Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Timothy Bradley Has A Big Head.

Original photo. Not doctored in any way.

Timothy Bradley has a big head.

I’m not saying he’s arrogant, I mean the man literally has a big-ass head.

It’s bulbous, outlandishly disproportionate to the rest of his body, and bears a unique shape that could only be described as “Tweety Bird-esque.”

In fact, the man’s head is so gigantic, that in the sport of boxing I feel there needs to be a concession made in the rulebooks to treat his cranium as a 4th man in the ring.

When you fight Tim Bradley, you aren’t just fighting Bradley.

You’re fighting Tim Bradley and Tim Bradley’s Head.

"And the winner is... The Head!!!"

That being said, the man has a big head, but by golly; he sure knows how to use it.

Known for being a stout, bell-to-bell pitbull-like fighter, Tim Bradley typically relies on his magnificent stamina and workrate to walk his opponents down over 12 rounds.

Such was not the case in last night’s bout against fellow (formerly) undefeated 140 lbs. prospect, Devon Alexander, as The Head saw fit to end the night prematurely.

You see, Alexander was in the fight from start to finish, however he foolishly discounted the sheer power and dominating force that is Timothy Bradley’s Head.

For several rounds, the 2 exchanged punches at a fairly even pace, with no man gaining any sort of significant advantage.

Alexander’s hand speed proved to be an effective tool for keeping Bradley at bay, however the tide was about to change…  A dark presence was looming, and it was out for blood…

After casually sitting out most of the early action, allowing it’s lower extremities to bear the brunt of the workload, the hulking beast that is Tim Bradley’s Head saw fit to make it’s presence known at the end of the 3rd round, as it crashed into Devon  Alexander’s cranium with the force (and mass) of a wrecking ball, opening a nasty cut over his right eye.

 

Artist Rendering.

In between rounds, Alexander’s trainer called out to the referee and anyone who cared to listen:

“I told you about that fucking Head!”

You see, despite whatever (futile) preparations Devon Alexander made to contend with Tim Bradley’s Head, the sheer size and power of his monstrous skull grants him a tremendous advantage in the sport of boxing.

 

Pictured: A little known distant ancestor of Timothy Bradley.

While we’ve already made note of it’s savage power, it’s great size serves as a perfect feint, goading opponents into firing away at thinking it to be an easy target, only to be fooled by it’s surprisingly lithe and dextrous movements.

Not only that, it needs to be mentioned that Tim Bradley’s Head grants him an incredible ability to cut off the ring and corner his opponents, as in most regulation sized rings, it ends up occupying at least 80% of the surface area.

There's no escape. It size grants it it's own gravitational field. It's science...

You don’t “share” a ring with Tim Bradley’s Head, it allows you to step inside.

Despite his best efforts, Alexander was unable to avoid the beast that is Tim Bradley’s Head, as though it honestly does not mean to cause harm to others with it’s near cosmic capacity to cause cuts and bleeding, it’s great size makes such collisions nigh unavoidable.

That being said, while the contest was indeed very close; Bradley’s Head was ultimately ruled the victor.

As it stands, most would agree that the top 3 of the Jr. Welterweight division would likely be comprised of: Timothy Bradley’s Head, Amir Khan, and Timothy Bradley himself.

While Amir Khan is indeed a tremendous talent, the size advantage, pressuring tactics, and sheer power of Tim Bradley’s Head are all factors that are hard to ignore when considering the outcome of this matchup.

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Filed under: Boxing, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Azn Badger’s One Day Weekend Itinerary

Azn Badger got hit by truck… Truck was from company called “Wreck Your Shit Co.” Driver was named “Fatigue McRagealot.”

  1. Have looked like bum for some time now…  Shave and haircut = Priority.
  2. Tabemonos*….
  3. Beat Batman: Arkham Asylum.  Was knocking on the Joker’s door last time I played the game… A week ago… Will beat insane clown’s ass and complete game with all Riddler whatchamacallits acquired.
  4. Squander potential purchase of cheap Christmas gift in favor of using 40% off Borders coupon on comic book for self.  Azn Badger works hard, he deserves to be selfish every once and awhile…
  5. Tabemonos*…
  6. Watch shitty movie I’ve already seen 50 million times, only this time watch it on Blu Ray.
  7. Hang out with Mencius.  But only for awhile…  Azn Badger too tired to deal with people…
  8. Tabemonos* while watching Guy Fieri stuff his fat, greasy face for the 50 millionth time.  Thankfully, not in HD.
  9. WRITE FUCKING BLOG.
  10. Watch Amir Khan vs. Marcos Maidana, and Timothy Bradley vs. Devon Alexander on the HBO with the old man.  Khan’ll probably box circles around Maidana, but like they say; Maidana always has a puncher’s chance… Here’s hoping he puts the Brit to sleep, and Bradley ekes out another victory…  The Azn Badger also happens to be an Irish Badger, so hatred of Brits is to be expected…
  11. Attempt nocturnal activity known in most circles as “sleep.”  Most likely fail…

 

What the fuck did I do to my can? I tried to open it and the, uh, "opener thingy" bent all funny...

*Tabemono: Japanese word for “edible object.”  Pronounced Tah-Bei-Mo-No, though in this case the term is pluralized in the English manner of adding an “s” sound for the sake of cheap laughs.  My roommate and I used to do a lot of stupid shit like this to keep ourselves busy…

Filed under: Boxing, Games, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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