Azn Badger's Blog

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Wonder Woman Costume: ALTERED

WONDAH' WOH' MAAAAAAAHHNNN!!!!!

Well, apparently the bloggers/tweeters/comic book dorks won, ’cause it would appear that the producers of the new Wonder Woman TV show made an attempt to address a few of the innumerable complaints about the costume.

A few days I ago, I myself pounded out 1,000+ hating on the costume, so personally; it makes me happy to see some of the complaints I had addressed in some form.

Uh, which one's the "good" one?

While the costume does in fact still look like hot garbage, I must admit; the change of the boot color from blue to red does wonders to improve the cohesiveness of the costume, as well as better adhere to the history of the character.

Also, I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to see the high heels of the costume removed in favor of far more action-ready flats.

Seriously, the prospect of seeing an actress struggle to perform action scenes in 5-inch heels is a nightmare that I’d really prefer not to think about.

Thank you, Sky High; for playing out that nightmare for me every 5 fuckin' minutes...

Not that I’m going to be wasting my time watching this show or anything.

Anyway, on the prototype costume; the boots bore the same color as the ugly as condom pants; making the arrangement of the costume look utterly ridiculous and poorly coordinated.

On the same note, the material of the pants has been (thankfully) altered from some sort of cheap raincoat-like material, to a more breathable; and more darkly shaded fabric.

... And now it just looks like a tablecloth. Yay.

Given, it still looks like ass; but the stars running along the seam lines add a little bit of character to the costume, and the material seems more practical; so I guess it’s a good thing.

In all, I’d say every change made to the costume is a positive.

A shit donut covered in a fresh new layer of powdered shit is still in fact shit, if you get my meaning though.

Personally, it’s hard for me to perceive a live-action Wonder Woman that could be considered anything less than laughable; but even so, I guess this is a decent attempt.

Decent, but nowhere near good.

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Thoughts On The New TV Wonder Woman Costume

WONDAH' WOH' MAAAAAAAHHNNN!!!!!

As outlined in my post yesterday, I’m not what you’d call a Wonder Woman fan.

Truth be told, I know close to nothing about the character outside of the very broadest of factoids.

In other words, I know what she does, I have an idea of what she stands for, and I guess Im kind of familiar with the A-listers in her rogues gallery.

Huh, now that I think of it; even without reading any of her stories, I guess I know a little more about Wonder Woman than the average 20-something male.

One thing I cannot claim to know a whole lot about, or even anything; when it comes to Wonder Woman, is the evolution of her costume.

Oh, well I guess that fixed that issue.

In previous posts on this blog, I’ve voiced my opinions regarding the evolutions of numerous comic book characters, including the likes of Captain America, Spider-Man, Batman, and Venom, and while I’d love to do that for this post, unfortunately I feel unqualified to do so.

That being said, today there will be no history lesson; rather I’ll just be looking at the new TV Wonder Woman costume, and giving my honest opinion, not as a comic book reader, but as a dude with the bare minimum of fashion sense and eye for design.

Introductions aside, let’s get to an image of the costume in question:

Jesus FUCK, that looks like ass.

Seriously man, it not only looks cheap, but the design of it is dangerously uninspired to the point that I’m tempted to say it looks worse than you’re average Halloween costume.

Wow, I guess I can really be an asshole when I set my mind to it.

Anyway, I suppose explain where I’m coming from with all this:

The golden pieces on the costume look plasticky and cheap.

The seams on the bustier are obnoxiously front-and-center in their size and placement, creating distracting lines that hurt the cohesiveness of the outfit as a whole.

Not only that, said seams also make the top seem very restrictive and corset-like; a garment that seems a little strange for a character so representative of powerful femininity.

On that note, this costume reeks of being a bitch to move around in, suggesting whatever action scenes it’s used in will likely suck meerkat-anus.

Moving downward, the element of this costume that catches my eye first; and in deed grinds my gears the most, is the pants.

Maybe it’s just me, but the Wonder Woman in my head doesn’t wear pants.

No, I don’t fantasize about Wonder Woman; what I mean to say, is that I’ve always pictured Wonder Woman wearing star covered spanks, y’know; those pantie lookin’ things cheerleaders wear.

That being said, I really fuckin’ hate the pants on this Wonder Woman costume.

