Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

And Now, English People Fighting… With Cats.

Proof that sharp choreography and raw physical ability can sometimes play second fiddle to tech savvy and clever editing when it comes to crafting entertaining fights for movies.

Thanks to Topless Robot for finding this gem amid the ocean of internet craptacular-ness.

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , ,

More Snow!

Filed under: Games, Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , ,

I’ve Had This Music Stuck In My Head For Awhile Now

It’s funny, I’ve only seen Hiroshi Inagaki’s Samurai Trilogy once in my life, and yet to this day I can still recall many of the sights and sounds almost at will.

To this day, the Samurai movies maintain a very special place in my heart.

They were the first subtitled films I ever saw.

They were the first samurai movies I ever saw.

And perhaps more importantly, they served as my introduction to the walking symbol of MANLY Japanese badassery that was Toshiro Mifune.

He's got more badass in his little finger than you've got in your entire bloodline.

While I’m sure how much relevance he has with the youth of today, what with the prevalence of stories/movies/anime with bumbling or overly emotional male protagonists, and y’know, that Glee horseshit; in my mind Mifune’s samurai performances stand as the single strongest example of what an Asian male should aspire to be.

Either that, or Bruce Lee.

Or Donnie Yen when he was a few years younger.

Or Yusaku Matsuda.

The pimp that left us too soon...

Point is:  Glee, Bad.  Mifune, Good.

Anyway, I’m not entirely sure, but from what I can recall, it’s been 14 or 15 years since I watched the Samurai Trilogy, and yet here I am, still getting it’s theme music stuck in my head.

It’s been about a week or so since the tune popped into my head, and to be honest, it’s got me in the mood for some classic chanbara movies.

That being said, I got an Amazon gift card this past Christmas, and I’m seriously considering using it to buy the Yojimbo and Sanjuro blu ray set.

It’s been about 4-5 years since I last saw those movies, but as far as I’m concerned, watching Mifune scratch his face and cut the fuck out of some bitches never gets old.

I would buy the Samurai movies, however I recently heard a rumor that Criterion is going to be releasing them on blu ray in the next month or 2, so I’ll hold off for now.

Hell, I’ve waited about three-fifths of my life to sit down and watch them again, I think I can wait a few more months, right?

……….. Fuck Glee.

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

And Now, Jim Kelly Kickin’ Some Honky Cop Ass.

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , ,

And Now, John Candy Making A Mockery Of My People In The Name Of Comedy.

I don’t think I have to tell you that Who’s Harry Crumb was far from John Candy’s best films.

I still like it, but I could totally see it being not everyone’s cup of tea.

Following in the footsteps of Eddie Murphy’s make-up FX infused “multiple character performance” in Coming To America, Harry Crumb’s character incarnations and jokes were largely inconsistent, with a plot that was a little more involved than was necessary.

Oh yeah, and did I mention John Candy’s hair was fuckin’ ridiculous?

It's like they stapled Conan O'Brien's scalp to John Candy's skull...

Without John Candy’s natural charisma, and excellent bit role performances from Jeffrey Jones, that one lady that played Irma in Ghostbusters, and Deebo, (Tommy Lister) the movie most certainly wouldn’t have worked.

That being said, the clip above, as well as the one below, demonstrate Candy’s character of Harry Crumb demonstrating his proficiency in the martial art of “Akido.”

As any Steven Seagal fan should already know, the correct spelling and pronunciation is “Aikido,” and no, it’s not a fighting style that involves backflips or shoe flinging ala Random Task.

Oh well, Hollywood’s proven time and again that racially insensitive/oafish white people are both hilarious and bankable in the eyes of the average movie-goer, and if any movie is guilty of both of these things, it’s Harry Crumb.

By the way, in case you’re wondering, I’m not being critical of the movie, or it’s politics, I’m just an Azn guy that really misses John Candy.

