*Sigh* Once again my blind optimism towards the sport of boxing has lead to my utter disappointment in a high-profile bout.
Klitschko vs. Haye was supposed to be a score-settler, a fight that would do wonders to improve the image and worth of the winner.
True, David Haye has been overrated since day 1.
True, Wladimir Klitschko is one of the most boring and methodical fighters in the sport.
At the end of the day though, my gut told me this fight could’ve been something special.
Little did I know, my gut is retarded; most likely as a result of me having exclusively dined on hot dogs for the first 10 years of my life.
Like the hot dog munching, and very much overweight kid I was though; I came into this fight with wide-eyed enthusiasm, hoping and praying that Santa would drop down my chimney, the troops would come home from Iraq/Afganistan/The Moon, and heavyweight boxing would live again.
Sadly, as the title of this post would indicate, this was not the case.
Klitschko jabbed the night away and basically did the same as always, but in my opinion, and the opinion of virtually anyone who saw this fight that isn’t from the UK; Haye was largely the culprit in creating the flop-fest that was Klitschko/Haye.
That’s right, I said “flop-fest.”
For those who may not know, a “flop” is a term used in sports to describe the act of overplaying a foul or injury for the purpose of gaining some sort of advantage, usually through falling to the ground in dramatic fashion; hence the term: “flop.”
In soccer, players will flop to penalize the other team and get them carded.
In basketball, flops are used to gain the referee’s attention for calling fouls.
In boxing, the closest thing to a flop, one usually sees is that of a fighter feigning serious injury from a headbutt or foul for the sake of catching a breather.
It’s underhanded, yes; but in most cases a feigned injury in boxing is usually derived from a legitimate, if not minor foul that is simply exaggerrated.
It’s very rare to see dramatic “flops” in boxing that come as a result of entirely false circumstances.
Such was the case with David Haye’s performance in yesterday’s fight.
At an imposing 6′ 6″ and 240 lbs, Wladimir Klitschko is widely known as a fighter that gets a lot of mileage out of leaning on and holding his opponents.
Holding is technically an illegal tactic in the sport of boxing, however this doesn’t stop every fucking trainer on the planet from teaching their fighters to tie-up their opponents when injured or in close-quarters.
Given Klitschko’s rather extreme height and reach, it only makes sense that he would lean on his opponents or tie them up when they venture too close, as with a wingspan like his; it’s hard to imagine his in-fighting abilities would be all that great.
In knowing this about Klitschko’s tactics, my guess is that David Haye’s camp made the decision to employ a “clever” strategy to counter the leaning and holding.
Said brilliant strategy, in the fine tradition of soccer; saw Haye flopping to the mat at the slightest touch of Wladimir Klitschko’s forearms or shoulders.
I can’t blame him for trying, as the strategy largely served it’s purpose given that Klitschko ended up getting a point deducted at one point; but the fact of the matter is, David Haye absolutely sucks at flopping.
I’ve seen William Shatner take falls more convincingly than the shit Haye was pulling yesterday.
Seriously man, the big Brit flopped to the canvas with such frequency that my brother had to call bullshit, exclaiming that he’d seen WWF matches where guys spent less time on the mat.
To make matter worse, it was clear that Haye just wasn’t in the fight by about the halfway point, seemingly checking out both mentally and physically for the most part.
The man’s stamina has always been in question throughout his career, and had he not been knocked out as a result of being gassed in a previous fight; I’d say it was on no better display than it was yesterday.
I hate to judge a book by it’s cover, but I’ve always felt that David Haye’s heroic bodybuilder physique was always ill-suited for pro boxing.
Like the similarly buff and bulky (and overrated) Jeff Lacy, Haye always looked the part, however his form was constructed of far too much “glamour muscle” to support the tremendous stamina and flexibility requirements of pro boxing.
If you want any evidence as to the state of Haye’s stamina throughout the fight, just look to his corner between rounds, and indeed before the fight even started; and take a look a how much water he chokes down throughout.
The man must have drank 2 gallons of water, which in case you didn’t know; is a big, big no-no in boxing.
Haye landed a handful of pretty big shots in the fight, though they all came one at a time.
Klitschko was hurt maybe once in the fight, in the last round; and from what I could tell he recovered surprisingly quickly.
All in all, it was a boring night (afternoon?) at the fights, with the only real drama spawning from the looming possibility that either fighter could hurt the other at any point due to their shoddy chins.
