October 25th: The Day Lots Of Nerds Buy Lots Of Movies

Pictured: The Super-Deluxe-Ultimate-Jurassic Park Blu-Ray Set + Dino-Diorama Playset!

Holy fuckin’ shit, it’s October 25th!

The stars have aligned, Santa’s come to town, and Jesus has WISE-D FWOM HIS GWAVE!

I’m guessing you’re probably not aware of this, but for whatever reason a shit ton of cool movies are coming on video today!

I know DVD releases are traditionally on Tuesday’s, (no idea why) but this week is probably one of the biggest weeks, at least for me; that I can recall in recent memory.

First and foremost, we have the greatly anticipated blu-ray release of the Jurassic Park series pictured above.

I know I’m getting the first movie on it’s own, but time will tell whether I’ll be picking up a copy of The Lost World or not.

As for the unfortunate third entry in the series, Jurassic Park III can suck Tommy Tomasino’s cock for all I care.

Moving on, Captain America: The First Avenger also drops today, hopefully with the cover pictured below:

Pictured: The "good" cover for Captain America.

Seriously man, I don’t what it is, but there are a lot of shitty alternate poster and DVD covers for Captain America floating around out there, so hopefully the one above is the one they actually printed.

Fingers crossed.

Next up is the U.S. release of Attack the Block, which I’ve heard a lot of good things about, but honestly….. don’t have much interest in seeing:

Pictured: The cover of Attack the Block. *NOTE* You must be cool/hip to purchase this film.

I loves me some martial arts in my movies, but something about European extreme sports/parkour/horror-action-comedy movies just turns me off…

Probably has something to do with me not being cool/stoned enough to understand the appeal of the movie.

Next up is a documentary that struck my interest awhile back, The People vs. George Lucas:

Pictured: The cover for The People vs. George Lucas. Nice caricature, though I think it could do with a little more "turkey neck."

The subject matter of this documentary could make for a lot of fun considering how much fodder Lucas has given his fans to work with over the years, not mention how passionate said fans can get whenever he gets the urge to fuck with their nostalgic treasures.

I definitely won’t be buying this one, but I would certainly like to see it someday.

Finally, and I might be the only dork on this blog that gives a damn about this one; the WWF (that’s right, I still call it that) is launching a new series of videos today in the form of a new documentary entitled Greatest Rivalries: Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart:

Pictured: The cover to Shawn vs. Bret. I'm not typing the whole title again.

Again, I realize that this one is probably off most people’s radars, but hey; I typed up a little blurb about Attack the Block for you, so in exchange; you have to indulge my old-school wrestling fanboy-isms.

That being said, if the WWF’s track record on documentaries over the past few years is any indication, the interview/movie part of this one will likely be sappy and PG-ed the fuck out, but even so; the promise of a collection of these 2 masters of the ring’s best matches against one another is entirely worth the full price if you ask me.

Anyway, I listed off all of the shit I was psyched about for today, but like any other Tuesday, there’s plenty of other shit coming out that you might be interested in.

Go forth nerds!  Purchase consumable entertainment and boost the U.S. economy!

Filed under: Comics, Games, Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, Altered Beast, Attack The Block, Azn Badger, blog, Blu-Ray, Bret Hart, Captain America, DVD, films, III, Jurassic Park, Movies, October 25, release, Shawn Michaels, The First Avenger, The Lost World, The People vs. George Lucas, The Sixth Sense, WWE, WWF

Remember When Kevin Nash Was A Wizard?

This isn’t the first time I’ve used this blog to riff on Kevin Nash.

It’s funny though, I honestly don’t have a problem with the guy, in fact there was a time when I liked him a lot; it’s just that, like many wrestlers who’ve worked every organization in existence, he has a lot of phases to his career that were less than flattering.

That being said, Nash’s earlier turn in WCW as the emerald robed and turbaned wizard character, Oz; is easily the most embarrassing of said career blemishes.

Articulate 7-footers with charisma are a rare commodity in wrestling, such that promoters often jump at the chance to seize one for their ranks.

