Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Gaming Overload

That's me on the right...

Before I get started, let me just say that, no; the title of this post does not refer to videogames.

It doesn’t refer to board games, sports, or manly shit like Jenga; but rather it refers to the pop culture game that we play at work, henceforth referred to as “The Game.”

For those that are unaware, “The Game” is something we play in the warehouse wherein one person names a fictional character, any fictional character; and the other player responds by citing the name of another fictional character whose name begins with the last letter in the name of the previous mentioned character.

In example:

Player A says “Superman,” wherein Player B would respond with “Naruto” or any other fictional character whose name begins with “N.”

Generally, “The Game” isn’t played to be “won,” rather the objective is to simply keep the game going to stave off boredom.

Despite this, some players choose their “moves” strategically in the hopes of stumping their opponents.

Examples of said tactics are the intentional use of characters whose names end in tricky letters like O, or uncommon ones like X.

Personally, I play by instinct, saying whatever comes to mind; but like I said, there are many ways to play “The Game.”

Anyway, today I engaged in an epic 1-on-1 duel with a coworker, the likes of which I have never encountered up to this point.

We were almost evenly matched, though in all honesty; I’m pretty sure he would’ve beat me if we kept it up long enough.

You see, in previous games I’ve played against people who are generally in the dark about anime, tokusatsu, or any Japanese pop culture in general.

Because of my opponent’s unfamiliarity with those characters, I took it upon myself to refrain from using them, as I felt it would seem sketchy to constantly cite characters who, in the eyes of my opponent; may as well be bullshit.

This time though, my opponent was extremely well-versed in Japanese pop culture, in fact much more so than myself given his vast breadth of anime character knowledge.

Curiously enough, a huge number of the characters he “played” were actually historical figures of the Sengoku era of Japanese history, all of whom make appearances in videogames like Onimusha and the Sengoku Basara series.

While this doesn’t seem like that big a deal, the reason I feel the need to mention this, is the fact that Japanese names totally change the dynamic of “The Game.”

You see, throughout every other match I’ve played previously, the most common letters played on was N.

O’s, X’s, and N’s are traditionally regarded as the most difficult letters to work from, making N a particularly powerful letter in “The Game.”

The thing with Japanese names that makes them so interesting when incorporated into “The Game” however, is the fact that Japanese names frequently end with A’s, I’s and O’s.

Think about that for a minute, how many O’s or I’s do you know?

That’s what I thought.

A huge factor in how “The Game” works, is that players often acquire additions to their “repertoire” through copying the citations of players from previous matches.

Now imagine you’re involved in an epic, 5 hour match; only to find that many of your go-to characters are now irrelevant given the fact their letters never seem to come up.

You read right, 5 fuckin’ hours.

The match was fun for the first few hours, however by the homestretch both my opponent and I were absolutely beat to shit.

Seriously, working an 10 hour day of overtime in a warehouse is enough to wipe me out on it’s own, but that coupled with 5 hours of tearing through the recesses of your mind for one last fuckin’ O name is enough to drive you nuts.

And wouldn’t you know it, that’s just about the truth of what happened to me on the car ride home.

You see, after playing the game for so long, and with such intensity; my thoughts somehow tuned themselves to work from that pattern.

Words, letters, and names from the radio, billboards, and even license plates all caused me to automatically start searching the recesses of my mind for names that began with the same letter they ended with.

I wasn’t trying to do it, it just sort of happened.

It lasted about an hour, and given that my thoughts were somehow working beyond my control; I found myself a little freaked out over it.

Believe me when I say this, the Azn Badger is not one to lose control of himself.

That being said, I don’t see myself playing “The Game” against that guy, for a good long while.

Maybe I’ll play the movie/TV show/videogame title variant of it instead, that’d probably be less strenuous.

Anyway, consider this a cautionary tale for those who might play “The Game” in the future.

Let it be known, too much dorkiness and pop culture will rot your brain…

Filed under: Comics, Games, Movies, Tokusatsu, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Summon The Rock!

I had a boatload of fun making this Magic card.

I think it goes without saying that my childhood was greatly influenced by the awesomeness that was The Rock, so consider the above a small tribute to him.

Seriously, the man had a profound ability to capture the imagination of his viewers to an extent few have been able to match.

Even my mom liked The Rock, and she thinks wrestling is the stupidest shit in the world.

*Sigh* Why’d he hafta’ go an’ turn into plain ‘ole Dwayne…

 

Oh well, at least he looks like he's sorry about it...

Anyway, I had a long day at work today, made tolerable by an epic session of The Pop Culture Game.

I don’t think I need to tell you that I absolutely DOMINATED the game, even going so far as to assist my opponent on numerous occasions just to keep the game going.

