Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Unfortunate Animal Names: Cock of the Rock


Okay I have to admit, the name of today’s unfortunately named animal is actually quite the opposite of unfortunate.

Truth be told, the only reason this post has a similar heading as yesterday’s Chiff Chaff Warbler is because I’m a lazy bastard and didn’t feel like changing the name.

Anyway, as the title of this post would suggest, today we’re taking a moment to ponder on the goofy looking, but awesomely named bird that is the Cock of the Rock.

Truly, there are worse fates in this world than to be named after the genitals of The Most Electrifying Man In Sports Entertainment.

At the same time though, in looking upon the poofy and decidedly Koosh Ball-esque visage that is The Cock of the Rock, one can’t help but be taken aback.

Seriously man, in the realm of ugly birds, The Cock of the Rock may not be cock-face ugly like a Turkey or a Vulture… Or a Turkey Vulture for that matter; but even so, it goes without saying that The Rock’s Cock is far from a handsome bird.

Truth be told, when I first beheld the hideous majesty of The Rock’s Package, the first thing that came to mind was it’s uncanny resemblance to the Yip Yip’s from Sesame Street:

Pictured: Childhood.

Huh, now that I think about it, that’s not such a bad thing after all.

Leave it to The Most Electrifying Penis In Sports Entertainment to leave me utterly stumped when trying to derive humor from it’s less than electrifying appearance.

My sincere apologies to The Rock for whatever defamation of his package may have arisen from the crafting of this article.

I assure you, all of it was unintentional.

Well, maybe not all of it…

Anyway, hopefully we all learned something today, I know I did.

All hail The People’s Strudel:

Filed under: Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Unfortunate Animal Names: Chiff Chaff Warbler

The animal kingdom has a lot of unfortunately named animals in it, and today we’re gonna’ take a minute to single out and harp on one of said poor unfortunate souls.

That being said, today we’re going to be talking shit about the tiny and, one would think; defenseless little birdy that our scientists decided to name the Chiff Chaff Warbler.

Now, I don’t know about you, but when I hear the name “warbler,” I can’t help but think of a cartoonishly fat and decidedly ponderous creature along the lines of Wimpy from Popeye.

I suppose it goes without saying that “warble” brings to mind gross (read: MANLY) things like belching, or gargling… Or belching while gargling.

Pictured: What happens when stupid bitches try to belch and gargle at the same time.

Something about the rotund and guttural nature of the word “warble” just sets my mind thinking to all things chubby and pathetic.

As for the “chiff chaff” part of things, I don’t know what the fuck it’s supposed to mean, but it sounds like one of those old-timey phrases that old men with Dublin mustaches and monocles would say.

Y’know, things like:

Riff raff, haberdashery, poppycock, Toffifay, etc.

The kind of words one would say while swishing their mustache, and exclaiming whatsits like “I say!” or “…my good man.”

In conclusion, the Chiff Chaff Warbler is a chubby, pathetic bird that wears a monocle and belches loudly and often.

Happy Father’s Day everyone!

Pictured: Not me, but still pretty fuckin' funny.

Filed under: Comics, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Donate