Kevin Nash always had these qualities going for him, but for whatever reason, WCW completely mismanaged his early career, resulting in him portraying no less 3 different characters in as many years.

Oz, was the second of these characters.

As you can plainly see in the clip above, WCW made no bones about citing Oz’s relation to/inspiration from The Wizard of Oz, even going so far as to parade Dorothy and her friends down the ramp during his debut.

Though I know it’s supposed to be another reference to The Wizard of Oz, I can’t help but snicker at the thought of Oz being from “The Emerald City” AKA my hometown of Seattle.

While Nash’s wrestling ability and magnetic personality did a lot to sustain his standing as a legit wrestler, there’s no denying that the absolutely horrid “wizard” gimmick and silly turban were severely detrimental to his career in the early goings.

His "Crazy Eyes" on the other hand, proved wildly successful with the kids...

Basically, Nash may indeed have made some fans during his first tour with WCW, but I seriously doubt any of them were born during his turn as Oz.

In most cases, I would expect the average wrestling fans reaction to watching Oz stroll down the ramp to be somewhat in line with that of Ian Malcolm’s:

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, Dorothy, gimmick, Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park, Kevin Nash, Oz, The Wizard of Oz, WCW, wrestling, WWF

Laulau Makes My Brain Feel Fat

Pictured: Heaven and Hell, wrapped in taro leaves...

You see that big, steamy, pile of green/brown shit?

That my friend, is a Hawaiian dish by the name Laulau.

Don’t let the friendly, and vaguely baby talk-ish name fool you; Laulau doesn’t just put hair on your chest, it tears it out your ass and then staples it to your fuckin’ sternum.

If you don’t respect the Laulau, I shit you not, by Crom, Pele, and the Masters of the Universe; it will MAKE YOU.

A typical Laulau consists of only a handful of ingredients, most notably fat and pig.

Basically, you take the fattiest chunk of pig-butt and butterfish that you can find, salt both of ’em to shit, and then wrap it all in taro leaves and steam it until fat/grease starts to pour out.

I think the main idea behind the conception of Laulau, and indeed most Hawaiian cooking, was the idea that:

No piece of pig can’t be made better without the addition of copious amounts of fat and salt.

Oddly enough, while I’ve done posts on this blog before about the horrors of traumatic bowel evacuations AKA toilet warfare; curiously enough Laulau is a dish that has rarely given me trouble in this department.

The real challenge in dealing with Laulau, is simply coping with the sheer richness of it’s composition.

In recent years I’ve gotten in the habit of thinking of the after effects of consuming Laulau as being akin to a combination of “brain freeze” and “cheese sweats.”

To the uninitiated, brain freeze is that horrible throbbing pain you get in your frontal lobe when you eat cold dishes too quickly.

The cheese sweats are that greasy, sweaty, and logy feeling that lactose intolerant people (like myself) tend to get when they say “fuck it” in the face of their genetic defects and order the fettuccine.

Eating Laulau results in what I like to think of as a combination of these effects.

Basically, the fuckin’ taro turd is SO goddamn salty, SO goddamn fatty, and jam-packed with SO MUCH fuckin’ pig; that your brain and your belly just can’t cope with it.

Sure, you’ll start off fine, hell; you might even start shoveling the damn thing on account of how FUCKING TASTY it is, but as you start to get about halfway through it, at some point you’ll start to slow…

What follows, is a feeling I can only describe as being akin to having “fat on the brain.”

In short, it feels like you’re body is pumped full of so much fuckin’ fat and pig that it starts to feel like your stomach has run out of room, so it starts booting the shit up into your brain.

That’s when you know the Laulau’s got you by the balls.

When it’s got you under it’s hypnotic, fat and salt fueled spell…

Your thoughts start to cloud.

Your movements become lethargic.

You start to lose interest in everything else on your plate.

And oddly enough, despite intense feelings of fullness radiating throughout your torso; you keep telling yourself:

“I’m gonna’ finish this… I’m gonna’ finish this… I can’t let it win…”

Hahaha!