It’s clear the producers likely threw them in there for the sake of decency in our sexually repressed culture, but unfortunately; said pants have absolutely no character to them, making for a boring design element that feels pointless at best.

Seriously, if anything on this costume looks straight off-the-rack, it’d have to be the pants.

Probably the worst part of this costume though, is definitely the boots.

Seriously, who in the holy blue fuck thought it would be a good idea to have Wonder Woman’s boots be the same color as her boring-ass pants?

Nevermind that, who the fuck figured it’d be wise to give her high fuckin’ heels?

I’m not a woman.

I don’t know what it’s like to wear high heels.

What I do know though, is that when it comes to doing action sequences; high heels are a big hurdle to leap.

I have no idea how tall the actress playing Wonder Woman is, so I’m hoping the heels were a design choice meant to allow her achieve a stature appropriate of an Amazonian princess.

More than likely though, the heels, and indeed the boob-highlighting bustier; were likely thrown in there because some genius figured:

“She’s a girl!  Let’s make her all girly n’shit!”

Well, I think I hated virtually every element of the costume imaginable, to the point in which I’m pretty sure there’s not a single ornament or seam on it that I like about it.

In all, it’s an atrocious design that will probably do wonders to shit all over Wonder Woman’s reputation for years to come.

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“I Don’t Do Wonder Woman”

I’ve never read a Wonder Woman comic in my life.

I watched the Lynda Carter TV show on Nick at Nite when I was a kid, and I  her recent DC animated movie to be the cream of the animated crop; but for the most part, Wonder Woman is an unknown property to me.

Though she supposedly stands as an integral pillar to the “Trinity” of DC’s superhero pantheon, in all honesty I’ve always kind of viewed her as being a tier below Batman, and even Superman; in terms of prestige.

In my book, the triangle of power between the Big Three is definitely scalene. In Batman's favor mind you...

That’s not to say the character doesn’t have an incredible breadth of history behind it, or that the character seems lacking in terms of ability next to the aforementioned pair of ass-kickers; rather I’m just saying that Batman and Superman are like the good old fashioned American combo of ketchup and mustard, while Wonder Woman is more like hummus or some shit.

Translation:
Batman and Superman are household names, whose most significant exploits are often known to those that have no interest in comic books, whereas Wonder Woman is known; but very likely an enigma to most.

Pictured: A big 'ole plate of Wonder Woman...

*Whew!* That was one helluva’ simile!

I suppose if any value were to be extracted from the above mess of similes and bullshit, I’d say it’d have to be that:

I don’t do Wonder Woman.

I know the extent of her powers.

I have a rough understanding of her origins.

For the life of me though, I don’t know of a single significant event in her entire 70 year history.

Over the past decade or so, I’ve read review after glowing review praising Wonder Woman’s stories, due in no small part to Gail Simone’s impeccable writing talents.

Any author with the chops to write a scenario involving Bane riding a dinosaur gets a nod from me...

Hell, I remember reading a Wonder Woman trade review over at Collected Editions that started things off by saying “BUY THIS COMIC. NOW.”

Based on that statement, as well as numerous other complementary reviews I’ve read; clearly there’s quality entertainment to be found in some of Wonder Woman’s stories

Despite this, as well as my love for Gail Simone’s Secret Six series, I’ve yet to flip open a Wonder Woman trade.

I think part of the problem for me with Wonder Woman, is the inherent “ooginess” that comes from being a young man facing the prospect of reading a comic wherein a scantly clad woman runs around and beats the piss out of people.

...And then there's shit like this.

I’m not a prude.

I have a cock just like every other boy down the block.

It’s just that when it comes to the idea of reading comics like this, no matter how well written or lavishly illustrated; I can’t help but feel just a little bit dirty.

I’d like to read a Wonder Woman trade at some point, as I’ve been largely impressed by Wonder Woman’s guest appearances in some of other DC trades I’ve read; but for now my bookshelf shall remain Wonder-less.

I know it’s silly, but for the most part; this “oogie” issue is the only thing holding me back from giving Wonder Woman a shot.

Well, that and the horrifying prospect of being made to look like a pervert as I purchase a Wonder Woman trade for the inevitably female register clerk at the bookstore.

Anyway, this whole post came about as a result of the recent announcement of the new Wonder Woman TV series.

I definitely won’t be watching the show, but tomorrow I think I’ll give my thoughts on the new Wonder Woman costume.

See yah’ tomorrow!

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