Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Unfortunate Animal Names: Flat-Headed Cat


Before anyone asks, “yes,” I am a cat guy.

I know it’s kind of bizarro-masculine to be a dude that likes cats, (especially as much as I do) but like Popeye says, I ‘yam what I ‘yam.

That’s not to say I hate dogs or anything, it’s just that I had some bad experiences with dogs in my youth, and so I’ve always been a little weary around them.

I don’t like the energy of some of the bigger and more energetic breeds of dogs.

I don’t like how you can look them in the eye all you want and never have a clue of what they’re thinking.

Cat’s tend to have an air of “not giving a fuck,” but even so I appreciate their (generally) more docile and self-sufficient nature.

Which brings us to our unfortunately named animal of the day, the Flat-Headed Cat.

I know it’s name is supposed to be a straightforward indication of it’s skull structure, but even so; Flat Head is a pretty lame-ass name for an animal, let alone a cat.

Seriously man, it’s like the thing was named by a bratty little 5 year old or some shit.

My guess is, the zoologist in charge of naming the damn thing had the bright idea of letting his (dumbass) kid name it.

Chances are the kid suggested things like “block headed” or “fat headed” or “poop faced” cat; all of which would’ve been perfectly acceptable by my standards, but admittedly very much unfortunate in their own right.

The point is, the name “Flat-Headed Cat” is just plain boring, not to mention more than a little pathetic.

Think about it, it’s like saying there was nothing else about the animal that was distinctive or noteworthy enough to name it by.

How about naming it after the region it was discovered in?

How about naming it for an aspect of it’s behavior or diet?

Or I don’t know, how about naming it after the person who discovered it?

Thanks to my Zoobooks collection, I know a thing or 2 about what makes the Flat-Headed Cat much more than just a kitty with a flat head; but apparently the people who named the damn thing didn’t give 2 shits about putting any of that information to good use.

*Sigh* Oh well, apparently not all zoologists care as much about cats as I do…

The Origin of The Flat-Headed Cat:

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Devil May Cry and the Azn Badger

Capcom’s Devil May Cry series is one that the Azn Badger desperately wants to love.

Honestly, I don’t really care much for the Gothic aesthetic of the series, nor do I have any sort of appreciation for the death metal soundtracks and overall overblown nature of the storylines and cutscenes.

So, what exactly is it that I do like about Devil May Cry?

That my friend, would of course be the bombastic, action-heavy gameplay of the series:

My introduction to the Devil May Cry came in the form of the 3rd, and best, entry in the series, Devil May Cry 3: Dante’s Awakening.

Yes, I am in fact aware that he is wearing a nipple-strap. The game STILL kicks ass...

Featuring the highest difficulty level in the series to date, as well as perhaps the best, or at least, most relatable storyline, Dante’s Awakening effectively ruined me from enjoying any of the other games in the franchise.

Let it be known, beginning a game series from it’s highest peak in terms of overall quality, and then working your way down is not the way to enjoy a videogame franchise.

That'd be like going from THIS to THIS.

You see, I really enjoyed my time with Devil May Cry 3 on my PS2.

I played it to death, nearly beating it on the hardest difficulty in the process.

After I finally grew tired of 3 though, I made the mistake of thinking it would be fun to work my way backwards and play through the first game in the series.

I skipped that sack of fail Devil May Cry 2 though, as I’ve heard nothing but bad about that one…

ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

From the moment I picked up the controller to play the original Devil May Cry, it immediately became clear to me that I was playing a vastly different, and far inferior game.

The gameplay was slower and less responsive.

The animations were less dynamic and felt very detached.

The attacks lacked the sense of “oomph” that was the highlight of the experience in the 3rd game.

Not only that, but due to the games’ age, the graphics and textures were somewhat lacking.

Yeah, I'd say there's a difference...

Needless to say, I found little enjoyment in playing the original Devil May Cry post-Dante’s Awakening, so much so that I saw fit to return it to Gamestop after only a few days.

Devil May Cry was a wonderful game for it’s time, serving as the progenitor of a new breed of fast-paced action games shortly after it’s release.

You see what you did Capcom!? You gave that piece of fuck Gackt an excuse to star in his own game!

