Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Shawn Michaels Is Hilarious… But I Don’t Think He Knows It.

Shawn Michaels is easily one of my favorite wrestlers of all time.

His in-ring ability and timing is some of the best of all time, and though he was never on par with the likes of The Rock or Randy Savage on the mic; (to be fair, no one is) few could deny he could cut a good promo.

That being said, as demonstrated in the clip above, no man; no matter how awesome, can escape the hilarious effects slow-motion.

It’s like an undeniable fact of universal physics.

Any voice, sped up or slowed down, automatically becomes comedy gold.

Oddly enough, slow-motion Shawn Michaels is one of the more hilarious examples of said phenomena.

Something about the way he and other wrestlers, most notably HHH; linger on their words, and stretch out their syllables, just makes them sound really fucking funny when slowed down.

Truth be told, slow-motion HBK doesn’t sound all too different from the real thing, however the change in his speech cadence, results in him sounding more than a little drunk.

Just take a look here:

While HBK has always had a goofy side to him, I honestly don’t think I’ve ever laughed out loud at anything he did outside of the edited clips above.

Well, except for maybe that one time when he made a fool out of Hulk Hogan by overselling his moves:

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Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Remember When Randy Savage Teamed Up With Deebo?

Remember how I said Randy Savage cut some of the best promos ever?

Well, this….. Isn’t one of them.

The promo in question saw Randy Savage teamed up with Sensational Sherri, and Zeus AKA Tommy Lister; the villain of No Holds Barred, an awesome  film starring Hulk Hogan.

Why was No Hold’s Barred awesome you ask?

“Dookie,” that’s why:

*ANYWAY* In a brilliant cross-promotional move, Zeus was brought off the silver-screen and into the real-life WWF ring to feud with Hogan.

Said feud eventually resulted in a tag-team match at Summerslam ’89 between the teams of Hogan and Brutus the Barber Beefcake, and Randy Savage and Zeus.

Despite this, the actual culmination of the feud, and the match that the promo above was for; was a steel cage rematch at an event titled No Holds Barred, once again in cross-promotion of the movie of the same name.

While I can’t speak for the quality of the matches, (I’ve heard they weren’t so great…) as I mentioned before, as and you can most likely plainly tell, the promo I posted above is pretty fuckin’ stupid.

Sure, Macho Man is his usual cool-ass self, constantly shouting “NOOOOUUUU HOLDS BARRRRRED!!!” at the top of his lungs and yanking on the cage like a mad-man; but in all honesty, the whole thing is about as organized as a soccer hooligan stampede.

I hate to lay the blame on him, ’cause let’s face it, Deebo’s the shit; but I feel that Mr. Lister really dropped the ball in this promo.

He does well enough to keep the intensity flowing, with his crazy eyes and sporadic yelling, but there’s just too many moments where you can tell Macho Man’s got something he’s trying to say, when out of nowhere big Deebo screams and completely drowns him out.

Hell, by the end, when Sherri joins in and everybody’s yelling at once, you really can’t make out a damn word of it.

Needless to say, timing is not one of Deebo’s strong suits.

Well, except for maybe “NOOOOUUUU HOLDS BARRRRRED!!!”

Anyway, I thought this was silly, so I figured I’d share it with you all.

Shut up.  I do not have writer’s block…

Aw shit, somebody done made Deebo bulletproof!

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Rest In Peace Macho Man Randy Savage

Awhile back I posted on this blog about a nickname I received at work.

That nickname was of course, Bonesaw; Macho Man Randy Savage’s character from the 2002 Spider-Man movie:

Said nickname was given to me on account of my tendency to randomly spout off various Savage-isms with alarming regularity.

Yes, I have practiced my Randy Savage in the mirror, and yes; I am quite adept at mimicking the awesomeness of his majesty.

That being said, being as the Macho Man was taken from us earlier today; I feel it’s my duty to use this blog post to pay homage to his memory.

