Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Summon Deebo!

Being as I spent several hours yesterday ruminating on 2 of the greatest villains in film history, I feel it’s only appropriate that I continue the trend and take a look at another famous figure from the fraternity of bad dudes.

That being said, I think it goes without saying that Deebo from the movie Friday, is easily one of the best bullies in all of film.

Massive, intimidating, and always looking to take whatever valuables might catch his eye, Tommy Lister’s terrifying (and yet oddly humorous) performance as Deebo brought an air of legitimacy to the otherwise laugh-a-minute antics of Friday.

A veteran performer of “big evil dude” roles, Tommy Lister and his one googly eye were arguably never more engaging than in Friday.

Off the top of my head, some of my favorite roles of his have been Zeus in the Hulk Hogan vehicle No Holds Barred,

 

Not Pictured: Zeus' ridiculous unibrow.

the gym rat Bruno in the shitty John Candy and Eugene Levy comedy Armed and Dangerous,

I did mention this movie sucked, right?

and as the President of THE WORLD AKA President Deebo in The Fifth Element.

President Deebo in all his glory...

Anyway, just figured I’d take the time to tip my hat to Deebo.

See yah’ tomorrow!

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Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Heavy Rain: The Playthrough

Sorry, I couldn't resist slipping this one in...

Heavy Rain is one of those games that I’ve been this close to picking up for a long time now.

Essentially a long-form interactive cutscene/choose your adventure game, the game has always struck me as an intriguing, if not unique; gaming experience.

While I’ve heard many complain about Heavy Rain’s slow start, and distinctly hands-off approach to gameplay; based on the hour or so I’ve seen of the game, I feel that my personal opinion of the game remains mostly positive.

It’s taken me a long time, but recently I’ve come to realize that I tend to favor games that tell stories, even if said games can often be intensely linear or tedious.

I’m a completist, so open world games tend to intimidate me with the breadth of options they present to me.

At the same time, first-person shooters tend to bore me with their largely one-note gameplay mechanics and twitch oriented gameplay.

These days, story driven action-adventure games with a clear cut A-B-C progression seem to be my what appeals to me.

While it’s supposedly very far from a linear experience, the core concept and mechanics of Heavy Rain appeal to me for perhaps the simplest, and most base of reasons:

The objective of the game lies within unraveling it’s story, a story that I just happen to be somewhat interested in.

While I probably will in fact get around to playing Heavy Rain at some point, the real point of this post concerns a little blip I happened on Kotaku.com.

Apparently someone went out of their way to create a 12 hour playthrough of Heavy Rain, with the strictly gameplay oriented segments removed in favor of presenting the story in a straightforward cinematic fashion.

Think of it as viewing Heavy Rain as if it were a long-ass movie or TV series.

Here’s a link, and bear in mind this is a playthrough, so be ready for *EVERY HEAVY RAIN SPOILER IMAGINABLE*:

http://www.youtube.com/user/direx1974

Anyway, while I myself won’t be viewing this playthrough, for fear of spoiling the gameplay experience for myself; it does in fact sound like the kind of thing I would watch after I’ve played through the game once or twice.

In any case, consider this post a heads-up for those who might be interested in checking out something like this.

One thing that’s kind of neat about a project like this, is the fact that the game is known to contain so many branching paths, making for a video compilation that very well may differ drastically from the gameplay experience of those who’ve played through Heavy Rain following a different route.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for tonight, see yah’ tomorrow!

Filed under: Games, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Summon The Mogwai!

I always liked the Gremlins movies.

While some criticized the first film for being a little too dark for it’s own good, personally I found it to be an enjoyable film as a whole.

Personally, I view the much more cartoonish and tongue in cheek sequel as being the superior film, but that’s just me.

Anyway, the above Magic card is my nod to the Gremlins movies, and to be perfectly honest, I’m pretty happy with how it turned out.

Hell, you should’ve seen my first draft, it was an absolute piece of crap, and uninspired to boot.

It’s kind of funny actually, though I was largely unhappy with the first draft, I came very close to posting it.

Truth be told, the main reason I started over from scratch and made the image featured at the top of this post, is because my photoshop crashed in the middle of crafting it, thereby preventing me from saving my progress.

I guess this was just a case of my computer telling me to bone up and try harder.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and I’ll see yah’ tomorrow!

 

Filed under: Games, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A Van Down By The River

In celebration of another completed work week, here’s a little tribute to one of the immortal Chris Farley’s finest creations, motivational speaker, Matt Foley!

If anyone can think of a better description for the card shown above, please feel free to post your comments.

As it stands, I’m happy with the image, but I’m honestly disappointed in the text I used for it…

Anyway, I’m pooped, so I’m gonna’ call it a night.

See you tomorrow!

I don't, "own a toothbrush." I don't, "wipe properly..."

 

 

Filed under: Games, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Roast Poster

Pictured: The poster that sidelined me from posting for 2 days.

A few days ago I mentioned that I was unable to get much writing done on account of a photoshop project that my brother asked me to do for him.

The project in question was a poster/flyer for a comedy roast he was going to be doing of a coworker of his.

It took me about 2 days of hard work, but I think I managed to do my brother proud.

At the outset of things, I asked my brother to lay out any particulars or essential elements he had in mind for the poster, to which he responded by telling me to just go nuts and do whatever I felt worked best.

*Sigh* I hate it when people tell me that, ’cause then it leaves me with no one to blame my fuck ups on but myself.

Oh well, I suppose it’s better than someone slinging a laundry list of bullshit demands at you form the outset.

In any case, as you’ll no doubt see above, I did in fact go nuts with this one; hopefully for the better.

Oh yeah, if you’re wondering why the fuck Nicolas Cage is on there, here’s a rundown of my thought process:

On the other hand, does Cameron Fucking Poe really need an explanation?

