Anyway, I think it’s funny that ever since Mega Man X came out, Zero has always seemed like one of the more popular characters in the franchise.
The clip above notwithstanding, it’s easy to see why.
He has a flashy and unique design, his theme music was bad ass, and his first appearance in the series involves him saving your ass from Vile, a character who was impossible to beat at that point in the game.
Add in the fact that in later entries in the series he is given a beam saber, and you have the template for a bad ass supporting character more than capable of eclipsing the popularity of the rather vanilla protagonist.
Pictured: Someone who just creamed his pants upon reading the words "beam saber."
In many ways, I think of Zero as the equivalent to Trunks from Dragonball Z.
For whatever fuckin’ reason, back in elementary and middle school, Trunks was the bees knees.
You remember those holographic Dragonball stickers all the kids pasted on their binders?
Well, pretty much all the kids I went to school with that had them, went to great lengths to hoard the Trunks ones.
Remember these? I think I still have a few pasted on my bed frame...
While I admit that Trunks’ design is pretty slick, what with the Capsule jacket, purple hair and (useless) sword, at the end of the day I was always confused with my friend’s appreciation for the character.
Taking into consideration his actual role in the series as opposed to his appearance, I always saw Trunks as being kind of dumb.
Like Zero, he had one of the more bad ass debuts in fiction, however from that point on his abilities are quickly overshadowed by everyone around him, and when he finally does catch up, he’s too dumb to use his powers responsibly.
Pictured: When juicing goes too far.
Indeed, I fail to see the beauty of Trunks’ soul.
That being said, while I happen to like Zero quite a bit, he’s never really been one of my favorites in the series.
Mega Man X4 marked the first time in series history that players were given the option to play through the entire game playing as Zero, and perhaps not surprisingly, his storyline was quite a bit more involved that X’s.
I guess that’s to be expected when you’re dealing with a character like X who has virtually no personality outside of his belief that “Humans = Good, Bad Robots = Bad.”
Over the course of several (poorly) animated cutscenes, it was revealed/hinted that Zero was not only originally a savage and villainous Reploid, he was also responsible for EVERY BAD THING THAT EVER HAPPENED.
ALL HIS FAULT!!!
While I think it’s cool that they made him the bridge between the original Mega Man and the X series, in the form of making him a product of the late Dr. Wily and progenitor of the Maverick virus; at the same time I think it’s this aspect of his story that kind of ruins him.
As with Trunks, I like Zero’s design, and I like his character, but when one factors in all the stupid shit he’s done throughout the series, it’s kind of hard to hold the same level of appreciation for him.
That being said, congratulations Mega Man X4, not only did you plant the seeds for making Zero look like an asshole, you also fucked him over by casting his role with an English voice actor from Mega Man 8.
It’s funny, as I was typing out the article for yesterday’s entry on our list of The Top 10 Hardest Boss Fights, it dawned on me just how much I hated fighting Duriel from Diablo II.
As much as I discovered I hated him though, I feel I was justified in placing him relatively low on this list.
Despite the fact that I’m pretty sure there’s not a single boss character on this list that I hate more than him, the actual difficulty that came from fighting Duriel came almost entirely as a result of his unbalanced and, quite frankly; cheap design.
He’s not hard per se, he’s just broken….. And more than a little douche-y.
The point I’m trying to make, is that, in my eyes; the hardest boss fights are the ones that are just that:
Tough fights.
Fighting Duriel isn’t what I’d call a traditional fight, it’s just an unwarranted and totally out of place exercise in tedium within the confines of an otherwise straightforward and balanced game.
I know it’s just a matter of opinion, but I felt I needed to make my stance on this subject as clear as possible.
That being, the next boss on our list, earned his spot, not through being cheap, or even unpredictable; but by simply being one of toughest motherfuckers I’ve ever fought.
There are bosses with patterns, and there are bosses with weaknesses, and then there’s the #6 entrant on our list of the Top 10 Hardest Boss Fights:
#6. Beowulf – Devil May Cry 3: Dante’s Awakening
Pictured: Dante, about a half second a way from getting bitch slapped by Beowulf.
To me, Beowulf isn’t just one of the Top 10 Hardest Boss Fights, he’s also one of the best.
His pattern isn’t anywhere near as complex as some of the other bosses in Devil May Cry 3, and he certainly doesn’t deal an inordinate amount of damage; but for my money he’s the toughest boss in a game packed to the hilt with some of gaming’s stiffest challenges.
We're talkin' TURBO TUNNEL-tough!
The fact of the matter is, Beowulf’s a hard boss simply because he makes you work for your victory over him.
There’s no such thing as a quick win over Beowulf, and therein lies the beauty in fighting him.
The frantic nature of the battle prevents his various “phases” from ever feeling overlong, not to mention lead to instances where the sheer intensity of the conflict cause you to make mistakes with your controller.
If ever there were a sign that a boss is tough, it’d have to be that of making your hands twitch out of pure sensory overload.
To this day, I have yet to find a “good” way to fight Beowulf outside playing it cool and wearing him down.
That’s the thing with Beowulf:
He doesn’t have any weaknesses.
Unlike most Devil May Cry bosses, and indeed most bosses in general, Beowulf doesn’t have a magic solution to his pattern.
Hell, he doesn’t even really have a significant vulnerability to any weapon in the game, making defeating Beowulf an affair based purely on skill and endurance.
Beowulf’s pattern is essentially that of a pressure-fighter, a Rocky Balboa if you will.
He’s predictable, and he’s kind of slow, but he’s on your ass all night long and there’s no safe way to hurt him.
At first glance he seems like a pushover as long as you keep your distance, however the sad truth of the matter is:
Inevitably he’s going to catch up to you.
.... But not without taking 20 times the punishment in the process.
While all Beowulf really does in his opening phase is stomp and throw haymakers, there’s a clever science to the placement of his attack angles.
You can see every move he makes coming from a mile away, and yet, due to the wide-arcing nature of his swipes; you’ll often find yourself caught by blows that initially looked harmless.
As is typical of Devil May Cry bosses, Beowulf is rarely reactive to the damage of your attacks, making it unwise to exchange blows with him, given his potent attack power that is equally typical to the series.
