Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Remember The Gobbledy Gooker?


While nowhere near as shockingly pathetic as the debut of The Shockmaster, the Gobbledy Gooker’s tragically over-hyped appearance at Survivor Series 1990 was nevertheless one of the dumbest and most pointless events in WWF history.

You see, unlike with WCW’s use of The Shockmaster, who was merely supposed to be a surprise tag partner, a one-time replacement for Road Warrior Animal; the WWF truly dug themselves into a ditch full of shit.

For several months preceding the Survivor Series pay-per-view, the WWF would routinely wheel out a float carrying what appeared to be a giant egg.

As is customary for oddball publicity stunts like this in wrestling, Gorilla Monsoon and the other commentators would totally lose their shit over the sight of this egg, sensationalizing it and generally making it sound like the most important event in human history.

Despite the ultimate pay-off, Monsoon and the other commentators deserve all the credit in the world for trying their damndest to make something of it.

Anyway, after months of build-up, the egg finally hatched at Survivor Series (staged on Thanksgiving Day) following 5 minutes of top-notch lead-in from Mean Gene Okerlund.

What emerged from the egg, was a foul (or is that, “fowl?”) beast that looked like the illegitimate offspring of Big Bird and Marjory the trash heap from Fraggle Rock.

You wanna' give your kids nightmares? Make 'em watch Fraggle Rock...

Said monstrosity, was dubbed The Gobbledy Gooker.

Curiously enough, the Gooker was portrayed by Hector Guerrero, a capable wrestler of the Guerrero clan.

Despite his in-ring ability, Guerrero would complete this segment of the show by hopping into the squared circle and lamely dancing arm-in-arm with Mean Gene.

Whether it be due to the complete and utter lack of crowd reaction, positive or negative, at the appearance of the Gooker, or the inherent absurdity of the concept; the WWF would go on to unceremoniously drop and bury the character until Wrestlemania X-Seven (one of the best Wrestlemanias) where he would re-emerge to take part in a surprisingly entertaining 19-man Gimmick Battle Royale:

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Remember That One Time Ric Flair Had A Heart Attack?


Oddly enough, I seem to remember this happening in WCW more than once…

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The Azn Badger Has A Nickname

"WELL LET ME TELL YAH' SOMETHIN' MEAN GENE!..."

Last week, the Azn Badger was fortunate to discover that he has a nickname at work.

As a result of my repeated references to old-school WWF wrestlers, as well as my frequent impressions of Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage, I’ve henceforth been given the nickname of “Bonesaw” among certain social circles in the Amazon.com warehouse.

Who, or what is Bonesaw, you ask?

Well, in case you’ve been living under a rock for the past decade, (or don’t about movies half as much as I do) Bonesaw McGraw was the name of the wrestler that Randy Savage played in the first Spider-Man film.

"HEY FREAKSHOW! I GOT'CHA' FOR 3 MINUTES! 3 MINUTES OF, PLAYTIIIIIME!!!"

While he only had a few lines of dialogue, make no mistake; every last one of them was unbelievably epic, such that I’ve memorized, and am able to imitate each and every one of them with stunning proficiency.

In other words, it’s not uncommon for me to start the work day by shouting retarded shit like:

BONESAW IS REEEAADYYY!!!!”

Well, that went on a helluva’ lot longer than I was expecting…

Anyway, let it be known, the Azn Badger’s charms are something that appeals to a very select group of individuals

Mostly retards, nerds, gamers, and in very rare cases, people that are actually more socially inept than the Azn Badger himself.

 

Pictured: An example of the type of person that legitimately finds the Azn Badger's behavior "endearing." The Azn Badger rarely feels the same in regards to them...

Mostly just retards though…

Anyway, I figured I would share this little tidbit of information being as I am dead tired and have absolutely no inspiration to write anything of significance following yesterday’s mega-prediction post regarding the Manny Pacquiao vs. Antonio Margarito fight.

Seriously, that took a lot out of me…

Anyway, until tomorrow!

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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