Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Remember The Shockmaster?


Oh, The Shockmaster…….

In all of wrestling history,there has seldom been a wrestling debut as horrid, or retarded-ly fucking stupid as The Shockmaster’s.

Let’s just break down the events of the video depicted above, shall we?:

You have Sting, Ric Flair, Sid Vicious, The Harlem Heat, and Davey Boy Smith all together staging a promo.

To sum up, pretty much every major player in WCW circa 1993 was on the stage for this promo.

During said promo, Sting makes mention of a “mystery partner” that was to be joining his team in an upcoming 8-man tag match.

Shouting in a bold and proud manner, Sting gives his “mystery partner” his entrance cue by calling out his name:

“The Shockmaster!”

Suddenly, from the far wall twin fountains of fire spring up, giving way to the embarrassing sight of a obese masked man awkwardly falling face first through the particle board fixture, sending his sparkling mask tumbling to the floor in the process.

During this “shocking” moment, the crowd remains entirely silent, completely baffled by what they’ve just seen.

As he lay on all fours, struggling to retrieve his glittery mask with some measure of difficulty, The Shockmaster pathetically, and quite audibly, mutters to himself:

“I fell down… Ohhhhh God…”

Stumbling to his feet, the jeans and vest clad Shockmaster quickly attempts to salvage what little of his dignity remains by standing before the other wrestlers, and revealing to the crowd; in full detail, the sad truth of his costume design.

The Shockmaster’s helmet, (the one that fell off during his face-plant)¬†without even the slightest attempt to disguise it’s fiercely iconic imagery, was none other than a silver spray painted Stormtrooper helmet.

Despite being virtually dead in the water, with zero crowd reaction, and all of the mystique and threat of his persona dashed to pieces by his horrid entrance, The Shockmaster nevertheless continued with the promo.

Forced to stand in the corner and lazily bob his head as Ole Anderson provided his reptilian speaking voice over the PA system, The Shockmaster was no doubt experiencing the kind of personal hell that only a show business fuck-up can provide.

During this sequence, Booker T can be heard muttering to himself:

“Who is this motherfucker?”

Similarly, Davey Boy Smith shouts numerous times:

“He fell flat on his fucking arse!”

Truly, there is no greater moment of suck, than that of The Shockmaster’s debut.

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Best Wrestling Matches Of All Time: Tiger Mask Vs. Dynamite Kid


Being as I am, or rather; was, a wrestling fan, I figured it was about time I tried to do a post about some of the better matches I’ve seen.

That being said, I can’t think of a better place to start off from than a match from the legendary feud of Tiger Mask and Dynamite Kid.

While I’m honestly not all that well versed in Japanese wrestling history, few could argue that these 2 men were some of the most gifted performers in professional wrestling history.

Cousin of Davey Boy Smith AKA The British Bulldog, Dynamite Kid is often cited as being one of the best technical wrestlers of all time.

Equally at home on the mat as he was atop the turnbuckle, Dynamite Kid was instrumental in creating a fanbase for Cruiserweight and high-flying wrestling.

Tiger Mask bore a skill set that was largely similar, and equally varied, however as is the case with most Japanese wrestlers; his repertoire of signature moves made great use of kicks, chops, and other martial arts inspired strikes.

Aside from their actual wrestling though, the major distinction between the 2 was the fact that Tiger Mask had the added attraction of being a masked wrestler.

Taking his name and persona from Ikki Kajiwara’s manga and anime character of the same name, the original Tiger Mask was portrayed by Satoru Sayama, who actually debuted and won against the heavily favored Dynamite Kid.

While there’s no doubt that NJPW (New Japan Pro-Wrestling) intended to use Tiger Mask’s shocking victory over Dynamite Kid as a means to position him as one of their flagship talents, the fact remains that Satoru Sayama was asked to wear a tiger mask, and be taken seriously.

Based on that knowledge, my guess is that Sayama went out of his way to bust his ass training for his role as Tiger Mask for fear of being humiliated.

While I was around to see him wrestle live, based on what few matches I’ve seen of his, Tiger Mask and his successor Tiger Mask IV stand as some of my favorite wrestlers of all time.

The match I posted above comes from August 5th, 1982; making it one of the middle matches in the Dynamite Kid and Tiger Mask feud.

While I haven’t been fortunate to have seen all of the matches between these 2 great men, this was the one that stood out to me the most.

Featuring some incredible backbreakers and picture perfect reversals, the match is an awe-inspiring spectacle of physicality from start to finish.

The only downside of watching matches like this, is that it makes it hard to go back to watching other less spectacular matches, let alone slower and clumsier stuff from the Heavyweights.

Anyway, that’s all I feel I need to say about this one.

Hope you had as much fun as I did watching the match!

 

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