Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Remember That One Time They Let The Big Show Talk?

Yeah…. The Big Show was never very good on the mic.

He could be pretty damn funny, as was the case in his appearance on SNL, but for the most part; he’s not much of a talker.

The funny part is, this promo would be most likely be considered racially stereotypical/insensitive if it wasn’t spot on perfect.

Seriously man, every mannerism and inflection you see in the clip above, as silly and repetitive as it may seem, is actually pretty much a 100% accurate imitation of Booker T.

That’s right, the same Booker T that went and yelled “the word” on national television:

Filed under: Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , ,

A Van Down By The River

In celebration of another completed work week, here’s a little tribute to one of the immortal Chris Farley’s finest creations, motivational speaker, Matt Foley!

If anyone can think of a better description for the card shown above, please feel free to post your comments.

As it stands, I’m happy with the image, but I’m honestly disappointed in the text I used for it…

Anyway, I’m pooped, so I’m gonna’ call it a night.

See you tomorrow!

I don't, "own a toothbrush." I don't, "wipe properly..."

 

 

Filed under: Games, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

STILL Poster-ing… Take It Away, Farley.

Yup, still photoshop-ing the poster for my brother.

He suggested I make a banner/icon/logo, and being as he’s my older/wiser brother; I’m feel it’s in my best interest to follow his advice.

Doing so effectively doubles my workload at the moment, but I’m happy with how things are turning out so far.

Truth be told, all of this could’ve probably been done in a night had it not been for WORK getting in the way of my schedule.

Anyway, I’ll probably finish this stuff late tonight or sometime tomorrow, so in the meantime please enjoy this most awesome of Farley clips:

CLICK HERE

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Poster-ing… Busy Yourself With Some Farley.

Sorry, no post for tonight.

My brother asked me to do (another) poster for him and his work buddies, so I’ll probably be busy photoshop-ing for the next couple of nights.

In place of my ramblings this evening, you will instead be treated to a clip of the comic genius that is Chris Farley

A clip that just happens to be taken from one of his worst films.

Anyway, please enjoy watching Chris Farley fight an eagle puppet while I bust my ass and burn my retinas toiling away in photoshop:

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Frozen Badger No More

Wow, diggin' the mullet...

I’ve mentioned I work in a -20 degree industrial freezer at Amazon.com, right?

Whenever I’m in there, I undergo a physical and mental transformation the likes of which few would believe.

My normally upbeat, and sunny side up personality melt (or is that “freeze?”) away, revealing a surly, irritable, and borderline violent persona that is simply not fit for societal living.

Seriously, on occasion I’ve actually admonished some of co-workers to keep their distance when we were in the freezer.

They thought I was kidding, but in truth; I meant every word of it.

Believe me when I say this, there are more than a few shelves and plastic totes in there that have felt the wrath of an enraged Azn Badger kick to the brain.

My biggest issue with the freezer at work, is the fact that the experience is almost always physically painful for me.

Now, I have no qualms whatsoever with working hard, but when I’m forced to work a job where I can expect to my extremities to go numb, and be in excrutiating pain for several hours; I feel that’s asking a lot.

Truth be told, I could probably deal with working the freezer once or twice a week, but ever since the week after I was trained in there, I’ve had to go in almost every day, sometimes twice a day.

Needless to say, the freezer is a god forsaken black hole of hatred and despair.

I hate it so much, that I wish it were a person, so I could tear off it’s head and shit down it’s stump.

Then cover the head with maple syrup and stuff it into an ant hill.

Despite all of my hate for the freezer, and the horrible things it’s done to me both physically and mentally, (think rape, only colder and less sexual) I’m happy to say that I’ll most likely never have to deal with it again.

You see, a funny thing happened this week:

The Amazon warehouse, which is split into Fresh (online grocery) and .com sides, recently rearranged it’s work force into 2 separate rosters for each side.

Before, every employee was required to learn and perform all duties on both sides of the warehouse.

Now, everyone is assigned to one side only, and will thusly no longer be required to move to the other side of the warehouse unless absolutely necessary.

I was fortunate enough to end up on the .com side of the warehouse, meaning no more working in the fridge, and more importantly; no more going into the freezer.

Words can’t describe how happy that makes me.

Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to let Farley do the celebrating for me:

So, things are looking good for the Azn Badger at the moment.