While I would consider myself a fan of wrestling, the majority of Randy Savage’s more famous moments actually came before my time.

Growing up, I caught the tail end of the classic era, and kept up with the WWF and WCW stuff all the way through the Monday Night Wars/Attitude era; essentially giving up on the “sport” around the time The Rock transformed from The Rock to his lesser equivalent, the appropriately named, Dwayne.

Through all of this, Randy Savage didn’t really have much of a presence for me in wrestling.

Where he did have my attention though, was on Saturday mornings where he would frequently interrupt my cartoons by blowing through walls n’shit to preach the word of the Slim Jim:

To date, I have yet to consume a Slim Jim, though I’d be lying if the Savage didn’t make me feel like I was missing out on something awesome.

While I don’t remember seeing the Macho Man actually wrestle all that often, I feel fortunate to have grown up watching his mic performances; as they were, and still are; some of the best of all time.

When I was a kid, the WWF was largely in transition; foolishly trying to outmode characters like the Macho Man, and replace them with unworthy “badasses” like Diesel, or the Ultimate Warrior.

This resulted in Randy Savage being cast off to the side, acting more like a manager than an actual wrestler.

This would carry on well into his tenure in the WCW, though not without good reason.

Simply put, the Macho Man was a wizard when it came to pageantry and mic skills.

Not long ago I posted a promo video of the Macho Man doing a promo for the new WWF All-Stars (no force on this Earth can make me say the “E”) videogame, and while he may have aged a great deal since we last saw him; holy fuck did he still have it:

Seriously man, if wrestlers these days could do half of what Randy Savage did on the mic, at any stage in his career; I’d still be watching today’s so-called wrestling.

That being said, while I wasn’t really around to see any of it; there was a time when Randy Savage was one of the best wrestlers in the business.

A long time ago I remember looking up the “best wrestling matches of all time,” and one match that kept popping up was of course Randy Savage’s energetic match with Ricky Steamboat at Wrestlemania III:

For it’s time, and by any standards really; this match was a testament to the power of in-ring storytelling.

Randy Savage was an exceptional wrestler, and an icon of my youth.

It saddens me to know that he’s gone, though I’m happy he decided to appear in the WWF All-Stars game.

The game might not be that great, but at least it’ll give the youth of today a little window into what wrestling was like with the Macho Man Randy Savage:

Colorful, exciting, and just plain BETTER.

Filed under: Comics, Games, Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Channel 101: The Comic

Alrighty folks, I’m still kind at a loss for decent articles/posts for the blog at the moment, so today is more of an announcement than a proper post.

That being said, in my opinion it’s a supremely awesome announcement; so hopefully that’ll make it worth it for everyone (myself included).

Anyway, to those who are unaware, the Channel 101 of the title of this post refers to a stupendous website that hosts 5 minute internet shows.

My buddy Mencius introduced it to me way back in high school, and I found it to be a truly awesome concept.

Basically, the shows hosted at Channel 101 consist of 5 minute shows that are submitted by filmmakers throughout the country.

Anyone can submit an entry, and every month the submissions are shown at a live screening event in Los Angeles, with the live audience ultimately voting for the top 5 best shows.

After the screening, the top 5 shows of the month are hosted on the website, as well as a select few of the “failed pilots”.

The prize awarded to the film crews that make it into the top 5 is the right to continue their show and submit a 2nd episode!

If said show is truly a work of art from month to month, this process can continue indefinitely; though many directors choose to “self-terminate” by making a finale episode over the 5 minute limit.

Anyway, most of the fun with Channel 101 springs from the fact that most of the really good shows are produced by a select few individuals.

While most of them might not be celebrities in the mainstream sense, after you’ve watched them every month for so many years; they start to feel like big-time movie stars in their own little universe.

Anyway, after much bitching and moaning about how I haven’t drawn in so long, and really want to make a comic; today Mencius and I came up with an idea for a comic book that not only sounds do-able, it’s simply too awesome not to do.