The one exploitable weakness I know of that Beowulf has, is extraordinarily minor to the point of being almost counterproductive.
Throughout various cutscenes in the game, as well as the in-game graphics; it is imparted to you that Beowulf bears a scar over one of his eyes.
Whenever a blow is delivered to Beowulf’s scarred eye, he immediately clutches it in pain and swings wildly with his free arm with surprising accuracy.
"Nobody move! One of my contacts just fell out!"
This technique is only really viable in the first phase of the battle, and indeed does a fair amount of damage, however the dangers in employing jumping attacks against Beowulf are numerous, so in my opinion it’s better to play defensively and simple forego the exploit altogether.
The second and third phases of the fight are where things get really hairy.
Up until this point in the fight, Beowulf basically just plods about and punches at you, however once you’ve done enough damage to trigger his second phase, he drops down onto all fours and starts running about the arena with frightening speed.
In between phases, he throws easy to dodge metal towers at you, but make no mistake, once he’s on all fours, he becomes quite difficult to keep up with.
Given his ability to break into a gallop at any given moment, Beowulf’s second phase takes the tricky accuracy of his initial attack pattern and injects a element of unpredictability that makes it a bitch to keep up with.
Much like fighting Sigma in the Mega Man X games, Beowulf is a test not only in a twitch sense, but also in the sense that you never really feel like you’re pulling ahead in the fight.
Sadly, defeat usually comes very late in the fight against Beowulf, as his third and final phase is hard to avoid without taking at least some damage…. Damage that one usually can’t afford to spare by this point in the fight.
Beowulf’s third phase compounds all of his previous attacks and abilities, but adds a few volleys of glowing white energy fired from his now fully outstretched wings.
...I guess I better say what everyone's thinking: BEAST MODE: ENGAGE.
The damage dealt from these projectiles is significant, but mostly survivable.
The real kicker in all this, is the fact that it’s very difficult to avoid these volleys without taking at least some damage.
After softening you up with the projectiles, typically Beowulf will charge at you full speed, at which point one of you will likely be killed given the lowly state of your health bars.
Just take a look at this video where the player does well throughout, but inevitably ends up with almost no health by the battle’s final moments:
That’s what I love about fighting Beowulf:
He represents the rare case when a boss demands not just precision, but also endurance.
He really doesn’t do all that much, but something about the way he subtly changes his angles in order to chase you, and unpredictably makes use of his running attacks; makes him hard in a way that’s different from many other bosses.
Simply spamming the dodge or roll commands won’t work, because if your timing is off he’ll punish the shit out of you.
Simply pulling out the “right” weapon won’t work, because he doesn’t bear any weaknesses to any of them.
Simply hanging back and shooting him death won’t work, because eventually he’ll spread his wings and run your ass into the ground.
Beowulf’s a terrific boss, that also just happens to be one of the hardest I’ve ever fought.
Yesterday we kicked off our list of the Top 10 Hardest Boss Fights with an alum from the pantheon of Dr. Wily’s robotic warriors, the original Yellow Devil.
The Devil earned his spot on the list through the frustrating nature of his borderline random attack pattern that made battling him a test of reflexes and coordination rather than memorization.
Appropriately enough, battling the #9 entry on the list requires a similar range of skills, however coming out on top is measurably more difficult given their more aggressive stance.
That being said, the next entry on our list of the Top 10 Hardest Boss Fights is:
#9. Shredder – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Arcade Game
Pictured: The Turtles take on the Shred-Head and his shadow clones.
If there’s any one, constant truth about arcade beat ’em ups, it’s that you can always expect to face a cheap-ass boss or 2 at some point within them.
In the age of the beat ’em up, no other company stuffed their games full of quarter munching bastards quite like Konami.
Don’t get me wrong, Konami was also one of the best when it came to cranking out beat ’em ups, but whether it be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Turtles in Time, The Simpsons, X-Men, or Metamorphic Force; virtually all of Konami’s beat ’em up bosses made use of an infuriating attack pattern that was entirely beatable, but rarely without the use of a continue or 2.
As you may have guessed, Shredder makes use of said attack pattern, both in the Ninja Turtles arcade game, and the NES port of, well, basically the same name.
While I highlighted the arcade version of the Shredder in the pic above, make no mistake, he’s equally tough on either platform, though arguably more so on the NES.
Unlike the Yellow Devil from yesterday’s entry on the list, I’ve beaten Ninja Turtles 2: The Arcade Game numerous times, mostly in my early childhood; however on every occasion I’ve had considerable difficulty in challenging not only the Shredder, but virtually all of the end level bosses.
Especially Granitor. NOBODY, fucks with Granitor...
As mentioned earlier, fighting the Ninja Turtles arcade game bosses is mostly a reflex oriented experience, much like fighting the Yellow Devil; however the difference in difficulty lies in the aggressiveness of their attack pattern.
The Yellow Devil has only one attack sequence, that if you can endure for long enough; (which in my youth, I couldn’t) will lead to your eventual victory.
Shredder, along with virtually all of the Konami arcade game bosses of the day; doesn’t have a distinguishable pattern in his attacks, but instead forces you to enter into a war of attrition with him.
The bosses in all of these games have superior reach and damage dealing ability to your player character, and attack in such a way that there really is no good way to ensure dealing damage to them without taking some yourself due to their split-second reaction times.
Did I mention virtually all of the Shredder and his buddies’ attacks have priority over your own, and have the nasty tendency to fling you across the room or knock you out of the air every time they hit you?
As with yesterday, check out this video to get a feel for what’s it’s like to tangle with the Shred-Head:
It looks dumb, but the player in the video above’s incessant use of the JUMP KICK is basically one’s only viable option in Ninja Turtles 2, especially against the Shredder.
Think of it like a nightmare scenario where you’re fighting a counter-puncher who’s not only got your number, but also has 20 lbs on you.
You’re only real option is to try and remain elusive (read: JUMP KICK) and take potshots at distance, however inevitably; no matter how fast or accurate you are with your attacks, Shred-Head is gonna’ find you and put the hurt on you.
See that spear? That's his beatin' stick, and it's about to go up your ass...
