Before the dust settles on the epic event that was the unveiling of the Azn Badger’s list of the Top 25 NES Tracks, I feel it’s my duty to take a moment to discuss some of the tracks that almost made it on the list.
Yes, ladies and gentleman, today we’re going to be talking about the:
“Top 10 Runner-Ups of The Azn Badger’s Top 25 NES Tracks.”
Epic fucking title, am I right?
Anyway, hopefully the following ruminations will help shed some light on my process for selecting the tracks for this list, as well as hopefully uncover a few hidden gems for the less game music savvy among us.
That being said, let’s get to it!:
#10. Zanac
“Stage 1”
Zanac is a vertical scrolling shoot ’em up that I received as a gift in my pre-teen years.
You see, despite the Playstation and Nintendo 64 already having risen to prominence by this time, my father; good intentioned thrift store shopper that he is, saw fit to give me NES games up until around my 13th birthday, when I’m pretty sure he gave up giving me gifts altogether.
Pictured: Birthday's at the Azn Badger's house...
While this was admittedly kind of strange, looking back I think it helped me to better appreciate the older generation of games, not to mention my dad’s yearly efforts to go out and get me something unique and different every birthday.
Thanks dad, for, uh, bein’ my dad, and filling my room with goofy outdated shit that only you and I can appreciate.
Dad's most recent random gift: A VHS-C camcorder!
Anyway, Zanac is a game I know nothing about, other than the fact that I played it a lot during middle school.
It’s reminiscent of Space Megaforce on the Super NES, with sharp graphics and a surprisingly action-packed experience despite the limitations of the NES hardware.
Anyway, the details of Zanac are a mystery to me, but it was tons of fun and “Stage 1” had awesome music that was this close to making the lower-tier of the Top 25.
#9. R.B.I. Baseball
“Game Music 1”
*TUNE TO :23 FOR THE PART OF THE MUSIC THAT MADE THE LIST*
A neighbor of ours owned the Tengen “black cart” version of the game (my dad also gifted it to me at some point…) and most of my memories of the first 5 or 6 years of my life involve watching my brother play it.
In fact, despite being able to play it at our neighbor’s house basically whenever he wanted, I can actually recall several instances where my brother went out and rented it.
Let it be known boys and girls, my brother loves him some baseball.
A logical hobby for him given that he fuckin' IS baseball.
I never really played R.B.I. Baseball.
To be honest, I’ve never really played any baseball videogames besides the occasional game of Base Wars or Super Baseball 2020.
Boobies, Robots and Baseball: FUCK YEAH.
Something about robots playing baseball just tickles my fancy…
While in many ways superior to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Arcade Game, Turtles III was the unfortunate victim of being released around the time most of us were just starting to jump platforms to the, at the time; brand spankin’ new Super NES.
"Bummer dudes! Your game came out 2 years too late!"
Like I said though, it’s a great game, actually better than #2, it just didn’t get enough exposure is all.
Anyway, the reasoning behind the selection of this track for the Runner-Ups being silly, is the fact that it’s only on here because it’s the original version of “Super Shredder’s Theme,” which would go on to be remixed for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time.
2nd Best Beat 'Em Up EVER.
“Super Shredder’s Theme” from the Super NES version of Turtles in Time is HANDS DOWN one of my favorite boss themes of all time, making the original 8-bit version, while in fact vastly inferior; still pretty fuckin’ good.
Here’s the Turtles in Time version for reference:
Anyway, it’s not deserving of a spot on the Top 25, but it laid the ground work for what would become one of my favorite pieces of game music EVER, and as such such it gets a nod in the form of a spot among the Runner-Ups.
I didn’t find out about the old comic series, or Winsor McKay until sometime in middle school, but regardless; that was a great fucking movie.
The world was colorful and inviting, the songs were pretty decent, and Nightmare Land and all of it’s denizens were suitably creepy and stunningly well-imagined to boot.
Jesus fuck this guy was awesome...
Because of my love for the movie, naturally I went out and rented the game at some point.
While the game was not nearly the work of genius that the movie was, it was a pretty solid platformer nonetheless.
The monster costume gimmick was cutesy and fun, and the scepter was very much a thinly veiled Mega Buster, but the thing I remember most; was the music!
The music was, like the movie, whimsical and grand in scale to an extent that few NES games aspired to, let alone movie tie-in platformers.
While the Nightmare world theme and the Final Boss themes were pretty fuckin’ spankin’, like most memorable game tracks, the best piece was from the first stage, the “Mushroom Forest.”
Don’t be surprised if you see a Let’s Play of Little Nemo posted here someday…
Wow! This post ended up being a whole helluva’ lot more involved than I was expecting it to!
That being said, I’ve decided to split it in half, so tune in tomorrow for the Top 5 Runner-Ups, as well as the ultimate, absolute and final post in the Top 25 NES Tracks series!
Well folks, it’s been a long time coming, but the Azn Badger has finally redeemed himself.
Ladies and gentleman, after weeks of diligent Rocky IV-esque caveman training, the Azn Badger has finally beasted the ever-loving fuck out of Robocop on the NES.
Not that the final boss fight takes 10 minutes to complete, but you know what I mean…
Anyway, despite suffering a humiliating defeat at the hands of a REDED-209, (10 times as dangerous as the normal one!) prepared to wowed as the Azn Badger claims his revenge in form of a quick and brutal pwn-session!:
Introduced to me by my cousin from Hawaii, it was the first manga I ever read, and consequently; one of the most influential in regards to my personal creativity.
