Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

“The One Where Goose Dies…”

Ever notice how sometimes we think we know something when all we’re really working from is just one fraction of the whole picture?

Though I think it’s kind of funny now, I realize that most of my knowledge of movies as a kid was derived from this kind of thinking.

In my youth, I didn’t actually watch all that many movies.

Yesterday I posted a list of my 5 favorite film villains from my childhood, and I couldn’t help but notice that nearly every movie on that list (except The Blob. FUCK The Blob…) was a movie I watched “almost every day.”

 

EVERY FUCKING DAY.

You see, I watched movies all the time, however the variety of films I would watch was extremely limited.

My parents and my brother however, watched all sorts of stuff, mostly R and PG-13 movies that I would have to leave the room for.

 

That didn't stop me from walking in on this one at Auntie's house though...

Despite my not having actually seen any of these movies in my youth, I would often overhear, or be told factoids about them by my parents or my older brother.

This lead to me developing a habit of becoming content with what little I knew, and often writing off the film as unnecessary viewing because of it.

It’s a strange way of thinking that seems to fall in line with that whole “astronauts and astronomers” speech that Sam Neill gave in Jurassic Park III.

In case you forgot, (don’t be ashamed, Jurassic Park III sucked balls) basically it goes like this:

Whatever man, you know you'd go gay for him.

 

“I believe that in this world there are 2 kinds of boys: ones that want to be astronauts, and ones that want to be astronomers.” ~ Dr. Alan Grant

The analogy is that some people thrive on hands-on experience in their passions, while others tend to explore them at arms reach.

In case you are already lost, what I’m trying to say is that; as a child, I feel I developed some tendencies akin to that of an “astronomer.”

In many ways I feel I am still marching down that path.

Anyway, that’s enough of that sappy introspective bullshit, the real reason I’m typing this article is because I found myself laughing over some of the ways I would pretend to “know” movies as a kid.

In general, the way I would “know” movies as a kid was by discovering one key moment in the drama of the film.

This lead to me knowing Top Gun for years exclusively by it’s soundtrack, (which my mother listened to, WAY too often) and that it was “the one where Goose dies.”

 

"So, I forget, what the fuck am I supposed to do now that I'm inside him?"

I didn’t know who Goose was.

I didn’t even know how or why he died.

Hell, at some point I even recall pondering whether he was even human, what with his name being Goose an’ all.

GOOSE.

Other examples of my “extensive film knowledge” as a kid included Rocky IV, which was “the one where Apollo dies,” either that, or “the one with the big Russian guy.”

Apologies for whatever spoilers I may have divulged just now, but come on man, if you don’t know Rocky IV and Top Gun, you sir, deserve to be hit with a tack hammer.

In the brain.

Not in the face, the brain.

In the case of Rocky IV, I had actually seen the first 2 films in the series, and had somewhat of a connection to the character.

Know what’s hella’ funny though?

You know what my brother told me when I asked how Apollo died?

He told me: “What do you think?  Some guy walked up to him and punched him in the head.”

Samuel Peter doing his best Rocky IV Apollo Creed impression.

While that’s actually completely true, Apollo did get punched to death, I just love how straight and to the point my brother was with me.

Bear in mind, we were both very young at the time.

Now that I think about it, that’s actually the exact same description he gave me as to how Superman died when Doomsday killed him the comics.

And wouldn’t you know it, my brother wasn’t lying.

Pictured: The Punch.

The list of movies I used to “know without knowing” (kind of like “fighting without fighting,” but, y’know, lame) goes on and on.

I know some of them are exceedingly vague, but see if you can recognize any of them:

1.  “The one where the bunny throws up and the hippo shoots everyone.”

2.  “The one where the alien jumps out of the guy’s chest.”

3.  “The one where the alien’s chest opens up and he pulls out a ray gun and kills everyone.”

4.  “The one where Godzilla bleeds (for the first time).”

5.  “The one where the guy gets his head stepped on.”

6.  “The one where Batman says, “Eat floor.””

7.  “The one with the black rock.”

And the trick question for the evening:

8.  “The one with the train that goes too fast.”

I’ll post the answers for those care to read them sometime tomorrow.

Filed under: Comics, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Villains of the Azn Badger’s Youth

I’m not going to lie, tonight’s post is not entirely my idea.

In fact, I’ve gone and ripped off the entire concept from someone else’s article that I read last night!

Said article was written by Todd Brown over at Twitchfilm.net.

The article was, of course; titled “Villains of My Youth,” within which Mr. Brown cites his 5 favorite/most influential childhood film villains.

In all, the article was devoid of flash, and totally straightforward, however I found it very interesting to read someone else’s thoughts on the subject.

Anyway, it got me thinking, and by the time I sat down to start writing tonight, I realized I wanted to borrow Mr. Brown’s idea, and type up my own version of it!

That being said, I apologize in advance to Twitchfilm.net, and Mr. Todd Brown, but afraid that I’ve gotta’ do what I’ve gotta’ do.

