Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Shane Mosley Can Beat Pacquiao… NOT.

I really don’t know how to feel about this match-up.

On paper Pacquiao vs. Mosley is basically supposed to be the big-budget event movie of boxing’s 2011.

What they don’t tell you though, is that this particular movie happens to be directed by Michael Bay, and thusly contains no substance whatsoever… and stars Shia LeButtFuck.

What I mean to say is, while the (manufactured) hype surrounding this fight is genuinely admirable; I find it difficult to view it as anything but yet another case of a damaged or declining fighter being tossed to the prime lion that is Manny Pacquiao.

It’s sad to say, but as much as I like/liked Sugar Shane, based on his performances in his recent bouts I.E. the one’s that have most of us viewing him as a CRIPPLED OLD MAN, it’s hard to picture him succeeding where others have failed.

Then again, it’s hard to argue that Mosley’s decent chin, caginess, and sneaky overhand right make him any less likely to beat Pacquiao than the chinless wonder that is Miguel Cotto, and the “I move my head… Sometimes” duo of Ricky Hatton and Antonio Margarito.

That being said, let’s take a minute to think on some factors that could potentially (but not likely) win the day for Sugar Shane:

1. Shane Makes It A Rough Fight

This one’s a long-shot, given that virtually no one has been able to put it into practice against Pacquiao; but Shane’s recent implementation of clinch heavy tactics under Brother Naazim’s watchful eyes, (which has NOTHING to do with his age…) is one that could do well to offset Pacquiao’s angles and smother his punch output.

Little Known Fact: Pacquiao Is Not "A Hugger." No Siree...

In theory, this would slow the pace of the fight in Shane’s favor, and potentially allow him to steal the bout by landing the more emphatic blows while initiating and breaking from clinches.

The problem with this strategy, is that Shane doesn’t exactly have the best skill-set to get in position to tie up Pacquiao with any sort of regularity.

He doesn’t have a jab and his legs aren’t what the used to be, so jabbing his way inside or turning Pacquiao are things I just don’t see him being able to do.

What Shane does have in this equation though, are decent counter-punching skills, decent timing, and a great, but potentially declining chin.

He’s not gonna’ win on punch output, and he’s not likely gonna’ win on ring generalship, but if he can make himself out to be the only man to land punches of any sort of note, or better yet; put the Filipino on the mat, there’s a slim chance he can pull off the upset.

In other words, regardless of whether he wins or not, Mr. Mosley is gonna’ have to walk through fire to reach the final bell.

2. Pacquiao Gets Greedy/Has An Off Night

If you thought the last one was unlikely, prepare to readjust your standards.

Manny Pacquiao is not the same fighter he was 7-8 years ago.

He’s cleaned up most of his quirks, and these days he’s one of the best finishers on planet.

In short, he’s become a very complete fighter that, while human; seldom makes the kind of careless mistakes that get fighters hurt.

Well, except in the Cotto fight… That was just plain dumb. ¬†Dumb and AWESOME.

*Ahem!* ANYWAY, the point is, Shane Mosley has proven himself to be an extremely tough fighter that rarely gets rocked/put on queer street.

As old as he may be, he also happens to be a somewhat slipperier fighter than Antonio Margarito, who as we all know; is pretty much as easy to hit as… well, Antonio Margarito.

The point is, Shane is cagey enough to do things like take 3 minor shots to give 1 decent one, or even play opossum.

He's playing opossum, I swear.

Once again, this is pretty much as unlikely as one can imagine, but should Pacquiao bite for a clever feint, or get greedy and stay in the pocket just a moment too long, I believe the old adage says: “Anything can happen in boxing.”

3. Shane Fought The Wrong People

Floyd Mayweather and Sergio Mora.

While both of those guys are just about as far from each other on the skill range as humanly possible, the fact of the matter is; is that both guys make their living by making other fighters look bad.

Both are safety first counter-punchers that are hard to hit and offer little in the way offering counter opportunities to their opponents.

While it’s hard to say how true it is these days, in his prime Sugar Shane was a middle range boxer-puncher.

He excelled in tight exchanges, and indeed won most of his fights by being one step ahead in said exchanges.

While it’s hard to see him pulling ahead of Pacquiao in terms of tempo, the fact remains that in Shane’s most recent fights, the one’s that have most, including me; writing him off as an aging and declining fighter, he’s been fighting the kinds of guys that make not just him, but everyone look bad.

Pacquiao’s handspeed, punch output, and plethora of clever angles will very likely prove too much for Mosley, however in his heart I think this is exactly the kind of fight Shane wants.

He’s a puncher moreso than a boxer, and at this point in his career, I think even Shane knows his abilities as a fighter are more dependent on his opponent standing in front of him, making mistakes, and taking the wrong punches *cough!* MARGARITO! *cough!* than him genuinely outboxing them.

