Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Thoughts On Zack Snyder’s Superman

I’ve always felt that Superman was one of the more difficult superheroes to make good stories for.

I like the old-timey nature of the character, and I appreciate the values he represents, but for the most part; Kal-El of Krypton is just too damn powerful for his own good.

Seriously man, you could probably count all of Superman’s known weaknesses/vulnerabilities on 1 hand,

Taking that into account, it’s hard to deny the difficulty writers face when trying to create drama for the man of steel.

Inevitably, most Superman stories end up being centered around a villain scheming to do destroy the Earth/Metropolis/Jimmy the Cub Reporter; thereby testing the heroes’ mettle in an indirect fashion.

Oh Silver Age comics, how I love thee.

While said storytelling device is indeed effective for the most part, honestly; it gets kind of old after awhile.

Watching Superman race to save Lois, or pick up a mountain to save a busload of school kids is fun, but prefer my superheroes’ biggest threats to be of the more direct sort.

In short, I prefer it when my heroes are in just as much peril as the people they are trying to save.

I suppose it should be no surprise that, of all the Superman trades I own; The Death of Superman is easily my favorite.

FUCK YES.

Which brings me to Zack Snyder’s upcoming film, The Man of Steel.

Very little has been publicized in regards to the film’s plot or cast, other than the fact that it’s a *gasp* REBOOT, but given that Snyder is the director; I think we all know what to expect.

Over-the-top imagery and color correction, an overbearing soundtrack, absurd levels of graphic violence, and more than a handful of gratuitous slow-motion fight sequences.

Bingo.

While all of the above do in fact add up to a pretty extravagant audio/visual experience, the sad fact of the matter is that Zach Snyder’s shtick just doesn’t do it for me.

The man definitely has an eye for angles and gorgeous visuals, but of the films of his that I’ve seen, I felt the pacing was meandering at best, and there was a distinct lack of “heart” to the presentation of the story.

That being said, while I have an idea of what to expect from a Zack Snyder Superman, in truth it’s very hard for me to comprehend why he was selected to do it.

Superman fuckin’ is heart.

That's right Mati, show 'em what heart's all about!

Richard Donner’s first 2 Superman films with Christopher Reeve did an incredible job in capturing this aspect of the character, that to this day many people, myself included; still think of Reeve as the finest representation of Superman in any medium.

That's a pretty goofy smirk, but even so; he's still Superman in my book.

In that sense, the new Superman, Henry Cavill; as well as Snyder himself have their work cut out for them.

Hmm, I seem to have gone off on a tangent.

The reason I started this post tonight came as a result of reading that Michael Shannon will be playing General Zod in The Man of Steel.

While I have no doubt that Shannon will do well in the role, as I was very impressed with his performance in Revolutionary Road; it bothers me to know that General Zod is being re-used for the film.

It’s as if the producers/writers are afraid to stray away from the success of Richard Donner’s films.

Superman has a pretty solid gallery of rogues to pick from, and truth be told; aside from Terrence Stamp’s brilliant portrayal of the character in Superman II, General Zod has never really been one of my favorites.

*Sigh* I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that.

Knowing Zack Snyder, and his penchant for going over-the-top with things; I’m guessing there’s going to be several villains in the film, if not an entire army or some shit.

I’m sorry, but I just can’t picture a Zack Snyder film without a SLOW-MOTION 100-on-1 fight sequence.

In that sense, I’d bet that the movie will reference the recent Last Son and New Krypton storylines; thereby giving Mr. Snyder an excuse to have hundreds of Kryptonians flying around chucking cars at each other.

Pictured: Promotional art for Zack Snyder's Superman.

While that could be fun I guess, honestly I’d at least prefer to see a different villain take center stage.

How about fuckin’ Brainiac?

He’s pretty much at the top tier of Superman’s list of baddies and his back story has been ret-conned to have ties to Kal-El’s origins, what more could you want!?

 

Holy shit, he looks like fuckin' Kojak...

Better yet, since Christopher Nolan’s been kind enough to put Bane in his upcoming The Dark Knight Rises, why not throw everyone a bone and put Doomsday in the new Superman movie?

