Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

And Now, The Yojimbo Kill Count.

In case you couldn’t tell from my post yesterday, I’ve got Mifune on the brain.

Mind you, nobody said that was a bad thing.

That being said, the clip above another one of those innumerable Youtube videos that I’m still kicking myself over not having put together on my own.

The kill count might not be all that high by Schwarzenegger-ian and Stallone-ian standards, but when it comes to impressive displays of legit kenjutsu choreography; there are few better examples than those found in Yojimbo.

Besides the awesomeness of the choreography, another great aspect of this video is the fact that it has a track from the incomparable Masaru Sato’s score for the movie playing over it; which is always a treat.

Anyway, thanks for indulging me as I go about my Mifune-binge.

Hopefully you all enjoyed this half as much as I did!

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , ,

I’ve Had This Music Stuck In My Head For Awhile Now

It’s funny, I’ve only seen Hiroshi Inagaki’s Samurai Trilogy once in my life, and yet to this day I can still recall many of the sights and sounds almost at will.

To this day, the Samurai movies maintain a very special place in my heart.

They were the first subtitled films I ever saw.

They were the first samurai movies I ever saw.

And perhaps more importantly, they served as my introduction to the walking symbol of MANLY Japanese badassery that was Toshiro Mifune.

He's got more badass in his little finger than you've got in your entire bloodline.

While I’m sure how much relevance he has with the youth of today, what with the prevalence of stories/movies/anime with bumbling or overly emotional male protagonists, and y’know, that Glee horseshit; in my mind Mifune’s samurai performances stand as the single strongest example of what an Asian male should aspire to be.

Either that, or Bruce Lee.

Or Donnie Yen when he was a few years younger.

Or Yusaku Matsuda.

The pimp that left us too soon...

Point is:  Glee, Bad.  Mifune, Good.

Anyway, I’m not entirely sure, but from what I can recall, it’s been 14 or 15 years since I watched the Samurai Trilogy, and yet here I am, still getting it’s theme music stuck in my head.

It’s been about a week or so since the tune popped into my head, and to be honest, it’s got me in the mood for some classic chanbara movies.

That being said, I got an Amazon gift card this past Christmas, and I’m seriously considering using it to buy the Yojimbo and Sanjuro blu ray set.

It’s been about 4-5 years since I last saw those movies, but as far as I’m concerned, watching Mifune scratch his face and cut the fuck out of some bitches never gets old.

I would buy the Samurai movies, however I recently heard a rumor that Criterion is going to be releasing them on blu ray in the next month or 2, so I’ll hold off for now.

Hell, I’ve waited about three-fifths of my life to sit down and watch them again, I think I can wait a few more months, right?

……….. Fuck Glee.

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Top 10 Manliest Man Moments: Runner-Ups

As with virtually any list I’ve put together for this blog, there were more than a few entries I regret not having found a place for.

I suppose I could’ve changed the list from a “Top 10” to a “Top 15,” however I think we can all agree that Top 15 just doesn’t have the same ring to it; hence my reasoning for cutting things down to 10.

Anyway, finishing the Top 10 Manliest Man Moments last night really whooped my ass something fierce, so in the interest of sparing my brain cells; I’m gonna’ try to keep this short.

That being said, without further ado I give you the Top 5 Runner-Up Man Moments:

#5. Tremors – The Wrong Goddamn Rec Room…

Few would deny that Tremors was an awesome movie.

While the franchise that would follow in it’s wake would ultimately be hit and miss at best, the original Tremors succeeded largely on the shoulders of it’s colorful cast of characters; not the least of which being Burt Gummer and his wife.

While Burt’s survivalist shtick never really made him out to be as MANLY a MANLY-MAN as some of the other characters on this list, his vast arsenal of weapons; and the child-like glee he exhibits at the thought of getting a chance to use them, are qualities that made him perhaps the MANLIEST MAN in the Tremors series.

In short, watching Burt and the missus put several hundred rounds into an extraordinarily ballsy Graboid as it tears it’s way into their underground bunker was a thrill that brought me great joy in my youth.

#4. The Killer – Mickey Mouse and Dumbo Have… A “Moment.”

Um..... Manly(?)

The Killer is John Woo’s best film, bar none.