Said comic would consist of a cast made up of Channel 101 (and a few 102) regulars, AS PRO-WRESTLERS.

The Dream Match: Mike Mccafferty vs. Dan Harmon

I know it makes no fucking sense, but to me; it sound fucking GENIUS.

Many of the Channel 101 actors have a “method” to their acting, and as such; I found it was a pretty simple affair in applying the sum of their stage personalities to the heel/face dynamic of pro-wrestling.

As mentioned earlier, Mencius is the real Channel 101 jedi; I’m just the padowan learner.

In that sense, I’ll probably end up relying on him to serve as a “technical advisor” in regards to the Channel 101-isms, while drawing from my impressive breadth of pr0-wrestling knowledge for the rest of it.

I don’t know when I’ll get started on this, but unlike virtually every project I’ve announced on this blog; I’ve got a feeling I might actually get around to doing this one.

Wish me luck!

Filed under: Comics, Movies, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Resurgence Of The Macho Man Randy Savage!

I’m a fan of The Macho Man Randy Savage.

The highlights of his wrestling career took place largely before my time, however his over-the-top personality and legendary “OH YEEAAHH!!!” tagline were inescapable elements of growing up in the 80’s and 90’s.

While I got a chance to see him wrestle a few times in the WWF and WCW, at a time when he was largely past his all too brief prime; the things I remember most about Randy Savage, were his promo videos, and of course; his Slim Jim commercials:


In terms of mic performances, few pro wrestlers could top Randy Savage’s intensity.

Well-documented as a neurotic stickler for detail, Savage’s promos were often insane along the lines of say, The Ultimate Warrior; however they rarely ventured so far off into the absurd as to become downright incoherent as was the case with the Warrior:

… Yeah.

Anyway with his throaty, vocal cord ripping voice, Savage had a capacity to mystify and entrance like few others before or since.

He’s probably the closest thing to a poet that the Azn Badger has ever had for a personal hero.

Despite my love for anything Savage, I have to admit; like most wrestling fans of my generation, I didn’t care much for his stint on WCW.

WCW was all about, Goldberg, Cruiserweights and Luchadores if you ask me.

Everything else was just celebrity driven publicity stunts and old guys collecting fatty paychecks.

Enough about the “dark times” of WCW wrestling though, let’s get back to the SAVAGE.

Following his jumping ship from the WWF to WCW, Randy Savage claimed the intellectual rights to his Macho Man persona; resulting in him being absent from all WWF productions thereafter.

No videogame appearances, not toys, and certainly no more awesome promo videos.

Many would consider that an admirable feat, given the corporatist nature of the business.

As fate would have it though, Savage has come back to the WWF (probably for money…) and will be appearing the new WWF licensed videogame, WWE: All Stars.

Pictured: The Rock doing to John Cena what we've all wanted for so long...

Every time I have to type the acronym “WWE,” I die a little inside…

The game looks to be an over-the-top combo based fighter, hopefully sharing mechanics and aesthetic sensibilities with the excellent WWF Wrestlemania: The Arcade Game of old.

Mortal Kombat Gameplay + The WWF Roster = BRILLIANT.

Despite the announcement of the game, the thing that really peaked my interest, was the fact that Savage was brought on board to improv one of his legendary promo videos to advertise the game!

Check it out:


Truth be told, I haven’t actually seen Randy Savage since his turn as Bonesaw in 2002’s Spider-Man, and I’ve gotta’ say; it looks like Father Time done caught up with him and put him in the Figure Four.

He looks to have gained some weight, as most aging bodybuilders do; but most noticeable of all is the fact that his previously Just For Men-ed beard is now a snowy white.

In all honesty, the man is starting to look like my dad.

Hell, if you dialed back his crazy voice a bit; his insane ramblings would probably sound pretty similar to the Azn Badger’s dad’s daily rants.

Anyway, I’m glad to see the Macho is back where he belongs.

He should never wrestle again, that much is for sure; but if this gets him the spotlight he needs to finally be inducted into the WWF Hall of Fame, then I wish him the best.

