Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Bernard Hopkins vs. Jean Pascal Result

Hitting In The Clinch: Classic B-Hop

A mother fucking draw.

That’s right folks, in the contest of oldest of the old lions vs. the young lion from up North, neither man emerged the victor, and no world records were broken.

But the real question is: was the fight any good?

While I haven’t actually seen this fight yet, (sorry, had to decorate the tree this evening) from what I’ve read, it sounds like a much more entertaining bout than I think most of us were expecting.

According to punch stats, Hopkins actually out-landed Pascal by some 70 shots; an incredible statistic given Hopkin’s economical style of fighting.

Despite this, Hopkins was reportedly down twice in the fight, in the 1st and 3rd rounds respectively, though both knockdowns were apparently caused by roughhousing and bad footing moreso than any sort of damage.

Even so, a down is a down; and for B-Hop to have been awarded a draw despite such an incredible point deficit early on, suggests that he most likely swept the latter portion of the fight ala the B-Hop of old.

That being said, scorecards from numerous sources, both official and unofficial; all indicate the fight as having been very competitive, with both fighters receiving winning scores on a near equal basis.

Anyway, I wish I could’ve sat down to watch this one live yesterday, but unfortunately I don’t get Showtime.

Regardless, whenever I get around to seeing this one through very likely “non-traditional” means, I’ll probably post an analysis of some sort.

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Bernard Hopkins vs. Jean Pascal Prediction

Tonight, Bernard Hopkins will attempt to make history in being the oldest man ever to claim a major world title.

If successful, the 45 year, 11 month, and 3 day old B-Hop will claim The Ring’s Light Heavyweight title, (an unofficial title, but honestly the only one that counts) and surpass George Foreman’s Heavyweight achievement by 38 days.

All of this depends on a major “if” in the form of Hopkin’s opponent: Canadian dynamo, Jean Pascal.

The trouble with this fight, for me anyway; is the fact that in making a prediction for it, I have to find a happy medium between my feelings of what I honestly think will happen, and what I want to happen.

Unlike the Pacquiao and Margarito fight, wherein I was largely unbiased, and simply wanted to see a good fight, this time around I honestly want B-Hop to win.

I have nothing against Pascal, in fact I feel he’s a fairly exciting fighter that is a healthy element to an otherwise dead-in-the-water weight class; however as a long time fan of Hopkins, nothing would make me happier than to see Pascal lose his title to an “old man” that will likely retire without defending it, leaving the division even more fractured than before.

Despite my admittedly steep bias, here is my best attempt at a legitimate prediction:

Hopkins by split-decision.

Bernard Hopkins is a ring technician, through and through.

While he’s been an “old man” in the sport for almost a decade now, his sly and dirty tactics of butting and hitting and holding, combined with a wily and superb sense of ring generalship, have kept him well preserved.

That being said, ‘ole B-Hop’s past few fights have shown a few chinks in the armor, namely a lack of desire to win, and of course; the requisite loss of foot coordination and stamina that comes with age.

He’s still shown a capacity for putting punches together, and indeed manages to lash out with his trademark ducking right straight+headbutt+clinch combo from time to time.

Even so, he won both of those fights, and while that may not mean much given the lack of competition, when you’re 45 on the world stage every victory is a godsend.

Jean Pascal on the other hand, is a tremendously physical fighter on top of his game, with hunger in his heart after only just recently dethroning the overhyped Chad Dawson for the Light Heavyweight title.

An admitted imitator and admirer of Roy Jones, (a fight who in his prime defeated Hopkins) Pascal is an aggressive fighter that relies on his natural attributes more so than fundamental boxing skills, making him an unorthodox, if not somewhat wild fighter.

While he does in fact show shades of the Jones of old, he’s nowhere near as quick, accurate, or elusive as ‘ole Roy, making him essentially a powerful, but less economical and much easier to hit version of his idol.

With a minor history of injuries in his career, it should be noted that Pascal is also quite tenacious, and often willing to take a few to dish out some of his own.

Despite this, Pascal shows a tendency to overextend himself in some of his bouts, particularly the recent Dawson fight where he would dominate much of the contest, only to end up gassed for minutes at a time.

If you ask me, Dawson’s lack of conviction and willingness to assert his will in the ring were just as responsible for his loss that night as Pascal’s boxing skills.

So, if you put the 2 fighters together, you have an old man that’s still kind of slippery, versus an energetic young buck that tends to burn himself out.

In my book, that adds up to either an early round bludgeoning of B-Hop at the hands of Pascal ala Danny Green vs. Roy Jones, or a more boring and tactile fight where the stamina’s of both fighters even out as the fight progresses.

My money is on the latter happening.

Hopkins has done well to stay out of trouble and on his feet throughout his entire career, in fact I believe that’s a large reason as to why he’s still fighting.