To this day, I still find myself saying:
“Oh, it’s kind of like Guyver, but…”
Anyway, as well know, anime and manga we’re very much en vogue among the videophiles of the late 80’s and early 90’s, resulting in several fringe production companies making a mad dash to dub/subtitle that shit and bring it over to the states.
To the delight of men like this...
By 1991, sufficient interest in the anime/manga subcategory of entertainment had bloomed in the states, to the point that New Line Cinema actually produced a live-action adaptation of Bio-Booster Armor Guyver, called The Guyver.
Note: Luke Skywalker isn't The Guyver in this movie.
Well, as much as I was excited for this one as a kid, it pretty much took everything awesome about Guyver, and shit all over it.
Sure, the monster costumes were brilliantly designed for the time, and the soundtrack was actually kind of pimpin’ in a heavily electronic and embarassingly 90’s sort of way, but outside of all that; the movie took my heart and threw it in a blender.
Yup, pretty much...
My guess is, somebody over at New Line took a look at the success that they had with the previous year’s live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film, (a legitimately good movie) and figured that another movie with guys running around in rubber monster costumes would be a recipe for success.
Sadly, it was:
Flash forward 3 years to 1994, and New Line decides to put out a direct-to-video sequel to their giant pile of Guyver ass-rape.
Now, while Guyver 2: Dark Hero is just about on par with it’s predecessor in terms of shitty screenplays and equally shitty acting, the one thing it got right, was the action.
Oh yeah, and casting David Hayter AKA the English voice of Solid Snake, as the main character:
It's true, it's true...
Directed by Steve Wang, a former director of Power Rangers episodes, the under-appreciated American action movie masterpiece, Drive, and a heavy proponent of martial arts in movies, Guyver 2 was a bloody and extravagant fighting fiesta.
That is, when it wasn’t too busy being overly-talkie and a half an hour too long…
Anyway, despite the fast-paced martial arts fighting of the movie being somewhat contrary to the more samurai/chanbara-esque “one shot, one kill” fighting style of the Guyver manga and anime, this was one case where I appreciated the divergence from the source material.
Enough nerd masturbation, let’s get down to the #3 Best Overkill in Movies:
SKIP TO 2:35 FOR OVERKILL-ERY
Okay, so this particular overkill begins a few minutes into a rematch between the Guyver and some porcupine/rhino lookin’ Zoanoid (monster) that for whatever reason sounds like a cross between a cow and a kitty.
Heh heh, kitty...
Good job sound editor, really took the most logical course of action on that one…
Anyway, the Kitty Zoanoid starts off the fight by rushing the Guyver, only to be flat-out juked like a bitch as his intended target vaults over his head.
Despite this, Kitty responds quickly enough to turn around and get off the first punch, only to have it parried and followed-up with a 3-kick combination topped off by a savage boot to the top of the head.
Said savage kick to the head is immediately followed up by…
What do you think?
Several more rapid-fire boots to the face:
Well, I guess he almost blocked that one...
Finally, after what had to have been 8-9 unanswered boots to the brain, Kitty finally works up the nerve to actually try to avoid one of the innumerably strikes being directed at his decidedly un-pretty face.
*WHIFF!*: The sound of FAIL.
Immediately after having succeeded in making the Guyver look like a chump by making him miss, Kitty capitalizes on the opportunity presented to him by reaching down and SWEEPING THE LEG!
Finally back in the fight, Kitty follows this up by promptly stomping on the Guyver’s chest and doing what he can to stop the poor fucker’s heart function.
A "smell my foot" session gone horribly awry.
With Kitty’s foot positioned squarely on his chest, Guyver reaches up and curls back the Zoanoid’s toes, then wrenches the fucker’s ankle so hard that he flips onto his side like a really lame-ass dreidel.
Once again, TOES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BEND THAT WAY.
Just before Guyver can hop to his feet, Kitty decides to repay his ass for all the kicks to the face with a big boot of his own.
(Insert metallic *thunk* noise here)
Now officially on his way to mounting a Rocky-esque comeback, (Rocky IV, not II…) Kitty scrambles to his feet and grabs hold of Guyver and chucks that fucker into the nearest wooden surface ala Steven Seagal.
"Next up on the Sci-Fi Channel: Guyver Pole-Dancing!"
As if that wasn’t savage enough, Kitty hulks-out and goes ape-shit on Guyver, busting out a 4 punch combo that would make Sylvester Stallone proud.
Not only that, but things start to look bleak for our hero as Kitty finishes off his savage-as-fuck haymaker combo with a quite possibly the most devastating, Bradshaw-esque Clothesline From Hell in the history of hellish clotheslines:
Note: That is in fact a tree his spine is "crunching" against in that last frame.
Despite the epic savagery of Kitty’s hellacious clothesline, Guyver recovers from it in about, oh, a millisecond.
Seriously, he gets up, Kitty mounts a leaping attack, and then we’re back to square one as Guyver kicks Kitty out of the air and pretty much across the whole fuckin’ forest.
Seriously, does it always have to be fuckin' kicks!?
Once again firmly in command of the action, Guyver follows this up with a Rock Bottom and a People’s Elbow, and then goes for the kill with a Sharpshooter.
Nah, just kidding.
He lays into the poor Kitty with another barrage of kicks to the face, punctuated by one particularly savage, and slow-motion inside spin-kick to the spine.
Now, by martial arts movie standards, that kick would probably prove sufficient as a finishing blow, but c’mon, this is the Guyver we’re talkin’ about!
No dipshit, not THAT Gyver...
THIS Guyver!
That being said, after a brief moment where we cut away from this SUPER-AWESOME FIGHT in order to get back to the UBER-GHEY plot, we finally get to the #3 Best Overkill in Movies.
