Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Safety Not Guaranteed… The Movie???

Remember this?

Well folks, believe it or not, Hollywood is apparently ready to take the plunge and spend millions upon millions of dollars in bringing the utterly ridiculous and meme-tastic classified ad supposedly published by the vaguely Guile-esque “Mullet Man,” to the silver screen this coming year.

The film in question has been tentatively announced on imdb as bearing the same name as the meme that inspired it, “Safety Not Guaranteed.”

I’ll just let that let sink in for a moment.

I never thought I’d see the day that a silly joke, a retarded-ass product of the internet; would actually be made into a movie.

While the inspiration for the movie is, for lack of a better term; truly fuckin’ stupid, the core concept of it at least has some possibilities.

Think about it:

MULLET MAN.

 

TIME TRAVEL.

WEAPONS.

At worst, it could end up being a lame Land of the Lost (2009) knockoff, which was in itself; a pile of fuck-sauce with chicken nuggets.

At best, it could be… Well, not quite as shitty as Land of the Lost.

I don’t really see a way for this one to turn out any less than shitty, but any movie that promises Guile haircuts and the use of weapons while TRAVELING THROUGH TIME, is probably worth a look, y’know; for shits and giggles.

It’s what you call “good bad.”

Anyway, I have to give credit to my buddy over at Another Sunny Morning for giving me the heads up about this one.

Check back tomorrow for my vision of what a poster for Safety Not Guaranteed would look like!

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Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Tactical Roll!

This particular Magic card represents kind of an inside joke among my friends and I.

Oh yeah, that’s Harrison Ford tactically rolling by the way.

You see, in most military action videogames, particularly of the more “arcade-y” variety; an evade command is usually made available to the player.

More often than not, said evasive maneuvers end up taking the form of a dodge or roll.

Due to game programmer’s lame attempts at making their games more “fair,” and thusly less prone to causing bouts of rage quitting among their players; dodging in videogames can often feel like an infallible technique, even in the face of hails of gunfire.

Ever since my friends and I played Syphon Filter way back when, and discovered that performing the lethargic roll maneuver over and over again was akin to playing the game with God Mode enabled; the phrase “Tactical Roll” has become a running gag in our crew.

The clip above basically sums up what Syphon Filter THE SHIT back in the day…

Basically, the idea is that whenever someone’s in mortal danger while playing a game, you shout “Tactical Roll!” thusly prompting them to attempt to dodge.

It’s true, a roll can be used to dodge most anything, but a “tactical” roll?  That’s just plain unfair

On paper, this probably sounds boring as shit, and most assuredly unfunny; but trust me, when you’re taking fire over your head during a game of airsoft and you hear one of your buddies shout out to you to do a “Tactical Roll!,” it’s freakin’ hilarious.

Anyway, just so we’re all clear, Peppy Hare’s cry of “Do A Barrel Roll!” in Starfox 64, and Will Ferell’s “Serpentine! Serpentine!” from the truly shitty Land of the Lost; had nothing to do with the inception of “Tactical Roll!”

A biter the Azn Badger is not…

Filed under: Games, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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