The gunplay, while not as over-the-top and explosive as Hard-Boiled; is staged with a beauty and grace that few films can rival, not to mention the story and writing are probably the best Woo has ever had to work with.

While the action component of The Killer is ultimately what made it come to mind while compiling this MANLY list, in truth; the moment in the film that puts it among the runner-ups involves no violence whatsoever.

There’s a moment at the end of the film, during the church shootout; when Chow Yun Fat and Danny Lee have a truly bizarre, and mildly homoerotic “moment” as they exit the church.

Basically, some over-the-top and totally out of place MAN music starts blaring as our heroes strut through the doors in slow motion.

If that wasn’t MANLY enough, we then cut to close-ups of the 2 MEN cracking goofy-ass smiles, at which point we are treated to back-to-back awkward freeze frames of the 2 men.

It’s a weird sequence, and is indeed very much out of place given the circumstances; but in some mysterious way it just seems utterly MANLY to me…

#3. Independence Day – Russell Puts A Plane Up The Alien’s Assholes

This one’s a no-brainer.

Randy Quaid saved the world from the aliens by giving his life.

I would’ve put this one on the Top 10 proper, but the Whitmore Speech just seemed so much bigger to me.

In the interest of restricting myself to a “one moment per movie” rule, I felt it was wise to put Russell in with the runner-ups.

#2. Bloodsport – Frank Dux Makes Chong Li Smell His Feet

The only reason this one didn’t make the list is because Rocky IV basically did the same thing, only better.

In short:

I like Stallone better Van-Damme.

Apollo died, whereas Ogre only got a concussion.

The actual fight in Rocky IV was both choreographed and shot better.

Rocky Balboa fought for AMERIKUH and ENDED COMMUNISM, while Frank Dux won “honor” and a toy sword.

In my book, the finale of Rocky IV is definitely the MANLIER moment, though I love both films with about the same passion

#1. Yojimbo – 5 Seconds of Mayhem

(Note: The clip above isn’t the actual moment in question, rather it’s simply a compilation of awesome Mifune moments.)
As mentioned elsewhere on this list, Toshiro Mifune is pretty much the most awesome human being.

The man was pretty much a modern day samurai, not to mention the living embodiment of the MANLY ideal of Japanese MAN-DOM.

That being said, of all the awesome moments he had in his illustrious film career; I can think of no MANLIER a sequence than when he cut down virtually every major villain in Yojimbo in the space of a few seconds.

Utterly devoid of flash, and about as no-nonsense as you can get, this sequence stands as a testament to the SAVAGERY of advanced iaido techniques, and the paragon of pimp that is Toshiro Mifune.

Anyway, that’s all for the Azn Badger’s list of the Manliest Man Moments in movies.

Check back tomorrow for something not related to MANLINESS!

Filed under: Boxing, Movies, Top 10 Manliest Man Moments, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Lazy Badger Is Lazy!

Aww... Lazy badger is lazy!

Every once in awhile I feel the need to take a breather and do a lazy post, y’know; to keep me sane.

Consider tonight’s post one of those lazy posts.

Anyway, I just finished watching the 3 hour long 1959 Toei version of Satomi Hakkenden with my mom.

Fuck yes...

When I was a little kid, I remember my mom and her sisters telling me stories about “The 8 Samurai” movies that they watched in the theater as children.

In all, it took 20 years of research and picking of my aunties’ brains to figure out exactly which version was the one they saw so many years ago; making this evening’s viewing particularly significant in terms of nostalgic value.

Truth be told, despite some truly bizarre and hokey effects; Satomi Hakkenden was actually pretty action-packed for it’s time, and definitely worth watching.

It was especially fun getting to hear my mom excitedly yell, “Hey! I remember that!” every so often.

I think that alone was worth the insanely long wait.

Anyway, here’s a link to a funny article about comic book movie douchebags that my friend sent to me the other day.

See you tomorrow, hopefully with a more legit post!

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Best Boss Music #6: Kirby Superstar

Let’s get one thing straight: King Dedede is the shit.

Just check out his unbelievably pimptastic theme music that just happens to be the Best Boss Music for today’s post:

If you can’t appreciate the awesomeness that is a gigantic penguin wearing a kimono/Santa robe, while carrying an equally gigantic mallet, IN A WRESTLING RING mind you, then you can go fuck yourself.