Things start out fairly pedestrian as the Guyver runs Kitty backwards into a nearby tree, (sadly, there was no furniture in the immediate surroundings) thusly causing him to toss his cookies all over our hero’s shoulder.
"Goddamnit Kitty! Not on the first date!"
In response to Kitty’s decidedly uncouth display of drunken douchebaggery, Guyver promptly extends his High-Frequency Swords AKA Elbow Blades, and jabs them into the bad Kitty’s bad Kitty flanks.
BAD KITTY!
As if that wasn’t bad enough for poor Kitty, Guyver decides to slash him across his belly a few times, you know, just for kicks.
Despite his guts very likely starting to fall out of his midsection, Kitty somehow continues to put up some resistance, offering up his hands to the Guyver to lock up for a pro-wrestling style, well, lock up.
"Kitty's battlin' back!"
Unfortunately, this tactic proves to be utterly foolish, as the Guyver easily overpowers him and does what everyone in these overkills seems to do with people’s joints I.E. bending them the WRONG way.
I feel it best to consult the immortal paragon of ACTING TALENT, Eric Roberts; for a dramatic re-enactment of Kitty’s reaction to the above sequence:
ACTING.
With Kitty now suffering about 4 different abdominal lacerations, and a pair of broken to shit hands, Guyver decides to make use of some of one of the more obscure weapons in his arsenal, his Head Beam.
Ip Man was of course the heavily fictionalized biographical account of the Wing Chungrandmaster of the same name.
Goofy lookin' little guy, isn't he?
Taking place in the martial arts hotspot of 1930’s Foshan, the film follows Donnie Yen’s Ip Man as he clashes with rival martial artists, and eventually comes to odds with the Japanese occupying forces.
By "comes to odds with," I mean, "beats the piss out of."
The film had an all-star cast including the likes of Donnie Yen, Simon Yam, Fan Siu Wong, and up-and-comer Xing Yu.
In all, it was a truly great martial arts film, with intrinsic themes like pride and nationalism figuring heavily into the crowd pleasing nature of the story.
Plot Summary:
Ip Man 2 takes place in 1950, some years after the closing events of the previous film.
The story opens with Ip Man, having recently moved to Hong Kong with his family, desperately trying to eke out a living by teaching Wing Chun on a rooftop garden.
Despite posting flyers all over the neighborhood, Master Ip’s school remains empty for some time, to the point in which he can’t even pay his apartment rent.
As fate would have it though, one day an energetic young man named Wong Shun Leung (Huang Xiao Ming) approaches Ip Man and challenges him to a fight, seemingly for no other reason than to satisfy his own machismo.
BORING.
Master Ip handily defeats Leung, eventually converting the would be challenger, to a trusted and loyal pupil.
With Leung’s help, Ip Man’s Wing Chun begins to gain ground in Hong Kong, with many new students showing up every day.
That's right, bow before he wrecks your shit.
Even so, times are tough for Master Ip and his students, as money is scarce, and many of the pupils are unable to pay their dues from week to week.
Despite this, Leung’s fiery nature gets him into trouble with the local Hung Gar school, resulting in Master Ip having to step in and settle things for him.
With his fists.
Upon meeting the Hung Gar master, Hung Jan Nam, (Sammo Hung) Ip Man is told that the local martial arts union won’t allow his school to remain open unless he agrees participate in an old fashioned martial arts challenge.
Master Ip agrees to the challenge, and manages to pass it.
With his fists.
At some point we are made aware that Hung Jan Nam serves as an ambassador of sorts between the martial arts union and the British officials based in Hong Kong.
The British ask Hung to organize a venue and event for a boxing match involving their champion, Taylor “The Twister” Miller (Darren Shahlavi).
The biggest meathead the world's ever seen...
Throughout their dealings however, the British treat Hung, and in fact, all of the Chinese, as secondary citizens, often refusing to pay them or simply not speak with them.
Despite this disrespect, Hung agrees to continue working with the English, as many people’s lives depend on him for income and job security.
The boxing event goes as planned, however at one point, Twister steps into the ring during a Chinese demonstration of martial arts forms, and starts to beat and humiliate the performers.
With his fists.
This of course leads to Master Hung and Master Ip battling Twister in the name of Chinese pride.
Merry mishaps ensue. Roll credits.
The end.
Acting:
As with the first film, Ip Man 2 casts Donnie Yen as it’s main character among an ensemble cast.
While Yen’s acting performance doesn’t really occupy that much of the film’s running time, it really doesn’t need to, as it serves to bolster one of the film’s central themes, namely that of unity.
As in Ip Man 1, Donnie Yen’s performance is calm and reserved for the most part.
In the first film, Ip Man was characterized as being a somewhat eccentric character, an outsider in the eyes of most of his more overbearing peers.
This aspect of Donnie Yen’s performance carries over very nicely from the first film, as the calmness in his performance seems even more genuine given the more energetic atmosphere of the film.
Okay, maybe "genuine" wasn't the right word...
While by no means an amazing performance, Yen does well enough to portray the character as the pillar of strength and certainty that the script demands.
I’ve said it before, I’ll probably say it until the day I die, Donnie Yen is not a good actor.
He’s at his best when he has something to hit.
With his fists.
Pallets work pretty good too I guess...
Sammo Hung’s portrayal of Hung Jan Nam is probably the strongest performance in the film.
Even from a purely visual standpoint, the character is bold and striking, with a very distinct wardrobe, a flashy streak of gray going through his slicked back hair, and a physical presence like no other.
Hah, fat baby...
In dialogue with Donnie Yen and other actors, Hung exudes a strength and forcefulness that suit his character perfectly.