Despite it’s laundry list of credentials though, being the first of something doesn’t necessarily make it the best, or in this case, anywhere near that level of quality.

Recently, I had the opportunity to play through Devil May Cry 4 on the Xbox 360.

Pretty fuckin' spankin' if you ask me...

After the beating the ever-loving piss and shit out of Devil May Cry 3 in decidedly epic-fashion several years back, I found Devil May Cry 4 to be somewhat tame in terms of difficulty.

In general enemies were easier to stun, and more importantly, easier to corral and manipulate, resulting in the gameplay being much more forgiving, and ultimately flashier than ever before.

Since the release of Devil May Cry 3, Capcom went on to reinvent the Resident Evil series, and indeed; much game design in general, with it’s 4th entry.

In the post-Resident Evil 4 world of gaming, context sensitive button functions were very much en vogue, predictably resulting in Capcom’s own Devil May Cry 4 including several instances of said gameplay elements.

In fact, awesomeness can be visited upon most enemies with a simple touch of the “B” button:

Cheap thrills yes, but thrills nonetheless.

Personally, I couldn’t give 2 shits about the new main character of Devil May Cry 4, a frustratingly emo little butt-pirate named Nero, (voiced by Adam the Black Ranger AKA Johnny Yong Bosch)

Pictured: Nero.

I will say this about him however:

His move-list is fun, inventive, and made all the better by the inclusion of the Devil Bringer in his arsenal.

The Devil Bringer is the chief innovation brought to the table in Devil May Cry 4, and for the most part, it’s worth the price of admission.

Trust me, yanking enemies over to your position for quick and efficient beat downs is a pleasure that far surpasses repeatedly Stinger-ing my way across an arena just to get to an out of reach opponent by leaps and bounds.

But then again, being able to do shit like this is pretty fun too:

While the game is a little bit on the easy side when compared to Devil May Cry 3, I’m willing to concede that that may in fact be a good thing.

Devil May Cry 3 was a beast.

It got off on taking eager young player’s confidence and shitting all over it like a fuckin’ pigeon perched above a Porsche.

... Yup, pretty much the visual I was going for.

4 however, is a prettier and more accessible game that even goes so far as to have a storyline (for those that give a shit) that requires virtually no knowledge of the prior games to understand.

Simply put, Devil May Cry 4 serves as a fine example of how to begin a series anew on a new platform.

In fact, I'd go so far as to say that it fared better than Resident Evil 5 in the console transition.

While not as good as 3, 4 was an enjoyable entry in a young series that was desperately in need of a #2 best game in it’s lineup, as up until it’s release, none of the other games could be at all regarded as anywhere near the level of quality of Dante’s Awakening.

I understand that I’m being critical of the series, but as I mentioned earlier, Devil May Cry is a series that I want to like.

So far we’ve got 4 games in the series, and I’ve only liked 2 of them.

I don’t like the art.

I don’t like the music.

I hate the storytelling.

All I play them for is the raw experience of playing the game.

In that sense, 1:2 ain’t a bad ratio at all.

KITTY.

Which brings us to the newest Devil May Cry game, one that, to my knowledge; is intended to be a massive diversion from the core series.

Uh, okay. I see what you did there, very nice... I don't get it.

Going by the name DmC, (Ugh…) this new game features a protagonist of a drastically different design aesthetic, as well as a game world that seems a little more urban, and less castle-like than previous entries in the series.

This would all be fine in my book, as I was never that attached to Dante or Nero as series’ protagonists, except for the fact that this new character’s design is just plain HIDEOUS.

Pictured: An ugly-ass, skinny piece of emo punk-fuckery that I honestly have ZERO desire to play as in a game.

At this point, all we have is a trailer to work from in terms of first impressions, however I for one feel my desire to give this game a shot slipping away purely based off of the character design:

That may sound petty of me, but unless DMC gets some truly fuckin’ incredible reviews chances are I’ll probably sit it out in favor of taking a step back and visiting some of other hardcore action game franchises out there, like the Ninja Gaiden series and Bayonetta.

Every now and again I have to ask myself: Why HAVEN'T I played this game yet?

Anyway, this has been a lengthy and intensely muddled post.

For this I apologize, but thanks for reading.

