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Remember The Gobbledy Gooker?


While nowhere near as shockingly pathetic as the debut of The Shockmaster, the Gobbledy Gooker’s tragically over-hyped appearance at Survivor Series 1990 was nevertheless one of the dumbest and most pointless events in WWF history.

You see, unlike with WCW’s use of The Shockmaster, who was merely supposed to be a surprise tag partner, a one-time replacement for Road Warrior Animal; the WWF truly dug themselves into a ditch full of shit.

For several months preceding the Survivor Series pay-per-view, the WWF would routinely wheel out a float carrying what appeared to be a giant egg.

As is customary for oddball publicity stunts like this in wrestling, Gorilla Monsoon and the other commentators would totally lose their shit over the sight of this egg, sensationalizing it and generally making it sound like the most important event in human history.

Despite the ultimate pay-off, Monsoon and the other commentators deserve all the credit in the world for trying their damndest to make something of it.

Anyway, after months of build-up, the egg finally hatched at Survivor Series (staged on Thanksgiving Day) following 5 minutes of top-notch lead-in from Mean Gene Okerlund.

What emerged from the egg, was a foul (or is that, “fowl?”) beast that looked like the illegitimate offspring of Big Bird and Marjory the trash heap from Fraggle Rock.

You wanna' give your kids nightmares? Make 'em watch Fraggle Rock...

Said monstrosity, was dubbed The Gobbledy Gooker.

Curiously enough, the Gooker was portrayed by Hector Guerrero, a capable wrestler of the Guerrero clan.

Despite his in-ring ability, Guerrero would complete this segment of the show by hopping into the squared circle and lamely dancing arm-in-arm with Mean Gene.

Whether it be due to the complete and utter lack of crowd reaction, positive or negative, at the appearance of the Gooker, or the inherent absurdity of the concept; the WWF would go on to unceremoniously drop and bury the character until Wrestlemania X-Seven (one of the best Wrestlemanias) where he would re-emerge to take part in a surprisingly entertaining 19-man Gimmick Battle Royale:

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Remember The Shockmaster?


Oh, The Shockmaster…….

In all of wrestling history,there has seldom been a wrestling debut as horrid, or retarded-ly fucking stupid as The Shockmaster’s.

Let’s just break down the events of the video depicted above, shall we?:

You have Sting, Ric Flair, Sid Vicious, The Harlem Heat, and Davey Boy Smith all together staging a promo.

To sum up, pretty much every major player in WCW circa 1993 was on the stage for this promo.

During said promo, Sting makes mention of a “mystery partner” that was to be joining his team in an upcoming 8-man tag match.

Shouting in a bold and proud manner, Sting gives his “mystery partner” his entrance cue by calling out his name:

“The Shockmaster!”

Suddenly, from the far wall twin fountains of fire spring up, giving way to the embarrassing sight of a obese masked man awkwardly falling face first through the particle board fixture, sending his sparkling mask tumbling to the floor in the process.

During this “shocking” moment, the crowd remains entirely silent, completely baffled by what they’ve just seen.

As he lay on all fours, struggling to retrieve his glittery mask with some measure of difficulty, The Shockmaster pathetically, and quite audibly, mutters to himself:

“I fell down… Ohhhhh God…”

Stumbling to his feet, the jeans and vest clad Shockmaster quickly attempts to salvage what little of his dignity remains by standing before the other wrestlers, and revealing to the crowd; in full detail, the sad truth of his costume design.

The Shockmaster’s helmet, (the one that fell off during his face-plant)¬†without even the slightest attempt to disguise it’s fiercely iconic imagery, was none other than a silver spray painted Stormtrooper helmet.

Despite being virtually dead in the water, with zero crowd reaction, and all of the mystique and threat of his persona dashed to pieces by his horrid entrance, The Shockmaster nevertheless continued with the promo.

Forced to stand in the corner and lazily bob his head as Ole Anderson provided his reptilian speaking voice over the PA system, The Shockmaster was no doubt experiencing the kind of personal hell that only a show business fuck-up can provide.

During this sequence, Booker T can be heard muttering to himself:

“Who is this motherfucker?”

Similarly, Davey Boy Smith shouts numerous times:

“He fell flat on his fucking arse!”

Truly, there is no greater moment of suck, than that of The Shockmaster’s debut.

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