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The Best MAN!!! #3

First thing’s first, it needs to be said that Mega Man 3 has one of the best soundtracks in all of gaming.

Well, it's an improvement from the first 2, but still, that is some shitty cover art.

Not only that, but it’s Title Theme is MY FAVORITE track of the NES era.

That’s right, not The Moon from Ducktales,

not the Super Mario Bros. theme,

but the Title Theme for Mega Man 3.

Give it a listen:

That business aside, Mega Man 3 was a truly awesome Mega Man game.

I mentioned yesterday that I’m still on the fence as to whether I like Mega Man 2 or 3 best, however I’ve found that as I’ve grown older I tend to favor 3 just a little bit more.

The game introduced several new features that would go on to become staples of the series.

Well, that is until Capcom decided to whore themselves to the “Xbox Generation” and release the DLC oddities that are Mega Man 9 and 10 anyway…

WTF!!!!????

Protoman and Rush the dog made their first appearances in Mega Man 3.

The pair didn’t really add much in terms of gameplay, other than serving as a lame miniboss

Protoman: He jumps, he shoots, he sucks the cock.

and replacement for the numbered gadgets of the previous game respectively,

Rush: Fucking worthless when not in Jet form.

however their addition to the series canon personalized, and added character to a roster of characters that was actually pretty slim for the time.

More importantly however, Mega Man 3 gave us the slide maneuver.

While the slide has since been removed in those goddamn fuckin’ DLC games, I always found it to be a wonderful addition Mega Man’s limited repertoire of moves.

It expanded the level design by allowing you to enter narrow passages.

It sped up the pace of the gameplay due to your ability to progress faster through the stages.

It allowed the bosses patterns to be more aggressive, as you now had the ability to dodge quickly.

In all, it was a great innovation that changed Mega Man forever… Or at least until the DLC games.

That’s enough Blue Bomber cock-sucking though, let’s get down to who’s The Best MAN!

That would have to be:

Snake Man

SNAAAAAAAKKKKKKE MAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!

This one was almost a 3-way tie.

However, by MANdate of MAN-law, there can only be one Best MAN, and that just happens to be Snake Man

As a kid, Gemini Man was my favorite, hands down.

Remember that Bubble Man helmet I had my mom make for me way back when?

Well, I also wanted her to make me a Gemini Man one.

I never got that helmet, but even so, I still loved Gemini Man.

He had great background music,

a neat fighting style, and probably the pimpest weapon in Mega Man 3: The Gemini Laser.

Gemini Laser Skin Treatment = Icky...

Next to Gemini Man, Shadow Man was a close favorite as well.

I don’t really buy into the whole “he’s awesome ’cause he’s a ninja thing,” however I find that his character, trademark shuriken weapon, and crazy stage made him standout nonetheless.

Don’t laugh at ninjas and Jesus just “because.”

YOU’RE LETTING THEM WIN.

Finally, we come to Snake Man.

Amongst the 3, Snake Man stands out as perhaps the most iconic design.

He’s got the crazy snake helmet, with the distinctive ponytail-like portion of the snake sticking out behind him.

Well, as a kid I thought it looked like a ponytail...

He’s got a gimmicky weapon that travels across the floor and just happens to be vital to beating the game.

On top of that, his stage is wonderfully designed, with good, but not great, background music.

Also, the actual fight with Snake Man is pretty intense, largely due to the tiered nature of his arena.

Mega Man battling Snake Man with the Shadow Shuriken.

In my eyes, Snake Man is the tortoise to the hares that are Shadow Man and Gemini Man.

He may not be the flashiest, he’s certainly not a ninja, but for some utterly intangible reason, he’s The Best MAN in Mega Man 3.

By the way, the best stage music in Mega Man 3 is Spark Man’s stage:

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The Best MAN!!! #2

Alright, we’re back with more Best MAN action!

Today we’re tackling what is widely regarded as the greatest of all Mega Man games, and potentially one of the greatest sequels in all of videogame history, the bombastic powerhouse that is Mega Man 2.

American Box Art for Japanese Games: ASSSSSSSSS

Mega Man 2 was a massive step up in quality from it’s predecessor.

The graphics were more colorful and better animated, the roster of bosses of expanded from 6 to the now traditional 8,

*GASP!* 8 is more than 6!?

it added several new gadgets that would eventually become Rush the dog in Mega Man 3,

Stupid fuckin' dog would straight up LEAVE YOU if you called him at the wrong time...

the difficulty level was tuned to perfection, and the music, good Lord the music; was simply breathtaking.

Personally, I don’t feel it’s an understatement to say that the Title Theme of Mega Man 2 is one of the most iconic tracks in all of gaming.

It has since been adopted as the closest thing to a theme music that Mega Man has ever had, even serving as his background music in the original Marvel vs. Capcom.

Pictured: Mega Man as seen in Marvel Vs. Capcom 2.

Also, I feel that most would agree with me when I say that the background music of Stage 1 of Dr. Wily’s Castle is one of the finest pieces of NES music ever composed.

Mega Man 2 was a fantastic game, though I am still debating whether it truly is the best Mega Man game of all time.

Both Mega Man 2 and 3 were very special to me as a child, and I tend to regard them as equals in that sense.

Someday I’ll man up and take a side, but for today, we’re talkin’ about Mega Man 2, more specifically; who’s The Best MAN!

The answer is:

Quick Man

QUIIIIIICCCCKKKKK MAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN!!!!

In short, Quick Man was a beast.

His stage was crazy fuckin’ hard for all the wrong reasons,

he was generally the last of the 8 robot masters players would face, and to make matters worse he could put up a legitimately good fight if you came in unprepared.

All that, and he had the nerve to have shitty music that sounded like someone pounding out a telegram message:

So why then do I honor Quick Man with The Best MAN honors for Mega Man 2?

Surely the vote should have gone to Bubble Man on account of my childhood love for/relation to him, right?

Good God he's fat...

While that may be (regrettably) true, Quick Man gets the nod for truly the manliest of reasons:

He’s BADASS.

Pictured: Quick Man in his formative years...

Quick Man’s look and personality outside of Mega Man 2 more than make up for his somewhat shitty role in the game.

I mean look at him, he’s got the sleek and sexy design, a cocky glint in his eye, and well, uh, a fuckin’ BOOMERANG for a weapon!

Yeah that’s right, a BOOMERANG!

Don't you dare question the Hogan...

Yeah….

Quick Man = The Shit.

Don’t fuck with me pal, I know where you live…

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