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Dumbass Panda Rip-Off


Just, “wow.”

I accidentally wandered down the children’s aisle at my local Best Buy, and THIS, is what caught my eye.

Rip-offs in children’s programming is not at all a new thing, but rarely have I seen it this blatant.

Rambo and the Forces of Freedom, Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos, and GI Joe were all basically the same show, give or take a celebrity voice or 2.

I don't know about you, but Burgess Meredith counts as a celebrity in my book.

I’m sure by now we’ve all heard of the Lion King and the Jungle Tantei/Hamlet controversy.

Okay maybe the whole Hamlet thing isn’t controversial, but that doesn’t change the fact that Kimba got raped by Disney something fierce.

Yikes! That's gonna' spark a lawsuit... Or not.

It’s funny to think that even the vastly inferior tranforming robot show, GoBots; had a rip-off in the form of a little something called Transformers.

One could argue that, due to their rather close debut dates, Transformers wasn’t actually a rip-off, but rather an odd coincidence of timing in capitalizing on the universal (though yet unknown) appreciation of transforming robots.

Piss-poor attempts at defending my childhood heroes aside, the point is, rip-offs aren’t new, but it’s rare that I see one as bold-faced as Chop Kick Panda.

Apparently released only a few months ago, the back of the box revealed to me the wondrous tale of Lu, a fat panda bastard who operates a tae kwon do gym, that unbeknownst to him houses an amulet that a pissed-off tiger wants for some reason.

Basically, all you have to do is replace the italicized words with “Po”, “Kung Fu”, “Scroll” and “Snow Leopard”, and you’ve got the plot to Kung Fu Panda.

Seriously though, tae kwon do?

What the fuck kind of fail-ass Chinese panda teaches tae kwon do in motherfucking China!?

While the existence of this film doesn’t anger me in the slightest, it does surprise me.

In looking up the cover image for this movie, I stumbled across a Cracked article that basically spelled out to me the apparently massive scale of the kid’s movie rip-off market.

As stated earlier, I had no idea this shit had gotten so bold-faced, but more importantly; I had no idea how common it had become.

From what I can tell, kid’s movie rip-offs are basically the equivalent to The Asylum films.

Y'know, the guys who make this shit.

In an age where people are always willing to entertain deals and cheap alternatives, be it in the supermarket or in the theater; I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that film companies would be underhanded enough to ask parents to give in to their inner cheapness and force their kids to settle for less.

By the way, Chop Kick Panda averaged 1 star on

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