Sure, he’s not interesting enough to carry a whole movie, but goddamnit; Superman’s at his best when he’s punching things, and Doomsday’s one of the only baddies he’s got that he can really slug it out with.

While I’m the topic of punching things, why not give us some Metallo action!?

 

Who the fuck wouldn't want THIS in their movie!?

Oh yeah, ’cause Metallo’s boring and nobody likes him…

But c’mon man, he looked like James Coburn in the cartoon, surely that has to count for something:

 

"You know what time it is? Time me for to kick your ass..."

I apologize, I’m rambling.

My point is:

Superman Returns made the mistake of playing it way too safe, and in the process brought nothing new to the table; least of all villains or characters.

While Zack Snyder’s excessive style can be obnoxious at times, he has an opportunity to really try something different with his take on Superman; and I’d hate to see that hindered by a story that recycles villains used in films made almost 40 years ago.

That being said, here’s hoping that for fuckin’ once we get to see a Superman movie with some different villains; hopefully not including Nuclear Man.

Wow, you mean there actually exists a photo of Nuclear Man where he isn't screaming or shooting lightning bolts!?

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Donnie Yen Says Be A Dude And Help The Japanese

The picture above comes from LoveHKFilm.com, a wonderful Chinese film review site.

I wish I could take credit for it’s awesomeness, I really do; but no, I just found it and “borrowed” it for today’s post.

Anyway, this is me doing my duty as a (half) Japanese and saying “Do what Donnie Yen says, or he’ll find your ass and tear it up.”

I’ve personally taken it upon myself to donate a bit of money, as well as quite a lot of clothing and toys for the orphaned kids over there; so at the very least, even if you don’t have the guilt of the Japanese being “YOUR PEOPLE” hanging over you like I do, I encourage you to please give a little something if you’re at all able.

Anyway, it’s mom’s birthday today; so I’m gonna’ get back to bein’ a good boy.

Well, that and stuff my face full of mochi.

Don’t make Donnie Yen have to come find you…

DONATE HERE

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Wonder Woman Costume: ALTERED

WONDAH' WOH' MAAAAAAAHHNNN!!!!!

Well, apparently the bloggers/tweeters/comic book dorks won, ’cause it would appear that the producers of the new Wonder Woman TV show made an attempt to address a few of the innumerable complaints about the costume.

A few days I ago, I myself pounded out 1,000+ hating on the costume, so personally; it makes me happy to see some of the complaints I had addressed in some form.

Uh, which one's the "good" one?

While the costume does in fact still look like hot garbage, I must admit; the change of the boot color from blue to red does wonders to improve the cohesiveness of the costume, as well as better adhere to the history of the character.

Also, I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to see the high heels of the costume removed in favor of far more action-ready flats.

Seriously, the prospect of seeing an actress struggle to perform action scenes in 5-inch heels is a nightmare that I’d really prefer not to think about.

Thank you, Sky High; for playing out that nightmare for me every 5 fuckin' minutes...

Not that I’m going to be wasting my time watching this show or anything.

Anyway, on the prototype costume; the boots bore the same color as the ugly as condom pants; making the arrangement of the costume look utterly ridiculous and poorly coordinated.

On the same note, the material of the pants has been (thankfully) altered from some sort of cheap raincoat-like material, to a more breathable; and more darkly shaded fabric.

... And now it just looks like a tablecloth. Yay.

Given, it still looks like ass; but the stars running along the seam lines add a little bit of character to the costume, and the material seems more practical; so I guess it’s a good thing.

In all, I’d say every change made to the costume is a positive.

A shit donut covered in a fresh new layer of powdered shit is still in fact shit, if you get my meaning though.

Personally, it’s hard for me to perceive a live-action Wonder Woman that could be considered anything less than laughable; but even so, I guess this is a decent attempt.

Decent, but nowhere near good.

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The Azn Badger In Portland: A Story In Pictures

Pictured: The Azn Badger and Portlandia.

As mentioned in the previous few posts on this blog, I took a trip down to Portland few a few days this week.

I’d only been to Portland once before, as a very young child; so in heading down to Oregon, I honestly didn’t know what to expect from the city.

While I’d rather not bog this post down with extraneous details regarding my adventures in Portland, I will say this:

Portland gave me tasty waffles via a window, and for that I give the city a thumbs up.

