Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Azn Badger Eats EVERYTHING

The Azn Badger post-Ultimo Dinner, and pre-Giga Deuce...

Okay, I lied.

Maybe the Azn Badger didn’t eat EVERYTHING, but even so; he made a worthy effort…

Tonight doubled as both a family gathering, and an evening of copious consumption of eclectic eats.

Let it be known, impromptu family dinners should NEVER, repeat, NEVER, be preceded by a post-work meal, as such actions ultimately result in what is commonly known as a “food coma.”

Pictured: A child experiences his first food coma.

How I am able to type this post while under the nauseous effects of said state of being, the world may never know; but the point is, I ate a shit-ton of shit, and now you’re gonna’ read about it!

Let’s start off with my post-work “OH MY GOD I’M SO HUNGRY I COULD STRAIGHT-UP CUT A BITCH” menu:

Being as I am a simple man of simple tastes, my post-work meal consisted of a bowl of calrose rice, topped with smoked salmon, with a light dousing of mae ploy sauce, a sprinkle of my Dad’s custom BBQ rub, and a fuck-ton of black pepper.

FOOD OF THE GODS.

On the side, I had a freshly cut mango, and a little bit of watermelon.

That was Phase 1.

Phase 2 came when my brother and his girlfriend stopped by, ultimately causing my parents to flip into entertaining/feeding mode.

Phase 2, was where things got interesting.

Like, Gummo; interesting

Anyway, here’s the menu for Ultimo Dinner Phase 2:

Ball Park Hot Dogs, served 2 at a time on Costco sized buns.

Corn on the cob.

A Green Salad.

Watermelon and Cherries.

Baked Beans.

and Seared Ahi.

Where, and how the Seared Ahi goes together with everything else, I have no clue, but either way it was damn good.

Oh yeah, and there was also a hearty-as-fuck Cow dish of some sort, but between my brother, myself, and my Dad, that shit got demolished.

Oh yeah, and you how it wasn’t cooked?:

That’s right!  WELL DONE!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

*Ahem!* Anyway, I had a pretty hefty helping of pretty much everything, thereby ensuring the probability of a Giga-Deuce in my immediate future.

Good thing I just bought a bushel of comics to read, ’cause chances are I’ve got a long evening ahead of me in “the office.”

If this was my "office," I'd probably never leave.

That’s right, I used the word “bushel.”

What of it?

Anyway, I’m tired, and said Giga-Deuce is beginning to rear it’s ugly head, so I think I’ll cut things short and call it an evening.

Thanks for reading, feel free to share any goofy Ultimo Dinner Menus you’ve sampled over the years!

Filed under: Comics, Games, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A Tribute to the Greatness that is Donnie Yen: Part IV – The Real Donnie Yen

A funny thing happened in the 2000’s.

Jackie Chan got old.

Jet Li was tied up doing movies with rappers.

Guess who stepped forward into the spotlight?

Close, but not quite.

That’s right, Donnie Yen, and he was bringing the sexy back!

2005 marked the first collaboration between Donnie Yen and Bio Zombie director Wilson Yip.

The film was called Sha Po Lang, (S.P.L.) and it kicked some serious ass.

See that baton? It's goin' right up your ass.

In the late-90’s one of my brother’s videophile friends screened for me a laser disc of John Woo’s The Killer.

With Jackie Chan having just become the next big thing in the states with the domestic release of Rumble in the Bronx, the climate was just right for me to get into Hong Kong cop and robber movies.

Needless to say, Tiger Cage, Hard Boiled and Beast Cops were old hat in my book by the time I was in high school.

SPL was a throwback to the Hong Kong “hard boiled cop” movies of the 80’s and 90’s, and it accomplished what very few Donnie Yen films had done before it.

With a star studded cast including the likes of Sammo Hung and Simon Yam, SPL presented us with an emotional and dramatic story, populated with characters we cared about, and did it all with a smaller than expected dose of action.

However nobody said that what fighting was there wasn’t some of the best of Mr. Yen’s career.

This brutal fight, between Donnie Yen and, then, up-and-comer Wu Jing, is what I proudly refer to as “The Best Weapon-Based Fight Scene of All Time.”

No fooling, I’ve watched it dozens of times and I’ve never once felt any doubt in my sentiments.

I love how you can read the intent behind every move in the fight just by looking at the intensity in both men’s facial expressions.

I love how the pace of the choreography has a natural and realistic sense of progression and crescendo to it.

I love the energy of the camera work and how it darts in and out like a fencer on the sidelines, hinting to us the perceived openings in each man’s guard from each fighter’s perspective.

I love this movie, and I’m glad it was the one that finally introduced me to the real Donnie Yen.

It was well worth the wait.

Check back for “Part V – All Hail Emperor Yen!”

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A Tribute to the Greatness that is Donnie Yen: Part I – The Early Years

Okay let’s get one thing straight: Donnie Yen is the man.

Blue Jeans and Donnie Yen... All you'll ever need, baby... All you'll ever need.

Outside of his surgically altered face, and sculpted physique, his perfectionist tendencies and picture perfect form, both in front of and behind the camera, have blessed him with a colorful film career spanning 4 decades… and a super model wife.

Okay, things were cool at first, but now I'm starting to hate this guy a little.

Oh yeah, did I mention that he’s also a concert pianist, as well as a former breakdancer?

Okay, well maybe that whole breakdancing thing didn’t pan out so well, but hey, nobodies’ perfect.

The man is a living legend in the art of cinematic fight crafting and performance, and yet despite this, for most of his career he was regarded as sort of a middle-tier star in Hong Kong cinema.

In some ways its easy to see why though.

At age 46 he is only just now learning how to act, and in the few instances he set out to direct and star in his own films, the results were, how shall we say… ASS.

"Why did I let you convince me to be in this shitty movie? Did you really have to film every fight like it was straight out of Dragonball Z!?"

Combined with the fact that some of his contemporaries just happened to be Jackie Chan and Jet Li, Donnie Yen’s career was largely overlooked early on.

Despite this, he was always busy, turning out solid performances throughout the 80’s and 90’s, in the form of fun flicks like, Mismatched Couples, In the Line of Duty IV, Crystal Hunt, Iron Monkey I and II, and my personal favorite of his 80’s films, Tiger Cage II.

During this time, he often worked under the guidance of the great Yuen Woo Ping, as well as shared the screen with a laundry list of screen legends such as:  Ken Lo, Dick Wei, Billy Chow, Yu Ruong Guang, Michael Wong, Collin Chou, Yuen Biao, Michelle Yeoh and Jet Li, as well as his good friends, John Salvitti, and Michael Woods.

Oh yeah, and he also got to beat Robin Shou’s ass on at least one occasion.

THAT'S RIGHT! GOT YOUR ASS BEAT, LIU KANG!

His pair of battles against Jet Li in Once Upon a Time In China II as the villainous General Lan are often considered the scenes that put him on map among Chinese action film enthusiasts. In fact, the reception for these fights was so high in China, that the public anticipation of a “rematch” between the two figured into the promotion of the film, Hero.

Personally, I felt these fights were technically well crafted, but have never really been considered some of my favorites. Too many camera tricks and fantastical wire gimmickry for my tastes.

As you can probably tell, I’m not really a traditional wuxia enthusiast.

... Although this is pretty fucking cool.

Well, that concludes the introductory segment to my MASSIVE tribute (not innuendo, I swear) to the apex of pimp himself, Donnie Yen.

Check back for “Part II – Director Yen!”

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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