Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Conan Looks Like Shit…

Well, it’s been a long time coming, but they’ve finally released a theatrical trailer for the new Conan the Barbarian.

For those that are keeping score at home, in previous articles I made mention of the fact that the production stills for the movie had a decent look to them, and that Jason Momoa seemed a capable enough actor to take on the character of Conan.

Then the teaser was released, and suddenly the whole thing started to seem cheap and hokey.

CHEEEEEEAAAAAPPPP.

Despite this, I found myself more than willing to concede that this epic clusterfuck of a poorly conceived teaser trailer was mostly the fault of a lame-ass marketing department, and not a genuine representation of the quality of the actual film.

While that could in fact be the case, and indeed, could still be the case; it’s hard for me to say that the new trailer for Conan looks at all good.

TRAILER HERE

The production values seem decent enough, with some some nice background vistas, practical sets, and (excessively detailed) costumes, but the various action set-pieces the trailer promises are far from noteworthy.

Tentacle beast?

Albino sand people?

Magical claw lady cat fight?

I’m sorry, but none of that really seems like stuff I’d like to see in my Conan movies.

I think the worst comment I can make about this trailer, is the fact that it reminded me of the recent Clash of the Titans remake.

Pictured: Sky Marine hanging out with his Greek Protoss buddy in Medusa's layer. Don't worry, it's an inside joke.

For those who are unaware, Clash of the Titans is a pretty fuckin’ lousy remake, of a beautifully animated; but otherwise mediocre Ray Harryhausen film.

The one saving grace for Conan that is impossible to gauge from the trailer, is the fact that Lionsgate and Millenium Pictures movies have a pretty good reputation for including ridiculous amounts of violence in their films.

That being said, should this new Conan be as bloody and SAVAGE as it’s curiously over-the-top DEAD SERIOUS tone might suggest, there’s a good chance the various fade to black portions of the trailer might be concealing some truly epic bloodshed.

This is definitely a “maybe” for now, and at the end of the day it won’t really make the movie any more worthwhile than it already is; but in my book good action can go a long way towards making a shitty movie I spent $10 to see that much less shitty.

Here’s hoping this one doesn’t suck, ’cause despite all the shit I talked just now, it’s more than likely I’ll end up seeing it in the theater anyway!

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Filed under: Movies, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Heavyweight Boxing Ruined My Article!

As phenomenal a fighter as he WAS, it's never a good thing when THIS is the look of a top 10 fighter.

Heavyweight boxing has never been my thing.

Aside from the hype surrounding Mike Tyson’s post-prison bouts, I could never see the beauty in boxing fought North of 200 lbs.

Ever since Lennox Lewis dominated the division, with his superior height and reach, coupled with his fundamental based European-style boxing; I couldn’t help but be kinda’ bored by the heavyweights.

Pictured: One of Lewis' GOOD fights, against Frank Bruno.

Personally, I blame Lewis and the Klitschko brothers for being so fucking tall, and so fucking good at fighting tall, but that’s besides the point.

Honestly, I think my disenchantment with the heavyweight division has a lot to do with the era in which I grew up, an era where truly talented fighters were hard to come by.

Ask any old timer and they’ll tell you that knowing the name of the heavyweight champion of the world was common knowledge among most Americans back in the day.

Hell, I remember hearing that in WWII, the current heavyweight champs name, as well as the date and venue of the Rose Bowl (January 1st, Pasadena), were facts used as codes for determining friend from foe.

It makes me sad to know that boxing was practically the king of all sports back in the day, only for it to turn into a niche sport around the time I was growing up.

I blame the establishment of PPV, and the various belt factions, but again; that’s besides the point.

The point is:

The heavyweight boxing used to represent the pinnacle of the sport, but these days it’s reduced to a sideshow act with maybe 3 worthwhile fighters to go around, none of which are American.

 

Soda Popinski: NOT American.

While a lack of talent in divisions in relatively common in this age of boxing, wherein moving up in weight is treated not so much as a physical inevitability, but as a business tactic for seeking larger contracts; when there’s only a handful of good fighters at a weight, it’s downright painful to see them kick tomato cans back and forth between one another rather than fight each other.

Such has been the situation in the heavyweight division ever since Lennox Lewis vacated the undisputed championship (a title which, technically; has yet to be reclaimed).

It’s funny, this article was supposed to be a hopeful one, singing the praises of boxing and it’s promoters for finally getting Wladimir Klitschko into the ring with David Haye, but unfortunately; from the time I started writing this, to the present; that pivotal match-up in the sport has since fallen through… For the 3rd time.

That's one helluva' a mean-ass Godzilla impression, but that doesn't make him any less of a pussy.

Instead, we get the premier heavyweight champion of the world, Wladimir Klitschko; versus unproven British prospect Derek Chisora in April, and then against former light heavyweight, turned cruiserweight, turned heavyweight contender, Tomasz Adamek.

While I don’t expect Chisora to make it to the final bell, or even the 6th round; I have a great deal of respect and admiration for Adamek’s pluck and tenacity; so I give him a fair chance to put on a good show.

Seriously man, after seeing Adamek’s brawls with Paul Briggs and Steve Cunningham, it’s hard not to be a fan of the big Pole.


On a side note, Paul Briggs looks a helluva’ lot like Sam Worthington if you ask me…

While Adamek has had a good run as a heavyweight thus far, we’ve never really seen him in there with anyone as large, skillful, or powerful as a Klitschko.

Needless to say, in the case of both Chisora and Adamek, both men will be at a severe disadvantage in terms of height, reach, and perhaps most important of all; power.

I don’t expect either man to topple Dr. Steelhammer, but like I said; Adamek will find a way to make things exciting at the very least.

Like I mentioned earlier, this post was originally intended to be celebrating the emerging sense of clarity that a Klitschko/Haye match-up would provide for the heavyweight division, but instead I’m forced to write about a champion defending his title against an undersized tomato can, and an undersized tomato can that can take a punch.

It should be noted, that I give Adamek about as good a chance against Klitschko as David Haye, but in this case; Haye’s value on paper is what counts, more so than his (questionable) merit as a fighter.

Goddamnit boxing, you ruined my article!

Filed under: Boxing, Games, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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