Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Remember When Stone Cold Started Saying “What?”

It’s funny, as much as I’ve loved watching the WWF over the years, particularly in my youth; I can actually pinpoint a few fairly specific elements/events that lead to me completely turning my back on wrestling for nearly a decade.

First and foremost, was the general dearth of quality talent in the mid-2000’s.

Both The Rock and Austin had just left the company, and while guys like Chris Jericho, Triple H, Kurt Angle, and, *sigh* Brock Lesnar did what they could to carry the torch, the void left by the 2 legends was just too damn big.

Moreover, by this point the WCW and ECW guys had fully integrated into the roster by this point, resulting in much of the hype and mystique surrounding some of them giving way to the reality of their somewhat eroded in-ring ability.

In short, when the big 2 left, I stopped tuning in for the whole show, instead checking in just to catch the main events from week to week.

Next, was the fact that the quality of the storylines were beginning to flounder at times with atrocious bullshit like the “Katie Vick Incident” becoming increasingly commonplace.

It’s a long story, but in case you’re wondering, the “Katie Vick” storyline involved Kane accidentally killing his girlfriend in a car crash years back, resulting in Triple H mocking her memory by… Dressing up like Kane and fucking a mannequin:

Like I said, long fuckin’ story.

Not worth going into.

Finally, and I might be alone on this one, I feel like the nail in the coffin for my relationship with wrestling in the early 2000’s just might have been Stone Cold’s adoption of “What?” as his new catchphrase.

Listening to Stone Cold, be reduced to a mic toting clown and stumble his way through his promos every week, shouting “WHAT?” at random intervals, was more than a little annoying.

Truth be told, I was never really a diehard Stone Cold fan, largley because he often feuded with The Rock; who I actually was a diehard fan of.

I always “liked” Austin, but he was always 2nd or 3rd banana to The Rock in my book.

That being said, Austin’s “What?” catchphrase was absolutely maddening to behold.

Not only was he not nearly as funny as I think he was expected to be, but to hear the crowd shout “What?” at every pause, in every promo, often times out of synch with the man himself, or worse yet; during promos that he was neither a part of nor mentioned in, was one of the most annoying weekly occurrences I can recall in wrestling.

Well, outside of watching X-Pac do his Bronco Buster twice a fuckin’ night…

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Remember That One Time Arnold Schwarzenegger Bitch-Slapped Triple H?

It’s funny, unlike a lot of other moments in wrestling that have graced this page, I honestly can’t recall the context of this clip.

Based on the physical conditioning of both Arnold and the wrestlers, I’d say this happened in the early 2000’s, meaning Arnold was likely there to promote End of Days, The 6th Day, or maybe even Collateral Damage.

In any case, as is the norm during guest appearances on wrestling, Arnold got a chance to bust a head or 2.

That being said, in an odd triple-threat match between the waste of flesh known as Test, The Rock, and Triple H, Arnold apparently had an axe to grind with Triple H.

Why he decided Test was less deserving of his wrath than Triple H is entirely beyond me, as we all know Test was a sack of fuck who’s talent consisted of being tall, Canadian and, uh, blond.

... And apparently he's also dead. Sorry, Test fans!

Anyway, during the match Arnold attempts to do commentary on the proceedings, only managing to sound like a drunk Austrian gorilla in the process.

See below for example of said rantings:

At some point, Arnold finds that the carnage and brutality of the in-ring antics is not up to his MANLY standards, causing him to throw a steel chair into the ring; seemingly just for shits and giggles.

I suppose you could make a case for Arnold having intended for Stone Cold (the guest referee) to use to the chair, but I choose not to believe that.

I prefer my Arnold sadistic and douchey.

DOING IT WRONG.

Following several chair shots and much mayhem and chaos, Triple H approaches the announcer’s table and takes a swing at Arnold!

Using his awesome skills in the field of, uh, leaning away from punches 5 seconds before their thrown, Arnold then proceeds to counter with the mightiest of MANLY strikes, a BITCH SLAP across Triple H’s bearded face!

Belting the master of “Suck It” to the floor, Arnold then proceeds to mount Triple H’s chest and punch his ass into submission.

Most celebrity guests on wrestling are lucky to get in a punch, let alone a sloppy tackle, but Arnold being Arnold, he got a chair shot by proxy, a bitch slap, and a whole mess of punches.

I love it…

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Remember When Stone Cold Stunned The Entire McMahon Clan?

This was a classic wrestling moment of the modern age that I’m very proud to say I got to see when it first aired.

