put him on a bus, chances are the events of this trailer would inevitably play out, in real life; and likely with twice as many fist fights.

Speaking of Danny Trejo, I’m happy to see him finally get some leading roles at this late stage in his career.

Typically a typecast supporting actor, my dad and I used to have a joke about Mr. Trejo, namely the fact that he seemed to die in every movie we saw him in.

Thankfully, someone else took the time to assemble this, a nearly 4 minute compilation of every Trejo death in all of cinema:

Any man who’s been killed by Jason Mewes, Bobby D and Mickey Rourke, (twice!) has my respect.

When I was a kid, my friends and I knew him as “That Guy,” but somewhere down the line, through his many epic onscreen deaths; he earned the greatest honor any bit actor can hope to achieve:

That of making his name known to the general public.

That being said, while Machete, and now Bad Ass remain his only starring roles, Mr. Trejo has come a long way from his days of playing “Ruddy Complexioned Mexican #5.”

While Bad Ass does in fact look bad ass, in a less extreme/stylized Hobo With a Shotgun sort of way, the whole “based on a true story” thing has got me a little confused.

I mean, it’s made fairly clear that the concept of the movie is taken from this:

The rest of the movie however, is undoubtedly bullshit.

That’s necessarily a bad thing, I just don’t get why they’d bother to base a movie on a well-known incident, only to go ahead and fictionalize the rest of the story.

“Inspired by” likely would’ve been the proper turn of phrase.

Also, I hate to say it, ’cause it’s so fuckin’ obvious that it makes me sound like a simpleton for mentioning it, but both the title and the concept feel a little to close to Kick-Ass if you ask me.

Then again, I’m not a Hollywood marketing rep that stares at market research data all day, so maybe those similarities are exactly what is going to make the movie bankable.

Even so, the lack of humor/heart in the trailer lead me to believe even that won’t save it.

That being said, the movie honestly doesn’t look all that worthwhile, outside of the punching I mean, though I’d be curious to see how my dad would react to it.

My guess is he’d find a tad more relatable than he’d care to admit…

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , ,

Sadly, I Just Discovered This Today.

CLICK FOR VIDEO

The visuals and timing of this synch up too fucking well.

Seriously, I haven’t even played Skyrim, much less coddled it’s balls ever so tenderly in my mouth like many of my friends have been doing the past few months, though even I can admit this music,  combined with these visuals, is comedic gold.

That being said, am I the only one that is surprised to hear that the “Fus Ro Dah” is the proper pronunciation of the dragon chant featured in all the Skyrim advertisements?

Maybe it’s just my lyrically challenged brain playing tricks on me, but ever since I first saw the trailer for the game, I always thought the guy was yelling something more along the lines of “Skor-Tel-Ah.”

Oh well, live and learn I guess.

 

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And Now, Brock Calling A Rice Ball A Jelly Donut

I first saw this episode when I was in middle school, and to this day I still think it’s one of the dumber examples of localization I’ve ever seen.

Honestly, when you actually show a character scooping rice to form a triangular nigiri, it’s kind of hard to play off said rice ball as donut, no matter how much enthusiasm is vested in declaring it so.

The weird part, at least to my half Asian brain, is the fact that rice balls don’t seem at all like something that would scare or confuse an American child.

Sure, not all Americans grow up with rice in the house, let alone rice balls, but when it comes right down to it, there’s plenty of weirder foods out there, particularly when it comes to Japanese dining.

Y’know, pickled shit and the like….

The sad part in all this though, is that I’ve heard that 4Kids Entertainment has since gone on to actually physically edit out the presence of rice balls in later Pokemon episodes, (the ones that came out long after I stopped caring) drawing over the animation cells with sandwiches and other “less threatening” foods.

Take a look at this:

White people be craaaaaaaaazy…

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , ,

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