Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

The Roast Poster

Pictured: The poster that sidelined me from posting for 2 days.

A few days ago I mentioned that I was unable to get much writing done on account of a photoshop project that my brother asked me to do for him.

The project in question was a poster/flyer for a comedy roast he was going to be doing of a coworker of his.

It took me about 2 days of hard work, but I think I managed to do my brother proud.

At the outset of things, I asked my brother to lay out any particulars or essential elements he had in mind for the poster, to which he responded by telling me to just go nuts and do whatever I felt worked best.

*Sigh* I hate it when people tell me that, ’cause then it leaves me with no one to blame my fuck ups on but myself.

Oh well, I suppose it’s better than someone slinging a laundry list of bullshit demands at you form the outset.

In any case, as you’ll no doubt see above, I did in fact go nuts with this one; hopefully for the better.

Oh yeah, if you’re wondering why the fuck Nicolas Cage is on there, here’s a rundown of my thought process:

On the other hand, does Cameron Fucking Poe really need an explanation?

I wanted to throw something silly and over the top on the poster, y’know;  for effect.

I tapped my temple for a minute or 2, scanning the innumerable pop culture references housed in my skull for something epicly EPIC in terms of over the top-ness.

And wouldn’t you know it, The Wicker Man was the first (and funniest) thing to pop into my head.

That’s why Nic Cage is on the poster.

Another thing mentioning about the poster, is that the badger wearing the samurai helmet is likely going to be the banner/mascot for this blog whenever I decide to start, y’know; paying for it.

My brother suggested that I take the time to make a personal stamp or mark for myself for promotional purposes, with his initial suggestion being something along the lines of a badger face on the M. Bison hat in place of the skull emblem.

Pictured: A shitty cosplay M. Bison hat.

While I was totally on board for the Bison Badger emblem idea, (after all, we are brothers) I ended up doing the samurai helmet thing instead ’cause I felt the “Azn” part of the blog title should be represented as much as the “badger” part.

Thanks for the suggestion bro’, got thinkin’ all big n’shit now.

Anyway, in case you are truly fuckin’ dense or something, the names and faces on the poster have been changed in the interest of preserving the subject’s privacy/modesty.

Hope everyone likes the poster as much as I do!

Filed under: Games, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Frozen Badger No More

Wow, diggin' the mullet...

I’ve mentioned I work in a -20 degree industrial freezer at Amazon.com, right?

Whenever I’m in there, I undergo a physical and mental transformation the likes of which few would believe.

My normally upbeat, and sunny side up personality melt (or is that “freeze?”) away, revealing a surly, irritable, and borderline violent persona that is simply not fit for societal living.

Seriously, on occasion I’ve actually admonished some of co-workers to keep their distance when we were in the freezer.

They thought I was kidding, but in truth; I meant every word of it.

Believe me when I say this, there are more than a few shelves and plastic totes in there that have felt the wrath of an enraged Azn Badger kick to the brain.

My biggest issue with the freezer at work, is the fact that the experience is almost always physically painful for me.

Now, I have no qualms whatsoever with working hard, but when I’m forced to work a job where I can expect to my extremities to go numb, and be in excrutiating pain for several hours; I feel that’s asking a lot.

Truth be told, I could probably deal with working the freezer once or twice a week, but ever since the week after I was trained in there, I’ve had to go in almost every day, sometimes twice a day.

Needless to say, the freezer is a god forsaken black hole of hatred and despair.

I hate it so much, that I wish it were a person, so I could tear off it’s head and shit down it’s stump.

Then cover the head with maple syrup and stuff it into an ant hill.

Despite all of my hate for the freezer, and the horrible things it’s done to me both physically and mentally, (think rape, only colder and less sexual) I’m happy to say that I’ll most likely never have to deal with it again.

You see, a funny thing happened this week:

The Amazon warehouse, which is split into Fresh (online grocery) and .com sides, recently rearranged it’s work force into 2 separate rosters for each side.

Before, every employee was required to learn and perform all duties on both sides of the warehouse.

Now, everyone is assigned to one side only, and will thusly no longer be required to move to the other side of the warehouse unless absolutely necessary.

I was fortunate enough to end up on the .com side of the warehouse, meaning no more working in the fridge, and more importantly; no more going into the freezer.

Words can’t describe how happy that makes me.

Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to let Farley do the celebrating for me:

So, things are looking good for the Azn Badger at the moment.

Chances are I’ll get let go, just as I’m getting accustomed to, y’know; being happy at work…

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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