Silly bitch, there is no “winning” against the power of Laulau.

There is only surviving.

Surviving and waking up the next day to discover you’ve gained 10 lbs. off of a half pound dinner of pig, fish, and greens.

The worst part of succumbing to the effects of Laulau though, is the lethargy inducing grease factor.

The cheese sweats can be rough, but Laulau sweats are a whole ‘nother story.

Like dealing with a T-Rex, who’s visual acuity’s based on movement; you’re fine if you don’t move, but once you try to get up for seconds, (yeah, good luck with that…) or make a move for the rest room, you’ll be in for a nasty surprise.

Basically, any movement, no matter brief or relaxed; will result in your pores barfing up a fresh coat of pig scented sweat.

Not only that, you’ll find that any move you make will tire you the fuck out.

Now personally, I’m in pretty good shape, but if you put a Laulau in my belly; all the sudden I start sweating like Patrick Ewing and panting like Bob Sapp in the 2nd round.

Anyway, consider this article a word of caution to all the potential first timers when it comes to trying Laulau.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need go take a shower to wash the pig stink out of my skin, go into a well-deserved food coma, and then do it all over again tomorrow…

 

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Bob Sapp, butterfish, food, Hawaiian, humor, Jurassic Park, Laulau, Patrick Ewing, pig, pork, sweat, Taro

One Of The Worst Book Covers I’ve Ever Seen

I’ve done bad book cover posts before, but this one might just take the cake.

Many times, when a book has a truly horrendous cover, there’s ussually at least some aspect of it’s design that’s commendable/acceptable.

For instance, many fantasy novels have laughable character designs and titles; but in many cases the artistry of the cover is commendable, at least from a technical standpoint.

Other times covers are simply generic, bringing nothing unique to the table; but still doing enough to qualify as a commissioned piece of artwork.

The cover above, for the sci-fi/fantasy novel “Time Ninja,” has none of these things going for it.

The font is bland.

The title is retardedly unoriginal.

The colors are faded and washed out.

The figures on display are poorly rendered at best, coming across like poorly photoshopped drawings with a plain ‘ole smudge filter slapped onto them.

The layout has no sense of rhyme or reason, with most of the figures and details being strewn about at random.

I’ve seen bad covers before, but when I, a (mostly) humble Azn boy with a non-descript Bachelor’s degree that may or may not have something to do with “art,” can look at a book cover and honestly feel that I could do better; then you know you’re dealing with something that is… Well, I think Ian Malcolm said it best:

“For those that care to know, here is the back-of-the-book description for “Time Ninja”:
Andy Schoepp’s Definitive Sci-Fi, Action/Adventure, Ninja Epic has arrived! The year is 2101, global warming and a depleted ozone layer are destroying the Earth. The human race lies on the brink of extinction with its only hope being a planet in another galaxy. A raging civil war reigns supreme over the technology to transport people to that planet which can save the human race. It is in this future that Master Ninja Ryu Kendo must obtain a special sword that can help him save his village from annihilation. But the raging civil war may consume Ryu’s mind, body, soul and indeed his very being. Will Ryu sacrifice his village for his friends, the woman he loves and for the future of humankind? In Time Ninja, Andy Schoepp paints a vivid tapestry of an ancient, Japanese village in modern times and a future fraught with civil war, high-tech weaponry and characters fighting to stay alive with the Earth in peril of obliteration. And, when Andy Schoepp combines the ancient techniques of Ninjutsu with the high-tech weaponry of the future, it will be a battle none will soon forget! Time Ninja is a must-read epic you won’t want to miss!”

Congratulations Andy Schoep and illustrator Ron Heinsman, not only did you compose a “must-read epic,” you also gave us one of the worst covers of all time.

That being said, there’s no denying that Space Bobcat still reigns supreme:

STILL, THE BEST COVER EVER.