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“Well let me tell yah’ somethin’ Mean Jean! I just got 5,000 Hits, brother!”

Damn that was fast!

Seriously man, it feels like just yesterday we were celebrating the 2,500th hit on the Azn Badger’s blog…

Anyway, as is turning out to be the norm on these milestone posts, I’d like to take this opportunity to both thank and apologize to all who have read over the past few months.

As many of you are aware, I have recently re-joined the work force, a major change in my life that has served to severely limit the amount of time I have been able to devote to this blog.

Pictured: The Azn Badger's "employment."

Despite that, as you may have noticed, I’ve still managed to post EVERY DAY.

How’s that for dedication?

Anyway, on the apologetic side of things, really the only thing I feel I’ve let you guys down on was in my spamming of the Let’s Play videos.

I (kinda’) like making them, and I hope at least a few of were able to extract some form of entertainment from watching them, however I am fully aware of how long and tedious they can be.

As much as it was pretty obvious that I wanted to talk about Godzilla at length, I was very unhappy with how that Let’s Play went, so much so that I’ll probably stay away from doing Let’s Plays for awhile.

It’s kind of funny, those videos were supposed to be a time-saver for me, but in reality they ended up costing me more hours than sitting down and pounding out a written post.

Go figure.

KITTY.

In the past week or so, I’ve come to realize that movies and comics are easier for me to write about than videogames.

I love all 3 pretty much equally, however my writing is much more lucid when dealing with comics and movies.

I think part of the difficulty in writing about games for me, is the fact that most of the topics I choose to discuss are steeped in nostalgia.

Writing about things that happened 20 years ago can be difficult sometimes, so sue me.

What I mean to say is, don’t be surprised if, for a time, games kind of get shifted to background on this blog for awhile.

Anyway, thanks for all the views, keep reading!

I now leave you with the traditional celebratory Hokuto No Ken victory .gif:

Filed under: Comics, Games, Movies, Tokusatsu, Uncategorized, Wrestling, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Best MAN!!! #5

After the hootenanny of character design awesomeness that was Mega Man 4, most of us were left thinking, “what the fuck kind of crazy awesomeness can the guys over at Capcom possibly follow this up with?”

The answer, unfortunately, was about 2 thirds crazy, and 1 third awesome.

Ladies and gentleman, it’s time to tangle with the odd bird that is Mega Man 5.

Really diggin' the Mega Man stiff arm.

Mega Man 5 is a really fuckin’ weird game.

The story was some hackneyed bullshit wherein Proto Man was set-up as the main villain, only to have it revealed later that he is in fact innocent, and, guess what, Dr. Wily was the actual mastermind.

THAT EVIL MOTHER FUCKER!!!

In terms of graphics and sound, it was a significant step up from it’s predecessors, and even the gameplay was pretty solid as well.

Yep, they actually gave those little Met fuckers jet packs and space helmets...

It was the design of the game that hurt it.

For the first time in Mega Man history, the player was faced with issue that there were one too many features.

While Mega Man 5 was far from innovative, in fact it was one of the more “phoned-in” games in the series, what little it added was the straw that broke the camels back, the last block pulled from the Jenga tower.

That's right, Jenga mother fuckers!

Some of the (few) features that Mega Man 5 brought to the table were more intricate level designs, a new weapon called the Super Arrow, and Beat, the fighting bird that could be earned after collecting letters in all 8 of the robot master stages to form the phrase “M-E-G-A-M-A-N-V.”

Fuckin' worthless-ass turd burglar...

By the way, despite the level of dedication required to activate Beat, he’s pretty much useless.

He’s like the equivalent of using Zero for 1 third of a stage in Mega Man X3.

The best thing Zero did in X3 was get his ass kicked for me so I could jack his beam saber.

Oh you know you gonna' gimme' 'dat shit son...

For real man, Zero is like the Trunks of the Mega Man X series.

Everybody and their mother thinks he’s the bees knees, suckin’ his cock left and right, but if ever you ask them “why?” they can’t come with anything close to an answer.

Know why he smilin'? 'Cause you suckin' his dick, that's why.