To this day though, I can’t quite decipher all of the subtleties/sense involved in his performance as Deszu…:

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Concealable Weapons You’re Not Cool Enough To Carry: Pocket Sand

What Is It?:  

A cache of sand stored in one’s pockets for the purpose of throwing in an attackers eyes.

Who’s Used It?:

Dale Gribble, Uncle Scar, Chong Li, Mr. Fuji.

Why Am I Not Cool Enough To Carry It?:  

Because throwing sand in peoples eyes is an act reserved for only the most weasly and underhanded motherfuckers in all of existence.

It’s one thing to be an opportunist, to be that asshole that chucks a wad of sand in the heat of the moment.

That shit’s been goin’ on since the beginning of time.

Hell, I’m willing to bet fuckin’ amoeba’s n’shit were chuckin’ particles of primordial soup at each others membranes back in the day.

Hell, even fuckin' Pokemon do it.

How else would the world know who the bad guys were?

The point is, chucking sand in people’s eyes is an inherently despicable, yet practical act; but if and when it’s utilized as a preemptive means of defense, it becomes something far more diabolical than most ordinary humans are capable of.

In order to be that guy that pockets a wad of sand every morning, you’d have to have a thought process somewhere along the lines of:

 “Oh shit, my Spider-Sense is tingling. I should probably bring some sand with me today…”

I’m sorry, but unless you’ve got Batman kicking down your door with any sort of regularity, chances are you’re not anywhere near cool enough to carry tactical pocket sand.

I understand that some people think it perfectly reasonable to carry pepper spray, stun guns, or even knives everywhere they go; (I don’t) but it takes a certain kind of crazy (not at all like a fox) to say to yourself:

“Whoops!  Silly me, I almost forgot to stuff kitty litter in my pockets before I left for work!”

I’m sorry, but chances are the kind of people that would consider carrying sand in their pockets a sensible, and totally necessary method of self-defense, are the kind of people that have gone out of their way to make the sort of enemies that would require said extreme measures to be dealt with.

That is to say, unless you’re a paranoid fuckin’ gun nut like Dale Gribble, or one seriously slimy-ass motherfucker like Lex Luthor’s douchebag second cousin or some shit; then chances are you haven’t earned the right to carry pocket sand in, uh, your pockets.

Filed under: Comics, Concealable Weapons You're Not Cool Enough To Carry, Games, Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , ,

And Now, Chuck Norris Ruminating On The Existence Of Ninjas.

My friend showed me this awhile back.

Something about Chuck’s oddly casual manner, and curiously spooky inner monologue in this scene tickles me in just the right way.

Seriously man, who the fuck talks to themself in suspenseful hushed tones?

Isn’t that something one generally does only in the presence of M. Night Shyamalan?

Apparently it’s a clip from a film called The Octagon, a shitty movie that I’ve unfortunately never seen; but certainly hope to in the near future.

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , ,

And Now, The Chinese Prime Minister From Rush Hour Getting Hit By A Train.


That is all.

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, , , , , , ,

I Think I Just Found My New Favorite Movie

“Holy shit…”

Those were the words that crept out of my mouth as I looked on in bedazzled awe at the brutal majesty of the trailer for The Raid.

Good trailers are hard to come by, let alone of the exhilarating and breathtaking variety; but if you ask me, The Raid might take the cake.

Back in the day I watched the trailers for The Dark Knight and Flash Point over and over again due to the artistry in their composition, but Jesus-fuck man, I’ll be damned if The Raid doesn’t absolutely blow them out of the water with pure adrenaline and carnage.

That being said, I feel I should mention that I have an unwatched copy of Merantau that’s been sitting on my shelf for the past 6 months.

Immediately after watching the trailer for The Raid and seeing what the crew behind it were truly capable of, (the same crew that worked on Merantau including director Gareth Evans and star Iko Uwais) I started kicking myself over dodging Merantau all this time.