Hung Jan Nam is supposed to be an overbearing, “my way or the highway” sort of character, and Sammo Hung captures this beautifully.
From the perpetually accusatory tone of his voice, to the way his eyebrows go nuts every time he opens his mouth, Sammo Hungs performance is wholly complete and, sadly, painfully outclasses Donnie Yen’s limited acting ability.
ACTING.
Huang Xiao Ming’s portrayal of Wong Shun Leung is comparable to his fighting ability.
He does alright, given that he lacks experience, but there’s nothing really there that sets him apart from any of the other popstars turned actors.
I'm lookin' at YOU Nicholas Tse...
Despite this, given the sharpness to his features, and the cocky sense of youthfulness that he exudes, it’s hard to say he wasn’t well cast.
For the most part, he does well, however the role is very small, with only the most basic of “kung fu asshole” lines in the script associated with it.
The point is, he didn’t really leave an impression.
Kind of like this sack of fuck.
Xiong Dai Lin as Ip Man’s wife, is sadly much less of an element of this film as in Ip Man 1.
In the first film, she was Ip Man’s rock, she was his foundation.
In the early scenes she sort of wore the pants in their relationship, an attitude she was able to portray exceedingly well with her physical stature and rigid body language.
Pants are overrated.
In the latter scenes we got to see the 2 of them suffer together under the tyranny of the Japanese, which she also was able to convincingly.
While she wasn’t at all a major element in Ip Man 1, she felt present for most of the important events in the story.
In the sequel she’s just pregnant scenery.
I wouldn't mind wallpaper that looked like this...
It should be said, that despite having very limited roles, Kent Cheng, Fan Siu Wong, and Simon Yam, all do exceedingly well with what they’re given to work with.
While Kent Cheng and Simon Yam basically play the same cool guys they’ve been playing for years, Fan Siu Wong surprised me yet again with his performance.
The only other movie I’ve seen Wong in was Riki Oh, and while that was fun, it did little to convince me that he had any sort of talent, physical or otherwise.
Then I saw him in Ip Man, as the Northerner Jin Shan Zao, and I was blown away!
Not only could the guy still fight, but his acting was animated and engaging.
In Ip Man 2, Wong is sadly only in a few scenes, none of which contain any fighting, however he leaves an impression with his bold manner of speaking and his wildly expressive face.
Now THAT'S a fuckin' MAN FACE!
One thing worth noting in Ip Man 2, is that the performances for the British characters are downright terrible.
From what I’ve gathered by watching a shit ton of Japanese and Chinese movies over the years, my guess is that actors that speak in English in these films are asked to speak slower than normal so as to allow the theater audience to better understand them or read the subtitles on screen.
Even so, most of the Brits in Ip Man 2, sound both childish and SLOW.
Darren Shahlavi’s acting performance as the villain of the film, Twister, is both embarassing and confusing to watch.
The man seemingly can only speak at one volume, namely shouting at the top of his lungs.
There are times when his character is supposed to be adopting a condescending tone wherein he sounds more like he’s about to cry or throw a tantrum.
Oh yeah, and his resemblance to Hugo Weaving is downright cosmic.
It makes me laugh because the examples pics are horrible, and both guys have the opposite expressions.
In all, pretty much all of the Brits in Ip Man 2 don’t so much as give performances, as they do fulfill every conceivable ugly stereotype of the “foreign white devil.”
Action:
*WARNING, SPOILERS MAY EXIST AHEAD!*
As with the previous film, Ip Man 2 is packed to the hilt with fight scenes of the highest quality.
Unlike the first film however, which took on a darker and more violent tone in it’s second half, thereby causing the choreography to follow suit by making the violence seem more severe, Ip Man 2 remains consistently more vibrant and energetic throughout.
Color Correction: It makes a difference.
In fact, I would feel comfortable in saying that the fight sequences in Ip Man 2 are, in general; better than in the first film.
Much like in the first film, the fights gradually ascend in quality and dramatic relevance as the film progresses.
The first fight in the film, a friendly sparring session between Donnie Yen and Huang Xiao Ming, closely mirrors that of the the opening spar between Ip Man and Chen Zhi Hui’s Master Liao from the first movie.
So when I say "Master Liao" you have no idea who I'm talking about, but when I say "That one guy that got slapped in the throat a shit ton of times" you instantly know? WTF...
Except that the sparring in Ip Man 2 is much faster paced and aggressive in nature.
From the very first fight in Ip Man 2, one can tell that, cinematographically; the choreography is going to be very different from in the first film.
The first Ip Man had a very traditional, “golden age of Hong Kong cinema” kind of style to it.
An example of the differences in cinematography.
Most every fight in the film made liberal use of full body establishing shots and sweeping pans to give a sense of reality and depth to the performances and intensify the drama respectively.
It was straightforward, clean, and every movement was distinct and easy to identify.
Ip Man 2 changes things up quite a bit by stepping up the energy level a few notches and introducing some elements of gimmickry into the mix.
GIMMICKRY.
By “gimmickry” I’m not referring to wires, as those were used to great effect in both films, but rather the use of tighter, and more selective camera angles that typically emphasize specific focal points in the action as opposed to the entire bodies of the combatants.
As a result, many of the fights consist close-up shots of limbs, or chest-up shots that feel a little claustrophobic at times.
The trade-off though, is that most of the fights consist of less posturing, and more balls-out, arms length exchanges.
DREAM COME-FUCKING TRUE.
This is not a bad thing, however it does make for fights where quick cuts are evident, and educated eyes are sometimes required to follow the choreography from punch to punch.
