Azn Badger's Blog

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Dream Project: Jackie Chan’s “Time Belt”

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I spent this afternoon pounding out an idea for a Jackie Chan “dream project” with my buddy Mencius.

It all started when I asked my buddy:

“If you had Jackie Chan in his physical prime, what movie would you put him in?”

Surprisingly, my answer to this question was rather straightforward and simple, being that of Armour of God III or something like it.

To be honest, I’d still like to see a 3rd Armour of God, as I’ve always felt it could be a good “farewell” movie for Jackie.

Getting back to the matter at hand, my buddy Mencius had something a little more off the wall in mind, something more unique; at least when it comes to Jackie Chan movies.

Mencius’ idea was that of a time travel adventure film where Jackie, playing a kung fu expert/dopey non-hero that accidentally finds himself hurtling through exotic time periods and locales.

Okay maybe the plot isn't totally unique. But The Myth sucked, so it doesn't count.

While I was initially turned off by the idea, largely due to it’s lack of a concrete source of conflict, I found myself revisiting the idea throughout the day, constantly feeding Mencius ideas that I thought could make for a fun movie.

The first idea I felt needed to come into play, was that of a group of villains chasing Jackie through time.

Basically, Jackie is like a janitor in some time travel laboratory, and then a bunch of thieves break in trying to steal the time travel gear; whereupon Jackie accidentally activates the device and gets lost in time.

Using a device with extremely limited time travel capability, the bad guys chase Jackie through time, showing up for action beats throughout Jackie’s adventures.

Mencius and I didn’t really get around to finalizing anything¬†for this idea, but at the end of the day we came up with at least 2 locations the film would visit, namely ancient China, and Victorian England.

Naturally, Jackie would run afoul of plenty of thugs and bad guys in these places, leading to much brawling, yelling of “I don’t want any trouble!”, and weaponization of household items.

In my mind, given that this in fact a “dream” project, and can really include as many stars (in their physical primes) as I’d like, the cast of the movie would be fucking epic.

Imagine this:

Jackie goes back in time to old timey China.

He meets Wong Fei Hung, played by Jet Li.

They fight, and it most certainly doesn’t suck like in The Forbidden Kingdom.

Somewhere along the line, Jackie meets a rotund butcher played by Sammo Hung, and his fiery cohort, played by Yuen Biao.

Pictured: Comedy and Action, GOLD.

Naturally, they all become buddies.

At the end of it all, Jackie, Sammo, Yuen and Jet Li all join forces to take on the local Axe Gang, every member of which is played by a notable Hong Kong villain actor.

Imagine a crowd fight with these 4 taking on the likes of Dick Wei, Billy Chow, Ken Lo, Chin Siu Ho, Fan Siu Wong, Wu Jing, Xing Yu and Al FUCKING Leong, all at the same fuckin’ time.

Hell, I'd pay money JUST to see Jackie take on Al Leong...

Now imagine Jackie, Yuen and Sammo travel to Victorian England, only to be immediately accosted by a thuggish Jason Statham.

After escaping The Transporter, the trio run afoul of the local authorities, the leader of which happens to be Darren Shahlavi AKA Twister:

Now imagine the rest of the movie includes fights with the pursuing bad guys played by the likes of Scott Adkins, Cyril Raffaelli, Marko Zaror, Benny Urquidez, and Brad Allan with DONNIE FUCKING YEN serving as the “final boss.”

Tell me, would this not be the coolest movie ever!?

Anyway, in tribute to the classic Channel 101 show of the same name, I feel it’s only appropriate that this “dream project” be titled:

Jackie Chan’s “Time Belt”

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Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Channel 101: The Comic

Alrighty folks, I’m still kind at a loss for decent articles/posts for the blog at the moment, so today is more of an announcement than a proper post.

That being said, in my opinion it’s a supremely awesome announcement; so hopefully that’ll make it worth it for everyone (myself included).

