Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Unfortunate Animal Names: Blue Tit


Before anyone asks, yes; I am familiar with the Booby.

For those that are unaware, the Booby is a goofy looking seabird known for it’s equally goofy behavior.

The way I see it, any bird that is known to randomly break into dancing fits when horny, and has a bad habit of being easier to catch and kill than a Dodo; deserves the name Booby.

Pictured: A Dumb-Looking Bird That Was Actually Dumber Than It Looked.

I think it goes without saying, being called a boob is not a term of endearment.

That being said, our unfortunately named animal of the day is the diminutive little birdy called the Blue Tit.

Now, I don’t know about you, but when I hear the name “Blue Tit,” the first thing that comes to mind is of course… Tom Sizemore.

That's not a loving embrace... That's a one-armed chokehold.

I know it’s seriously un-PC of me to say it, but when it comes to imagery of bruised boobies and/or domestic abuse, I can’t help but picture Tom Sizemore being… Well, Tom Sizemore.

Don’t get me wrong, I actually happen to like the man’s acting, but the man has a reputation for treating women the way his Sgt. Horvath character handled the Nazis in Saving Private Ryan.

To be fair, there are worse names than the Blue Tit in the animal kingdom; but in my eyes, any bird that is forced to be associated with the greasy, volatile bastard that is Tom Sizemore; has it’s work cut out for it when it comes to finding a fan base.

I fuckin’ hate birds…

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Unfortunate Animal Names: Flat-Headed Cat


Before anyone asks, “yes,” I am a cat guy.

I know it’s kind of bizarro-masculine to be a dude that likes cats, (especially as much as I do) but like Popeye says, I ‘yam what I ‘yam.

That’s not to say I hate dogs or anything, it’s just that I had some bad experiences with dogs in my youth, and so I’ve always been a little weary around them.

I don’t like the energy of some of the bigger and more energetic breeds of dogs.

I don’t like how you can look them in the eye all you want and never have a clue of what they’re thinking.

Cat’s tend to have an air of “not giving a fuck,” but even so I appreciate their (generally) more docile and self-sufficient nature.

Which brings us to our unfortunately named animal of the day, the Flat-Headed Cat.

I know it’s name is supposed to be a straightforward indication of it’s skull structure, but even so; Flat Head is a pretty lame-ass name for an animal, let alone a cat.

Seriously man, it’s like the thing was named by a bratty little 5 year old or some shit.

My guess is, the zoologist in charge of naming the damn thing had the bright idea of letting his (dumbass) kid name it.

Chances are the kid suggested things like “block headed” or “fat headed” or “poop faced” cat; all of which would’ve been perfectly acceptable by my standards, but admittedly very much unfortunate in their own right.

The point is, the name “Flat-Headed Cat” is just plain boring, not to mention more than a little pathetic.

Think about it, it’s like saying there was nothing else about the animal that was distinctive or noteworthy enough to name it by.

How about naming it after the region it was discovered in?

How about naming it for an aspect of it’s behavior or diet?

Or I don’t know, how about naming it after the person who discovered it?

Thanks to my Zoobooks collection, I know a thing or 2 about what makes the Flat-Headed Cat much more than just a kitty with a flat head; but apparently the people who named the damn thing didn’t give 2 shits about putting any of that information to good use.

*Sigh* Oh well, apparently not all zoologists care as much about cats as I do…

The Origin of The Flat-Headed Cat:

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Unfortunate Animal Names: Chiff Chaff Warbler

The animal kingdom has a lot of unfortunately named animals in it, and today we’re gonna’ take a minute to single out and harp on one of said poor unfortunate souls.

That being said, today we’re going to be talking shit about the tiny and, one would think; defenseless little birdy that our scientists decided to name the Chiff Chaff Warbler.

Now, I don’t know about you, but when I hear the name “warbler,” I can’t help but think of a cartoonishly fat and decidedly ponderous creature along the lines of Wimpy from Popeye.

I suppose it goes without saying that “warble” brings to mind gross (read: MANLY) things like belching, or gargling… Or belching while gargling.

Pictured: What happens when stupid bitches try to belch and gargle at the same time.

Something about the rotund and guttural nature of the word “warble” just sets my mind thinking to all things chubby and pathetic.

As for the “chiff chaff” part of things, I don’t know what the fuck it’s supposed to mean, but it sounds like one of those old-timey phrases that old men with Dublin mustaches and monocles would say.

Y’know, things like:

Riff raff, haberdashery, poppycock, Toffifay, etc.

The kind of words one would say while swishing their mustache, and exclaiming whatsits like “I say!” or “…my good man.”

In conclusion, the Chiff Chaff Warbler is a chubby, pathetic bird that wears a monocle and belches loudly and often.

Happy Father’s Day everyone!

Pictured: Not me, but still pretty fuckin' funny.

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