Such is the frustration of doing battle with Konami’s quarter munching stable of assholes.
While one could argue that virtually all of these bosses deserve a spot on this list, I’ve always felt that Shredder’s multiplying ability and one-hit kill anti-mutagen beam put him over the top.
That’s right, Shredder can indeed multiply in this game!
AND kill you in one hit at any given moment!
You see!? THIS is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!
So imagine every nasty detail I mentioned above, coupled with the fact that during the course of the battle you have to contend with 2 Shredder’s on the NES, and up to 5 in the arcade; any one of which can take a life away with one blast of the blue laser from their hands!
Imagine being like 5 years old and having to deal with that bullshit!
While the arcade version may put you up against 5 Shredders, I honestly think the NES version is more difficult.
When you face 5 Shredders, you do so with the help of 3 other players; not to mention the arcade Shredder has a less overbearing style of attack that rarely knocks you across the room, making it easy to simply swarm him and trade blows until he folds.
Given the lack of an option to pump more quarters into the machine for extra lives, as well as the Shredder’s slightly more annoying style of attack; I’d say the official #9 entry on this list would have to be the NES iteration.
Alrighty folks, I’ve been a lazy motherfucker over the past, uh, month; so I figured it was about time I buckled down and committed to cranking out some real posts for the blog.
That being said, I can think of no better source of motivation, than to start up another epic Top 10 list!
As you’ve probably guessed from the AWESOME banner at the top of this post, this time around our list is focused on a subject that is very near and dear to my heart: videogame boss fights.
For better or for worse, boss fights have been a staple of game design for nearly as long as the medium has existed.
Perhaps a product of the “quarter munching” aspect of arcade games, boss fights were at initially characterized as a clash with a unique character, who’s attack pattern and/or attributes often caused them to represent a significant spike in the games’ difficulty level.
Nowadays, what with the advances in technology and a fairly consistent trend towards favoring narrative based gameplay, boss fights have become increasingly irrelevant.
Hell, I remember reading an article on Kotaku awhile back positing the possibility that boss fights may be an unnecessary artifact carried on from a bygone era of gaming.
Despite being a fascinating read, the viewpoint of said article largely applied exclusively to story driven games, games that boss fights would feel “tagged on” or extraneous in.
Pictured: A good example of a boss fight that meant well, but ultimately didn't need to happen.
For whatever reason, I can’t find the article in question, but oh well; you get the gist of it.
Personally, my background in 8 and 16-bit gaming has left me with nothing but fond memories of battling big baddies at the end of every level.
Maybe it’s just the old school gamer in me, but I play most games expecting there to be big ugly dude with a bloated life bar at the end of every stage, level, chapter, episode, or what have you.
For me, boss fights are both the final obstacle prior to advancement, as well as, on occasion; a reward in and of themselves.
Good boss fights represent some of the finest moments in gaming history.
Bad boss fights can be anywhere from disappointingly shallow, to controller smashing-ly hard.
The latter, largely represents the contents of this list; though not entirely.
Tough boss fights are just another part of gaming, as natural pressing the “A” button to jump, and the “B” button to kill.
That being said, let’s get this party started as we delve in to the 10th hardest boss fight:
#10. Yellow Devil – Mega Man
Pictured: The Blue Bomber chucking a Thunder Beam into the cyclopic eye of The Yellow Devil.
I don’t know what it was about him, but for whatever reason the Yellow Devil from the original Mega Man game always stuck out to me as one of the hardest bosses I ever fought on my NES.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve played plenty of harder games, especially on my NES, however in terms of hard boss fights; few put fear in my heart the way the Devil did.
Ninja Gaiden’s Jaquio and Jashin were tough, as was the sequel’s Ashtar; but I managed to beat both of them in my youth.
Encountered in the first stage of Dr. Wily’s fortess, the Yellow Devil was a wretched beast that kept me from beating the original Mega Man until well into adulthood.
Fighting the Devil was a fairly straightforward experience, but one made difficult by the tedious nature of the bosses’ pattern, as well as his fearsome attack power.
Basically, the original Yellow Devil only had 1 attack in his pattern, but it was a real pain in the pass.
Check it out here:
Disassembling his mustard-y yellow form into a series of cubes, the Devil launches his body, piece by piece; from one end of the room to the other.
While in flight, all of these pieces serve as dangerous projectiles that must be avoided by the player through careful jumps of varying heights and timing.
The actual pattern of the pieces’ dispersal isn’t quite random, however it’s complicated enough to the point of being easier to dodge through reflex than memorization.
The real problem with this pattern, is the fact that damage can only be dealt to the Devil one shot at a time, for only a brief moment following the completion of his reassembling phase.
Many bosses throughout gaming history have employed the annoying as fuck pattern characteristic of, “You Can Only Hit Me After I’ve Slapped You With My Dick For 5 Minutes” but few have done so with the audacity of the Yellow Devil.
With a rather potent weakness to Elec Man’s Thunder Beam, the Yellow Devil doesn’t take all that many hits to kill, however the time one has to devote to frantically hopping about in order to get into position to deliver said hits; more than compensate for any weaknesses he may have.
I was usually good enough to get close to taking out the Devil in Mega Man, but it wasn’t until I was much older, wiser, and entirely less interested in achieving victory that I would actually conquer the beast known in the states as the Rock Monster.
That being said, I feel the Yellow Devil’s #10 slot on this list is entirely warranted, however imagine my disappointment when I stumbled across the glitch/exploit featured in the video below:
Wow, hard to believe we’ve actually gone 3 days on our list of the Top 10 Videogame Songs without mention of a Mega Man song.
That being said, today we reach #4 on our list, which takes us to that most awesome of Mega Man spin-offs, the Mega Man X series:
#4. Mega Man X4 – Makenai Ai ga Kitto Aru
Mega Man X4 was the first of the series to debut on the (at the time) next generation console, Sony’sPlaystation.
While Mega Man X3 pushed the Super NES to it’s limits by throwing in a host of features, both notable and forgettable; X4 was a far more straightforward production, albeit one with sensational animation and sound.
Yes, that is in fact a giant walrus robot with fists as big as a Ski-doo.