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Andy Schoepp, bad, Book, cover, film, funny, Ian Malcolm, Jeff Goldblum, Jurassic Park, movie, Ron Heinsman, RX for Chaos, shitty, space bobcat, Time Ninja

BEST. CAKE. EVER.

I ask you, have you ever seen a birthday cake as awesome as this?

That’s right, didn’t think so.

This was a belated birthday gift, made for me by my brother’s girlfriend.

I know, weird, right?

I betcha’ if I had a girlfriend of my own, she probably wouldn’t have taken the time to do something this awesome for my birthday.

If you feel yourself overwhelmed with intense feelings of jealously, don’t worry; such a reaction is expected when dealing with handmade Jurassic Park cakes.

Anyway, I’m kind of wiped from wandering around the Folk Life Festival/running in the fountain at the Seattle Center.

Check back tomorrow for a real article, or failing that; another stupid clip of a pro-wrestler falling on his head/flubbing his lines!

Oh well, no reason we can’t do some of that today as well:

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, birthday, cake, festival, Folk Life, Jurassic Park, Lex Luger, mic performance, Seattle Center, WCW, wrestling, WWE, WWF

The Top 10 Manliest Man Moments #3: The Whitmore Speech

Independence Day is an awesome fucking movie.

I remember being carted off to the theater to see it on opening day, despite not even knowing it’s title.

You see, acronyms were kind of big back in the mid-90’s, and as such; Independence Day was marketed as “ID4,” so as to be enigmatic and therefore “cool.”

To this day I really don’t get how the whole “ID4” thing worked out, but by golly; IT FUCKING WORKED.

Sure, the plot’s kind of corny and there’s definitely 1 too many coincidences in how all ensemble cast all relate to one another; but even so, it’s hard to dispute the fact that Independence Day is an exceptional popcorn movie.

The CG effects are kind of lacking by today’s standards, but for my money the explosions and miniature effects still hold water; as does the decent script that utterly blows the ever-loving fuck out of anything Michael Bay’s done in the past… Well, ever.

Pictured: The closest Michael Bay's ever gotten to doing it right. A little Sean goes a long way...

A product of the monument smashing duo of Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich, Independence Day is hardly the MANLIEST of MAN movies, however it certainly has it’s fair share of outstanding MANLY moments.

First off, there was about 2 hours of Jeff Goldblum being neurotic and vaguely Ian Malcolm-like:

They could make a movie about Ian Malcolm taking out the garbage for 2 hours and I'd still fucking watch it.

Then there was that one time Will Smith deployed the “universal greeting” to an alien’s face:

And I guess there was also that one time when THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET WORKED TOGETHER TO WAGE THE LARGEST AERIAL BATTLE IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND:

*Spoiler*: We won.

Oh yeah, and I suppose Randy Quaid killing himself to save the planet was pretty MANLY too, though not nearly as much as THE LARGEST AERIAL BATTLE IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND.

Anyway, despite all the flash and special effects of Independence Day, in truth the MANLIEST; and easily most inspired moment in the entire movie, came in the form of a simple speech.

A speech delivered by the pimp-ass fighter pilot/PRESIDENT OF THE FUCKING WORLD, Thomas J. Whitmore:

LONESTAR!!!!!!

Bill Pullman’s Tom Whitmore is in many way the Hot Rod of the AMERIKUHN presidency.

Like Hot Rod, he’s young, driven, and more than a little arrogant, resulting in his reception with the general public being somewhat divided.

Despite this, when it all comes down to the wire and shit gets real, his MANLY worth shines through and everyone rallies behind him.

Hot Rod had his moment in the sun as he assumed the title of Rodimus Prime, opened the Matrix of Leadership and took out Unicron… and then later became a total douche by catching a case of the “hate plague” and forcing Optimus Prime to pwn his ass.

What?

You mean you don’t remember that?

*ANYWAY* Whitmore’s moment ultimately came as he rallied THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET to face the aliens head on, securing his place in the annals of MAN-HISTORY by selflessly riding into battle alongside the troops.

