Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Remember That One Time Rikishi “Did It For Dah’ Rock”?

Oh, how I long for the days when wrestling was still fun.

These days it seems like the WWF is more interested in plugging it’s seemingly endless supply of Twitter feeds than it is the art of pro wrestling, steel chair shots, and vehicular assault…

Oh well, as they say:

Back in the early 2000’s, the WWF made the somewhat bold decision to push the previously semi-mute Rikishi.

Originally Fatu of the Headshrinkers back in early 90’s, Rikishi’s path through the WWF saw him play a number of stereotypical heel characters ranging from Samoan to Middle Eastern, however it wasn’t until the early 2000’s that he would gain a significant following.

Joining forces with the Backstreet Boys inspired tag team Too Cool, Rikishi gained popularity largely due to his surprisingly fleet-footed dance moves involved in the crew’s victory dances.

Somewhere down the line though, Rikishi began to eclipse the popularity of Grandmaster Sexay and Scotty 2 Hotty, (yes, those were in fact their names) resulting in him distancing himself from the group and being given the privilege to speak on the mic every now and again.

In a shocking heel turn, it would later be revealed that at Survivor Series ’99, Rikishi had run Stone Cold Steve Austin over with a car.

Boldly playing the race card, this story angle would involve Rikishi lashing out at the WWF backstage politics, alluding to the ongoing tendency of Samoan wrestlers to be cast as mid-tier “monsters” while white performers enjoyed the spotlight.

While many could look at this storyline as being silly and over the top, it’s impossible to deny the historical truth of his statements.

Probably the most entertaining thing to come out of this incident, (well, besides the whole vehicular assault thing) was the moment when Rikishi confesses to having “done it, for dah’ Rock.”

You see, Rikishi and The Rock, along with most of the Samoans on the planet, are actually cousins in real life.

Playing up this angle, Rikishi was revealed to have hit Stone Cold with the car as a means of bolstering The Rock’s popularity, and putting a fellow Samoan in power.

While I actually didn’t mind this angle all that much, given the fact that nearly a year passed between the time when Stone Cold was hit, and the time they actually revealed who the perpetrator was, it’s more than likely that the behind the scenes writers put the whole thing together out of desperation or lack of ideas.

That being said, at the very least, this whole incident provided The Rock with a shit ton of material for promos and smack talking.

To this day, “I did it, for dah’ Rock. ¬†I did it, for dah’ people” forever sticks in my mind as one of the funnier things The Rock’s ever said, as well as perhaps my fondest memory of Rikishi as a character.

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Remember When King Mabel And Yokozuna Fought And Reversed The Earth’s Gravitational Pull?

Morbidly obese dudes have always had a place in pro-wrestling.

Often taking on an “unstoppable force” persona akin to that of Andre the Giant, The Big Show, or even Goldberg; super-heavyweight wrestlers rarely exhibit the most talent, but always stand out due to their prodigious girth.

Whether they be the likes of the absurdly massive Haystacks Calhoun, or the surprisingly agile and technically proficient Rikishi, the fat guys of wrestling have always drawn crowds, regardless of ability.

That being said, on the rare occasion that promoters find themselves in the position to slam 2 extraordinarily heavy individuals together in the ring, you can be they go out of their way to make it happen.

Such is the reason we had silly match-ups like the world famous Akebono facing off against The Big Show in a sumo match.

Truth be told, this wasn't all that bad...

The match the title of this post refers to though, was between Yokozuna and King Mabel in the mid-90’s, when Yokozuna was starting to get embarrassingly overweight.

This match stands out to me, largely because when viewed side by side, both men have perhaps the strangest physiques in all of wrestling.

Yokozuna is about 90% ass, and King Mabel is basically 500 lbs of torso.

Seriously man, when you take a closer look at Mabel’s ankles, I’d swear they were made of toothpicks.

The match is by no means a classic, with both men being the sort that lack the agility to take bumps convincingly, or in rapid fashion; resulting in a sluggishly paced match with little to no high impact maneuvers.

It’s disappointing really, during this era Mabel was actually relatively fleet of foot; unlike later in career when he went by the monicker of Viscera.

Man, it's hilarious to think how accurate those proportions are to the real thing...

As mentioned before, Yokozuna was pretty much on his way out by this time, which strangely enough, kind of upset me back in the day.

I was kind of heavy as a kid, and more than a little Azn; so despite his questionable wrestling skills, I always kind of had a soft spot for him.

Hell, back in the day I played as him almost exclusively in virtually every WWF videogame I could get my hands on, especially Wrestlemania: The Arcade Game.

Man, that game was savage-as-fuck, wish I could be playing it right now…

Anyway, I remember hearing that Yokozuna actually gained a shit ton of weight on purpose during his career, which potentially lead to his untimely demise.

It saddens me to know that he went out that way, but perhaps his death will serve as a cautionary tale for other would-be wrestlers aspiring to achieve similar proportions.

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