While my initial reaction to X4 was actually kind of lukewarm when it first came out, it’s since grown on me and easily ranks as one of my top 3 in the series.
I suppose that’s not quite as big a deal as it sounds, given that the first 4 games out of a total of 8 are just about the only ones worth playing.
Seriously man, if ever there was a game series that lost it’s way in it’s second half, Mega Man X would have to be it.
Define "Lame": An onion robot with wind powers.
Mega Man rant aside, the song of the day, namely “Makenai Ai ga Kitto Aru” AKA “Unbeatable Love I Surely Have,” is one that I was sadly never fortunate to have experienced in-game.
Only featured in the Japanese version of the game, my initial exposure to “Makenai Ai ga Kitto Aru” came via the, then brand spankin’ new client download service, Morpheus.
I was in middle school, with access to a 56k modem, so you better believe I spent hours downloading Mega Man midi files and mp3s that I would later struggle to find programs to play them with.
In searching for “Rock Man” in Morpheus, I ran across a file with a series of squares for a name, which I would later find out was “Makenai Ai ga Kitto Aru.”
Given that it’s ranked #4 on this list, I’d say it goes without saying that I really like this song.
It’s been in my music library since 1997, and to date I haven’t gotten tired of it.
Sung by Yukie Nakama, the song has a rare combination of Jpop-y “uppity-ness” and sincerity that make it noteworthy in an typically soulless genre of music.
The instrumentation in particular is quite inspired, as some of the synthesized guitar work is exceptionally potent, lending a lot to the strength of Nakama’s beautiful vocals.
As great as the song is, it’s interesting to note that, after having finally heard it used in Mega Man X4, I honestly don’t think it fits all that well.
Take a look:
Great song, poor usage.
Anyway, that was #4, check back tomorrow as we crack the Top 3 of the Top 10 Videogame Songs!
As indicated by the Best MAN article lovingly tucked away on this blog, it should come as no surprise that I’m a big fan of the Mega-est of Mega Men; Mega Man.
With the exception of some of the more obscure games in the franchise, namely that of Wily and Light’s Rock Board: That’s Paradise and the EXE and Star Force series; I’ve played and enjoyed the vast majority of Mega Man’s games.
Pictured: Monopoly, Mega Man-style.
A funny thing about Mega Man, is the fact that many of the spin-offs to the linear series are actually some of the better games in the entire franchise.
In example, the Mega Man X series is probably my favorite in the entire Mega Man continuity.
In terms of both art design and gameplay mechanics, I’ve always felt that the X series was a logical and welcome progression to the Mega Man games of old; such that I’ve actually found it somewhat difficult to go back to the basic “run and jump” style of the older games.
I like my dash, thank you...
On that note, today our list of the Top 10 Videogame Songs takes us to a Mega Man series that represents a rare instance in videogames, that of the spin-off of a spin-off.
Said series is of course the uber-difficult but oh so rewarding Mega Man Zero series:
#7. Mega Man Zero 2 – Clover
Mega Man Zero 2 is probably my favorite entry in the Zero series, largely on the grounds that it’s gameplay, story, and features seemed the most cohesive and streamlined out of all of the games.
Taking place far in the future beyond the one depicted in the X series, Zero casts the player as the titular character of the same name that was introduced in the prior series.
The core gameplay between these 2 series wasn’t all that different, however Zero went the extra step of granting the player a number of new weapons and abilities, as well as a complex and customizable upgrade system.
As mentioned previously, the Zero series also went out of it’s way to significantly up the difficulty level, occasionally to obscene levels; but largely for the better.
The real star of the show of the Zero series, at least in my book; was the artistic design:
TALENT.
In terms of outstanding art design, there are few game series that can measure up to the Zero series in terms of creativity and colorfulness, as well as outright beauty.
I bought the Mega Man Zero art collection pretty much as soon as it became available, and to date it’s probably the most flipped through art book on my shelf.
While the visuals of Mega Man Zero were indeed a key selling point for me, I was surprised to find that, upon first picking up the series; the music was also quite good despite being played through a Gameboy Advance speaker.
On that note, “Clover” is kind of unique on this list, as it represents a song that actually is only featured in-game in an instrumental form, yet is included on the Mega Man Zero 2 soundtrack as an actual song.
While some would argue that this should disqualify the song for inclusion on this list, I stand by my decision on the grounds that it’s a awesome fucking song, and probably shouldn’t have been in the game given that it was featured in a Gameboy Advance game and likely would have sounded like shit being played through it’s tinny-ass speakers.
That being said, as was the case with “God Hand,” part of the overall appeal of “Clover” spawns not just from it’s quality as a song; but from the fact that it took some serious time and effort to gain access to.
The instrumental version of “Clover,” titled “Awakening Will,” serves as the ending theme of Mega Man Zero 2, and for my money; I think it was worth the effort:
As I made my way through the Mega Man Zero series, I made it a point to sit down and listen to the official soundtracks of each game in sequence, and I’ll never forget the time when I first had “Clover” play through my headphones.
Sure, there’s better pop songs out there, but much like “God Hand,” part of the appeal of “Clover” to me is the fact that I actually remember most of the lyrics.
As someone who still slips up on lyrics from “Eye of the Tiger,” despite having heard it 6 BILLION TIMES, I think it goes without saying that learning songs is not one of my strong suits.
I haven’t heard “Clover” all that many times, and yet for some reason the lyrics come quite naturally to me… Despite being sung in Japanese.
If that’s not an indication of a well written/catchy song, I don’t know what is.
Anyway, that was #7 on our list of the Top 10 Videogame Songs, check back tomorrow for more!
Castlevania has never really been one of my favorite game series.
I’ve been fascinated by the series’ music and characters for a long time now, but in all honesty; I never really sat down to play any of the games.
Truth be told, the exploits of the Belmont clan, that is; their eternal struggle against Count Dracula and the forces of darkness, managed to blow right by my radar when I was a kid.
I guess I was too busy playing Mega Man and Ninja Turtle games during the NES era to have really paid mind to Konami’s whip cracking platformer.
Nah' that's a lie... I was playing Snow Bros.
That’s not to say I wasn’t aware of Castlevania.