I wanted to throw something silly and over the top on the poster, y’know;  for effect.

I tapped my temple for a minute or 2, scanning the innumerable pop culture references housed in my skull for something epicly EPIC in terms of over the top-ness.

And wouldn’t you know it, The Wicker Man was the first (and funniest) thing to pop into my head.

That’s why Nic Cage is on the poster.

Another thing mentioning about the poster, is that the badger wearing the samurai helmet is likely going to be the banner/mascot for this blog whenever I decide to start, y’know; paying for it.

My brother suggested that I take the time to make a personal stamp or mark for myself for promotional purposes, with his initial suggestion being something along the lines of a badger face on the M. Bison hat in place of the skull emblem.

Pictured: A shitty cosplay M. Bison hat.

While I was totally on board for the Bison Badger emblem idea, (after all, we are brothers) I ended up doing the samurai helmet thing instead ’cause I felt the “Azn” part of the blog title should be represented as much as the “badger” part.

Thanks for the suggestion bro’, got thinkin’ all big n’shit now.

Anyway, in case you are truly fuckin’ dense or something, the names and faces on the poster have been changed in the interest of preserving the subject’s privacy/modesty.

Hope everyone likes the poster as much as I do!

Filed under: Games, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

STILL Poster-ing… Take It Away, Farley.

Yup, still photoshop-ing the poster for my brother.

He suggested I make a banner/icon/logo, and being as he’s my older/wiser brother; I’m feel it’s in my best interest to follow his advice.

Doing so effectively doubles my workload at the moment, but I’m happy with how things are turning out so far.

Truth be told, all of this could’ve probably been done in a night had it not been for WORK getting in the way of my schedule.

Anyway, I’ll probably finish this stuff late tonight or sometime tomorrow, so in the meantime please enjoy this most awesome of Farley clips:

CLICK HERE

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Poster-ing… Busy Yourself With Some Farley.

Sorry, no post for tonight.

My brother asked me to do (another) poster for him and his work buddies, so I’ll probably be busy photoshop-ing for the next couple of nights.

In place of my ramblings this evening, you will instead be treated to a clip of the comic genius that is Chris Farley

A clip that just happens to be taken from one of his worst films.

Anyway, please enjoy watching Chris Farley fight an eagle puppet while I bust my ass and burn my retinas toiling away in photoshop:

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Frozen Badger No More

Wow, diggin' the mullet...

I’ve mentioned I work in a -20 degree industrial freezer at Amazon.com, right?

Whenever I’m in there, I undergo a physical and mental transformation the likes of which few would believe.

My normally upbeat, and sunny side up personality melt (or is that “freeze?”) away, revealing a surly, irritable, and borderline violent persona that is simply not fit for societal living.

Seriously, on occasion I’ve actually admonished some of co-workers to keep their distance when we were in the freezer.

They thought I was kidding, but in truth; I meant every word of it.

Believe me when I say this, there are more than a few shelves and plastic totes in there that have felt the wrath of an enraged Azn Badger kick to the brain.

My biggest issue with the freezer at work, is the fact that the experience is almost always physically painful for me.

Now, I have no qualms whatsoever with working hard, but when I’m forced to work a job where I can expect to my extremities to go numb, and be in excrutiating pain for several hours; I feel that’s asking a lot.

Truth be told, I could probably deal with working the freezer once or twice a week, but ever since the week after I was trained in there, I’ve had to go in almost every day, sometimes twice a day.

Needless to say, the freezer is a god forsaken black hole of hatred and despair.

I hate it so much, that I wish it were a person, so I could tear off it’s head and shit down it’s stump.

Then cover the head with maple syrup and stuff it into an ant hill.

Despite all of my hate for the freezer, and the horrible things it’s done to me both physically and mentally, (think rape, only colder and less sexual) I’m happy to say that I’ll most likely never have to deal with it again.

You see, a funny thing happened this week:

The Amazon warehouse, which is split into Fresh (online grocery) and .com sides, recently rearranged it’s work force into 2 separate rosters for each side.

Before, every employee was required to learn and perform all duties on both sides of the warehouse.

Now, everyone is assigned to one side only, and will thusly no longer be required to move to the other side of the warehouse unless absolutely necessary.

I was fortunate enough to end up on the .com side of the warehouse, meaning no more working in the fridge, and more importantly; no more going into the freezer.

Words can’t describe how happy that makes me.

Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to let Farley do the celebrating for me:

So, things are looking good for the Azn Badger at the moment.

Chances are I’ll get let go, just as I’m getting accustomed to, y’know; being happy at work…

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Another Week Down, Another Farley Clip For The Masses

*Sigh* Another week at Amazon complete, and once again we celebrate with another clip of the funniest fat man of our time, Chris Farley.

This time around, we’re pulling a clip from one of Farley’s last, and sadly; least memorable films: Almost Heroes.

Despite being an overall shitty film, complete with a decidedly unfunny Matthew Perry (on the drugs, as evidenced by his slim frame at the time), Farley managed to salvage it for the most part with a handful of classic moments.

I don’t think any of us could help but laugh at Farley’s battle(s) with the eagle puppet.

We’ll save that clip for another time though…

Anyway, here’s one of my favorite of said classic moments:

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Writer’s Block… Time For More Farley.

At the moment I’ve got about 4 articles swimming around in my head, and no motivation to sit down and type them.

I suppose it doesn’t help that Christmas is just around the corner, not to mention I just got my new Donnie Yen movie:  Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen.

In other words:

I’m watching Donnie Yen, so no blog for tonight.

That being said, while I have no reason to celebrate at the moment, here’s another Farley clip to tide you over for tomorrow:

Filed under: Kung Fu, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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