Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

The Amazing Spider-Man Just Went From “Meh” To “Bleh.”

Pictured: The kind of shit I'd probably do if I had a Spider-Man costume.

*SPOILER ALERT!* If you prefer not to have the appearance of The Lizard from The Amazing-Spider-Man spoiled for you, stop reading NOW! *SPOILER ALERT!*

As goofy as the photos above may be, sadly, they aren’t responsible for my rapidly darkening mood in regards to the upcoming Amazing Spider-Man movie.

It’s funny actually, despite being a reboot of a major Marvel franchise, amid all the buzz surrounding The Avengers, Man of Steel, and The Dark Knight Rises, the production of The Amazing Spider-Man has been somewhat of an enigma as of late.

Unlike fuckin’ Turn Off the Dark

*Shiver* Spider-Man villains putting on a fashion show… The stuff of nightmares I tells yah’.

Truth be told, aside from the infamous “Mirrors Edge trailer,” and a quick article I did a few months back regarding the new costume design, The Amazing Spider-Man has been almost entirely off my radar.

Sure, I grit my teeth a little over the prospect of rebooting a barely 10 year old film series, however outside of that, I really could care less.

I lied. Officially, I care less about Ghost Rider. Don't tell anyone I said that though.

That being said, the one thing that could’ve got me excited about this movie, has just been ruined by a leaked image of a goddamn Pez dispenser.

Allow me to explain.

In my youth, animals were one of my greatest passions, in particular lizards and other reptiles.

At one point the Komodo Dragon was my favorite animal, prompting me to do a number of school projects based around them.

I used to flip through my (vast) collection of Zoobooks just about every fucking day, in particular the reptile and special edition dinosaur issues.

Godzilla was, and still is, one of my biggest heroes.

And when it came to comic book characters, in particular Spider-Man villains, you can sure as hell bet The Lizard was my favorite.

BAAAAADDDD-ASSSSSSSSSSS.

In truth, he was kind of a lame character, particularly in regards to his power set, but even so, I’ve always liked him regardless.

That being said, seeing Dylan Baker cast as Dr. Curt Connors (The Lizard, dumbass) in Spider-Man 2 and 3 was cute in the sense that it paid homage to the greater Marvel universe, (something that has since become widespread) however I’m not gonna’ lie, it sucked some serious balls being teased with the prospect of a Lizard story arc over 2 movies only to end up with the lame-ass, cluttered finale of Spider-Man 3.

Imagine my surprise when it was announced that The Lizard was going to be a/the(?) villain in The Amazing Spider-Man.

Being a Lizard fan, my initial reaction was that of:

“Fuck yeah!”

Despite boasting some decent acting credentials, I still think it’s funny that Welshman Rhys Ifans AKA the Welsh guy from Little Nicky and the Welsh kicker from The Replacements, is going to be playing Curt Connors.

By the way, did I mention he was Welsh?

Seriously though, I really don’t have much of a frame of reference as to whether he’d make a good Lizard, but oddly enough, it’s not him that has me less than thrilled about The Amazing Spider-Man.

Which brings us back to the aforementioned Pez dispenser:

Pictured: An unfortunate shaved monkey dipped in green paint.

While it may not be an official rendering of the character’s design for the upcoming film, or even a reflection of what the character’s final appearance, given the possibility that his transformation in the film may in fact be done progressively instead of all at once; the fact of the matter is:

This looks like fuckin’ garbage.

Seriously man, aside from the green skin, the features of the character don’t even look reptilian to me.

Last time I checked, reptiles, lizards in particular, are noted for their rigid facial structure and beady eyes.

This fuckin’ lizard has his eyes on the front of his face, and doesn’t even have so much as a goddamn snout.

I know they were probably trying to humanize him for dramatic purposes, or more likely, made him more human shaped to make animating his lip movements somewhat easier, but even so; this ain’t the fuckin’ Lizard.

Jesus fuck man, even if you were to put all of my “science-y” gripes aside, at the end of the day this design looks just plain fuckin’ boring.