Anyway, you’re probably wondering what’s up with the photo at the top of this post, so allow me to explain.

A long time ago, when my brother went to live in Japan for awhile, I remember him bringing some lucha libre masks with him.

During his time over there, he ended up taking photos of himself and his friends wearing these masks, seemingly just for shits and giggles.

Anyway, given the fact that I myself happen to own a few luchador masks, I figured I should do my duty as the “little brother” and follow in my brother’s footsteps.

That being said, the photo above, and those that follow represent my trip to Portland… While wearing a Rey Mysterio Jr. mask.

Pictured: The Azn Badger and "Dude Holding Umbrella."

The photo above was the first one I took while wearing the mask.

Not much to say about it, other than the fact that it was taken in the heart of downtown, and I was more than a little nervous about publicly making a fool of myself.

Pictured: The Azn Badger and "Awesome McElephant Face."

This was was also taken downtown, in a really neat part of town that played host to an incredible amount of FREE art galleries.

I had a lot of fun perusing the artwork and photography, however this photo; as well as another that had my buddy Mencius’ cousin striking a pose alongside me, were probably the highlight of my time in that district.

Pictured: The Azn Badger in front of an INFERIOR Uwajimaya.

This photo’s kind of funny because my expression is as much BWAAHHH!!! as it is disappointed.

I suppose it’s also worth noting that this is the only photo I took where I’m wearing my stinky El Santo shirt.

You see, upon setting out to see the Portland Uwajimaya; Mencius and I were under the impression that the store was going to be awesomely massive and far superior to our Seattle store.

Hell, up until we actually stepped inside the place, we were referring to it as the “SUPER Uwajimaya.”

Anyway, let it be known, downtown Seattle Uwajimaya kicks Portland Uwajimaya’s ass any day.

Though I have to say, the Portland Kinokuniya does have the advantage of having cuter employees…

CANDY BUS!!!

This one was just too perfect.

While traveling through Hawthorne, me an’ the Scooby Squad came across a sign pointing down an alley that read “Candy Bus.”

For whatever reason, I don’t have any pictures of said Candy Bus, however I will tell you this:

It is in fact a bus, and does indeed sell candy.

That novelty aside, I think the funniest part of this photo, is the fact that the “Candy Bus” sign is pointing at my cock.

If ever my dick were to have a pet name, I think “Candy Bus” would do pretty nicely…

Pictured: A 60 Second Portrait of The Azn Badger.

In case you’re curious, I got the above portrait done knowing full well that I was going to be using it as the finale to a blog post.

I’m really happy with how this portrait turned out.

I had it done at the Saturday Market in downtown Portland, and while it’s indeed quite well done; effectively capturing my facial structure and character (even with the mask on) pretty much as well as I could’ve hoped, probably the most incredible thing about it is the fact that it was drawn in 60 seconds.

I only paid 3 dollars for this portrait, making me tempted to say it’s the most value I’ve ever gotten for such a fair price.

 

 

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PG-13: Good Or Bad?

Earlier today I read an article at Twitchfilm.com that posed an argument regarding the practicality of the PG-13 movie rating.

In this article, author Todd Brown argued against the PG-13 rating, citing that he felt that these days, 26 years removed from it’s inception; Hollywood rarely produces films targeting the 10-13 year old age group, instead opting to focus on the more profitable age groups a few years North and South of it.

Said article can be found HERE.

Truth be told, I found that I agreed with pretty much everything Mr. Brown had to say.

While I can’t say I pay that much attention to the PG and PG-13 releases these days, I’ve always felt that; in general, there seems to be a distinct lack of films targeted at young people that don’t succumb to the “low” tactic of talking down to their audience.

Even as a kid, I always loved Hayao Miyazaki’s Tonari No Totoro for exactly this reason, as despite it’s inherently childish elements; there were also genuinely scary moments from time to time, as well as some seriously complex and realistic events unfolding in the stories’ periphery.

The movie was by no means a PG-13 film, but it was the first movie that came to mind on the subject of “not talking down to kids,” so I decided to run with it.

… Sorry about that, been a long day.

