Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Thoughts On The Captain America Teaser


Though it hardly qualifies as “big news” in most circles, this past Sunday marked the television debut of the 30 second Captain America: The First Avenger teaser:


Oh yeah, and something called “The Superbowl” happened too.

The Packers won, the Steelers lost, and balance has been brought to The Force; at least until the next season.

Anyway, given that the Captain America preview was a trim 30 seconds in length, and was intentionally edited so as to keep most of the major details of the film foggy at best; here are my thoughts on what I saw:

The CGI used to reduce Chris Evan’s heroic physique to that of the undersized pre-Project Rebirth Steve Rogers appears fairly convincing at this point.

Well okay fine, it doesn't look perfect, but it looks better than young Jeff Bridges in Tron Legacy.

While most likely a minor element of the film, technical gimmicks like this have always fascinated me; particularly when they work, I.E. Lt. Dan’s amputated legs in Forrest Gump.

We’ll see how it turns out on the big screen.

Moving on, I’m pleased to note that nothing looks cheap about the movie as of yet.

Some of the costuming for Thor had an unfortunate, plastic-y look, but the period elements, and overall production design of Captain America seems pretty slick thus far.

Of particular note was the set for the Project Rebirth sequence, not only because it’s the only set we really get a good look at in the teaser; but also because it genuinely looks pretty good.

One thing I was afraid of seeing in a Captain America film, was gaudy or needlessly extravagant production design.

Thankfully, and remember this is just me going by what we’ve seen thus far; this seems to be a non-issue in The First Avenger.

Most everything in the teaser points to an almost Rocketeer-esque (also directed by Joe Johnston) marriage of the pulpy comic book aesthetic and appropriately utilitarian, or at least practical, design elements.

Truth be told, I loved The Rocketeer back in the day, so if Captain America can capture that same gleeful energy, I think we’re in for a good show.

Another thing worth noting in the teaser, is the brief glimpse we get of the Red Skull, as played by Hugo Weaving.

Red Skull is a character who has undergone a great deal of variations in his design.

In his early appearances, as well as the current Steve Epting version of the character; Red Skull had what I like to call a “toad face”.

 

TOOOOOOAAAADDDD FAAAAAAACCCEEE!!!!!

His eyebrows were exagerrated and protruding, like a neanderthal; but the “toad face” part of his design came from his broad, perpetually frowning mouth.

My personal favorite design of the character, was the one featured prominently in the early 90’s (go figure) that featured a very straightforward skull-shaped, well, skull.

In the case of the movie, it would appear that the design was designed primarily to capitalize on Hugo Weaving’s unique facial structure, while retaining some of the classic “toad face” features:

...And he tears off his normal face mask to reveal... A hideous skull mask!

In other words, expect a bug-eyed, big forehead-ed Red Skull that looks more like Agent Smith than, well, a skull.

I already voiced my opinion on the design decisions for the Captain America suit, as posted here; however there’s one last little detail I’d like to add to that, in the form of a comment from a friend of mine.

Chris Evans in the Captain America suit looks like Shaq from Steel.”

No Caption Necessary.

While I was (sadly) inclined to agree in some respects, I still remain hopeful that Captain America will turn out to be a better film than the almost ludicrously ass-tastic Steel.

Even so, if ever there was a comic character that was easy to fuck up, it’d have to be the Cap’n…

At this point, Captain America (along with Green Lantern) is poised to be my big summer movie this year, so keep your fingers crossed people, The Azn Badger commands it!

Filed under: Comics, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Master Lock Challenge

Back in 2005, my buddy Mencius and I happened upon a goofy ass storyline in the WWF regarding a wrestler by the name of “The Masterpiece” Chris Masters, and his so-called “Master Lock Challenge.”

Said challenge involved various wrestling personalities attempts to break out of Master’s submission finisher, The Master Lock.

 

So... He hits them with a STEEL bike lock?

Everyone from the top tier of the WWF roster, to Jerry “The King” Lawler himself; participated in The Master Lock challenge at some point, and for awhile it seemed like the behind the scenes writer’s had gone all-in on using The Master Lock challenge as a means of hyping Chris Masters.

“Seemed” my ass.  This really was the best they could do with a boring no-talent like Chris Masters…

Other than being unnaturally muscular, (as evidenced by his recent “deflation”) the man never really had much personality, mic skills, or even wrestling ability.

Fortunately, he was always quite competent at shoving his cock in people's faces.

Sadly, this seems to be the case with all wrestlers in the post-Attitude Era

Bitching aside, the reason I bring up The Master Lock Challenge, is because, honestly; I found it to be utterly hilarious.

The spectacle or dumbfuck-ery that was The Master Lock challenge consisted of the following:

A steel chair (chairs are always made of steel in wrestling, even when they’re made of wood) is placed in the center of the ring, and the participant in the challenge is instructed to sit in it.

From that point, Chris Masters literally creeps up behind them, and after a great number of false starts and feigned drama; hooks his arms under the challengers armpits, clasps his hands together, yanks them out of the chair, and puts them in a full nelson.

That’s right boys and girls, Chris Master’s inescapable, infallible, match-ending submission technique, was little more than your garden variety full nelson:

Once the full nelson, excuse me; “Master Lock,” is locked in, the challenger then proceeds to thrash around and butt bop Masters against the ring posts until they ultimately succumb to the overwhelming epic awesomeness of The Master Lock.

The Master Lock Challenge carried Masters to (unwarranted) main event status in the WWF, and continued to be a major selling point for his character for several years.

Truth be told, my mock fascination with The Master Lock Challenge fizzled out after only a few weeks.

I suppose it’s worth mentioning that my very genuine interest in pro wrestling went in the shitter around the time The Rock became forever more known solely as “Dwayne.”

"Hey it's The Rock! No wait... Nevermind, it's just Dwayne..."

To my knowledge, The Master Lock Challenge was broken at some point, by the equally talentless and prohibitively swollen Bobby Lashley.

I swear man, wrestlers these days have to take it easy on the body building and GO TO FUCKING SCHOOL.

FUCKING. SCHOOL.

I don’t care how “ripped” you are, or how “awesome” your image is, learn to fuckin’ wrestle, or get the fuck out.

*Sigh* You have no idea how much I want to like wrestling, only to be reminded every time I flip it on to to see what’s up; just how far it’s fallen…

Anyway, I’d like to take this opportunity to mention that these stupid-ass Magic cards I’ve been pumping out over the past several days, are likely going to be a regular element of the blog from now on.

I know a lot of you probably don’t “get” the joke of most of them, but that’s your problem, not mine.

I’ve been straining to find material to write about as of late, and I think “art-ing” on photoshop every now and again has been good for me.

Art has always been kind of therapeutic for me, so expect to see lots of stupid Magic cards whenever I find I have nothing to write.

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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