Probably the worst part though, is the fact that this thing bears an uncanny resemblance to the Goombas from the Super Mario movie:

Cosmic...

And we all know how well that little venture worked out, right?

To whoever designed this Austrian dispenser of confectionery FAIL, congratulations, you have succeeded in making a superhuman lizard-man look boring.

My guess is they recruited the guy that did the Time Ninja cover to do the concept art for The Lizard:

Just in case you forgot...

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Thoughts On The New Spider-Man Costume

Pictured: Andrew Garfield wearing the new Spidey suit.

A few days ago, we got our first glimpse of actor Andrew Garfield wearing the new Spider-Man costume for music video director Marc Webb’s upcoming reboot to the film series.

Pictured above is a promotional image I snagged from the most awesome of film news sites, Twitchfilm.com (Sorry/Thanks!).

While I honestly can’t say anything as to Garfield’s acting ability, as he’s yet another one of those up-and-coming “young” actors that I don’t know a thing about; my initial reaction to seeing him in the Spider costume were almost 100% positive.

To be fair though, I’ve always had a thing for Spider-Man’s costume, in all of it’s iterations; so me being happy with this really isn’t that big a deal.

 

Tee hee, John Romita Sr. Spider-Man looks like he's wearing pajamas...

Anyway, Garfield’s trim and straight body type lends itself well to the “nerdy everyman” nature of the character, but more importantly; the design of the suit is quite striking, and more than a little original.

The etching and fine details in the texture of the suit are truly inspired, and while the “web” pattern is significantly downplayed from previous iterations of the suit; in some ways I view this as a plus.

As with the “web” pattern, the spider emblem in the center of the chest seems more thinner, more splindly, and ultimately less impactful; a design choice that works well given that it matches the narrow frame of the actor wearing it.

While I’m on the topic of the chest emblem, I feel it’s also worth noting that the bottom legs of the spider emblem, that is; the ones that angle straight downward, seem weak to me.

I think it has something to do with the fact that the other 6 legs on the emblem are all angled or curved, but that pair of straight legs just looks silly to me.

I don’t know, maybe it has something to do with the fact that they’re pointed at the guy’s crotch:

Jus’ sayin’ is all…

Anyway, probably my favorite design element of the suit is the unique detail put into the forearm and hand portions of it:

If you look close, there’s a few neat little deviations from the norm to be found, like streaks of blue running through the top portions of the forearm area and along the thumb joints range of motion.

Also, the “web” pattern seems to fade out completely in the hands; making for a seemingly more “practical” spider suit.

I really like this design, though the lighting (and bloody makeup effects) in this promotional image feels a little “dark” for my tastes.

Though, my worries could very well be for naught, being as the previous Spider-Man films also featured these elements in it’s aesthetic, albeit only in small doses.

Here’s hoping this proves to be the case in the reboot as well.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a regular reader of Batman and The Punisher, so “dark” is something I’m very much accustomed to dealing with (and enjoying); but when it comes to Spider-Man, “dark” is not the design aesthetic that comes to mind.

Same goes for "Emo"...

Spider-Man, to me; has always been about celebrating the “gee-whiz” factor of the comics of old, y’know; the more colorful and zany stuff as opposed to the dark and brooding.

For this reason, I found that I really liked Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man films, particularly the 2nd one.

The Train Sequence: The Best Spider-Man Fight EVER

The storytelling could get muddled at times, and Raimi’s insistence on diverting the story in favor of silly asides (see “Emo Spider-Man” above) could get tedious, but from a visual and casting standpoint, I found the film’s look and frenetic energy to be well-suited for bringing Spider-Man to the big screen.

He kind of dropped the ball on 3, at least in the second half anyway; but nobody’s perfect.

I don’t know anything about the new Spider-Man reboot, other than the fact that one of my favorite villains, The Lizard; once again might be in it, but my biggest hope is that it retains the “fun” that has always made Spider-Man a standout among superhero franchises.

Really, that’s all I ask from a Spider-Man story.

Fun, action, and a little bit of heart, nothing more.

They’ve got the costume down, now let’s see if they can make a decent movie around it…

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