Very few fighters choose to retire at what one could call the “appropriate” time, both in terms of their physical health and financial situtations; and I don’t think Sugar Shane is any different.

I’ve written several articles in the past regarding my disdain for this particular matchup, largely due to my objection to Shane Mosley as being a relevant element of the welterweight division.

My only hope is that the fight ends up being more competitive than we all expect it to be, and that both men retain their faculties for the foreseeable future.

Seriously man, the last thing I wanna’ see is Sugar Shane knocked stupid by Congressman Pacquiao… That’d just be sad.

Like THIS sad...

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Thoughts On Chris Evans As Captain America

Let’s get one thing straight:

I like Captain America.

I like his “patriotic weakling to walking symbol of hope and freedom” origin story.

I like his old timey way, and how it juxtaposes so well with the often times annoying immature antics of today’s comic superheroes.

I like his powers and abilities, as the range of his physical capabilities allows him to be “super,” while at the same time quite vulnerable.

Hell, as goofy as it can look at times, I even like his costume design.

Well, except for this, the "flag conspicuously pointing at crotch" variant.

When I first heard that Chris Evans was going to be playing Cap in Captain America: The First Avenger movie, my initial reaction was to say:

“Really?¬† Chris Evans is in another comic book movie?”

Off the top of my head, Chris Evans has been in 4 comic book movies, playing 3 different characters, with no less than 2 more roles down the road if you count the Captain America film in question, and his appearance in the upcoming Avengers film.

Chris Evans has an acting portfolio. At least I think so anyway.

Make no mistake, comic book movies as still very much “in” at the moment, and if anyone is making bank off of the trend, my guess is it would be Mr. Evans.

Now, while that may have been my initial reaction to the Captain America casting news; my honest to God feelings on the matter were lodged somewhere in the valley between confusion and disbelief.

To date, I still can’t understand why he was chosen for the Captain America role.

With the exception of Street Kings, wherein he played a very vanilla and by the book cop; every role I’ve seen Evans in has had him cast as the “funny guy” or failing that, the “funny guy that can set himself on fire.”

Although he was without a doubt the best part of the Fantastic 4 movies, that doesn't mean they weren't pure ass.

Truth be told, I’ve never been disappointed by any of his performances, not that that’s saying much; but the point is:

Unless he’s hiding some well-concealed stoicism or acting range beneath his “funny guy” exterior, he just doesn’t seem like Cap to me.

Captain America is one of those characters that, to me; is more easily represented as a somewhat older man.

While the First Avenger is most likely going to take place exclusively in the WWII era, when Steve Rogers was cutting his teeth on Nazis, for some reason I’ve always pictured Captain America as being one of those guys that’s been a manly man since the cradle.

Kind of like Charles Bronson, James Coburn, or Anthony Hopkins.

Pictured: Charles Bronson at 9 months.

I know It’s unfair of me to judge an actor, or a film for that matter; before it’s even had a trailer, but in my mind the actors that would have best played Captain America have already aged themselves out of the running.

Despite a distinct lack of physicality, I always felt that Robert Redford could’ve made for a very effective Captain America.

His voice, face, hair color, acting ability and God given aura of gravitas would’ve gone a long way towards legitimizing the character and the film.

Not only that, with movies like A River Runs Through It, and The Natural under his belt, he always had that all-American feel to him.

Some people said the same of Kevin Costner.

Said people are of course, utterly retarded and full of shit, as Costner’s just about the most boring and vanilla pile of feces to ever walk the face of the Earth.

Pictured: Feces with a soul patch.

Sadly, “boring as shit” seems to describe far too many young actors these days.

Maybe it’s just because they’re young, and seem to be cast more for their looks than their acting ability, but to me it seems like most of the big-budget blockbuster movie actors these days just seem to lack “character,” at least in a physical sense.

When you look at the actors from back in the day, they had a look to them that lent a lot to their performances.

Not only that, in the post-studio picture era, subtlety was an acting trait that was considered praise worthy among performers, a fact that has not changed since; but seemingly has eluded many of the young actors of today.

..... Y'know, I'm not even gonna' say anything.

 

I’m rambling.

Anyway, at this point in time, The First Avenger seems like a pretty decent movie on paper.

It has a pretty strong cast, with Hugo Weaving sure to steal the show as The Red Skull, and a competent, if somewhat bipolar director at the helm in the form of Joe Johnston.

If Johnston gives us another Rocketeer or Jumanji, then Captain America’s gonna’ kick some serious ass.

If he gives us another Jurassic Park III though, then I just might have to sit this one out.

In either case, the man has shown considerable zeal for crafting old timey period films, not to mention he has a tremendous visual effects background, so if nothing else; the film will be pretty to look at…

That being said, on a final note, I’d just like to say that I sincerely disapprove of Marvel’s decision to rely on the Ultimate Universe for some of the visual stylings and character interpretations for their current and future films.