My 5 most influential villains, in no particular order; are:

Jenner the Rat, from The Secret of NIMH (1982)


When I was a kid, sword fighting was just about my favorite thing in the world besides Godzilla and dinosaurs.

While The Secret of NIMH was a wonderful film, that I watched all the time as a kid, but, in truth; half the reason I fucking watched it so much was to see Justin and Jenner’s sword fight at the very end of the movie.

While this sequence was the highlight of the movie for my 3-5 year old self, even back then Jenner stood out to me as not only a terrific villain, but a very poweful presence.

The scintillating timber of Paul Shenar’s (the Columbian dude that says “Don’t fuck me Tony” in Scarface) voice, coupled with Don Bluth’s superb attention to detail in the facial animation of the character, served to create an intense and visceral character, that, while lacking in screen time; certainly left an impression on me.

Remember when I said sword fights were my thing back in the day?

Well, my next favorite villain is:

Sir Guy of GisbourneThe Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)


The Adventures of Robin Hood was a movie I used to watch at a friend of my dad’s house.

My dad would drop me over there as a sort of daycare from time to time, and every single time I ended up watching 1 of the same 2 movies:

Rodan, and The Adventures of Robin Hood (colorized edition).

Now I gotta’ tell yah’, some of you might not know this about me, but as a kid, if I ever even considered watching something besides a Godzilla movie, that meant that movie was really fucking special to me.

Robin Hood, was really fucking special to me as a kid.

Though I loved the movie, and it’s treatment of the Merry Men as being, well, truly fucking Merry, Sir Guy always stood out to me as a tool among tools.

Back then I mistakenly referred to him as The Sheriff of Nottingham, but mistaken identity or not, half the reason I watched the fucking movie was to see his ass get stabbed.

The climactic sword battle at the end of the movie will always stick with me as one of my fondest childhood memories.

Seriously man, Basil Rathbone and the king of swashbuckling himself, Errol Flynn, go balls-out on each other in it.

Look it up, the choreography and execution hold up even to this day.

Next on my list of villains, is:

The BlobThe Blob (1988)


Holy fucking shit.

Let me remind you, that this list is comprised both of villains that I liked, and villains that influenced me as a child.

Well, in terms of villainous influences of my youth, The Blob pretty much takes the cake.

In short, The Blob scared the piss outta’ me.

As a kid, I had nightmares for years about amorphous blobs, and other such faceless monsters that wanted to eat me.

Now, you know what the really crazy part is?

I didn’t see the remake of The Blob until a few years ago!

No, I’m not a total pussy that wets the bed over monster movies to this day, (*Ahem!* Not that I ever did…) what I mean to say, is that I didn’t even have to see the movie for it’s title character to have a huge impression on me.

All I ever saw of the movie as a child, was the cover of the VHS.

Yup, that same cover that’s just a few lines above.

Excuse me, I’m going to go check my closet for monsters…

Next up is:

Marcus Penn – Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995)

Fuck you, Steven Seagal’s movies are fucking AWESOME in just about the most AWESOME way.

By that I mean, they’re about as awesome as they are awesomely shitty.

Anyway, Under Siege 2 was the first R-rated film I ever got to see, and as such, I watched it an unhealthy amount of times in my youth.

Like the first Under Siege, 2 has the distinction of having a pair of villains that are simply too good for the movie itself.

That being said, Everett McGill’s portrayal of Marcus Penn AKA the silver-haired knife fighting dude, is a classic of film villainy, even going so far as to trump Eric Bogosian’s egotistical Travis Dane.

At least in my book.

McGill, holds a presence throughout the film, both figurative and physical, that is truly admirable.

Oh yeah, and the big knife fight at the end was bad-ass.

Last but not least, we have:

Megatron/GalvatronThe Transformers: The Movie (1986)

If anyone were to be at the top of this list, I’d say it would be these 2.

Transformers: The Movie, was a movie I watch literally every day of my early childhood.

My mother can attest to that, as she had to sit through it with me every day.

While I didn’t really get to see all that much of the Transformers cartoon as a kid, I was just a little bit too young; The Movie was just about my favorite thing in world as a kid.

As such, my understanding of the Transformers universe was largely derived from the first 2 seasons of the cartoon, and The Movie; that’s all.

Megatron was just about the most bad-ass villain I can remember.

For fuck’s sake, the man had his own laser gun sound effect and he turned into A FUCKING GUN.

He was tough, arguably more powerful than Optimus Prime, but more importantly, he demonstrated just how evil he was, time and time again.

Hell, during his one-on-one battle with Prime in The Movie, he goes so far as to feign a fair fight, only to cheat and break his own terms left and right.

Not only that, as Galvatron he kills a fuck-ton of high-profile characters, some of which are fellow Decepticons!

Megatron/Galvatron was one of the first villains ever presented to me in my lifetime, and to this day, he remains one of the strongest examples of the archetype that I have yet to encounter.

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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