Anyway, the real reason for this post, was simply that I wanted to share this article with all of you, as I found it quite interesting.

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Azn Badger’s Top 25 NES Tracks, #15-11

After 2 days and 10 tracks of preliminaries, today we finally get to the real meat of the Top 25 NES Tracks!

That’s right folks, today we’ve reached: THE MIDDLE-TIER.

 

Pictured: The Middle-Tier.

 

That being said, what say we get to the crazy-awesome music, eh?:

#15. Shadowgate

“Main Theme of Shadowgate”


Shadowgate represents one of the very few point-and-click adventures that I ever really got into.

You remember that one scene in the movie Big where the young Tom Hanks character gets pwned by the wizard for attempting a seemingly logical course of action?

Hey, I would've said "melt wizard" too if I were playing...

Well, for the most part; that scene was indicative of my experience with adventure games as a child.

In fact, pretty much every graphic adventure game made prior to the revolutionary LucasArts SCUMM interface was simply too cryptic for me to grasp.

Shadowgate, while indeed released sometime after Maniac Mansion and it’s SCUMM system, was a graphic and text based adventure game that really drew me in, clunky interface and all.

I find it's always a good idea to "Hit" EVERYTHING. Y'know, just in case...

While most of my memories of the game were of dieing seemingly unfair, and unwarranted; deaths, I honestly never felt any frustration over this.

Shadowgate was a game that set out to be creepy and moody, and in the eyes of my very young self; it accomplished this in spades.

Playing a huge part in this accomplishment, was of course the haunting soundtrack of the game.

While there actually weren’t that many tracks to be heard throughout the course of the game, the overarching “Main Theme” of Shadowgate was a track that you never got tired of.

Equal parts foreboding, energetic, and mystifying; the “Main Theme” of Shadowgate is a wonderful piece of gaming music that, once heard, will never be forgotten.

Especially when you’ve died to it 40 billion times…

40. BILLION. TIMES.

#14. Super Dodge Ball

“Doppleganger Match”


Super Dodge Ball is yet another SUPREMELY BADASS effort from the folks over at Technos.

Like many games on this list, Super Dodge ball was a game that my brother used to rent quite frequently.

I remember getting my ass pwned by him in Bean Ball games over and over and over again, largely because, like any good older brother; he never taught me how to do the Super Shots.

Kind of hard to tell from the pic, but those 2 guys in the air? Yeah, they just got knocked across the ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET with a dodge ball.

Anyway, Super Dodge Ball was a crazy-fun game, that while a little bit too easy for it’s own good, played host to one of the coolest final battles in NES history.

Essentially, the final match of the game has your team USA pitted against the COMMUNIST and therefore, EVIL dodge ball team from the USSR.

After a (presumably) epic match, the sky suddenly turns a devilish shade of purple while the court is occupied by dopplegangers of your team!

EPIC.

Despite the game being based around fucking dodge ball, for whatever reason I thought this final battle was just about the coolest thing ever when I first saw my brother get to it.

Maybe it’s just ’cause I was there to see and listen to it with my brother, but this match, and this piece of music will always stick with me as one of my favorite NES boss themes.

#13. Bionic Commando

“Area 1 Theme”


Bionic Commando was a great ass game that I wish I had gotten a chance to have played more of as a kid.

I loved the main character’s design, and his bionic arm, so much so that I used to draw him on my place mat in elementary school.

No, you don’t get a pic for that one…

The problem was, I only ever got to play the game when I was at my neighbors house across the street, however most of the time I’d get kicked off the NES so they could play Sid Meier’s Pirates.

Arr!!! Shiver me timbers! Yo, ho! A Pirate's life for... I fuckin' hate pirates...

That being said, I never really got much of a chance to get very far in Bionic Commando.

Thankfully, all I had to do was play the first stage to hear the best piece of music in the whole game.

“Area 1” is a very primitive sounding, (even by 8-bit standards) but extremely well composed piece of music.

With a military-ish cadence, and a heroic melody, “Area 1” is a terrific track that is well-deserving of the #13 spot on this list, as well as the honor of being considered the theme music for the entire Bionic Commando franchise.