At this point in time, Steve Austin was basically on his way out of the wrestling industry, such that this moment could be seen as one of his numerous last hurrahs in the WWF.

Stone Cold was a pivotal, if not the pivotal figure in the birth and ascension of the Attitude Era of wrestling that I was raised on, however in all honesty; he was never really a favorite of mine.

I liked his swagger and I admired his wrestling ability, however my allegiance to The Rock, a man whom Austin frequently feuded with; has basically been unwavering since day one.

Like I said, Austin was great for the organization, and a terrific wrestler to boot; but for whatever reason he just never appealed to me as much as some of the other guys out there.

I suppose it didn’t help when the guy adopted “WHAT!?”, perhaps the single most annoying and persistent catch phrase I can recall in recent memory; as his calling card.

Despite whatever problems I might have with Austin, I still watch his shitty direct to video movies out of principle.

I have a weakness for shit-ily titled movies starring former pro-wrestlers.

The clip at the top of this post represents perhaps the finest example of the WWF phenomena that was “Austin Stunning The McMahons.”

Vince McMahon and his family used to get Stunned pretty much twice a week, but the clip above represents perhaps the only instance when he managed to get each and every one of them consecutively in one segment.

Truth be told, he really should’ve Stunned Triple H (Stephanie McMahon’s husband) as well just for good measure; but oh well.

I think the best part of this segment, was the use of Austin’s signature beer toss throughout.

Even if you couldn’t give 2 shits about wrestling, it’s hard not to laugh at the sight of Austin getting progressively more and more drunk as he Stuns his way through the McMahon clan.

Also, it needs to be said that Linda McMahon’s reaction to the Stunner is perhaps the single worst sell of it I’ve ever seen.

The best selling of the Stunner of course belongs to The Rock:

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Shawn Michaels Is Hilarious… But I Don’t Think He Knows It.

Shawn Michaels is easily one of my favorite wrestlers of all time.

His in-ring ability and timing is some of the best of all time, and though he was never on par with the likes of The Rock or Randy Savage on the mic; (to be fair, no one is) few could deny he could cut a good promo.

That being said, as demonstrated in the clip above, no man; no matter how awesome, can escape the hilarious effects slow-motion.

It’s like an undeniable fact of universal physics.

Any voice, sped up or slowed down, automatically becomes comedy gold.

Oddly enough, slow-motion Shawn Michaels is one of the more hilarious examples of said phenomena.

Something about the way he and other wrestlers, most notably HHH; linger on their words, and stretch out their syllables, just makes them sound really fucking funny when slowed down.

Truth be told, slow-motion HBK doesn’t sound all too different from the real thing, however the change in his speech cadence, results in him sounding more than a little drunk.

Just take a look here:

While HBK has always had a goofy side to him, I honestly don’t think I’ve ever laughed out loud at anything he did outside of the edited clips above.

Well, except for maybe that one time when he made a fool out of Hulk Hogan by overselling his moves:

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Remember When The Rock And HHH Had A Head-Busting Contest?

No explanation necessary.

Just 2 terrific performers at the peak of their powers, giving the crowd a show through some simple; but truly brilliant physical comedy.

At the end of the day, wrestling’s supposed to be fun; and that’s exactly what this clip represents.

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Remember When Kane Got Flamethrower-ed?

It’s funny, when I first started writing this post, (5 minutes ago) I actually had never seen the clip above.

Honestly, I felt kind of bad knowing that I missed this one back in ’99.

Hell, it’s not every day Triple H throws on a Goldust costume and flamethrowers the shit out of Kane.

Is it wrong that the likelihood of someone, that wasn’t Dustin Rhodes; donning a Goldust costume was actually less than the chances of someone chucking fire in the face of their opponent during the Attitude Era?


God I love The King’s girly scream in that clip…

Bullshit aside, the really funny part about this article, is the fact that I actually have memories (but sadly no clips…) of a different incident in which someone took a flamethrower to Kane’s face.

You see, I remember an instance when X-Pac, at the time a tag partner with Kane; betrayed the big-red-retard and ambushed him on the ramp with a flamethrower.

I know Kane’s whole gimmick was based around him having been burned/deformed in the past, but to know that the man had flames tossed in his face on no less than 2 separate occasions in the ring just seems kind of silly.

Hell, just the idea of anyone getting flamethrower-ed in a pro-wrestling match seems just a little over-the-top.

“Over-the-top” in the super awesome, ratings snatching kind of way, mind you.

Oh well, I guess I was just spoiled by growing up with the wrestling I did…

Why The Attitude Era of Wrestling Was Great: FLAMETHROWERS

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