Speaking of punching, the blindingly fast handwork that was used to such stupendous effect in the first film is back and better than ever.
Honestly, to count the number of times Donnie Yen busts out protracted flurries of buzzsaw punches on people in this movie would be like trying to count grains of sand on the beach.
Better pack your sleeping bag kiddo...
Despite this, because of the faster and more elaborate choreography, these flurries seem much more organic, legitimately seeming like part of a larger combination of motions as opposed to a show-stopping finishing move.
In general, the choreography seems to favor motion and activity over individual, flashier strikes.
Example.
It is impressive to note that Huang Xiao Ming, despite being a popstar with virtually no martial arts background, manages to hold his own under the demands of the choreography.
That’s not to say he’s an action star in the making, but among the likes of other fighting popstars like Nicholas Tse, Jay Chou, and Shawn Yue, he did alright.
Despite my praise, Huang exhibits a stiffness that is somewhat unsettling.
Honestly, the man holds his hands up like he’s never done it before, in a mirror or otherwise.
Sammo... How could you let the kid look like such a feeb?
On top of that, his trunk displays little movement, leaving his arms to do all the work for him, causing most of his strikes to seem “hollow” and lacking in power and intent.
He also tends to plant his feet in such a way that it reeks of him being afraid to move and mess up the framing for the cinematographer.
He also seems as times to be trying so hard to remember the steps to the choreography, that he forgets to use his facial expressions to heighten the drama.
He also smells bad.
Nah, I’m just kidding about that last part, I’m sure he smells fine.
Point is, for an untrained screen-fighter, he does just about as well as can be expected, even going so far as to be somewhat impressive during his one-on-one with the Hung Gar student called Kei.
FEEB FIGHT!!!!
Donnie Yen’s fighting performance in Ip Man 2 is nothing short of spectacular.
In the first film, Donnie Yen seemed, in my opinion, to be somewhat uncomfortable with Wing Chun.
I said before, in my EPIC Tribute to Donnie Yen, that Wing Chun uses motions and principles that are contrary to nearly all of Donnie Yen’s previous performances, and in Ip Man 1, this fact was somewhat apparent.
In Ip Man 1, Mr. Yen seemed stiff at times, with some of his blocks and parries coming across as too rigid, and somewhat robotic.
Not only that, but after watching Ip Man 2, his fast hands just plain didn’t seem as fast.
Aw man, that is SO fuckin' slow...
In Ip Man 2, Donnie Yen’s performance is much more fluid and organic, with his repertoire being somewhat bolstered, as necessitated by the faster-paced choreography, and his fast punches coming out in a much more visually impressive circular loop as opposed to the straight punches from the first film.
You can't really see it, but trust me, it's awesome.
Much like in the earlier fights in Ip Man 1, Yen’s movements seem somewhat lax during the first few fights in the film, only to gradually build in momentum until he reaches peak form at the end.
Despite the inherent spectacle involved in watching Donnie Yen fighting 20 men at once in the first half hour of the film, I found his fighting to be in much better form in some of the latter scenes.
The centerpiece of the film is a series of one on one bouts between Donnie Yen, and 3 masters of various martial disciplines, with the last being Sammo Hung.
In addition to this, the fights take place atop a convincingly rickety dinner table surrounded by upturned chairs.
The first of these masters, we’ll call him “Blinks,” utilizes what looks to be some sort of Mantis Style kung fu variant.
His strikes are wild and employ the full force of his body via fancy kicks and aerial maneuvers.
The choreography here is a bit choppy, as Blinks’ movements are a little uncoordinated and not all that convincing when he’s on the wires.
YOU FOOL! How could you let Uncle Cheng back on the wire rig so shortly after his surgery!?
Even so, the fight is bolstered by the use of the table as a prop, as well as a pretty solid piece of music by composer Kenji Kawai backing it.
It should be noted that the soundtrack for Ip Man 2 is spectacular, and really served to dignify the movie despite it’s somewhat silly last half.
Pictured: The silly last half.
The second fight in the table scene is between Donnie Yen and a master that employs what appeared to be some form of Baguazhang.
"Walking the circle"
This particular master’s movements were slicker and more tactile than Blinks’, resulting in a fight conducted at a somewhat slower pace, but with better defined movements.
A highlight of this fight is watching the Bagua fighter show off his limberness and float in and out of stances with an almost otherworldly grace.
"And then, without warning, Uncle decided to up and take a shit, right there on the dinner table..."
Again, the music is great during this scene.
Despite their limited fighting presence in the film, both Blinks and the Bagua fighter come across as extremely animated and well-defined characters that were fun to watch.
“Haha, Sammo Hung gets the big drum.”
That’s what I said the first time Mr. Hung’s music cue sounded and he appeared on screen.
Rest assured, his fighting performance in Ip Man 2 is certainly worthy of the big drum.
Sammo Hung’s first fight is a brief but masterfully choreographed battle with Donnie Yen at the end of the table sequence.
The fight is meant to portray the 2 as being evenly matched, and as such there is no real contact throughout.
Well, aside from maybe this.
The sequence is a prime example of one of my favorite elements of Hong Kong style choreography, namely the complex and fast-paced sparring and handwork.
Nearly every strike launched in this sequence is parried in some way, resulting in intense exchanges within arms reach for nearly entire duration of the fight.
During this sequence, the difference in style between Hung Gar and Wing Chun is evident pretty much from the first punch.
Pictured: The first punch.
Sammo’s strikes are wider, more circular, and ultimately more form based than the relatively straightforward nature of Donnie’s Wing Chun.