This NEEDS to happen.

Seriously, you better find yourself a Maglite or some shit to sit on, otherwise I’ll come find your ass.

FOH’ REAL.

It's waiting...

*Ahem!* ANYWAY, King Dedede is of course, regular villain/rival character in the Kirby universe of games.

In the first game, Kirby’s Dreamland for the Nintendo Game Boy, King Dedede is the primary villain, for just about the coolest reason ever:

The fat fuck stole all the food in Dreamland!

Kid’s game or not, that is just about the coolest evil scheme I’ve ever heard of in videogames.

That fat, gluttonous fuck...

Unfortunately, that equally fat fuck, Kirby, shows up and saves the day, puking stars all over poor Dedede in his own wrestling arena.

Or if you're a cheap ass, you just throw bombs n'shit at him...

This would prove to the norm for most Kirby games, of which there are far too many for me to cover in this article, let alone give two shits about.

Seriously, in my book it goes:  Kirby’s Dreamland, Kirby’s Adventure, Kirby Superstar, and then all of those sinfully addictive Super Smash Bros. games.

DID NOT HAPPEN.

I am fully aware that there are a shit ton of spin-offs and Japanese exclusive games, but like I said, I haven’t got the time, nor the testicular fortitude to write about all of that.

The one game I will talk about in detail however, is Kirby Superstar, as that is the game that plays host to the Best Boss Music track for today.

Kirby Superstar is a standard Super NES Kirby platformer, with the same jumping, floating, eating, and pooping style gameplay of it’s predecessor, Kirby’s Adventure on the NES.

Incontinence: No Laughing Matter.

Taking full advantage of the Super NES’s enhanced capabilities, Superstar was packed to the brim with extra features to go with it’s improved graphics and sound.

With no real “main story mode,” Kirby Superstar nevertheless featured a whopping, 9 different modes of play.

Spring Breeze was the first mode unlocked, which was basically a Super NES remake of the original Kirby’s Dreamland.

This was followed by a mode called Dyna Blade, wherein Kirby embarks on a mission to calm a rampaging bird creature of the same name.

Next came Gourmet Race, which was a multi-heat platforming mode wherein Kirby and King Dedede must compete with one another to collect food while racing to the finish line.

The Great Cave Offensive was an especially unique and robust mode involving a romp through a massive cave while hunting or 60 treasure chests scattered throughout.

Revenge of Meta Knight was an especially difficult mode starring Meta Knight as the main villain, and featuring a dialogue-heavy plot line.

This was probably my favorite of the “story modes.”

Milky Way Wishes is the last of the story modes, involving Kirby’s battle against a comet named Nova using a Mega Man style weapon inventory.

The Arena was the Kirby equivalent to “boss rush” or “survival mode,” wherein the player’s task was simply to defeat the game’s boss character one after another with just one life.

The last two modes in the game were a pair of timing based mini-games called Samurai Kirby and Megaton Punch.

The objectives were to slash one’s opponent first,

or punch a stone slab the hardest respectively.

These modes took only a matter of seconds to complete, however this by no means meant they were easy.

On the contrary, they were quite difficult, but more importantly, they were crazy fun.

Smacking King Dedede upside the head with a party whistle, and literally punching the planet in half are gaming accomplishments that are hard to forget.

I was gonna' Photoshop something, but then I found THIS.

Aside from these last two mini-games, every other mode in the game had a co-op feature using Kirby’s powers of “pooping” out partner characters as a means of creating a second player character.

With all those modes, Kirby Superstar was a vibrant and incredibly varied platformer for it’s day.

Also, along with Kirby Superstar’s brilliant iteration of King Dedede’s theme, (easily my favorite version of it) the game had an overall kick-ass soundtrack.

Standouts include the remixed version of the Green Greens theme:

The Intro Stage of the Revenge of Meta Knight mode:

Not only that, but it’s also worth noting that the standard Boss theme would also be a decent competitor for Best Boss Music had it not been from the same game as King Dedede’s theme.

Giant Penguin, Second-In-Command only to the Mighty Space Bobcat...

Filed under: Best Boss Music, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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