On the contrary, I remember reading a lot about Castlevania 2: Simon’s Quest in Nintendo Power, but perhaps more importantly I remember being genuinely frightened of the cover art depicting Simon Belmont holding Dracula’s severed head.
Pictured: The cover in question.
It wasn’t so much the graphic nature of the image, blood and guts were “cool” to me even as a kid; it was Drac’s motherfuckin’ glowing red eyes that bugged me.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
Seriously, how could you put that on the magazine stands and expect parents to buy it for their kids!?
*Ahem!* Anyway, I remember Nintendo Power going out of their way to talk up Castlevania 2 like it was the coolest game ever, even giving it a Nester award for Best Audio.
Strangely enough, nowadays the game seems to have a pretty well established reputation as being a crytptic and poorly translated heap of garbage.
I guess people were willing to swallow a lot more shit from their games back in the day than they are nowadays…
I owned, played, and liked this back in the day. Don't ask me why...
Anyway, while I read plenty about the Castlevania games in various gaming magazines back in the day, I honestly don’t recall ever sitting down to play any of them until I was much older.
I remember reading about Symphony of the Night in Playstation Magazine, which gave it a perfect score and even went on to give it the top spot on their Best Playstation 1 Game of All Time list.
To this day, I have yet to try Symphony of the Night, largely because it’s Metroid style, backtracking heavy gameplay would likely drive me insane.
Like Zelda before it, Metroid games have always had a way of making me feel dumb and lost throughout the experience, and based on what I’ve seen of the map from Symphony of the Night, I think it’s in my best interest to stay away.
"For the love of God, I don't speak Japanese!"
Don’t get me wrong, the game looks absolutely gorgeous, with some of the most detailed and well animated sprites I can recall, (always a huge selling point in my book) but I know what I like, and I know what pisses me off, and it’s more than likely that Symphony of the Night would piss me off something fierce.
Completely dodging tremendously successful game series is not exactly a new thing for me, as evidenced by me having never played a Jak and Daxter, Ratchet and Clank, Prince of Persia, or Duke Nukem game; but in the case of Castlevania, I was always bothered by the fact that I actually wanted to play some games in the series.
More specifically the straightforward platforming games in the series I.E. the first 4, and Rondo of Blood.
Any game that includes Shoryuken-ing Minotaurs as boss characters gets brownie points in my book.
While the gothic aesthetic didn’t really appeal to me all that much, the old-school horror references, platforming action, and downright legendary music of the more traditional games in the series have always seemed right up my alley.
Hell, I’ve been listening to Castlevania music since middle school, but I only just played my first game in the series a few years ago in the form of the NES original.
That being said, while I can’t say I enjoyed my experience playing a Castlevania game nearly as much as I hoped I would have; the challenge, combined with the delightful sights and sounds left me intrigued in an oddly masochistic sense.
While I won’t be throwing down my gauntlet and saying I’m gonna’ beat Battletoads or Ghosts ‘n Goblins anytime soon, Castlevania seemed to have a reasonably challenging difficulty level that appealed to me.
The Battletoads Turbo Tunnel: SERIOUS BUSINESS.
Hard enough to piss you off, but with gameplay that feels rewarding enough to encourage you to keep trying regardless.
What can I say, I’m one of those sickos that actually liked, and beat Demon’s Souls; and is likely to do so again before picking up the sequel once it comes out.
By comparison, sacrificing a few hours of my life to Castlevania seems like fuckin’ cake.
Anyway, the point of this post, I think; is that I think I’m gonna’ challenge myself to sit down and beat Castlevania sometime soon.
Castlevania isn’t my favorite series of games, nor do I have all that much history with it, if any; this is just me saying I’m gonna’ kill me some vampires ’cause I think I’ve got what it takes to do it.
I don’t think I’ll be doing a Let’s Play, so you’ll just have to take my word for whatever accomplishments/failures I encounter.
Anyway, wish me luck!
"Pizza delivery for Mr. Dracula... Hello?... Bueller?"
“Sure the gameplay is sloppy and monotonous, but c’mon; it’s motherfuckin’ Godzilla!”
As a kid, (minus the profanity) these were the kinds of thoughts that would run through my head every time I’d stick a Godzilla game in my NES.
Nowadays it's more like: "GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKER, WHY AM I STILL PLAYTHING THIS PIECE OF ASS!!?"
Despite the Big G’s spotty track record up to that point, Super Godzilla, in my young mind; was supposed to be the game that made up for it all.
I remember reading preview articles in Game Players and GamePro that made Super Godzilla look like the shit.
The screenshots looked sharp, the gameplay sounded fresh and unique, and the roster of monsters, while quaint by some standards; was packed with fan favorites and a host of Heisei era kaiju that had yet to gain exposure in the U.S.
Not only that, the game promised a thrilling and campy Godzilla story involving aliens taking control of Earth’s monsters, with the Earthlings responding in kind by taking control o Godzilla and piloting him via remote from the cockpit of the Super X2!
It looked and sounded like a Godzilla fans dream.
I rented Super Godzilla as soon as it became available at my local videostore, and I can honestly say; I was disappointed.
The first thing that hit me right off the bat, was the game’s general lack of quality in both audio and visual terms.
I mentioned that Super Godzilla looked good in stills, and I wasn’t lying.
HOLY SHIT!!!
The game makes extensive use of extremely large and detailed character portraits for Godzilla and all of his Toho frat brothers, however therein lies the problem:
The character graphics consist almost exclusively of barely animated, or worse yet; “Ken Burns-ed” animation cycles.
You see, the core gameplay of Super Godzilla consisted of 2 basic functions:
Finding and then fighting the enemy monster of each level.
While one would think this would be an action-packed process, Toho made the decision to structure the “finding” aspect of the game as sort of a grid-based strategy game, and worse yet; made the “fighting” section a barely interactive mashup of repetitive cutscenes.
You remember the lengthy and unskippable summon cutscenes from Final Fantasy VII?
Well, imagine a fighting system where all you do watch 4-5 shitty looking summons over and over and over again, and you’ve got a pretty good idea of what it’s like to play Super Godzilla.