On a side note, President Whitmore’s finest moment during the final battle in Independence Day, came when he used his MANLY PRESIDENTIAL POWERS to magically summon an extra missile during the final battle.

I can’t find any pics to back it up, but next time you watch the movie; pay attention to how many missiles President Whitmore fires during the dog fighting.

Truly, it was a feat only a MANLY FUCKING PRESIDENT could achieve.

Which brings us to Tom Whitmore’s greatest achievement of all, and our 3rd MANLIEST MAN moment in all of movies.

Today, we celebrate, The Whitmore Speech:

Special thanks need to be given to David Arnold for a composing the background music of this speech.

Seriously, if ever there was an example of music being used to enhance the power of a scene, this would have to be it.

I think the turning point in the speech, where it goes from being calming and uplifting in spirit, to a fuckin’ MANLY-ASS call to arms; is where it really grabs you by the balls and makes you realize just how awesome it is.

There’s just something about the way Bill Pullman growls that one line, “We will not go quietly into the night!” that makes this speech so fuckin’ awesome to me.

Anyway, thanks for reading, check back tomorrow for MANLY moment #2!

Filed under: Movies, Top 10 Manliest Man Moments, Uncategorized, David Arnold, Dean Devlin, film, Hate Plague, Ian Malcolm, Independence Day, Jeff Goldblum, Jurassic Park, list, Matrix of Leadership, Michael Bay, Movies, music, Optimus Prime, Randy Quaid, Roland Emmerich, Sean Connery, speech, The Rock, Top 10, Top 10 Manliest Man Moments, Transformers, Will Smith

Safety Not Guaranteed – The Poster!

As promised, here’s a poster depicting the images that came to mind when I first heard news of the Safety Not Guaranteed movie.

From the description, the movie sounds like it’s gonna’ be more of a *Shudder!* “Indie” movie than anything else, however for the purposes of making this poster, y’know; interesting, I decided to go nuts and treat it like an action-adventure B-movie.

While I personally don’t care much for Jack Black or Michael Cera as actors or comedians, in all honesty; it wouldn’t really bother me if they were cast alongside an AK-47 and crowbar wielding Guile lookalike, whilst battling the Ultimate Warrior and his army of dinosaurs.

Truth be told, I used Black and Cera because I was able to find a good high-res photo of them from the unfunny shit-fest that is Year One.

It’s kind of ironic though, (but not in a “hip” sort of way) knowing Hollywood, I wouldn’t put it past them to throw a *GASP!* “Indie” actor like Michael Cera into a movie like this.

It’s almost a certainty that they’d hire Danny McBride for the role of The Mullet Man, most likely because his default haircut seems dangerously close to a mullet to begin with.

Personally, I’d rather see a beastly, wooden-as-fuck action dude like Dolph Lundgren take on the role, but that’s just me.

Anyway, thanks for takin’ a gander; see you tomorrow.

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Azn Badger, blog, Danny McBride, dinosaurs, Dolph Lundgren, film, Guile, Jack Black, Jurassic Park, Michael Cera, movie, mullet, Photoshop, Poster, Safety Not Guaranteed, Ultimate Warrior, wrestling, WWE, WWF, Year One

“I’ve Got A Problem Here…”

Ah, Jek Porkins; how we hardly knew thee.

To the scant few out there on the intersnatch that don’t know the story of Jek Porkins, I offer this brief history lesson:

From what I can recall from my Star Wars obsessed childhood, Jek Porkins was from the planet Bestine IV.

Where that is, or what significance that planet holds in the greater Star Wars universe, I have no fucking clue.

Pretty much everything you’ll be reading in this little bio section here came from a trading card and a handful of comics, so don’t be surprised if there’s a few holes here and there.

 

Pictured: Said trading card. I've got like a dozen of these...

Disclaimer aside, let’s continue with the epic saga of Jek Porkins, shall we?

A trader and a pilot before The Empire made him and his people refugees, Porkins joined up with the Rebel Alliance and became a pilot in their starfleet.

