Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

And Now, Jim Ross Attempting To Be A Heel, And Failing Miserably Due To Sheer Awesomeness.

To this day, Jim Ross remains perhaps the single greatest wrestling commentator of all time.

Gorilla Monsoon was excellent, as was Vince McMahon and, to a lesser degree, Jesse “The Body” Ventura; but for my money Jim Ross remains the best I’ve ever heard.

That being said, his most iconic role has always remained that of the straight laced and technically oriented commentator, though there have been a few instances in his career in which he was tasked with playing a rowdy heel.

The video above serves as a prime example of his demeanor during one of said instances.

The problem with his heel performances however, at least for me anyway, is the fact that he’s just so goddamn awesome on the mic, that even when he’s screaming at the audience, he remains 100% likeable.

Seriously, the man could cuss me out, or condemn me and everyone in my family straight to hell, and I’d still find a way to like him.

That being said, I was never a fan of the heel version of Jim Ross, and I’m happy it’s appearances in wrestling were scarce.

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And Now, JR Mistaking Chris Benoit For Chris Jericho.

I know they’re both named Chris, and they’re both Canadian, but c’mon JR, you’re better than this…

Props to Triple H for pulling his ass out the fire so casually.

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And Now, Kane Fucking Up The G.T.S.

3 Things:

1. I don’t care to know why CM Punk is wearing a mask for this match.

2. The knee was supposed to hit Kane in the head as opposed to the man-titty.

3. Kane was supposed to fall backwards

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And Now, Goldberg Being Ridiculed About His Weight.

Wrong Goldberg asshole.

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And Now, CM Punk’s Epic Mic Skills.

That is all…

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And Now, Mr. Perfect Being Less Than Perfect

Curt Hennig was pretty fuckin’ awesome.

His promos were legendary, his athleticism was phenomenal, and his in-ring execution was textbook perfect.

Rarely a belt holder, Mr. Perfect may never have been the most popular of wrestlers, however few would argue that in terms of pure technical ability, he was easily one of the best of all time.

Sadly, his in-ring perfection failed to carry over into his private life, resulting in his untimely death at the age of 44 via cocaine overdose.

That being said, the clip above represents a rare instance in the career of Mr. Perfect when his aura of invincibility was broken down, and he botched a line just like any other greenhorn.

Hmm… This post turned out oddly depressing.

That certainly wasn’t my intent.

What can I do to lighten the mood…

I know!

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And Now, Shawn Michaels Getting Stuck To The Entrance Ramp.

That is all…

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CM Punk States The Obvious

That is all…

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Remember That One Time Chucky Cut A Promo On WCW?

You’d think having Chucky from the Child’s Play movies show up on a wrestling show would be considered jumping the shark, right?

Well, technically I suppose it would be, if not for the fact that it basically already happened by the time 1998 came rollin’ along… More than once.

That being said, guest stars, fictional or otherwise, have been commonplace in wrestling for some time now.

WCW in particular, during the Monday Night Wars, seemed to have a penchant for populating it’s telecasts with all manner of larger than life non-wrestlers.

Chuck Norris, Jay Leno, a number of NBA players, and even fuckin’ Robocop all made guest appearances on the show at one time or another, with predictably hilarious results.

Yeah, that actually happened.

So, when you take into consideration all the bullshit that came before it, having Chucky cut a promo during an episode of Nitro actually isn’t all that silly after all.

… That is until you take a minute to listen to what he’s actually saying.

With Leno, WCW actually went to great lengths to write him into a storyline.

Believe it or not, it was actually a big fucking deal.

DDP, Hogan, and Eric Bischoff actually showed up on the Tonight Show and caused a ruckus, creating significant cross-promotional buzz.

Sure, the actual in-ring pay-off was horrendous, but it’s hard to deny the cleverness of their marketing strategy.

Which brings us to Chucky.

Near as I can tell, Chucky showed up to promote his film, as is typically the case with any movie stars/homicidal doll monsters that guest star on wrestling shows, however WCW went the extra mile and had him pick a favorite to win in the upcoming Halloween Havoc.

It should be noted that the main event of the Halloween Havoc in question, Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior; would go on to be regarded as one of the single worst matches in all of televised professional wrestling.

Yeah, that also really happened.

Now, as far as I can recall, Chucky never physically appeared on WCW, but for whatever goddamn reason, the writers saw fit to have him favor Scott Steiner over his brother Rick in their upcoming match.

Last time I checked, Chucky was more concerned with reclaiming his body and killing stupid bitches than he was the daily affairs of professional wrestling, but hey, this was the same team of writers that thought having the slowest goddamn Robocop in the history of slow-ass Robocops appear on their show was a good idea.

Anyway, at some point, Chucky mentions something about wanting to be a film director, and that he wants Scott Steiner to win because he’s hoping to cast him as his leading man.

There is so much fucking wrong with that last sentence, that honestly, I’m not even gonna’ go into it.

The really sad part in all this, is the fact that they actually got Brad Dourif to voice Chucky.

I mean, yeah, Chucky isn’t Chucky without Brad Dourif’s considerable vocal talents, but come on, the man deserves so much better than to get paid to do wrestling promos and super-liminal advertising.

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Remember That One Time They Let The Big Show Talk?

Yeah…. The Big Show was never very good on the mic.

He could be pretty damn funny, as was the case in his appearance on SNL, but for the most part; he’s not much of a talker.

The funny part is, this promo would be most likely be considered racially stereotypical/insensitive if it wasn’t spot on perfect.

Seriously man, every mannerism and inflection you see in the clip above, as silly and repetitive as it may seem, is actually pretty much a 100% accurate imitation of Booker T.

That’s right, the same Booker T that went and yelled “the word” on national television:

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