Rest assured, one can take time to make many a sandwich while playing Super Godzilla…
Okay fine, the “fighting” in Super Godzilla has at least some level of interactivity to it, but believe when I say it; it’s not much.
Basically, when one enters into combat with an enemy monster, the screen morphs from the overhead map to a 2D sprite-based fighting game layout.
Pictured: The Thrilling Battle Screen...
From this screen, the player can make use of 3 buttons and maneuvers:
Punching, blocking, and using items.
While blocking is self-explanatory, landing a punch is required in order to initiate the aforementioned cutscene attacks, which are empowered by the player’s “fighting spirit” meter at the bottom of the player’s HUD.
As one would expect, given it’s massive place on the HUD, the “fighting spirit” meter is the crux of the Super Godzilla “fighting” system.
When one advances towards one’s opponent in Super Godzilla, the player’s “fighting spirit” increases, gradually falling when the player retreats.
Upon landing a punch on the enemy, the player’s “fighting spirit” will freeze in place, inviting the player to retreat and open up the attack command window at the center of the HUD.
Depending of the volume of the player’s “fighting spirit,” as well as the distance that they retreat, the player will be given more powerful attack commands to select from.
In all Godzilla has access to 4 attack commands: tail whip, body slam, fire breath, and hyper fire breath from weakest to strongest respectively.
Sadly, no tail slide though...
Items gathered from the “finding” phase of each level consist of instant use health power-ups, defense boosters, and a “fighting” spirit
Perhaps the worst part of the gameplay system, was the addition of enemy UFOs as random encounter enemies in most of the stages.
Taking only 1 hit to destroy, these UFOs absolutely shit ALL OVER what little enjoyment was to be derived from the “finding” portion of each level.
I don’t mind random encounters in RPGs, but when said encounters involve only 1 enemy type, and a pathetically weak one at that; I just don’t get it.
I suppose it doesn’t help that many of the levels in Super Godzilla have time limits, making these random encounters have zero possibility of doing damage to you, but still serving to potentially end your game through wasting your motherfucking time…
Make no mistake, finding and killing the Mothership hidden in each stage is deeply advised, as it is the only thing that will stop you from having to fight baby UFOs every 5 seconds.
KILL IT WITH FIRE.
Despite the bland and painfully slow-paced gameplay, Super Godzilla did have a few little things going for it.
For instance, during the “finding” portion of each level, the player was often free to choose their own path in maneuvering the map, making item gathering and avoidance of stationary enemy emplacements entirely up to the player.
In addition to this, there’s a great deal of variety in the tasks heaped on the player on their plodding march to finding the enemy monster.
For instance, in the 3rd stage, you are required to raid (read: step on) several enemy bases in order to free a captive scientist.
In the 4th stage, the player must do battle with a pair of Battra’s, however if one is quick enough in reaching the second while it is still in it’s chrysalis, it is in fact possible to destroy it before it hatches.
These variations in gameplay also extend to the “fighting” segments of the game in the form of each enemy monster having certain attacks in Godzilla’s repertoire that are ineffective against them.
Thankfully, most of these variations are fairly logical, with Biollante’s superior mass making her invulnerable to Godzilla’s body slam attack, and Battra’s speed making them unable to be hit by anything but Godzilla’s most powerful fire breath attack.
Yeah, somehow I don't think running into it would be an advisable course of action...
Toho can suck a dick though for making Mechagodzilla able to counter Godzilla’s basic fire breath.
I know he did in the movies, but for fuck’s sake; didja’ really have to make the fire breath one of the most common attacks to pop up in the attack window?
Anyway, the 1 huge plus Super Godzilla has going for it, (besides being a Godzilla product) is the inclusion of, well; Super Godzilla.
During the last few stages of the game, the player can go out of their way to obtain a series of power ups to transform plain ‘ole Godzilla into Super Godzilla.
What's this, Godzilla's evolving!? Godzilla evolved into SUPER Godzilla!
Bearing a truly awesome design, that was largely transplanted into the design for Space Godzilla the year after the game’s release, Super Godzilla granted the player access to a brand new set of attack commands, a Mega Buster like chargeable punch, and the ability to walk through buildings and obstacles on the map screen without taking damage.
Most of Super Godzilla was tough to slog through, but for what it’s worth, the final battle against the Super Godzilla exclusive, and exceedingly well-designed giant monster, Bagan; is a far better one than the game probably deserved.
Say what you will about the game, Bagan was pretty tight lookin'...
That being said, while Super Godzilla does in fact have a truly horrible soundtrack, with many tracks serving to utterly butcher some truly classic Godzilla themes; the boss music played during the Bagan fight is actually… good.
That’s right, I said something was “good” in Super Godzilla.
Seriously, give it a listen:
While it’s honestly not a great piece of Super NES music by any standards, it’s easily the best track in the game; and has a pretty serious sound to it that’s rarely heard in 16-bit game music.
I love the opening notes, and how bizarre and frankly, “alien” it feels, making it quite appropriate for the climax piece of a giant monster alien invasion story.
Perhaps the track’s biggest accomplishment though, is that it actually sounds like Godzilla music.
Godzilla movies have played host to some of Japan’s finest composers, and as such, have always bore a distinctive and powerful sound.
Many of the tracks in Super Godzilla feel generic and flat, but the final boss theme has a “big-ness” in it’s instrumentation that make it sound like a cross between the trumpet heavy orchestrations of Akira Ifukube and the synth-heavy work of Takayuki Hattori.
Anyway, Super Godzilla is one of those games that I want to like.
I know it sucks, but the Godzilla fan in me still tries to find ways to redeem it.
While most pro-Super Godzilla arguments are likely to be filled to the brim with bullshit, let it be known that any argument citing the final boss theme as a redeeming factor have at least that going for them.
Last night I parked my butt in front of the TV for a good solid 4 hours straight playing it, and by golly, I enjoyed every minute of it.
4 hours might not sound like a helluva’ long time to some of the more hardcore gamers out there, so allow me to elaborate.
These days I’m what is commonly referred to as a “casual gamer.”
Pictured: The Exact Opposite of A "Casual Gamer."
Not only that, I have this weird personal issue where after about an hour or so of playing videogames, I start to feel anxious; like I need to get up and do something else RIGHT NOW.