Due to his obese, vaguely Stay Puft Marshmallow Man-like physique, Porkins was awarded politically incorrect (and hilarious) nicknames such as “Belly Runner” and “Piggy” during his tenure in the Rebel starfleet.

 

"Sucks to your ass-mar!"

The highlight of Porkin’s career came tragically (and hilariously) at the end of his life during the Battle of Yavin, when while piloting X-Wing fighter Red Six along the surface of the Death Star, his ship malfunctioned, causing him to fall prey to the space station’s Turbolasers.

It was this moment, Porkin’s death; that immortalized the character of Jek Porkins in the minds and imaginations of sci-fi dorks throughout the world.

However morbid it may sound, there’s just something satisfying about watching a fat man die in a movie; particularly when he does so in such a pathetic manner.

 

Case in point...

To my recollection, Porkins accomplished exactly nothing at the Battle of Yavin.

Seriously, it’s a fuckin’ miracle that tank-ass Porkins even managed to get his S-Foils open without self-pwning.

Regardless of what the expanded fiction and lore of Star Wars may indicate these days, what I remember seeing of Porkins during the running time of A New Hope; consisted of him flying in formation, helping Biggs take out a tower, and then exploding in a fiery (and flabby) blaze of sad.

Hell, I’ve read that he took a Turbolaser up his ass, but based on what I remember of the movie; I always kind of thought his ship exploded on it’s own due to malfunction.

Now that I think of it, that actually kind of works out in some ways.

He was just so damn fat, and so damn sad, that his ship just up and FAILED itself into oblivion, thereby ensuring that if would never have to bear the humiliation of hauling his chunky ass across the galaxy ever again.

Anyway, consider this a tribute of sorts to the marvelous death of the fat sack of fail known to the world of dorkdom as Jek Porkins.

Salute to Porkins, salute to the equally humorously named actor, William Hootkins; that portrayed him (as well as many other memorable fat guys of the 80’s) in A New Hope.

More than anything though, salute to George Lucas, that evil greedy bastard; for having the balls to insert a blatant fat joke into an action-packed sequence of galactic warfare.

Filed under: Comics, Games, Movies, Uncategorized, A New Hope, Azn Badger, Battle of Yavin, Bestine IV, blog, card, Death Star, Dennis Nedry, George Lucas, Ghostbusters, Jek Porkins, Jurassic Park, Lord of the Flies, Magic, Marshmallow Man, Photoshop, Piggy, Rebel Alliance, Red Six, S-Foils, Star Wars, Stay Puft, The Empire, The Gathering, trading, Turbolaser, Wayne Knight, William Golding, William Hootkins, X-Wing

*Sigh* Thundercats Reboot… By Way Of Japan

Ugh.

Now, I’ve already gone on record stating my disdain for the idea of remaking Thundercats, for film or television; so it should be no surprise that the preview trailer above succeeds in pushing those very same buttons.

It’s not so much the idea of a Thundercats reboot being made that bothers me, it’s the simple fact that someone felt the need to do it.

It’s like Ian Malcolm said about the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park:

“Thundercats had their shot, and nature selected them for extinction”

To me, Thundercats; along with the Ninja Turtles and other such pop-culture phenomena, were a product of their time.

I know I’m being an ass about this, but I’m a very nostalgic young man, and have a good memory to boot; so whenever I hear news of unwarranted remakes, I take it kind of personally.

I say this not in reference to “open to interpretation” properties like ancient mythology, but rather mainstream elements of pop-culture of the past 40 or 50 years.

Some people consider remaking or rebooting pop-culture characters or stories of their youth to be a sign of respect, a way of showing that something is loved enough be done justice a second time.

To me, the best way to honor or respect things such as this; is simply to remember them.

More is not always better.

Anyway, I’m done rambling.

No wait:

I suppose I could bitch about how the new character designs bother me, much in the same way that the blatantly anime-inspired designs in Superman/Batman: Apocalypse bothered me, but I feel my efforts would be wasted given that Thundercats was originally animated by a Japanese animation house, thusly making the progression fairly logical.

