Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

In A Bizarre Twist Of Fate, Something Good Happened At Work Today!

How Do Asian People Smile? With The Aid of Expensive and Specialized Tools, Of Course.

Remember gym class in middle school?

Remember how you basically got an “A” just for changing into your gym clothes?

Well, don’t let anyone tell you that just plain showing up for work everyday isn’t without it’s benefits; because I just got a 16 GB Zune Touch HD for doing exactly that!

Oooooh.... Fancy...

Oh yeah, and I also got a wall charger/USB adaptor, and a screen cleaning kit to go with it.

Tower of Power, baby... Tower of Power...

FOH’ FREE Y’ALL!

*Ahem!* Sorry.  We Japanese don’t gloat all too often, but when it comes to the acquisition of fancy and overpriced material goods, we just can’t help ourselves.

Anyway, turns out there was some sort of lottery involving the various employees at the warehouse with a certain standard of attendance, and my name just happened to be pulled for the second prize.

It’s kind of funny really, I honestly didn’t know anything about a drawing or prizes or what not; which made the whole experience of being told I had won something all the more surreal.

Trust me, as awesome as the Azn Badger may seem in print, in person he is very much a mustelid (look it up, retard) of the loser-ly variety.

That being said, I was absolutely blown away by the announcement, such that I honestly didn’t believe it at first.

I think it goes without saying, that despite all the hardship and long hours at work lately, (particulary of the “frozen” variety…) a silly little thing like getting second prize in a lottery I didn’t even know I had entered really did a lot to perk me up.

In fact, I’d even go so far as to say that it made me “happy.”

It’s kind of funny actually, when the subcontractor correspondent approached me to tell me about the prize, my first reaction was to steel myself in anticipation of bad news along the lines of:

“You accidentally shipped a dildo and House of 1000 Corpses to a child for Christmas.  You sir, Mr. Badger; are fired.”

Or,

“You’re slow.  And dumb.  And you smell of lamb shanks and feces.  Now, get back to work dick fur.”

In retrospect, the sunny and inviting smile on their face probably should’ve tipped me off to their intentions, but give me a break; I’m Azn, we’re good at misinterpreting things like faces, and y’know; English.

Anyway, after far too many days of freezer duty, my hands are a cracked and, quite literally, bloody mess right now; resulting in the necessary application of bag balm.

Word to the wise:

Never type with balmy jism on your hands; it can get very messy…

With bag jizz all over my hands, I’m not really able to handle my shiny new Zune at the moment, so I’m thinking I’ll wait a day or 2 to fire her up.

Damn that thing's reflective... A little smaller than I expected too.

Hell, I can wait, after all; it’s not everyday you get a free toy, much less a $200+ one…

Oh well, happy early Christmas to me I guess!

 

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Action Coach Seattle: Wrong Kind of Action, Wrong Kind of Coach…

On my drive home from work this evening, I happened to catch sight of a new business just a few blocks from my home.

The small, unassuming sign hung above the building was laeled “Action Coach Seattle.”

Being as I am an action movie enthusiast, my hopeful young mind immediately conjured up images of a safety mat and training dummy filled stunt school.

Think of that one scene a lot of James Bond movies where Q shows up and he and 007 take a stroll through a chaotic training/gadget room while casually slinging deadpan humor back and forth.

That’s the kind of imagery I had swimming around in my head as I drove past Action Coach Seattle.

What’s more, I also happened to notice that the sign had a date for a meet and greet in the near future, getting me anxious for all of the future possibilities the place might have in store for someone like me.

For the 3 minutes or so, I drove home with feelings of hope and excitement stirring in my heart.

I thought:

“Man, I should go home and work out!”

“Tonight I should have tuna, cabbage and rice, that always makes me feel energized!”

“Should I start running again?”

Then I got home and actually visited the Action Coach Seattle website.

In an instant, all of my ambition, and all of my practical, realistic goal-oriented energy went straight down the shitter.

It’s a business coaching service.

Action Coach Seattle, is a training/motivational service, for small businesses.

I suppose it’s better than a bunch of “social media experts” moving ino the neighborhood, but even so; business coaching is a far cry from balls-out, fighting/stunt training for Hollywood hopefuls!

*Sigh* Oh well, we can’t always get what we want…

I’m just glad this all took place over the course of a few minutes, otherwise I would’ve gone nuts busting my ass to be in great shape for the open house, and no doubt would’ve ruined my daily performance at work.

I guess I’ll just have to stick to making stupid action movies with my friends the best way I know how…

Badly, and without the proper planning.

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