More often than not, I tend to prioritize activities like working out, going to bed early, or writing this fucking blog, over playing videogames.
In the case of my maiden voyage on Batman: Arkham Asylum last night though, this was not the case.
Near as I can tell, the game’s greatest success, is the constant feeling of progress and accomplishment that the game imparts to it’s player.
Like many non-Metroid fans, my biggest objection to the structure of those games, is not the fault of the designers, but rather my own stupidity.
Thought I’ve always said that Zelda games made me feel dumb as a kid, Metroid games made me feel downright “special.”
Like, helmet “special.”
Stone Cold demonstrating the image crippling power of The Retard Helmet.
Something about the layout of the map, and how the player was expected to wade their way through shit storms of enemies and hazards without knowing where to go, just never did it for me.
Though I’ve heard Arkham Asylum referred to as a Metroid-Vania style game, (a description which is fairly accurate) the experience is nowhere near as lonesome, nor the map layout as cryptic as either of those games.
Trust me, having Oracle on staff to order you around via radio every now and again is a godsend for exploration newbs such as myself.
Well hello there madam. Feel free to call me on my Bat Phone anytime you like...
In short, it’s similar to a Metroid-Vania game, but with a more structured and objective based progression.
Which is a good thing, seeing as I can think of no dumber element to a Batman game than having the player get lost.
Think about it, would the fuckin’ Batman ever get lost, much less at Arkham?
Pictured: Batman upon realizing he is in fact, a retard.
Batman is a man on top of shit in any situation, so I feel it is a wise decision on the part of the developers to have made the game’s structure reflect this.
Aside from the strength of the layout of the game, I feel that the games 240 or so collectibles really add a lot to making the player feel like their making some headway into the game, even in it’s early stages.
While part of me wants to say that, like Mega Man X3, there are in fact too many hidden items in the game, to the point in which you literally can’t turn a corner without accidentally bumping into something useful, thus far I think I actually like this element of Arkham Asylum.
It is kind of silly, walking into a room and finding Riddler trophies n’shit strewn about; but in a game with a map as large as this, any form of progress, no matter how minute, goes a long way towards making neurotic players like myself feel like they know what their doing.
Near as I can tell, this is Batman’s greatest success:
Spoon-feeding the player little rewards throughout the entire game so as to effectively stamp out the possibility of frustration.
It’s an incredibly elementary approach to game design, but it’s working for me so far.
As of writing this, I have had firsthand encounters with 2 major supervillains of Batman’s rogue’s gallery:
The developers take on Scarecrow was mighty impressive.
Both the level design and his costume for his sequence reflect a definite Freddy Krueger-esque sensibility, but given the seedier nature of Arkham Asylum’s art design, I feel it works very well.
From a gameplay standpoint, I found this “boss fight” (wasn’t really a fight…) to be quite entertaining.
Shifting the game into 2-D sidescrolling mode so as to allow for more streamlined movement and coordination really worked, and I applaud the efforts of the developers.
Bane, on the other hand, was a fun battle on a visceral level, however the comic fan inside me was kind of miffed by his brutish persona.
Bane as envisioned by the marketing department of the UFC...
As a kid that grew up reading Knightfall, Bane has a special place in my heart as one of my favorite Batman villains, and yet every time he’s used in media other than the comics, his character is grossly misinterpreted.
Um... No. Just, no...
Bane isn’t a massive brute or meathead, he’s a cunning and wily villain that could be called Batman’s equal on almost every level.
Oh well, my inner-comic dork’s objections aside, I’m happy that Arkham Asylum took a few seconds to at least explain why Bane suddenly went retard, not to mention Hulk-ed out beyond the realm of believability.
Essentially, Bane serves as key element to the game’s plot, not as a mastermind, or even hired hand; but as an instrument forcibly implemented by the combined will’s of The Joker and a mysterious Dr. Young.
From what I know at the 4 hour mark, the plot involves Joker using Dr. Young to extract and deconstruct the Venom Derivative from Bane, which they then mutate and enhance to create a more powerful Titan Formula which causes people to Hulk Out.
Basically, Joker plans to use the Titan Formula to create an army of Hulk-ed Out thugs to let loose on Gotham.
It’s kind of stupid, in a Silver Age comic-y sort of way, but the real experience of a game is playing it, and the minute to minute experience of Arkham Asylum thus far goes a long way towards making up for a slightly retarded plot.
Anyway, I’ve said about as much as I feel I can about Arkham Asylum for now.
I will say this though:
The combat system is a little simplistic for my Devil May Cry trained thumbs, but it’s rewarding in a “look what I just did with 2 buttons!” sort of way.
Now excuse me, I’m gonna’ go beat the shit out of some more Bat-Villains…
In light of my ongoing blood feud with my virus infected laptop, I figured it would be a good idea for me to take the time type up an article (or 2) regarding a therapeutic topic.
In this case, said topic would be songs that keep me from stabbing people AKA songs that, for whatever reason; make me feel happy.
Being as I am indeed an Azn Badger, with relatively Azn interests; much of my song library consists of Azn tunes.
That being said, I foresee this post being part of a series, so I’ve thusly labeled this one the “Japanese Edition” of this particular Top 5 list.
Anyway, the only requirements for entry on this list, are that the track must indeed be a song; meaning it must have lyrics, and in this case, it must also be Japanese.
Expect other versions of this post for the next couple of days.
Apologies in advance to those that truly don’t give a shit about music, much less of the Azn variety…
Anyway, let’s make with the list!:
*PLEASE NOTE, I DID NOT WATCH ANY OF THE VIDEOS BELOW, SO DON’T COMPLAIN TO ME IF THEY’RE OBNOXIOUS, STUPID, ANNOYING, OR ALL OF THE ABOVE.*
5. Sanpo (A Walk) – Azumi Inoue
That’s right folks, #5 on my list of Japanese songs that keep me from stabbing people is the opening song from My Neighbor Totoro.
Honestly though, you can’t mention “happy” without including Totoro, can you?
This song brought me much joy as a child, both in English and Japanese, and it continues to put a smile on my face to this day.
Hell, being as it’s written for kids, it’s one of the few songs on this list that I can actually understand 100% of.
