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The Top 10 Hardest Boss Fights, #3


Yesterday on our list of The Top 10 Hardest Boss Fights, we took our first steps into the rage inducing realm of fighting game bosses.

As mentioned previously, fighting game bosses tend to be some of the hardest challenges in all of gaming, though more often than than not this comes as a result of unfair or “cheap” elements in their design.

Whether it be by breaking the mechanics of the game, or possessing unbalanced attributes; fighting game bosses are rarely designed to function (fairly) within the established gameplay parameters of the games they reside in.

That being said, yesterday we took a look at Gill from Street Fighter III, a boss that I would personally consider to be one of the better designed bosses in all of fighting games, if not for the fact that he’s a cheating bastard that gobbles cock under the bleachers on Tuesday nights.

While I bear a great deal of animosity, or rather, straight-up HATE towards Gill, those feelings pale in comparison to those I feel for today’s entrant on our list of the Top 10 Hardest Boss Fights.

I hate Gill, but as mentioned earlier, I also respect the intelligence of his design.

#3 on our list doesn’t benefit from that luxury.

#3 is the kind of ball-stomping ass-clown that wouldn’t even get a nod from me if I saw him rescue a kitten from a burning tree.

And I fuckin’ love kittens.

#3 is the kind of unbelievably loathsome fighting game boss that only one videogame company could produce.

#3 on our list of the Top 10 Hardest Boss Fights is:

#3. Magaki – King of Fighters XI

Pictured: Kensou, standing within striking range of the mysterious Magaki.

I love their games, but goddamn does SNK know how to fuck us in the ass with bosses from the broken-as-fuck school of fighting!

Fuck that, most of SNK’s fighting game bosses didn’t just graduate from Broken-As-Fuck University, they’re fuckin’ tenured professors there!

Rage-gasm aside, Magaki is just about the motherfucking-est motherfucker I’ve ever run across in a fighting game.

I’ve beaten him before, more times than I have Gill actually; but the sheer frustration generated by every encounter was more than enough to convince me to rank him higher than the latter on this list.

While Gill is at times fair, at times borderline human; Magaki just takes the motherfuckin’ rulebook and smears pink and blue shit all over it.

Hell, that’s his M.O. for pretty much everything:

Magaki doesn’t like how his Moons Over My Hammy turned out?

Pink balls and blue floaty shit.

PINK BALLS.

Magaki gets served a tax evasion notice?

Pink balls and blue floaty shit.

BLUE FLOATY SHIT.

Should that fail, and it likely won’t, Magaki’s got his bases covered in the form of being able to neon tie-dye THE ENTIRE FUCKING screen at the drop of a hat.

Just watch this poor sap take it up the butt as he literally comes this close to besting Magaki only to have his eyes raped by the rainbow sherbet shit storm of pink and blue shit that is Magaki’s super combo:

Ouch!  No lube even….

*AHEM!* To walk into a fight with Magaki is to have your 3-on-3 fighting game instantly turned into a 3-on-1 shoot ’em up.

King of Fighters bosses often come with a write-off excuse for their extreme difficulty and cheapness due to the fact that you, the player; get to fight them with 3 characters to their 1.

Despite having 3 characters at your disposal, more often than not the balance ends up being all out of whack, with the boss being extraordinarily overpowered in every way imaginable.

King of Fighters bosses have been consistently cheap as balls since before the series was even called King of Fighters.

Fun Fact: The events of Fatal Fury actually took place during the '91 iteration of the King of Fighters tournament.

It’s a gaming tradition practically as old as Final Fantasy games having a character named “Cid.”

Fighting Magaki though, is unlike any other boss encounter in the King of Fighters series, let alone any other fighting game period.

While many King of Fighters bosses are highly mobile and make use of potent attacks designed to counter from virtually any angle, Magaki fights like fuckin’ Sagat on crack.

Nothing THIS BIG should ever be on crack.

Sagat has his high-low fireball combo, Magaki has, well, endless waves of pink balls and blue floaty shit.

Seriously man, when you fight Magaki it feels like you just stepped into a game of R-Type.