#12. Adventure Island 2

“Boss Theme”


C’mon now, don’t tell me you thought I’d leave out Master Higgins?

Adventure Island was one of my favorite game series as a kid, and in my opinion, 2 was easily the best in the series.

As previously mentioned, the “Boss Theme” of Adventure Island 2 is fuckin’ badass, so much so that it got my nod as being one of the Best Boss Musics in gaming.

That being said, among purely 8-bit competition, the “Boss Theme” of Adventure Island 2 is definitely deserving of a place on the list of the Top 25 Best NES Tracks.

I love the build up of this track, how it starts out slow, then explodes into a frenetic cacophony of kooky, island-y badassery.

It’s the perfect piece of music for killing giant plants and or crabs to.

Or better yet, CONQUER THE WORLD TO!

#11. The Legend of Zelda

“Overworld Theme”


*Ahem!* Fanboys… You may suck it.

That’s right kids, the “Overworld Theme” from The Legend of Zelda didn’t crack the Top 10!

While it may seem blasphemous to some, bear in mind; this is my list, and as such, it caters to my particular tastes.

Pictured: My Particular Tastes.

That being said, I didn’t place Zelda and Final Fantasy where I did for the sake of being cruel, or worse yet; “counter-culture,” I simply did so because there’s a shit ton of other music tracks out there that I genuinely hold in higher esteem.

Now that I got that out of the way, let me say this:

The “Overworld Theme” is a beautiful piece of music.

Despite it’s 8-bit nature, the “Zelda Theme” has gone on to grow well beyond the realm game music and become widely regarded as a classic tune worthy of universal praise.

While all that may be true, it doesn’t change the fact that virtually every memory I have of The Legend of Zelda is a bad one.

Getting lost, killed, and just plain frustrated was the order of the day just about every time I played Zelda, and I’m sorry to say, it’s left me negatively biased in regards to it.

The “Zelda Theme” is a great piece of music, that I listen to on my Ipod every now and again, and enjoy a great deal.

Unfortunately, it’s also an older arrangement of the 8-bit days, and as such, it leaves a little to be desired in terms of the fidelity of the music.

While skillfully composed, the “Zelda Theme” still hasn’t really lived up to it’s potential in my eyes, and has yet to have a proper rendition to capture the full glory of the music.

And that, my friends, is why the “Overworld Theme” gets dumped in the #11 spot on this list.

Oh yeah, that and there’s exactly 10 other pieces of music I think are better.

Duh.

Well folks, today we cleared the middle-tier of the list!

Tomorrow we’ll be cracking the Top 10, and with 2 classic tunes of gaming history already ranked unusually low,  there’s no telling what’s coming up next!

Filed under: Games, Movies, The Top 25 NES Tracks, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Vejita Has a Brother!!?

WADDAH' FAWK!!?

“Did you know Vejita has a brother now?”

That’s what my friend said to me ever so casually this past Friday.

Apparently Akira Toriyama himself created this character, thusly making his appearance in a brief 2008 animation, part of the Dragonball canon.

He's supposed to be 5 years younger than Vejita by the way. Fuckin' pedo-ass Japanese...

My friend and I have been buddies since way back in middle school, and one thing that has remained a constant for him ever since, is his love for Dragonball.

He was watching and subtitling the show way back then, and with the re-release in the form of Dragonball Kai, it would seem he’s never had to put it down.

And now, after we haven’t seen each other in a few years, he goes and drops this shit in my lap!

Poor Santa... So much poop...

Not only that, he told me that the (crappy) Playdia OVA, Plan to Eradicate the Saiyans, is being redrawn and re-animated for re-release as well.

Personally, I think I like the old one better... Not that it was all that good to begin with.

To this, I reacted by bowing my head in shame, and cursing the insatiable consumerism of Bandai and Toei.

Pictured: The Face of Greed...

So… Now Vejita has a younger brother named Taburu, or in haole speak, “Tarble.”

Pictured: A Haole.

Personally, I think I’m going to stick with “Table” as my way of pronouncing it.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the Azn Badger’s loves him some Dragonball.

Like most dudes in their early 20’s, I grew up watching shitty dubbed Dragonball Z as it inched it’s way along on Cartoon Network’s Toonami lineup.