Please God don’t let him wrestle…

Filed under: Games, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Fight Night Champion Is Pretty. In An Ugly Sort Of Way…

Excuse my lame post for tonight, I’m a little scatter-brained at the moment.

I suppose it doesn’t help that I’m currently playing through Uncharted 2: Among Thieves for the first time, and am very much enjoying it.

Anyway, in the interest of saving myself from having to half-ass an article tonight, as well getting me back to playing Uncharted as quickly as fucking possible; I’ve decided to use this opportunity to show you a neat video:

Haha, just kidding; the real clip’s just a little bit further down.

The clip below is the latest promotional video for EA Canada’s upcoming boxing game, Fight Night Champion.

While I bashed the game’s roster of real-life boxers in a previous article, as a long time player of the Fight Night series; I have high hopes for this one.

Supposedly the game has been tweaked to shit, hopefully for the better; not to mention the game is also the first in the series to receive an “M for Mature” rating.

Here’s hoping the rating has more to do with the blood-letting and atmosphere than it does nudity and gratuitous dropping of F-Bombs.

Seriously man, few things can cripple a products legitimacy in the mainstream than excessive and childish swearing.

Case in point: Kane and Lynch. I suppose it doesn't help either that it wasn't very good, but whatever...

Anyway, the clip below does little to showcase any updates or changes to the gameplay formula, however despite this; it’s pretty to look at, in an ugly sort of way, so please enjoy:

In the interest of using this article to actually, y’know; say something, I’d like to point out that it seems like punches are more difficult to land than in previous Fight Nights.

Previous games in the series featured a fairly generous amount of “auto-aim” for one’s punches, a factor that was directly associated with one’s “Punch Accuracy” stat in Fight Night 4.

While this probably remains unchanged in Fight Night Champion, I couldn’t help but notice in this clip, and indeed other clips as well; that instances of punches winging around their intended target, or missing outright, occurred quite frequently.

I can’t say how I feel about this, but if the gameplay is on par with Fight Night 4, I’ll most likely cough up the money to own this one.3

Filed under: Boxing, Games, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Azn Badger Has A Nickname

"WELL LET ME TELL YAH' SOMETHIN' MEAN GENE!..."

Last week, the Azn Badger was fortunate to discover that he has a nickname at work.

As a result of my repeated references to old-school WWF wrestlers, as well as my frequent impressions of Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage, I’ve henceforth been given the nickname of “Bonesaw” among certain social circles in the Amazon.com warehouse.

Who, or what is Bonesaw, you ask?

Well, in case you’ve been living under a rock for the past decade, (or don’t about movies half as much as I do) Bonesaw McGraw was the name of the wrestler that Randy Savage played in the first Spider-Man film.

"HEY FREAKSHOW! I GOT'CHA' FOR 3 MINUTES! 3 MINUTES OF, PLAYTIIIIIME!!!"

While he only had a few lines of dialogue, make no mistake; every last one of them was unbelievably epic, such that I’ve memorized, and am able to imitate each and every one of them with stunning proficiency.

In other words, it’s not uncommon for me to start the work day by shouting retarded shit like:

BONESAW IS REEEAADYYY!!!!”

Well, that went on a helluva’ lot longer than I was expecting…

Anyway, let it be known, the Azn Badger’s charms are something that appeals to a very select group of individuals

Mostly retards, nerds, gamers, and in very rare cases, people that are actually more socially inept than the Azn Badger himself.

 

Pictured: An example of the type of person that legitimately finds the Azn Badger's behavior "endearing." The Azn Badger rarely feels the same in regards to them...

Mostly just retards though…

Anyway, I figured I would share this little tidbit of information being as I am dead tired and have absolutely no inspiration to write anything of significance following yesterday’s mega-prediction post regarding the Manny Pacquiao vs. Antonio Margarito fight.

Seriously, that took a lot out of me…

Anyway, until tomorrow!

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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