It’s gotta’ be the hair or some shit, I swear…

Anyway, bullshit tangents aside, like I said, while it wasn’t a horrible game by any means, Mega Man 5  was kind of a lazy effort by Capcom, and was also the first in the series to begin to feel over-saturated.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that the character designs were some of the weirdest in series history up until the fuck-sandwich that is Sheep Man?

Yet another reason as to why I haven't played Mega Man 9 or 10...

Good thing “weird” doesn’t necessarily mean “bad,” (it does when you’re talking about sack-donkeys like Sheep Man) ’cause it’s about time we got down to deciding who’s The Best MAN!

Well, among the side-show freaks and fuck-tards that are the cast of Mega Man 5, The Best MAN would have to be…

Gyro Man

GYRRRROOOOOOOOOOOO MAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!

Like Mega Man 3, this one was a toughy.

Unlike that game however, I had no real attachment to any of the robot masters in Mega Man 5.

I mean shit, look at ’em:

TRAIN DUDE!!? MISSILE FACE!? PEARL MAN!!? WTF!!!!!????

Mega Man 5’s cast of robot masters was unique, I’ll give it that.

Even as a kid, I seriously didn’t think they’d actually make a “Star Man,” but hey, I’m not a videogame designer, what do I know…

The real difficulty in choosing who was The Best MAN in Mega Man 5 sprung from 1 simple personal debate:

Crystal Man or Gyro Man?

Really, that’s all it came down to, but I have to admit it gave me some issues.

Pretty much every other robot master in the game is ass-faced failure, to the point in which I was left with only 2 guys I really had any sort of appreciation for.

You wanna’ know how I made my decision?

Well, I started, of course, by looking at their designs.

I liked both, but to be honest I felt I liked Crystal Man just a little bit more.

Sexy...

Something about his color scheme and strong body shape just “did it” for me.

Next, I moved on to their stage music.

Gyro Man:

Crystal Man:

No contest here.

Point, Gyro Man.

Normally I’d insert a comment here about who was the tougher challenge, but seeing as both guys were pussies, I’m left with nothing more to say other than, well, they were pussies.

"Who, me?"

The final deciding factor ended up being my (fragmented) memories of that goddamn Mega Man cartoon.

While Gyro Man’s appearance in the show WAS RETARDED AS FUCK, at least it wasn’t as bad as Crystal Man’s.

If I remember correctly, Crystal Man fought Mega Man on the moon, got his chest bulb shot out, and generally just got shat on for the entire half hour.

What the fuck is up with American redesigns of Japanese shiieeet!!!??

Gyro Man at least got to wear a wig and pretend to be in a shitty 90’s rock band with Gemini Man and Spark Man

Lookit' them pointy shoulders... That's how you know it's the early 90's.

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Let’s Play Bucky O’Hare, Part VI

We’ve finally made it to the last stage!
Buckle your seat belts boys and girls, ’cause we’re takin’ a one way trip on the Toad Croaker, and it’s gonna’ get messy!


THANK YOU FOR WATCHING!

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Let’s Play Bucky O’Hare, Part V

Pretty substantial update today.

In addition to recording the entirety of the “Center of the Magma Tanker” stage, I also went back and re-recorded the footage of the boss battle of the “Chute” stage from yesterday.

Click below for mass amounts of fail:

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Let’s Play Bucky O’Hare, Part IV

Small update this time.

Didn’t quite finish a level on account of technical difficulties associated with the 90+ degree temperature today.

My crappy ass computer hasn’t held up to the heat very well, and cant’ even manage to run even the most basic of programs after 20-30 minutes of use.

Seriously, it’s that bad.

Anyway, check it out:

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Let’s Play Bucky O’Hare, Part III

Just one more level of Bucky O’Hare for you guys today.

Don’t worry, I didn’t get lazy on yah’, this level just happens to be extra long.

This time we’ve got the whole Bucky crew together as we battle our way through the Magma Tanker, the evil Toad Air Marshal’s mothership!

The second clip features mass amounts of elevator fail, as well as a videogame milestone moment for the Azn Badger!

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Let’s Play Bucky O’Hare, Part II

2 more levels of anthropomorphic space bunny goodness for your viewing pleasure:


Sorry for the audio sync issues, had some trouble in the editing process.

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