Like some dudes, I also kept watching a little bit after the series ended, and even went ahead and bought all 13 of the movies.

As much as I liked Dragonball though, at some point, I stopped to ask, “why?”

Why is this series that’s been DEAD since the mid-90’s still pretending to be alive?

My best guess is that the series managed to stay relevant long enough that it’s next generation of fans discovered it before it ever had a chance to go off the air.

Oh well, as long as it makes people happy I guess…

Even so, it’s shit like this that makes me refer to Dragonball as the Madden of Japan.

Hang on, THIS is the Madden of Japan!

We don’t always ask for it, but for better or for worse, you can sure as hell bet there’s gonna’ be a new game in the series EVERY FUCKING YEAR.

Anyway, I don’t know what I meant to say with this post, but for those of you that give a shit, have fun knowing that Vejita now has a brother, and his name is Table.

Oh yeah, and thanks to the new game Raging Blast 2, we now have Super Saiyan 3 Vejita and Broly.

WHADDAH FAWK x3!!!?

Why?

Because haole likes him some Broly, that’s why…

Broly: Popular in America, not so much in Japan...

Filed under: Comics, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Best MAN!!! #1

Let it be known, that the Azn Badger loves him some Mega Man.

If you need any indication of how deep my love for Mega Man runs, bear in mind that one of the first posts on this blog was about Mega Man X.

I’ll just wait here while you look that up…

While I don’t think I’m ready to do a protracted mega-post on the subject of the Blue Bomber, much like the one I did on Ultraman, I think it’s about time I made an attempt to scratch the surface a little.

That being said, today I’m kicking off a new post topic, specifically one that deals with the colorful roster of bosses in the Mega Man universe.

Basically, I’m gonna’ run through each of the Mega Man games in the linear series, (fuck that Gameboy and Genesis bullshit.  Wily Wars my ass…) naming the one boss, or MAN, that stands out as the coolest, most bad-ass, or otherwise, most interesting.

I call this new post topic, The Best MAN!

Pictured: The wedding of the Azn Badger.

With that, let’s get this party started with Mega Man 1.

Now that is some shitty cover art.

To be honest, Mega Man 1 isn’t really my favorite game in the series.

True, it was the first in the series.

True, it was an impressive technical feat for the time.

Unfortunately, as the first game in the series, it lacks some of the polish of later games in the series.

Kind of like this pile. Well, the NES version anyway.

It’s interesting to note that I never got a chance to play Mega Man 1 until much later in life.

My childhood was spent renting and playing Mega Man 2 and 3, and to be honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Well, maybe I'd change a FEW things...

In the original Mega Man, there were only 6 bosses instead of the now traditional 8,  a hokey score keeping system that never made it past the first game, and in general, the game just needed a little bit more of a push to be considered a true classic in my book.

Honestly, if you look up “greatest leap in quality from one game to the next,” most likely you’ll find a picture of Mega Man 2.

Anyway, that’s enough shitting on Mega Man 1, let’s get down to who’s The Best MAN!

For my money, The Best MAN of the original Mega Man would have to be Cut Man.

CUUUUUTTTTTTTTT MAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!

Cut Man’s design has a lot of character to it.

His color scheme is simple but iconic.

His head has a strange and distinctive shape and form to it, looking almost like a marionette or something.

Oh yeah, did I mention he’s got fuckin’ scissors comin’ out of his head?

On top of that, his level is very well designed for the time, with the background music being one of the best pieces of music in the game.

True he was a complete pussy by the time you actually got around to fighting him, but even so, the character has a very long and distinguished legacy.

Outside of his appearance in Mega Man 1, Cut Man was also featured, along with Guts Man, as a sort of “Bebop and Rocksteady” duo of dumbasses in the Mega Man cartoon.

Don’t ask me why, but Mega Man’s eyebrows and pecs really pissed me off in that show.

Oh yeah, I think Scott McNeil/Duo Maxwell did Dr. Wily’s voice, along with a few other character on the show.

Man, he really was in EVERYTHING in the 90’s
While I didn’t really watch the cartoon all that much, (fuckin’ goddamn Phantom 2040 kept popping up in it’s early-ass time slot whenever I’d try to tape it) I have to admit that seeing Cut Man, alive and well, in every episode, served to add bias to my positive opinion of him.