The screen is literally filled with shit to the point in which you’ll often times find yourself just throwing up your hands and saying:

“Fuck this shit! Let’s play some Street Fighter…”

Simply put, there is no “good” way to handle Magaki.

While he’s admittedly kind of Mechagodzilla like in the sense that he’s basically a slow-moving projectile platform with feeble melee skills, on every occasion you do manage to get close enough to deal damage; he’ll usually just toss you away with….. I’ll just let the picture do the talking:

EXPLODING PINK BALLS.

You can easily spend an entire battle with Magaki, that is, all 3 of your characters; without ever getting past his fruity barrage of carnage.

This would be entirely forgivable if not for the fact that SNK saw fit to grant Magaki all of the standard cheap-ass advantages they give to virtually all of their bosses.

Giving him the ability to fill the screen with projectiles would’ve been fair if not for the fact that his attributes are broken-as-fuck as well.

If he had been, say, fragile for instance; then I could’ve bit my tongue and said he was a decent boss.

But no, they gave him the ability to execute all of his moves with frame-by-frame precision and timing, and they made him absurdly powerful and durable.

Makes you just wanna' get him on the ground and do this to him!

When I finally beat Magaki for the first time, I didn’t feel any sense of pride in my achievement.

I felt like I had just lost an hour of my life to a barely decent game, and truth be told I think I actually recall saying to myself:

“Good. Now I can get on with my life and never play this shitty game ever again.”

While I actually did go back and play the game a few times here and there, rest assured, the moment King of Fighters 2002: Unlimited Match came out, I pretty much lost interest in every other game in the series outside of ’98.

Nowadays I don’t have much interest in any of them…

A bit too much of this was going on I'm afraid...

Magaki is admittedly not quite as hard as his #3 spot likely deserves, but in my mind no other fighting game boss has caused me as much frustration and borderline physical pain as he has.

During the course of our list of the Top 10 Hardest Boss Fights, I’ve stressed the fact that the best examples of genuine difficulty in boss fights are stemmed from clever and rewarding gameplay design, and not outright cheapness.

Along with Duriel from Diablo II, Magaki’s presence on this list serves as a symbol championing the power of broken game design and cheapness.

That Magaki could make me eat my words with such resounding vigor as to place him at #3 on this list is proof enough of just how motherfuckin’ cheap that pink bastard is.

In any case, here’s a video of the Apex of Pimp himself, Geese Howard; putting the hurt on Magaki as only he can:

*Gifs courtesy of Fighter’s Generation, the finest fighting game site I’ve ever known.*

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Filed under: Games, The Top 10 Hardest Boss Fights, Tokusatsu, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1,000 Hits… DANCE GODDAMN YOU!

Wow, last night we made it to 1,000 hits kids!

That’s fuckin’ c-c-c-crazy!!!

Everybody dance goddamnit, RIGHT FUCKIN’ NOW!

Wasn’t it just 2 weeks ago that I was getting all excited about a measly 500 hits?

Well, clearly something has changed, ’cause the views have been pouring in these past few weeks, and I couldn’t be happier.

Kind of funny though, I suspect that the vast majority of these most recent 500 views have been on account of my Undisputed 3 review.

I swear, you put “UFC” and “sweaty, homoerotic bro’-fest” in your tags and the meat-heads just come a’ runnin’.

Typical readers of Azn Badger's Blog, post-Undisputed 3 review.

Anyway, I consider this a small victory in my life, so I’m taking this opportunity to chillax and save my strength for a good, hearty post tomorrow.

Yup, a good, hearty post...

My “between milestones” resolution is to write at least one post about Boxing, and maybe one on Pro-Wrestling.

Both are topics I am passionate about, I’ve just been having a helluva’ a time trying to write about something that I honestly feel needs to/hasn’t been said.

Hopefully I won’t scare off my readers in doing so, but hey, don’t they always say “write what you know”?

Here’s to many more days and weeks of fun writing.

See you in 1,500 hits or so.

No wait, that one was wimpy.

Let’s go with the classic:

THAT’S more like it.