I understand that the Ultimate Universe has not been confirmed to be used as direct source material for said films, but from what I’ve seen, that seems to the case.

Maybe it’s because the Ultimate Universe was never targeted at my age group, as it’s intended audience is that of younger, less seasoned comic fans, but honestly I’ve never seen the appeal of it.

I can understand Marvel’s desire to use the black Nick Fury, as Samuel L. Jackson is the bees knees in the eyes of dorky haole kids, but to be perfectly honest; it makes me sad that both the Captain America and Thor movie’s character designs have drawn influence from the Ultimate Universe.

Long story short, Ultimate Thor is okay, but Ultimate Captain America is absolutely hideous in my eyes.

Concept art from the movie. Where's the fuckin' wings!!!??

 

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Anybody Remember Zen The Intergalatic Ninja?

Anybody remember Zen the Intergalactic Ninja?

Yeah, neither do I.

Well okay, that’s not entirely true, I do in fact remember Zen, I wouldn’t be typing this article if I didn’t; but all of my memories of the character are foggy at best.

I was exposed to Zen via the Archie/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comics of the early 90’s.

Pictured: The only Archie Comic I'd touch with a 10 foot pole.

My brother used to get Ninja Turtle comics every so often via some sort of subscription service, though he’d usually end up throwing away the Archie or Jughead comics.

To this day, I fail to see the beauty of Jughead’s soul.

 

Is it just me, or is Jughead the original stoner/hipster doofus?

Anyway, being as I am indeed my father’s son, and never throw away anything, even if it never even belonged to me in the first place, I still have a few of the Ninja Turtle comics somewhere, namely the one’s that introduced Wingnut and Chameleon:

Yup, got both of these... In absolutely horrid condition...

At some point during this era, presumably around ’93-94, (I remember Maximum Carnage was big news at the time, as was Superman and Batman’s unfortunate run-ins with Doomsday and Bane respectively) one of my neighborhood buddies was kind enough to share a new comic he had just bought.

It was called Zen, the Intergalactic Ninja:

AWESOME! But what's up with Oscar the Grouch over there on the right?

That comic, or rather it’s cover; pushed just about all the right buttons in my young, action figure obssessesd mind.

Yes, they are in fact action figures, not dolls.

"New Shia LaBeouf action figure! With easy access "open mouth" action for inserting of donkey balls! Donkey balls sold separately..."

Get it right power-fag, lest my kung fu grip find your larynx.

*Ahem!* I seem to remember the plot mirroring Bucky O’Hare, as well as just about every other 90’s Saturday morning cartoon; in the sense that it surrounded a strange group of colorful and easily action figure-ized characters coming to Earth and seeking the aid of a young boy to whom the audience could easily relate to.

(Insert picture of any mid-80’s to early 90’s cartoon here)

Y’know, standard genre fare.

The few elements of Zen that really stuck with me after all these years were, of course; the name of the main character, his unique and kid-friendly bo weapon, (no sharp weapons or blood-letting for the kiddies, that would be inappropriate!) and the fact that the plot was at least somewhat eco-friendly…

Make that, “eco-obsessed.”

Um, gender = What?

That last part was kind of a deal breaker for me, a robot and violence obsessed little boy.

I honestly liked Zen’s character designs, in fact I remember drawing him at school a few times on my test papers; however the whole “save the environment” thing just didn’t appeal to me all that much.

I remember they pushed it just a little bit too far with Zen, to the point in which most of, if not all of the principle hero characters represented some element of recycling.

Put it this way, I’m pretty sure I remember the yellow dude being named “Pulp.”

Hey, it's Pulp! And Compost Man! And Recycled Aluminum Man! And Plastic Bottle Man, etc...

That’s just fuckin’ sad, being named for mashed up paper byproduct.

Let it be known, saving the Earth is only cool when Captain Planet tells you to do it:

Honestly man, a catchy theme song and green giga-mullet go a long way towards capturing the hearts and minds of children.

Jumping back to my initial dealing with Zen, I honestly don’t really remember much about the comic, (which consequently would be the only Zen comic I’d ever read, let alone see) other than the fact that the art and character designs had a definite Captain Bucky O’Hare vibe to them, and the comic was packed to the brim with advertisements… For itself.

Seriously, if memory serves, there were advertisements for the Zen comic itself, the upcoming Zen NES game, and a line of Zen action figures; all in one comic!

Lord CONTAMINOUS!? "Take out the garbage!?" Good God, it really is a tree-hugger comic/game/action figure line!

That, my friends; is what I like to call “super-liminal marketing:”

Despite all the effort on the part of the publishers though, clearly it didn’t pay off; as almost none of my friends have ever heard of Zen.

Even so, I’ll always remember Zen as being a particularly inspired example of those 20,000 or so highly marketable characters that were thrown at us in the wake of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle phenomenon, only to slip through the cracks like so many others…

Filed under: Comics, Games, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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