Pretty sure I still have this toy somewhere around the house...

Besides the cartoon though, Cut Man also made appearances in wide variety of other Mega Man spin-offs.

I loved cutting the goalie in half with his super-shot in Mega Man Soccer.

His redesign in Mega Man EXE was pretty good.

ARRGHH!!! Silly Japanese, makin' everything so cute... Oh well, better than putting tentacles on/inside it.

But more importantly, he was really fun to fight in Mega Man the Power Battle, and Power Fighters.

Pictured: A very fun videogame.

While you’d fight him, he’d jump around, throw blades at you, and then jump into the background and cut holes in the scenery to teleport around.

Most notable about his appearance in the arcade games, was that they gave him a voice in it.

Like Mega Man, he had a female voice actor, but unlike his voice in the cartoon, that had him sounding sort of like a cross between Frankenstein’s Igor and Ren Höek from Ren and Stimpy, it fit surprisingly well.

Pictured: Boo Berry, Igor, and Cut Man, all rolled into one.

Cut Man’s character is slight of stature, and, when animated and rendered properly as he was in arcade games, very “cute.”

I feel silly admitting it, but whenever I’d hear Cut Man start chopping up the scenery while yelling out “Choki! Choki! Choki!,” I couldn’t help but smile a little.

Tee Hee.

“Choki,” by the way, is the Japanese onomatopoeia for “Slice” or “Cut.”

Anyway, Cut Man is The Best MAN of Mega Man 1.

If you don’t agree, tough shit.

Just don’t try tellin’ me that Ice Man or Elec Man deserves the title, ’cause everybody knows those 2 are wimpy-ass pieces of fuck with shitty background music…

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A Tribute to the Greatness that is Donnie Yen: Part III – My Relationship with Mr. Yen

I first ran across Donnie Yen in 2001.

I had just purchased Godzilla, Mothra, King Ghidorah: All-Out Monster Attack on DVD from a mail-order bootleg service.

While the movie itself was great, (leading up to this I was suffering from post-Gamera trilogy Shusuke Kaneko withdrawals) there was an Easter egg on the disc menu (just click on Godzilla’s eye!)that included a number of trailers for upcoming Japanese films.

The first few were for older Godzilla movies that were finally seeing DVD release.

'Bout mother fuckin' time!

The last few however, were some of the coolest trailers I had seen up until then:

Ichi the Killer

and Shura Yuki Hime (2001)

I like the guy with the Fozzie Bear ears at 1:06 in the Ichi the Killer trailer. He’s silly.

Okay, now picture what it’s like seeing those for the first time when you’re a bloodthirsty 14 year old boy who’s only just starting to identify with his racial background.

I watched those trailers more than I watched that Godzilla movie.

And I loves me some Godzilla.

While neither of these movies were all that good in my opinion, (remember, I’m not a Miike fan) I was very impressed by the fight scenes in Shura Yuki Hime.

While he wasn’t in the film, after watching the trailer for Shura Yuki Hime so many times, my limited katakana comprehension at the time allowed me to read at :46 into it, that the “Akushon Direkuta” of the film was “Doni Iiyen.”

That’s Donnie Yen to you an me. Well, me anyway.

Unfortunately, the bootleg service I used only specialized in Japanese films at the time, with only a limited number of Chinese ones, leaving me with no real way of getting a hold of any Donnie Yen films.

Then I discovered that Donnie Yen had been featured in a number of American films.

I promptly looked them up and was treated to stuff like this:

… and Donnie Yen being mysteriously killed, OFF CAMERA, in Blade II.

Needless to say, I felt cheated.

In almost 4 years of searching, I was only able to see Donnie Yen in Iron Monkey, 3 shitty American films, and I guess if you get technical about it, I got to see his choreography in Shura Yuki Hime and Onimusha 3.

Where was all the good stuff?

Almost forgot... In his pants.

I figure you guys are a little sick of having Donnie Yen’s man-package thrust in your faces every day, so I think I’ll give you a reprieve tomorrow.

Check back the day after next for “Part IV – The Real Donnie Yen!”

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