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Best Boss Music #5: The King of Fighters 2000

SNK has a long history of being regarded as a fringe gaming company in the U.S.

None of their products and franchises really seriously broke into the mainstream, and in fact most of them started out as lame rip-offs of other, often times better; games.

Despite this, nearly every arcade on the planet has at least one of SNK’s distinctive red arcade cabinets sitting somewhere in a dark corner.

FUCK. YEAH.

SNK games are, for lack of a better term, the perfect gaming choice for the modern American hipster.

SNK games are relatively well-known, behind the times in terms of technology, and often regarded as “under-appreciated.”

Do the fucking math.

*Sigh* I just don't "get" it...

One of SNK’s flagship titles, The King of Fighters, had it’s debut in 1994.

If you want to nit-pick though, 1992’s Garou Densetsu AKA Fatal Fury, was actually the first instance in which The King of Fighters tournament was used in an SNK game.

Just figured I’d throw my nerd cap on the table for all to see.

Hah, thought I was kiddin', didn'cha?

The basic premise of virtually every King of Fighters game, is that of a one-on-one fighting game, with the added feature of both sides consisting of 3-man (or woman) teams.

Each battle is carried out in elimination style, with the victor of each match remaining in the fight to face the next members of the opposing team until they themselves are eliminated.

Between matches, a fraction of life energy is awarded to the victor to give them a fighting chance against their next opponent.

If only my 1997 had been this cool...

Perhaps the most appealing aspect of The King of Fighters series, has always been it’s massive gallery of characters.

Among the linear King of Fighters games, meaning not including any of the spin-offs, there have been well over 100 characters rotated through the roster.

The King of Fighters 2002: Unlimited Match currently holds the record for most number of characters in a King of Fighters game, with a staggering 66 individual combatants.

Jesus fuck that's a lot of people.

Over the years, the gameplay of the King of Fighters series has gone through subtle changes, but has never really attempted to change it’s stripes.

’94 got the ball rolling and introduced us to the series’ protagonist, Kyo Kusanagi, as well as the manually charged super combo meter.

Terry Bogard layin' down the smack on Chang (he's Korean.)

’95 gave us the “oh my God, why didn’t they have this the first time around” team editing feature, as well as gave Kyo a rival in the form of Iori Yagami.

Just a little bit ghey. Just a bit.

’96 gave us simplified controls, and featured GEESE HOWARD.

THE MOTHERFUCKING MAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN......

GEESE HOWARD automatically elevates any game he’s in to “legendary” status.

’97 represented the culmination of the series’ first (and best) story arc, the Orochi saga; as well as introduced the popular “Advance” and “Extra” styles of play.

Orochi: Evil Demon, Final Boss, and Wearer of Slacks.

It also represented the only instance in series’ history in which ambience was used instead of music for many of the stages.

That was dumb.

’98 was the first game in the series to not have a storyline, instead it was a “dream match” scenario where characters were inserted into the game based on their popularity.

’98 was, in my opinion; the best game in the series up until 2002: Unlimited Match.

Once again here's Chang (the Korean) about to get blasted by Takuma Sakazaki.

’99 gave us 4-man teams and the retarded “strikers” system, as well as the equally retarded “Counter” and “Armor” modes.

It also made drastic changes to the games’ roster, and replaced the main character, Kyo, with K’.

Kind of want to hate him, but I have to admit, he's actually kind of pimp.

While ’99 kind of left a bad taste in my mouth, The King of Fighters 2000 was easily on of my favorites in the series.

I’d rank it just behind ’98 in terms of badassery.

Kind of like how I'd rank Hard-Boiled just behind The Killer in similar terms.

While the gameplay was largely unchanged from ’99, SNK made the wise decision of trimming some of the excess fat in removing the “Armor” and “Counter” modes.

Seriously man, those were bullshit.

Pictured: "Counter" Mode

2000 had a lot going for it: a good roster, great music, and gameplay that was more of the same, but tweaked to perfection.

It’s easy to see why 2000 ended up so good, as it would be SNK’s last real King of Fighters game they would develop before the Korean company, Eolith, bought them out and started raping their franchises.