In addition to this, Sammo also assumes a number of stances throughout the fight, most notably a horse stance towards the end.
The whole sequence is a delight to watch, with an intense music score, and a balls-out, almost Dragonball Z-esque finale that had me giggling like a 5 year old.
Pictured: The Finale.
The fights in the last half of the movie deal exclusively with Darren Shahlavi’s boxer character fighting against Sammo Hung and Donnie Yen, in that order.
Shahlavi’s performance, as a boxer, is not the best I’ve ever seen.
The man has a pretty good resume for fighting roles in movies, especially in the 90’s, however the only one I know of that cast him as a boxer, was I Spy, which had him facing off against Eddie Murphy.
What, you thought I was fuckin' with you?
The fights in I Spy were a joke.
Sadly, the film was not.
As a boxer in Ip Man 2, Darren Shahlavi’s movements are a little bit off.
His footwork is atrocious, in the sense that he doesn’t really have any.
More importantly though, I think the real problem isn’t any fault of Shahlavi’s, but rather that of Sammo Hung, the choreographer.
Hong Kong style choreography has a look to it, a method to it, that just doesn’t represent boxing very well at all.
It emphasizes wide and showy motions for the sake of making the movements more visible and theatrical, while boxing does exactly the opposite.
Unless of course you're Sakio Bika.
Fast and compact strikes, devoid of wasted motion are the objective in boxing, and as such, it doesn’t translate to choreography very well, Chinese or otherwise.
Not only that, but the parrying and blocking that I love so much in Chinese choreography, is something you just plain don’t see in boxing.
*Sigh* Unless of course you're Winky Wright...
Slipping and ducking are the more common methods of defense in boxing, as opposed to letting your opponent manipulate and displace your hands AKA your only weapons.
Despite his fighting not really having any boxing science to it, Shahlavi’s brawling and overall presence is actually quite impressive.
I felt Shahlavi’s first fight in the film, against Sammo Hung, was actually the better exposition of his skills as a performer.
C-C-C-COUNTER!!!!
The fight is shot in such a way as to spotlight Sammo, however Shahlavi makes a decent impression.
His fighting has a wild intensity to it that’s mostly foreign to Hong Kong movies.
His movements are aggressive and pressuring, with a shit ton of scowling, flexing and grunting thrown in for good measure.
Oh no, he's totally not flexing. Not at all...
His fight with Sammo works, not only because the fighting is good, but mostly because of the drama of the situation.
The idea is that, Sammo does well in the beginning due to his skills, however the inherent physicality of his opponent eventually begins to weigh down on him.
The fight is melodramatic as fuck, but manages to work on a purely visceral level.
Ah wrestling, I can make references to it from just about anything.
The final battle in the film is, of course, a grudge match between Donnie Yen and Darren Shahlavi.
The whole thing is a bloody and melodramatic rollercoaster that leaves you hating the British and loving the fuck out of the Chinese.
Pictured: Why I hate the British.
It’s great fun.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciated it to see Donnie Yen get his face punched in for a change.
Some screen fighters have a tendency to not take hits with as much zeal as they probably should.
This is typically evident amongst “baby face” screen fighters that rarely, if ever, play villainous roles.
This would include the likes of Jet Li, Steven Seagal, and in rare cases, Donnie Yen.
You see that little cut on his forehead? That's the only fuckin' hit he took in this entire epic fuckin' fight!
Ip Man 1 and 2 represented some of the rare instances in which Mr. Yen didn’t really take hits all that well.
Actually, the real problem was the fact that he never really got hit in both movies.
Do you know how many times Hiroyuki Ikeuchi hit Donnie Yen during the end fight in Ip Man 1?
3 times.
*Gasp!* He's got a bloody lip!
Well, thank God for the end of Ip Man 2, ’cause I tell yah’, Mr. Yen takes a whuppin’.
Unfortunately, he doesn’t take his licks half as good as Sammo Hung.
Then again, nobody does, except for maybe Mick Foley.
Mick Foley on the average Tuesday.
The end fight in Ip Man 2 has a very comfortable sense of ebb and flow to it.
Unlike in Undisputed 3, (see review here) where the final fight felt like it adopted the pace it did because it was convenient to do so, Ip Man 2’s fight seems to have been carried out the way it was because it made sense to.
The whole idea behind the fight, I think, is that the physicality of Shahlavi is a constant advantage, while the technical and innovative skills of Donnie Yen’s Ip Man are supposed to be a brief counter to it.
Um, pretty sure he meant to do that. Yeah....
In other words, Ip Man is technically losing the fight throughout, however, whenever he is able to stymie Twister with new angles and techniques, he can briefly turn the tide until Twister figures him out again.
Yeah, pretty sure that's a new angle.
It’s an interesting and artful way to compose a fight that, thankfully, results in something much more than a Rocky IV-esque slugfest.
The final “comeback” sequence of the fight is beautifully edited, and yes, set to a wonderful piece of music.
I won’t spoil the details of it here, but I will say this, it may go on just a second or 2 too long, but it makes a fair amount of sense and is fucking awesome to watch, so it gets a thumbs up from me.
Seriously, if I had been in the theater for the big climax of Ip Man 2, I’d probably be yelling, “FUCK YEAH!”
Oh well, why not....
Ip Man 2 is not as good as it’s predecessor.
What begins as a traditional martial arts film, quickly devolves into a shameless rip-off of Rocky IV.
That’s not to say it’s not an enjoyable film.
I found most of the performances to be very good, and the fights were downright amazing at times.
The difference between the 2 films, is that Ip Man 1 had a great deal of heart, while it’s sequel attempts to artificially manufacture it by toying with our basest of emotions.
