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What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Remember That One Time Chucky Cut A Promo On WCW?

You’d think having Chucky from the Child’s Play movies show up on a wrestling show would be considered jumping the shark, right?

Well, technically I suppose it would be, if not for the fact that it basically already happened by the time 1998 came rollin’ along… More than once.

That being said, guest stars, fictional or otherwise, have been commonplace in wrestling for some time now.

WCW in particular, during the Monday Night Wars, seemed to have a penchant for populating it’s telecasts with all manner of larger than life non-wrestlers.

Chuck Norris, Jay Leno, a number of NBA players, and even fuckin’ Robocop all made guest appearances on the show at one time or another, with predictably hilarious results.

Yeah, that actually happened.

So, when you take into consideration all the bullshit that came before it, having Chucky cut a promo during an episode of Nitro actually isn’t all that silly after all.

… That is until you take a minute to listen to what he’s actually saying.

With Leno, WCW actually went to great lengths to write him into a storyline.

Believe it or not, it was actually a big fucking deal.

DDP, Hogan, and Eric Bischoff actually showed up on the Tonight Show and caused a ruckus, creating significant cross-promotional buzz.

Sure, the actual in-ring pay-off was horrendous, but it’s hard to deny the cleverness of their marketing strategy.

Which brings us to Chucky.

Near as I can tell, Chucky showed up to promote his film, as is typically the case with any movie stars/homicidal doll monsters that guest star on wrestling shows, however WCW went the extra mile and had him pick a favorite to win in the upcoming Halloween Havoc.

It should be noted that the main event of the Halloween Havoc in question, Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior; would go on to be regarded as one of the single worst matches in all of televised professional wrestling.

Yeah, that also really happened.

Now, as far as I can recall, Chucky never physically appeared on WCW, but for whatever goddamn reason, the writers saw fit to have him favor Scott Steiner over his brother Rick in their upcoming match.

Last time I checked, Chucky was more concerned with reclaiming his body and killing stupid bitches than he was the daily affairs of professional wrestling, but hey, this was the same team of writers that thought having the slowest goddamn Robocop in the history of slow-ass Robocops appear on their show was a good idea.

Anyway, at some point, Chucky mentions something about wanting to be a film director, and that he wants Scott Steiner to win because he’s hoping to cast him as his leading man.

There is so much fucking wrong with that last sentence, that honestly, I’m not even gonna’ go into it.

The really sad part in all this, is the fact that they actually got Brad Dourif to voice Chucky.

I mean, yeah, Chucky isn’t Chucky without Brad Dourif’s considerable vocal talents, but come on, the man deserves so much better than to get paid to do wrestling promos and super-liminal advertising.

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Remember “Gillberg?”

Before I get started, I figure I should give credit where credit’s due and thank my brother for reminding me of this retarded episode in wrestling history.

Anyway, for those who are unaware, the puny and borderline mentally deficient individual you see marching down the ramp in the clip above is professional wrestler Duane Gill AKA Gillberg.

Throughout his career, Duane Gill belonged to a special fraternity in the wrestling industry that is referred to that of the “enhancement talent.”

That is to say, his mission upon stepping into the ring, was to put other wrestlers over, to lose to them and enhance their image in the process.

Operating in numerous tag teams and as a soloist under his real name, Gill served as a staple of the WWF’s jobber division throughout the 90’s, even getting drafted into The J.O.B. Squad, a stable made up entirely of talented jobbers such as Hardcore Holly and Al Snow.

During this time, The J.O.B. Squad members all achieved a certain level of notoriety, leading to Hardcore Holly being given his own faction in the form of a team-up with Crash and Molly Holly, Al Snow being shoveled gimmicky storyline after gimmicky storyline in an attempt to somehow keep him relevant, not the least of which being that one time he fought himself in a hardcore match.

That was awesome by the way.

Duane Gill however, at least for a brief moment in time, went on to bigger and better things.

In 1997, WCW introduced to the world a wrestler that was arguably the only superstar the organization ever raised from the ground up under Eric Bischoff and Vince Russo.

That man, was Bill Goldberg.

Just so we’re clear, that was awesome.

In short, during his prime, Goldberg was the hottest thing going in WCW.

He was an unstoppable force that went undefeated in 173 consecutive matches, a marketing angle that has rarely been attempted, let alone successfully.

In response to Goldberg’s popularity, the WWF decided to create a puny parody of the character in the form of casting Duane Gill as “Gillberg.”

As you might have guessed from the clip at the top of this post, Gillberg was a total fucking joke.

His entrance laughably mocked every aspect of Goldberg’s right down to the sparklers and fire extinguishers in place of legitimate pyrotechnics.

His wrestling style could be described as “squirrel-y” at best.

Despite this, Duane Gill’s jobber skills made him fun to watch on occasion, largely due to the flexibility of his undersized frame.

Take a look here at his match with Essa Rios AKA “That One Talented Guy That Was Popular For About 5 minutes But Ultimately Became Overshadowed By His Escort, Lita“:

Both WCW and the WWF would create numerous parody characters of each other’s talent in a decidedly lowbrow attempt to chip away at their rival’s reputation, but in my eyes, Gillberg was one of the more successful attempts.

Week to week, Gillberg would come out, be pathetic, and make people laugh, however unlike WCW’s “Oklahoma,” Gillberg would do so without doing harm to anyone’s reputation.

He was a mockery of Goldberg, yes; but at the end of the day he was just a clown, plain and simple.

That being said, due largely in part to a lack of interest/competition in the Light Heavyweight division at the time, (these days it doesn’t even exist) Gillberg actually managed to acquire the Light Heavyweight Championship at one point.

Oddly enough, said lack of interest in the division resulted in Gillberg carrying the belt for well over a year, making him the longest reigning Light Heavyweight in WWF history.

So there you have it:

Gillberg, the pitiful jobber who was a joke from beginning to end, yet somehow managed to achieve a historic title reign.

Filed under: Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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