B-Hop finds a way to protest the judging of all of his losses, and I honestly feel that an emphatic KO defeat is the only thing that will ever convince him he’s ever legitimately lost a bout in the sport of boxing.

That being said, when it comes to “boring and tactile,” Hopkins wrote the book on the matter, which leads me to believe that Pascal will fall into the trap of fighting B-Hop’s fight.

Every fighter that has fought Hopkins has said that they were going to come out and flatten him, and basically show him no respect, yet to date none have done so.

Joe Calzaghe out-quicked and, goddamnit; legitimately outboxed him, (don’t you ever tell anyone I said that!) however he did so at a fairly tentative pace, and never thoroughly got his game going.

Being as Calzaghe was one of the great fighters of our time, (again, don’t let anyone know I said this!) and a much quicker and elusive fighter than Pascal to boot, I don’t see the big Canadian being able to get the upper hand on B-Hop any better than he did.

Then again, if he does come rushing out the gate, and try to flatten Hopkins early on, there’s a good chance the “old man” won’t be able to weather the storm as well the B-Hop of old.

Make no mistake, this result is entirely possible, as the last great performance Hopkins had was against Kelly Pavlik, who was a far slower and more linear fighter.

All it takes is one bad angle and one nasty punch…

Like I said though, B-Hop’s way too manly to take a trip down Queer Street, and Pascal’s too much of a fighter and not enough of a boxer to send him there.

In either case, expect much clinching and seemingly inane circling on the part of Hopkins, resulting in a split decision for somebody that will be heavily disputed.

That being said, I don’t see this anywhere near an exciting fight, but as with every B-Hop fight since the glory days of Don King’s Middleweight tournament in the 2000’s, I’ll find a way to watch it, and enjoy it.

 

 

 

Filed under: Boxing, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I Hate The Blue Whale.

HATE.

I hate The Blue Whale.

I hate his smugness.

I hate his  perpetual goofy-ass grin.

SOOOOO MUCH HATE...

But most of all, I hate that he’s a fat-gluttonous-fuck and everyone loves him anyway.

I refer to Blue Whales as “him” because I find it anthropomorphizes and individualizes them, thusly making “him” easier for me to hate.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE.

When I was little, Zoobooks were my life.

Every month we would get a new issue in the mail, and every month I would devour every page of them.

Mind you, these were the cool Zoobooks, the stoic and dignified Zoobooks, not the stupid rebranded ones.

Now tell me, which one is easier to take seriously? Yes, I am aware that one is in Spanish.

One of these issues was titled “Animal Champions II,” within which were a host of factoids about world-record holding species of animals.

This issue taught me that The Blue Whale was essentially the Mr. Perfect of the animal kingdom.

The Blue Whale, personified.

“Animal Champions II” taught me that The Blue Whale was the world’s largest, most massive, strongest, and most gluttonous animal.

You see!? He even holds the record for being "Most Harpoon Resistant." WTF, man, WTF...

Basically, this issue, as well as the “Whales” issue, seemingly existed solely to suck The Blue Whale’s cock.

Oh yeah, I’m pretty sure The Blue Whale’s cock also holds at least 3 world record’s too.

In example of Zoobook’s cock-sucking, here’s a two-page spread from the “Whales” issue praising the majesty of The Blue Whale:

Not good enough for you?

Well guess what, here’s another, this time from “Animal Champions II”:

Type “Blue Whale” into Google Images and the first page of your results will be littered with cock-sucking diagrams like the ones above.

My problem with The Blue Whale stems from the fact that he stands atop the world in terms of achievement, and yet he has done nothing to earn it.

Well, other than being a fat fuck that eats too much.

What happened to you Ice Man? You used to be cool... Well, not really. But, still...

Did you know that The Blue Whale subsists by eating plankton, a lifeform that it is approximately 100 million times larger than, thusly setting a world record for greatest disparity in size between hunter and prey?

GAAHH!!!  You see!?  Do you see the bullshit that fuckin’ Zoobooks fed me as a child!?

The Blue Whale’s list of achievements is simply far too long.  No creature should get as much hype as The Blue Whale does.

All my life, I’ve been told that The Blue Whale was the man, that he had the mic skills of The Rock, the technical wrestling of Bret Hart, and the high flying perfection of Hayabusa.

If this were true, I probably wouldn't hate The Blue Whale. I would love him THIIIIIIIIS much.

You know what the problem with all this is?

I don’t give a shit!

You can tell me he’s the man, you can prove to me that he’s the man, but if I don’t like him, guess what?

From my standpoint, HE’S NOT THE FUCKING MAN.

Nothing will ever change the fact that The Blue Whale probably holds a world record for holding the most world records, but the point is:  he stinks, and I don’t like him.

This has been a special report from the Azn Badger, being bitter on his birfday.

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