That’s right, I was so upset with myself that I literally kicked myself in the fucking brain.

Rest assured, though I may have found reasons to overlook it in the past, after watching the trailer for The Raid, I’ll likely be popping Merantau into my DVD player within the next few hours.

Make that NOW.

Anyway, there’s not a whole lot to say about The Raid, other than the fact that it looks like an action/martial arts movie lover’s dream.

I could be assuming too much, but from what I saw in the trailer and read in reviews (all of which were absolutely glowing), the movie basically consists of a simple setup in the form of a police raid on a criminal infested apartment complex, and after that it’s just a rollercoaster of fighting and shoot outs.

It’s like Black Hawk Down, mixed with the hospital scene in Hard Boiled.

Throw in a healthy dose of martial arts, and play it all out over the course of THE ENTIRE FILM, and you have yourself the makings of a perfect movie.

If I could make a movie, The Raid is probably a good example of the kind of shit I’d dump my money into.

Seriously man, this movie looks so hardcore, and I can’t wait to see it.

And I’m guessing you’ll feel the same way once you take a look at perhaps the single most breathtaking action movie trailer I’ve ever seen:

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I Want To See Real Steel, And I Don’t Care Who Knows It


A funny thing happened the past few times I went the theater with my friends.

Trailers for the robot boxing movie, Real Steel ran, and then I’d hear my buddies snicker and giggle at the preposterous nature of it.

The funny thing was, I didn’t agree with them.

Maybe it’s just because I grew up with Transformers and other such robot themed adventure stories, or the fact that I’m a lifelong boxing fan; but I looked at the trailers for Real Steel and saw a film that could be fun.

Well, fun for me anyway.

To me, I look at this as Rocky meets Robot Jox, which in itself was basically Rocky IV with robots.

God I loved that movie…

I’ve always said Robot Jox was a solid premise for a movie, and one that could actually use some attention from the Hollywood remake machine.

I look at Real Steel as not only my best chance to see that silly dream of mine actually come to fruition, but as a chance for me to see a fun boxing movie with killer CGI motion capture effects.

As my buddy told me, in a world where boxing is becoming increasingly irrelevant in the mainstream, you’ve gotta’ take what you can get, whether it be the mediocrity of Friday Night Fights or exploitative and hokey Hollywood dramas.

That being said, based purely on the trailers, I have a feeling Real Steel will likely have a bit more heart and substance to it than most people would expect from a robot fighting movie.

Alongside what I see as being an underdog tournament movie, it seems like the relationship between Hugh Jackman, his kid, and their robot will likely be the core of the film.

If any one of those plotlines ends up being at all worthwhile, I honestly can’t see the action being a letdown, which in my book adds up to a good time at the movies.

Then again, I’m heavily biased on account of my tendency to excuse crappy acting and plotting in exchange for good/great action.

That being said, I mentioned that I’m a huge fan of motion capture technology, right?

Well, I am.

As a fan of martial arts and sci-fi “suit acting,” my appreciation for the power of body language and mime is largely responsible for my love of film.

You see this shit? This shit's awesome. Don't let nobody tell you otherwise.

I look at motion capture as a natural evolution of “suit acting.”

It gives actors/stunt people the power to enter the intricate skin of a CGI character or thing and breath a sort of tangible life into them that mere computer wizardry and animation skills simply can’t.

That being said, while seeing movies like Avatar make use of a form of the technology to tell a story, my action/kung fu movie lover’s heart has always been more interested in seeing motion capture being used for a different, more entertaining purpose.

I’ve been waiting, and waiting for an extended exhibition of what motion capture can do when paired up with martial arts, and goddamnit, I see Real Steel as my best chance to see just that.

I’m excited for Real Steel, and I have been for a long time now.

That being said, even though I vowed I would never do it in my lifetime, this might have to be that one movie I have to go see alone…

Filed under: Boxing, Kung Fu, Movies, Tokusatsu, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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