Now, if only I could find a way to get paid for having such an extensive knowledge of pop culture bullshit…

Anyway, g’night folks, see yah’ tomorrow!

Filed under: Games, Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Poster-ing… Busy Yourself With Some Farley.

Sorry, no post for tonight.

My brother asked me to do (another) poster for him and his work buddies, so I’ll probably be busy photoshop-ing for the next couple of nights.

In place of my ramblings this evening, you will instead be treated to a clip of the comic genius that is Chris Farley

A clip that just happens to be taken from one of his worst films.

Anyway, please enjoy watching Chris Farley fight an eagle puppet while I bust my ass and burn my retinas toiling away in photoshop:

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Frozen Badger No More

Wow, diggin' the mullet...

I’ve mentioned I work in a -20 degree industrial freezer at Amazon.com, right?

Whenever I’m in there, I undergo a physical and mental transformation the likes of which few would believe.

My normally upbeat, and sunny side up personality melt (or is that “freeze?”) away, revealing a surly, irritable, and borderline violent persona that is simply not fit for societal living.

Seriously, on occasion I’ve actually admonished some of co-workers to keep their distance when we were in the freezer.

They thought I was kidding, but in truth; I meant every word of it.

Believe me when I say this, there are more than a few shelves and plastic totes in there that have felt the wrath of an enraged Azn Badger kick to the brain.

My biggest issue with the freezer at work, is the fact that the experience is almost always physically painful for me.

Now, I have no qualms whatsoever with working hard, but when I’m forced to work a job where I can expect to my extremities to go numb, and be in excrutiating pain for several hours; I feel that’s asking a lot.

Truth be told, I could probably deal with working the freezer once or twice a week, but ever since the week after I was trained in there, I’ve had to go in almost every day, sometimes twice a day.

Needless to say, the freezer is a god forsaken black hole of hatred and despair.

I hate it so much, that I wish it were a person, so I could tear off it’s head and shit down it’s stump.

Then cover the head with maple syrup and stuff it into an ant hill.

Despite all of my hate for the freezer, and the horrible things it’s done to me both physically and mentally, (think rape, only colder and less sexual) I’m happy to say that I’ll most likely never have to deal with it again.

You see, a funny thing happened this week:

The Amazon warehouse, which is split into Fresh (online grocery) and .com sides, recently rearranged it’s work force into 2 separate rosters for each side.

Before, every employee was required to learn and perform all duties on both sides of the warehouse.

Now, everyone is assigned to one side only, and will thusly no longer be required to move to the other side of the warehouse unless absolutely necessary.

I was fortunate enough to end up on the .com side of the warehouse, meaning no more working in the fridge, and more importantly; no more going into the freezer.

Words can’t describe how happy that makes me.

Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to let Farley do the celebrating for me:

So, things are looking good for the Azn Badger at the moment.

Chances are I’ll get let go, just as I’m getting accustomed to, y’know; being happy at work…

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Another Week Down, Another Farley Clip For The Masses

*Sigh* Another week at Amazon complete, and once again we celebrate with another clip of the funniest fat man of our time, Chris Farley.

This time around, we’re pulling a clip from one of Farley’s last, and sadly; least memorable films: Almost Heroes.

Despite being an overall shitty film, complete with a decidedly unfunny Matthew Perry (on the drugs, as evidenced by his slim frame at the time), Farley managed to salvage it for the most part with a handful of classic moments.

I don’t think any of us could help but laugh at Farley’s battle(s) with the eagle puppet.

We’ll save that clip for another time though…

Anyway, here’s one of my favorite of said classic moments:

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Peak Season: DEFEATED. Cue Celebratory Farley Clip.

Well folks, the Azn Badger’s peak season adventure at Amazon has officially wrapped.

Well, my peak season anyway; I’m sure there’s a shit ton of people from other shifts that still have to work, but I’m done, and frankly that’s the only thing that matters.

Anyway, here’s hoping I don’t get laid off in the next few weeks!

If I do, it’s probably for the best, being as I honestly don’t feel like living out the rest of my days using my 4 year arts degree to boast the honor of being a “professional box maker.”

Also, I suppose the $3.50 (each way) toll that’s going to start applying to my commute across the 5-20 bridge every day, would also serve as a reason to celebrate my termination at Amazon.

Anyway, with the completion of another blistering, though atypically only 40 hour work week; I present to you this week’s celebratory Farley clip:
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/player.swf

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

In A Wholly Expected Circumstance Of Fate, Something Bad Happened At Work Today!

I should’ve known something was up when I won that Zune yesterday.

As they say, “nothing in life comes free,” and wouldn’t you know it, I ended up paying for a Bill Gate’s take on Jobs’ Ipod with my health and safety.