I will say this though, the entrances for both fighter’s were some of the most elaborate I’ve ever seen, though it would’ve been nice if they had been better coordinated.
Kudos to George Foreman for spoiling Klitschko’s big reveal on live television.
Filed under: Boxing, Comics, Movies, Wrestling, Basketball, Batman, boxing, clinching, Comics, David Haye, DC, dumb, flop, flopping, Football, George Foreman, HBO, heavyweight, hipster, holding, Jeff Lacy, Klitschko Haye, NBA, Soccer, Star Trek, William Shatner, Wladimir Klitschko, wrestling, WWF
March 21, 2011 • 9:16 PM 6
Thoughts On Conan The Barbarian Teaser
I’ve posted a couple of times now regarding my thoughts on the upcoming Jason Momoa Conan film, however this marks the first time said thoughts have been anything less than hopeful.
That being said, while I’m completely aware of the dangers of using a teaser trailer as a quality barometer for a yet to be released film, I’ve gotta’ say; whoever is in charge of the marketing for Conan The Barbarian needs to be dick-slapped something fierce.
Speaking of which, I’m not sure when they decided to go with the title “Conan The Barbarian,” but personally I think that was a bad move.
I mean yeah, I understand that the producers are probably looking to create some brand recognition, not to mention distance their film from the similarly titled Conan O’Brien show, but even so; the thought of 2 films of such a short series bearing the exact same name seems a little strange to me.
Anyway, let’s back to the topic at hand, namely that of the teaser from said Conan movie.
Speaking of which, I should probably post that for you to see.
Here yah’ go:
Long story short, I found the teaser to be laughable.
Other than a few foggy images fading in and out through a smoke cloud, there’s little to no content to be found within it, making it the very definition of a teaser; which in and of itself not a bad thing.
Remember when the first teasers for Inception came out and we were all totally drawn in by how enigmatic and full of Hans Zimmer infused BWAAHHHH!!!! they were?
Well, that would’ve worked for Conan, had they excised all of the voice-over and narration and instead gone with something a little more subtle.
Unfortunately, they didn’t.
No, instead we get some of the most over the top (and cerebral) voice-over this side of UFC commentary.
Seriously, I don’t know if it’s just me, but the voice of the narrator sounded really fuckin’ stupid to me.
He sounded like he was trying to work from the badass Don LaFontaine school of “IN A WORLD” style voice-over, but sadly it just kind of ends up sounding really dumb and horribly forced.
To make matters worse, when the narrator is switched out for Jason Momoa’s “Conan voice;” it ends up sounding like the 2 guys were trying to one-up each other in the excessively manly voice department.
Anyway, while the teaser might be really fuckin’ stupid, and poorly imagined at that; I feel it’s worth reiterating that at it’s core it’s just a trailer, and should have little to no bearing on the quality of the finished product.
In any case, I’ll still end up watching the movie anyway; ’cause let’s face it, it’s Conan, and Conan’s the shit.
In the hopes of giving this post at least some element of positivity, I feel it’s worth mentioning that in perusing the Conan The Barbarian wikipedia page, I happened to note that Bob Sapp was listed in the cast, which at least gives the movie the added benefit of potentially playing host to a Jason Momoa/Bob Sapp smackdown.
As you can see, Mr. Sapp is pretty fuckin' awesome...
As much as I like Bob Sapp, in all honesty; the man has a pretty awful track record in his film appearances.
Seriously man, Devil Man and Elektra were shitty movies on their own; however it could easily be argued that Bob Sapp’s presence in them, actually might have contributed to making them the piles of ass they are.
Come to think of it, he’s been out of the spotlight for long enough that I’m just kind of hoping he hasn’t ballooned into a fat fuck like a lot of retired pro athletes.
In his defense, "The Fridge" was never all that slim to begin with...
Huh, guess that wasn’t all that positive after all…
Anyway, here’s hoping that despite the horrible teaser trailer, Conan The Barbarian ends up being the worthwhile movie I’ve been waiting for all these years.
Filed under: Comics, Movies, Uncategorized, 2011, anime, Bears, Bob Sapp, Chicago, Christopher Nolan, Comics, commentary, Conan, Conan O'Brien, Devil Man, Don LaFontaine, Elektra, film, Football, Hans Zimmer, Inception, Japanese, Jason Momoa, Joe Rogan, Lions Gate, manga, Marvel, Mike Goldberg, movie, NFL, teaser, The Barbarian, The Fridge, trailer, UFC, William Perry