Anyway, to those who are unaware, the Channel 101 of the title of this post refers to a stupendous website that hosts 5 minute internet shows.

My buddy Mencius introduced it to me way back in high school, and I found it to be a truly awesome concept.

Basically, the shows hosted at Channel 101 consist of 5 minute shows that are submitted by filmmakers throughout the country.

Anyone can submit an entry, and every month the submissions are shown at a live screening event in Los Angeles, with the live audience ultimately voting for the top 5 best shows.

After the screening, the top 5 shows of the month are hosted on the website, as well as a select few of the “failed pilots”.

The prize awarded to the film crews that make it into the top 5 is the right to continue their show and submit a 2nd episode!

If said show is truly a work of art from month to month, this process can continue indefinitely; though many directors choose to “self-terminate” by making a finale episode over the 5 minute limit.

Anyway, most of the fun with Channel 101 springs from the fact that most of the really good shows are produced by a select few individuals.

While most of them might not be celebrities in the mainstream sense, after you’ve watched them every month for so many years; they start to feel like big-time movie stars in their own little universe.

Anyway, after much bitching and moaning about how I haven’t drawn in so long, and really want to make a comic; today Mencius and I came up with an idea for a comic book that not only sounds do-able, it’s simply too awesome not to do.

Said comic would consist of a cast made up of Channel 101 (and a few 102) regulars, AS PRO-WRESTLERS.

The Dream Match: Mike Mccafferty vs. Dan Harmon

I know it makes no fucking sense, but to me; it sound fucking GENIUS.

Many of the Channel 101 actors have a “method” to their acting, and as such; I found it was a pretty simple affair in applying the sum of their stage personalities to the heel/face dynamic of pro-wrestling.

As mentioned earlier, Mencius is the real Channel 101 jedi; I’m just the padowan learner.

In that sense, I’ll probably end up relying on him to serve as a “technical advisor” in regards to the Channel 101-isms, while drawing from my impressive breadth of pr0-wrestling knowledge for the rest of it.

I don’t know when I’ll get started on this, but unlike virtually every project I’ve announced on this blog; I’ve got a feeling I might actually get around to doing this one.

Wish me luck!

Filed under: Comics, Movies, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“You Betrayed Shiva!”

I don’t know why, but for some reason I’ve been in a very Spielberg/Lucas-y mood for the past week or so.

For those that don’t get the quote/reference featured on the card, I direct you to this amusing waste of time.

I’m pretty sure it all started last weekend when my buddy Mencius was kind enough to show me the Red Letter Media critique/analysis of Star Wars Episode III.

For those that haven’t seen the video, it’s serves as both an insightful and hilarious look at Episode III, as well as the nature of the entire Star Wars film franchise.

Truth be told, the way the whole thing was structured, it actually kind of reminded me of the writing style I use for posts on this blog.

Y’know, tidbits of information/humor, separated by irreverent and/or stupid images and captions.

Kind of like this.

Anyway, that’s my explanation for all the Harrison Ford/Indiana Jones references as of late.

Seeing as Lucas-ian products serve as a near bottomless treasure trove for retarded (and amusing) quotes and references, I wouldn’t be surprised if this keeps up for some time.

Hey, it’s not my fault I’ve got nothing to write about, not a whole is happening in my particular corner of the woods of dorkiness.

And no, I don’t give a shit that Johnny Storm/The Human Torch of The Fantastic Four died last week.

Johnny Storm, showing us just why he had to die.

I’ve never been a fan of The Fantastic Four, and while I find it interesting that the one member of the team that I had any appreciation for is the one Marvel decided to kill off; I don’t see myself ever owning or reading a Fantastic Four book in a good long while.

Anyway, here’s hoping I find something to write about soon, otherwise I’m just gonna’ keep making Magic cards until I’ve got a whole fuckin’ deck of ’em…

Filed under: Comics, Games, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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