Chances are I’ll get let go, just as I’m getting accustomed to, y’know; being happy at work…

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Another Week Down, Another Farley Clip For The Masses

*Sigh* Another week at Amazon complete, and once again we celebrate with another clip of the funniest fat man of our time, Chris Farley.

This time around, we’re pulling a clip from one of Farley’s last, and sadly; least memorable films: Almost Heroes.

Despite being an overall shitty film, complete with a decidedly unfunny Matthew Perry (on the drugs, as evidenced by his slim frame at the time), Farley managed to salvage it for the most part with a handful of classic moments.

I don’t think any of us could help but laugh at Farley’s battle(s) with the eagle puppet.

We’ll save that clip for another time though…

Anyway, here’s one of my favorite of said classic moments:

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Writer’s Block… Time For More Farley.

At the moment I’ve got about 4 articles swimming around in my head, and no motivation to sit down and type them.

I suppose it doesn’t help that Christmas is just around the corner, not to mention I just got my new Donnie Yen movie:  Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen.

In other words:

I’m watching Donnie Yen, so no blog for tonight.

That being said, while I have no reason to celebrate at the moment, here’s another Farley clip to tide you over for tomorrow:

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Peak Season: DEFEATED. Cue Celebratory Farley Clip.

Well folks, the Azn Badger’s peak season adventure at Amazon has officially wrapped.

Well, my peak season anyway; I’m sure there’s a shit ton of people from other shifts that still have to work, but I’m done, and frankly that’s the only thing that matters.

Anyway, here’s hoping I don’t get laid off in the next few weeks!

If I do, it’s probably for the best, being as I honestly don’t feel like living out the rest of my days using my 4 year arts degree to boast the honor of being a “professional box maker.”

Also, I suppose the $3.50 (each way) toll that’s going to start applying to my commute across the 5-20 bridge every day, would also serve as a reason to celebrate my termination at Amazon.

Anyway, with the completion of another blistering, though atypically only 40 hour work week; I present to you this week’s celebratory Farley clip:
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/player.swf

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A Celebratory Farley Clip

Pictured: A comic genius.

Today was supposed to be the busiest day of the year at the Amazon.com warehouse.

I can attest the truth in this statement, as I was placed in freezer detail not once, but twice today.

Needless to say, at the moment I am tired, beat up, and intensely bitter.

Hopefully I can muster the energy required to do all of my Christmas shopping tomorrow…

Regardless, in celebration of my day off tomorrow, here is a clip of another one of my favorite Chris Farley skits:

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Tommy Boy Makes The Pain Go Away…

Thank you Farley, for putting a smile on my face today. Really needed it...

I’d like to think of myself as a fairly resolute person.

I approach things with a “get it done” attitude, and rarely find myself deterred by whatever obstacles lie in my path.

Hell, I’ve been writing this blog every day for the past 200+ days, so I’d say I’m a pretty steadfast individual.

That being said, I think working at the Amazon.com warehouse has finally broken my “get it done” attitude, and taken a chunk of my soul along with it.

As well as the feeling in both of my big toes, which mysteriously have decided to stop, well, feeling much of anything these days.

Working 60 hour weeks in a highly repetitious, and fairly physical job is something I would not advise to anyone, even the horribly destitute.

At best it’s boring and tiring.

At worst, it’s boring, tiring, cold to the point of being physically painful, and packed to the brim with corporate red-tape that usually ends up requiring you to slow down while every manager around you is yelling at you to speed up.

I know it sounds like I’m just whining right now, which is pretty much true; but I really don’t like the self that I’m bringing home from work every evening.

10 hours of work, followed by an hour and a half in traffic leave me pretty much a husk of a person, running off fumes of intense anger and fatigue.

Seriously, ever since I started working at Amazon, particularly now during the peak season; I find myself to be pissed off, tired, or a combination of both at all times, even on my so called “weekends.”

A “weekend” is not one day at the end of the work week.

That’s just an annoying pause between work days that tricks your body into going into rest mode, effectively turning you to Jell-O for the following work day.

Oh yeah, and psychologically you can’t enjoy that “weekend” because of the mental prep and early bedtime necessitated by said impending work day.

See what I mean about the anger?

Anyway, I’ve always maintained that this blog was never meant to be a journal, nor an emo pity-party posting bulletin board; so I think for both our sakes I’ll stop now.

To lift the spirits of myself and everyone who just read this unfortunate post, here’s a clip of perhaps my favorite scene in the classic of Farley cinema, Tommy Boy:

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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