Even so, Chinese melodrama and nationalism has a way of pushing just the right buttons for me, and in the case of Ip Man 2, it worked.
It made me giggle in disbelief at how silly some of it’s dialogue and plot points were, but I bought into it nonetheless.
Even if it’s “heart” is fake, I appreciate that Ip Man 2 at least attempts to have some.
Boxing is just about the only professional sport I pay attention to.
That’s not to say I don’t enjoy watching sports, I simply haven’t devoted as much time to appreciating and learning the subtleties of them as I have in the case of boxing.
SUBTLETY.
The first time I can remember seeing boxing, was when I was really young, maybe 5 years old.
My parents were watching the end of Rocky III on TV, and I walked into the room (past my bedtime) thinking it was a real fight.
I remember yelling “Jesus!” every time Rocky got, um, clubbed; by Clubber Lang.
"JESUS!"
After 3-4 cries of “Jesus,” my mom ushered me out of the room and told me to go to bed, but not before telling me to say “jeez” instead of “Jesus.”
Now that I think of it, that was kind of weird.
I remember going to church every now and again as a kid, but my parents never enforced any sort of religion in the house.
Oh well, my best guess is that, at that point in my life my parents hadn’t yet decided if I was going to be raised with a religion, so they didn’t want me taking the Lord’s name in vain just in case.
To this day, I have yet to establish any religious affiliations.
Although I did spend some time in the Kamen Rider Kult for awhile... Does that count?
That awkwardness aside, Sylvester Stallone and Mr. T’s climactic brawl at the end of Rocky III served as my introduction to the sport of boxing.
That fight also ranks as one of my favorite in AMERICAN film history, so it’s gonna’ get posted below for your enjoyment:
I remember years later, during Mike Tyson’s big comeback in the mid-90’s, my brother and my dad would “watch” some of the scrambled Pay-Per-Views.
You see, this was back in the day when Pay-Per-Views came via a cable box, (which my home didn’t have until my brother started ordering WWF Pay-Per-Views) but the channels they aired on could still be accessed in “scrambled” format.
That’s right, my brother and my dad cared enough about boxing that they would plop down in front of the TV and watch a scrambled snowstorm just to get the live audio.
"Oh, LOOK at that crushing right hand from Arguello! Boy Jim, that sure LOOKED painful, didn't it!?"
It was around this time that I came to realize that boxing meant something to my family, primarily my dad.
My dad loves all sports, don’t get me wrong; but boxing has always seemed to have a special place in his heart.
When I was little, and would sometimes sit in and watch the fights with him, he’d always amaze me with his ability to predict the outcomes of fights.
I didn’t know it then, but it turns out my pop had done a bit of boxing in his youth.
Pictured: My Dad.
That’s not to say he was some retired legend of the ring or anything, but even so, he managed to do a few neat things during his time in the sport.
For instance, in his youth he competed in the Philadelphia Golden Gloves tournament, even going so far as to the reach the semi-finals.
He was eliminated by a young fighter named Willie “The Worm” Monroe, a man who would later go on to defeat middleweight legend, and easily one of my favorite fighters of all time; Marvelous Marvin Hagler.
Sum' bitch, beat mah' daddy...
Oh yeah, and get knocked the fuck out by Hagler a few years later.
Click below for vengeance by proxy:
During his time in the Vietnam War, my dad made his way over to Thailand once or twice.
While staying there, my dad was invited to participate in a friendly exhibition match with a local fighter.
Nobody told my dad who he was fighting before the match, but as it turns out, his opponent was Chartchai Chionoi.
The same Chartchai Chionoi that had been sitting on the world flyweight championship for a few years by the time my dad met him.
According to my dad, the fight really did play out as a friendly exhibition for the most part, with neither man getting hurt for the most part.
My dad always said he was just glad he on his feet the whole time and didn’t end up embarrassing himself.
He and Chartchai exchanged holiday cards every now and again for years after that.
According to my dad, Mr. Chionoi got kind of pudgy at one point, so my dad used to poke fun at him for it.
Pictured: Chartchai Chionoi in the twilight of his career.
It was my dad’s love for/knowledge of boxing that drew me into it.
I always wanted an excuse to hang out with my dad and shoot the shit, and boxing was the venue I chose to do it from.
I spent my youth listening to the little fundamental tidbits my dad would throw out during the fights, and by the time I was in high school, I felt I knew the sport pretty well.
That’s one of the major differences between boxing and other sports for me.
I get boxing.
I didn’t really pay much attention to other sports as a kid, and as a result, I don’t know them as well.
It makes a huge difference, knowing what you’re looking at, and knowing “how” to appreciate it.
Art....?
When he was in high school, my brother went to live in Kobe, Japan for a year.
During this time he took the time to join Senrima Keitoku’s boxing gym, the same trainer that would go on to train recently dethroned world bantamweight champion Hozumi Hasegawa.
In a bizarre twist of fate, Hasegawa is a Japanese boxer that is actually GOOD.
I don’t know the extent of my brother’s training in Japan, but I think he did it for the same reasons I wanted to:
To have something in common with dad, and to say that he “did it.”
These guys "did it" too.
Seeing as boxing was one of the few things I could really relate to my dad on, I was always envious of my brother for having that connection.
As fate would have it, I found myself faced with a school project that required one to join a community and do what is called “appreciative inquiry,” I.E. giving and taking while never really implying that you’re overtly “taking.”
Yeah, I know, hippie-dippy-gobbledy-gook at it’s best, right?
Because the project was sprung on us with little notice, I took it upon myself to take advantage my my newly in-shape self, and I joined the local Police Athletic League to try my hand at boxing and do my project at the same time.