That’s right folks, after months of slogging it out in the warehouse, the Azn Badger has finally succumbed to the horrors of “wrist strain.”

Hah, had you thinkin’ I got impaled by a forklift or some shit, didn’t I?

You see, today was one of those weird days where everything was almost absurdly slow, to the point in which many people were sent home early.

Despite this, as per the Amazon routine, the last 3 hours of the day were absolute balls to the wall insanity of last minute orders, cancellations, and diapers, lots and lots of diapers…

Being as I am now the resident whipping boy (I’m apparently subbing in for my friend who was laid off not too long ago) of the warehouse, I was of course scheduled to ship during said 3 hours of mayhem and chaos.

With about 2 and a half shipping lines worth of volume bearing down on me, not to mention the hoard of shit-for-brains seasonal workers constantly breathing down my neck with priority packages for me, (DON’T JUST SHOW IT TO ME, LEAVE IT IN THE GODDAMN TOTE ASS-HAT) I think it’s safe to say I was rushing just a bit.

With time being very much of the essence, I found myself reaching back at odd angles to snag packages off the line, which after 2 hours or so; began to ’cause me quite a bit of discomfort.

During the last 30 minutes of the day, I was told to go meander the aisles and pick inventory for the night shift, y’know; like yah’ do.

With barely 15 minutes left in the day I planted my feet and turned my very full picking cart into the main aisle to return it to the staging area, when all of a sudden I felt this “pop” in my wrist.

I felt a sharp pain, stopped in my tracks, and said aloud to myself:

“Oh man, that can’t be good.”

Sure enough, the next time I tried lifting something, a small hardback book; I felt an annoying tinge of pain in my wrist.

Following that, I reported my injury to my manager, as per company regulations; and then got sent off to the nurse’s office just like in elementary school.

Although thankfully I was vomiting or bleeding from my nose like I used to back in the day.

Yeah, the Azn Badger was kind of a sickly child way back when…

Anyway, I mentioned that this all happened in the last few minutes of the work day, right?

Well, as it turns out, getting a case of “wrist strain” at Amazon necessitates an hour long visit with the nurse filling out paperwork and talking over symptoms and treatments.

Now, while I kind of wish it hadn’t taken quite so long, I was honestly quite surprised to learn that my time spent in there counted as being on the clock.

Huh, now that I think of it, maybe getting hurt wasn’t all that bad.

The injury itself is minor at best, plus I just earned 10 bucks for sitting down and having a pleasant conversation with the silly nurse lady. (She’s silly, so I call her the silly nurse lady.  Tee hee.)

Anyway, sorry for the lame post; but be thankful you even got one.

I’m taking this “rehabilitation” crap pretty seriously, to the point in which this entire 600+ word post was written using just my right hand.

That’s dedication…

Filed under: Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

In A Bizarre Twist Of Fate, Something Good Happened At Work Today!

How Do Asian People Smile? With The Aid of Expensive and Specialized Tools, Of Course.

Remember gym class in middle school?

Remember how you basically got an “A” just for changing into your gym clothes?

Well, don’t let anyone tell you that just plain showing up for work everyday isn’t without it’s benefits; because I just got a 16 GB Zune Touch HD for doing exactly that!

Oooooh.... Fancy...

Oh yeah, and I also got a wall charger/USB adaptor, and a screen cleaning kit to go with it.

Tower of Power, baby... Tower of Power...

FOH’ FREE Y’ALL!

*Ahem!* Sorry.  We Japanese don’t gloat all too often, but when it comes to the acquisition of fancy and overpriced material goods, we just can’t help ourselves.

Anyway, turns out there was some sort of lottery involving the various employees at the warehouse with a certain standard of attendance, and my name just happened to be pulled for the second prize.

It’s kind of funny really, I honestly didn’t know anything about a drawing or prizes or what not; which made the whole experience of being told I had won something all the more surreal.

Trust me, as awesome as the Azn Badger may seem in print, in person he is very much a mustelid (look it up, retard) of the loser-ly variety.

That being said, I was absolutely blown away by the announcement, such that I honestly didn’t believe it at first.

I think it goes without saying, that despite all the hardship and long hours at work lately, (particulary of the “frozen” variety…) a silly little thing like getting second prize in a lottery I didn’t even know I had entered really did a lot to perk me up.

In fact, I’d even go so far as to say that it made me “happy.”

It’s kind of funny actually, when the subcontractor correspondent approached me to tell me about the prize, my first reaction was to steel myself in anticipation of bad news along the lines of:

“You accidentally shipped a dildo and House of 1000 Corpses to a child for Christmas.  You sir, Mr. Badger; are fired.”