Hmm, I wonder why Metal Slug 4 would replace Tarma, their coolest character, with Trevor, a KOREAN?

How could you replace THIS, with THIS!!!!???

On the same note, I wonder why King of Fighters 2001 would introduce us to May Lee, a KOREAN?

Well, at least she has a Kamen Rider henshin belt.

Not only that, but I wonder why in King of Fighters 2002, Kim Kap Hwan, SNK’s resident KOREAN who hadn’t received a sprite overhaul in years, would suddenly receive some of the most detailed and smooth animations in the franchise history?

From this...

...To this.

*Ahem!* Bullshit aside, King of Fighters 2000, as well as Metal Slug 3, which was released the same year; had some serious love put into them, and stand as some of; if not the best entries in their respective series.

Kind of like THIS was the best in it's franchise.

The final boss in The King of Fighters 2000, was the mustachioed, dress wearing baddie, Zero.

Pictured: Tom Selleck in a dress.

Technically his name is actually “Clone Zero,” as he is merely a clone of white-haired, dress wearing baddie of the same name from King of Fighters 2001, but whatever.

It’s kind of funny though, Clone Zero has more moves, and is way more difficult to beat than the original Zero, largely because Zero was only a mid-boss in 2001.

Anyway, in case you didn’t know, King of Fighters games, and indeed SNK games in general; have a reputation of populating their games with broken-as-fuck final bosses.

I'm lookin' at you Magaki, you goofy-ass, queer bag of shit.

It’s kind of easy to see why though, seeing as SNK games are primarily arcade games, and in that sense, any way you can squeeze quarters out of your customers is a good way to make money.

I suppose having stuff like this in your arcades would boost sales as well.

Oh yeah, and from a gameplay standpoint, one has to take into account the fact that King of Fighters games have the player going up against the final boss with 3 different characters to their 1.

Despite the numbers advantage though, King of Fighters bosses have always been almost sinfully difficult to overcome.

Many cite ’99’s Krizalid as being one of the harder bosses in the franchise history.

Wow, now that is a fruity coat.

To be honest, I myself didn’t have too much trouble beating him through simply hanging back and Terry Bogard-ing or Joe Higashi-ing his ass.

Personally, I found Goenitz from ’96, Orochi from ’97, and Igniz from ’01 to be far more difficult than Krizalid.

Though Omega Rugal from 2002: Unlimited Match shits on all of them, end of story.

The beast himself.

In terms of difficulty, I would put Clone Zero somewhere on the upswing of the middle-tier.

I’ve had rounds where I went to town on his ass and swept him with one guy, and I’ve also had rounds where he took out my team without breaking a sweat.

Fighting him is kind of a toss-up.

If he hangs back and tries to counter you with his skirt attacks, then chances are you can chip away at him and eke out a victory.

Believe it or not, this is actually a GOOD sign.

If he goes offensive on you, and starts spamming his unblockable shadow punch, then you’re in trouble, ’cause you just know his black hole super combo is gonna’ come out just when you least expect it.

THIS is when you're in trouble.

Of course, despite Clone Zero’s bi-polar fighting style, one plus to the experience, is the truly awesome background music of his stage.

The fight takes place in some sort of deep, dark dungeon, and the music is appropriately moody.

The music is pounding and ominous, lending itself well to Zero’s overwhelming strength advantage over your team, while at once maintaining an energy that fits well with the fighting game experience.

In other words, unlike say, Kain R. Heinlein’s overly dramatic and nearly non-existent theme from Garou: Mark of the Wolves, Zero’s music keeps the player from getting bored.

Another example would be Orochi’s theme from King of Fighters ’97:

Both themes are good, but seem to put too much emphasis on the dramatic aspect of the situation, rather than matching the intensity of the gameplay.

Anyway, that’s King of Fighters 2000, someday I’ll do a 2002: Unlimited Match article, ’cause Krizalid’s remixed theme in that is easily one of the best boss tracks ever in a video game.

I won’t post the link, ’cause I’d like to save it for another day, but definitely check it out.

Filed under: Best Boss Music, Games, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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