I had a lot of fun at the gym, in fact I still miss it to this day, largely because of all the time I got to spend helping out the little kids.
Not in THAT way, you perv.
This way:
At the gym, I was surprised to find that I was more than able to keep up with the training regimen, however my eyesight was a huge problem.
Let it be known, that people that wear contact lenses or glasses should never, ever consider pursuing boxing as anything more than a workout.
Don’t be an idiot like I was, you’ll be better for it.
In sparring, I never told my coach that I was wearing disposable contacts that would come out after getting hit about, oh, once.
As a result, I was blind for most of my sparring sessions, though I did alright anyway.
Never got hurt, anyway.
On my last day in the gym, when my class and the project attached to it ended and I was forced to get back to my normal schedule, I got my ass torn up by a new arrival at the gym.
The guy was about 17 years old, 2 inches taller and 10 pounds heavier than me, and had a few years experience under his belt.
It's true, it's true. I did in fact fight Ivan Drago.
All I had going for me was a thick skull and ridiculously big hair.
Oh yeah, and I'm a FUCKING DOCTOR.
I got my face pounded in that night, and even though it was my last night there anyway, it truly felt like the world was telling me to get out of the ring.
Some of us are made to be fighters, some aren’t.
AREN'T.
I can’t say which I am, but I will say this, starting out in boxing at 21 years of age is not the way to find out.
I never got a chance to fight in a real match, however I was scheduled for one, which I made weight for and everything.
At 152 lbs., there were a lot of other fighters vying for the same spot as me on the card, so I ended up getting pushed aside in favor of more experienced guys.
That match will always be a big “what if” I’ll have in the back of my head, but such is life.
These days I play armchair quarterback with my dad.
I prefer to watch fights alone, or with my dad; rowdy crowds tend to make me nervous on account of how they sensationalize the fight.
Kind of like these guys.
I’ve always said that, in boxing, I never applaud violence, (unless I HATE the guy getting his ass torn up) I’m just there to see what happens.
It’s for this reason that I also prefer to watch fights after they’ve already happened.
I don’t really care about being surprised, I just like sitting back and evaluating, and learning from the situation.
Boxing is a sport that encourages it’s fans to review it’s long and colorful history.
I have spent most of my life doing this, and for that reason I guess I’ve been conditioned to know what is coming ahead of time.
Some would call my preference blasphemy, however in my eyes, boxing is something I “appreciate” more than I care about “being there” for.
I’m not sure if I should thank my dad for getting me into a dieing sport that no one really seems to talk about these days, (try finding a boxing magazine among all the gun, bodybuilding and MMA ones, I dare you) but I will say this:
I am thankful for my father and everything he’s taught me in life.
Sure, I can’t ride a bike, but I can tell you the names of probably 80% of boxing’s hall of famers.
Life skills, that’s what dad’s are for.
Thanks dad, here’s to sittin’ around watching the fights together for the rest of our days.
That’s right folks, Ip Man 2 comes out on DVD on June 25th, and I am truly psyched.
Take another look at the trailer, maybe it’ll help you get as excited about it as I am:
From what I’ve read over at Love HK Film and Twitch, Ip Man 2 is somewhat of a step down from it’s predecessor, with a second-half plot that is essentially the Hong Kong equivalent to Rocky IV, as is clearly evident from the trailer above.
Am I wrong in claiming that this is the coolest thing ever?
Does that bother me?
Not one bit.
Rocky IV may have been retarded, but it was still a kick ass movie that’s fun to rally behind in a “Yo Joe!” sort of way.
Though Donnie Yen would have to be the Peanut Butter, ’cause Peanut Butter kicks Jelly’s ass any day…
Hmm, now that I think of it, I don’t even really like Jelly….
*AHEM!* Whatever, the point is: Wilson Yip and Donnie Yen working together is always a good thing.
In my eyes, the pair honestly can’t make a bad movie.
Dragon Tiger Gate was convoluted and bland, but it was no means bad.
Outside of that one misstep, every other movie the two have worked on together has been a winner in my book.
Hell, Wilson Yip has even managed to make awesome movies WITHOUT Donnie Yen.
The archetypal story of the Chinese being bullied by foreigners and being forced to find redemption through beating the piss out of said foreigners is a story that Hong Kong cinema will never abandon.
It’s simply a result of putting a nationalistic spin on the universal “underdog” story that we all know and love.
It’s cliche yeah, but who’s to say that’s a bad thing when it comes to making movies about people frequently engaging in protracted 5 minutes fist fights?
So what if the villain’s acting performance is supposed to be over-the-top to the point of near Ultimate Warrior levels?
There's epic, and then there's ULTIMATE.
Maybe I like that in my kung fu movies!
Ip Man 2 could have the worst acting and the shittiest plot in the history of Hong Kong cinema, but with Donnie Yen on board, and the promise of excellent fights conducted and performed by the man himself, Sammo Hung, there’s almost no way I won’t like it.
It doesn’t take much to please me when there’s fighting involved in movies.
I can’t explain it, but for some reason I find it easier to buy into the ceaseless melodrama of Hong Kong films than I do American ones.
Maybe it’s the innate sense of unity and bold-faced patriotism that often permeates most Chinese films that strikes a chord with me, or simply an element of the culture that I appreciate, but either way, when it comes to getting my screen-fighting fix, I know where to look.
Before the dust settles on the epic event that was the unveiling of the Azn Badger’s list of the Top 25 NES Tracks, I feel it’s my duty to take a moment to discuss some of the tracks that almost made it on the list.
Azn Badger's Blog 