Or,

“You’re slow.  And dumb.  And you smell of lamb shanks and feces.  Now, get back to work dick fur.”

In retrospect, the sunny and inviting smile on their face probably should’ve tipped me off to their intentions, but give me a break; I’m Azn, we’re good at misinterpreting things like faces, and y’know; English.

Anyway, after far too many days of freezer duty, my hands are a cracked and, quite literally, bloody mess right now; resulting in the necessary application of bag balm.

Word to the wise:

Never type with balmy jism on your hands; it can get very messy…

With bag jizz all over my hands, I’m not really able to handle my shiny new Zune at the moment, so I’m thinking I’ll wait a day or 2 to fire her up.

Damn that thing's reflective... A little smaller than I expected too.

Hell, I can wait, after all; it’s not everyday you get a free toy, much less a $200+ one…

Oh well, happy early Christmas to me I guess!

 

Filed under: Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A Celebratory Farley Clip

Pictured: A comic genius.

Today was supposed to be the busiest day of the year at the Amazon.com warehouse.

I can attest the truth in this statement, as I was placed in freezer detail not once, but twice today.

Needless to say, at the moment I am tired, beat up, and intensely bitter.

Hopefully I can muster the energy required to do all of my Christmas shopping tomorrow…

Regardless, in celebration of my day off tomorrow, here is a clip of another one of my favorite Chris Farley skits:

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Azn Badger = Hypocrite

The Azn Badger has been feeling a little hypocritical as of late.

Despite my general disdain for the UFC/MMA culture, I’ve found myself playing the demo for UFC: Undisputed 2010 pretty much every day this week.

I know, I know:

“How can a hardcore boxing fan that talks shit about the UFC all the time allow himself to support the organization by playing it’s official videogame!?”

Well, A): I’ve never had anything bad to say about the actual sport of MMA, only the culture and obnoxious fanbase that seems to have sprung up as a result of it’s ascension into the mainstream.

Sorry to beat a dead horse, but...

And B): Chill out, dick wad.  It’s just a videogame, and a fairly good one at that.

To be fair, I used to play the previous iteration of the game with my roommates for shits and giggles.

Only 1 out of the 3 of us (the one with legitimate interest in the UFC) actually took the time to learn how to play, so for the most part the matches boiled down to little more than button mashing sessions not unlike a round of Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots.

"AND IT'S ALLLLLLLLLLLL OVERRRRR!!!!!!!"

At the time, I used to watch a fair amount of UFC, usually in support B.J. Benn, (he’s a Hawaiian pro athlete, therefore he’s worth my time) as well as for the social value it presented in me in hanging out with my roommate.

Though I no longer have roommates to play games or watch cagefighting with, for some reason I feel like I’m mentally in just about the same place that I was back then.

That is to say:

I’m not exactly the most cerebral of people these days.

I would probably shit myself with glee if I had one of those bubble thingies right now...

As with most things these days, I blame work; as it has retarded my brain functions to the point of making games like Undisputed 2010 seem like the coolest ever made, and dare I say; potentially worth buying.

Did you hear that?

That was the sound of Hell freezing over.

While I still don’t have a clue how to play the demo properly, (the command list in the options screen is like 50 pages long) the pick up and play factor has been a godsend in terms of keeping me sane this week.

I don’t know if it’s just the 60 hour work weeks or what, but I just can’t seem to find time for more involved games like Batman: Arkham Asylum.

I want to finish Batman, but for whatever reason I just feel “too busy” to play it.

Batman: Great for Azn Badger on 3 day weekends, too "smart" for him during 60 hour work weeks.

UFC gives me an experience that can be over and done with inside of 5 minutes.

While I’ve never been one to seek out instant gratification in my games, (if it’s any indication, Demon’s Souls was my 2nd PS3 game) at this point in time, I think it’s the only kind of gaming entertainment I can handle.

Though I’m legitimately excited to try games like Valkyria Chronicles, games that require a high-degree of time investment and involvement from the player; the more hours I put in at work, the less I see myself being able to fully enjoy a game like that.

In my current mental state, I'd probably just try and bumrush my way through every mission...

Anyway, I’m beat to shit, (anus still recovering…) so that’s all I’ve got for tonight.

Chances are I’ll pick up UFC at some point, though I assure I’ll do so grudgingly, and while mumbling under my breath that boxing is the superior and more gentlemanly sport.

Unfortunately the new Fight Night Champion doesn’t come out until next year, so for now I’m going with UFC.

Either that or Splatterhouse, ’cause Splatterhouse was the shit back in the day, and from what I’ve read; the new one ain’t so bad.

Plus it’s bloody as fuck and probably as cerebral as your average UFC fan.

Haha!  BURN.

Filed under: Boxing, Games, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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