I just can’t help but feel bothered by the idea of anime-style visuals simply because the look is en vogue.

*Sigh* A nation of fuckin’ weeaboos and Narutards…

Regardless of the actual quality of the animation, it feels cheap, unseemly, and downright silly seeing so many American cartoons go down this route.

I’m done bitching.

Hopefully everyone feels happier about this than I do…

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, anime, Apocalypse, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Batman, cartoon, Commando, Ian Malcolm, Japanese, Jurassic Park, manga, preview, reboot, remake, Superman, Thundercats, trailer

New Jurassic Park Game

Let it be known, the Azn Badger loves him some Jurassic Park.

Since day one, Jurassic Park references and tributes have been the norm here on this blog, and today is no exception.

You see, not long ago I was flipping through an issue of Game Informer, within which I happened to take note of an article regarding an upcoming, current-gen Jurassic Park videogame.

Looks good, but not great. Any JP is good JP though...

While the screenshots included in said article were not exactly the most flattering, bearing texture work and visual fidelity decidedly below par for the glitzy game market of today; I was relieved to find that the game will indeed be released as an episodic, downloadable product, as opposed to a full-priced retail item.

While it saddens me that my beloved JP-Jurassic Park-“Something Has Survived!” franchise won’t be getting a huge budget videogame of the game changing, eye candy laden variety worthy of the fanfare that the original film received back in the day; it pleases me to know that the game is (for once) being developed by competent human beings.

Jurassic Park: Warpath - Yes, I did in fact rent it. It sucked. MIGHTILY.

Keystone proponents of the steadily fading (but at once, loved) graphic adventure genre of gaming, the very capable people over at Telltale Games will be the ones’ responsible for doing digital justice to the house of Hammond.

Jurassic Park geek-speak aside, it’s worth noting that the new game will indeed take place in John Hammond’s backyard, namely that of Isla Nublar; the setting of the first Jurassic Park book/movie, and the site of the actual park of the series’ namesake.

Based on what I’ve read, the story is based around the exploits of Dr. Gerry Harding, AKA the park associate that was examining the sick triceratops in the first film.

"Hi, I'm a fuzzy image that may or may not represent a character in a movie!"

The actual time frame of the game explores the plot of the book/movie in a fashion similar to that of how Resident Evil 3 connected to Resident Evil 2.

Forgive the bizarre analogy, my mind has a tendency to connect things via movie and videogame references…

*Ahem!* Taking place before, during, and after the events of the first Jurassic Park story, I can’t help but feel a little bit excited about the inherent possibilities of structuring a game from this perspective.

Think about it:

Who wouldn’t want see Jurassic Park as it was before it went to shit?

Who wouldn’t want to find out what happened to Nedry’s Barbasol can containing the stolen dinosaur embryos?

"Fat Guy In A Little Coat... Fat Guy In A Little Coat..."

Who wouldn’t want to raid John Hammond’s stash of ginger ice cream while the T-Rex is still traipsing around the Visitor’s Center?

I did mention I’m kind a Jurassic Park dork, right?

Anyway, the actual details of the gameplay for this upcoming multi-part series is still somewhat of a mystery at this point; based on Telltale’s track record, I have a feeling we can expect a more cerebral, and evenly paced experience than seems to be customary with today’s fast-paced, shooter-stuffed market.

Being as these guy’s were the ones responsible for bringing us quality budget titles like the new Sam & Max series, and the most recent Monkey Island games; I’d say Jurassic Park is in capable hands.

Rest assured I’m gonna’ be keeping my eyes on this one…

Filed under: Games, Movies, Uncategorized, 2, 3, Bob Peck, Dennis Nedry, dinosaur, Dr. Harding, game, Game Informer, graphic adventure, Isla Nublar, John Hammond, Jurassic Park, Lucasarts, Monkey Island, park, Resident Evil, Sam and Max, T-Rex, Telltale Games, tyrannosaur, videogames, Warpath