Azumi Inoue has a wonderfully sweet voice that’s perfectly suited for the Blue’s Clues-y, Wiggles-esque, sugar-coated pre-schooler nursery rhyme feel of the song.
The only other song I’ve heard her perform was Chiisa Na Inori (Tiny Prayer) from the Guyver Image Album, (yeah, I actually went and bought it…) and I’ve gotta’ say, the woman’s got some pipes.
Not necessarily of the “strong” or “booming” variety, but I think “sweet” describes her sound pretty well.
4. Yume De Aeta Nara (If We Met In A Dream) – 175R
DISCO POP = FUCK YES.
Yume De Aeta Nara was a song featured in the first film in the Kamen Rider Den-Ou series.
Around the time the movie came out, I was knees deep in my own personal period of “Tokusatsu Revival.”
Just a year or 2 before, I had rediscovered Ultraman and Kamen Rider; and so when the movie came out, I was really fuckin’ excited.
Like, REALLY excited.
Anyway, while Den-Ou was perhaps one of the best Tokusatsu series I can recall, the first movie of course turned out to be kind of “meh,” leaving me with a sour taste in my mouth until fairly recently when the Den-Ou franchise miraculously resurfaced.
That’s a story for another day though…
So anyway, the movie sucked, but the one awesome thing I took away from it, was this song, Yume De Aeta Nara, by 175R.
I’ve never heard any other songs by the group, but honestly I don’t feel I need to, as this one has since provided me with more than enough enjoyment.
Like I said man, disco pop is THE SHIT.
When it comes to making an Azn Badger happy, few things do it better than a disco beat and nostalgic ties to Kamen Rider.
Initially starting as a manga, and then later serving as the inspiration for countless videogame characters, an anime series (or 2), and even a legacy of real-life pro-wrestlers, Tiger Mask is brilliant to the point in which I’m actually jealous that I didn’t come up with the idea.
Really, I ask you, who the fuck wouldn’t enjoy a story about a man in a tiger mask wrestling the shit out of dudes, while protecting the children of the world from an evil Illuminati-esque organization?
Anyway, the song I chose for this list comes from the 1980’s anime series, and as such, it’s sound bears the remnants of the enka style of vocalization that was popular in the post-war period.
By the way, enka is THE SHIT.
That being said, the enka style of the lyrics, combined with the almost spaghetti western-like music, make for a wonderfully cheesy and over-the-top theme song to a cheesy and over-the-top hero.
By the way, I should’ve included this song on my list of ways I keep sane at work; ’cause I have a tendency to sing it when I’m on the shipping line…
I’m not retarded.
I swear.
2. My Lonely Town (Mai Roneri Taun) – B’z
Oh B’z, how the fuck did I live without you?
Seriously, B’z is a Japanese band that’s been around FOREVER, but me being me, I didn’t find out about them until 2004 when their lead guitarist, Tak Matsumoto; composed the soundtrack for the movie Ultraman: The Next.
Come to think of it though, news of stupid-ass movies about dudes in rubber monster suits duking it out seems to be how I get most of my news from Japan, so I guess that makes a fair amount of sense…
Anyway, I was really impressed with the soundtrack for that movie, (another one that I eventually bought) so I looked up the composer, which led me to B’z, which led me to finding a mega-awesome band that I hope will continue being awesome for years to come.
My Lonely Town is an unbelievably awesome song from B’z(‘s?) most recent album, Magic.
When I first put this song on, I was reading the Wolverine comic, Old Man Logan; and I gotta’ tell yah’, it just fit too fuckin’ well.
Seriously, My Lonely Town has a big, loud, Bon Jovi-esque rock sound to it, but at the same time it also has some amazing string work that gives it an epic, again, almost spaghetti Western-like feel.
It was a brilliant case of right song, right book, right time.
1. Let It Go – Yuna Ito
This one is special.
I can’t really put my finger on it why, but for whatever reason; Let It Go has been my favorite song for almost a year now.
I don’t have “favorite” songs.
I have songs I like, but never “favorites.”
This song is one of the few exceptions I can name off the top of my head.
Songs from Transformers: The Movie and the Rocky series don’t count, ’cause those are built in.
Seriously, I didn’t “choose” to love those songs, they chose me.
*Ahem!* Anyway, Let It Go is sung by Yuna Ito.
While it lends no credence as to why I like the song so much, it’s interesting to note that she’s a hapa girl.
That is, she’s half Korean, half Japanese, raised in Honolulu.
Way to represent the local people… By leaving the country and making music in a foreign country.
All kidding aside, while the music is definitely the biggest selling point for me in this song, with it’s beautiful, and surprisingly almost country-esque string work coupled with an unrelentingly upbeat tune, I have to say Ms. Ito’s voice is pretty fuckin’ good.
I’ve never really paid much attention to vocals in songs.
Like I’ve said in previous posts, I was a “hummer” as a kid; and thusly kept music in my head rather than songs.
That is to say, while the other kids annoyed their parents by singing “Under the Sea” at the top of their lungs everyday, I was busy pissing off my folks by incessantly humming music from Snow Bros. and Mega Man 2.
I can’t explain it, but for some reason I have a lot of trouble understanding the lyrics to songs, regardless of language.
Despite this, from what I know of Japanese pop music, Yuna Ito is a rare talent.
Near as I can tell, most Jpop stars are, like our own American ones, studio musicians I.E. pretty people that can do just enough of everything to appeal to the core demographic.
They have flat voices, and more often than not; hide behind backup dancers, high production value music and voice modulation.
Ms. Ito, while most likely guilty of all of the above, actually seems to have a genuinely strong singing voice.
While I’m probably wrong, my first thought process was that it may be a cultural difference.
She may be fluent in Japanese, and indeed have lived there most of her life for all I know, but being raised in Hawaii, as an American; would most likely lend some boldness to her style of singing.
It seemed to be the case for Utada Hikaru, who was from New York; so I don’t exactly feel dumb for making this assumption.
Anyway, if ever the Azn Badger seems primed for a stabbing session, just remember to put on Let It Go, or any of the above mentioned Japanese songs, and chances are you’ll be just fine.
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