Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

IT BEGINS.

Alrighty folks, as Barney stated in the clip above, as of this moment; IT BEGINS.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but over the past several days I’ve been very lazy in writing posts for this blog.

I still enjoy writing, but the fact of the matter is, I’ve been in a rut for a long time now, both in regards to this blog and life in general.

That being said, I’m not the sort to give up easily.

After all, I’m one of those guys took it up the ass long enough to eventually beat Demon’s Souls and is likely going to end up doing the same with Dark Souls.

I really don’t know what to expect from this, but I’d like to take this opportunity to ask you, the reader; to let me know what you’d like to see me do in future posts.

As much as I know there’s a demand for it, I’m not gonna’ post photos of my dick or anything like that, but if you’d like to say, see me draw something, or write an article on a particular topic; I’d be more than willing to accomodate your requests.

Anyway, here’s hoping I get a lot of responses, or at the very least, a few good ones.

Seriously folks, don’t waste my motherfuckin’ time….

Filed under: Games, Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , ,

One Of The Worst Commercials I’ve Ever Seen

In this cynical age of ironic humor, there’s never been a better environment for the appreciation of things that are “good-bad.”

Due to the incredible surplus of “good-bad” or otherwise culturally outdated material that’s floating around out there, “trolling” shitty movies ala Beavis and Butt-head and Mystery Science Theater 3000 has become commonplace among peoples of all ages.

This is not a bad thing, though it does beg the question; when does something cross the line from being “good-bad,” to just plain BAD?

While I honestly have no idea where that line may lie, I do know crap when I see it.

In case you hadn’t guessed from the title of this post, as well as from viewing the actual video itself; this ad for the LOCAL exterminator service StopBuggingMeNow.com, is pretty much the definition of crap.

There, now nobody can say I haven’t done my part to plug a (very likely crappy) local business.

Neither goofy enough, nor cheap enough to be funny in any way, this commercial commits the ultimate commercial sin of being just plain dull.

The hideous combination of poor acting, shitty costumes, an even poorer concept, and an embarrassingly lethargic pace makes this commercial one of the worst I can recall in recent memory.

Don’t get me wrong, from a purely technical standpoint we’ve all seen worse than this.

It’s just that when a commercial has no entertainment value whatsoever, no humor, no message, no point; it forces the viewer to come to terms with the fact that they’ve just had 30 seconds of their motherfuckin’ time pulled out from under them.

Many commercials are annoying.

Many are also entertaining.

But it takes a special breed of crappiness for a commercial to be just plain bad.

Fuck you StopBuggingMeNow commercial.  Get off my motherfucking TV.

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , ,

Villains of the Azn Badger’s Youth

I’m not going to lie, tonight’s post is not entirely my idea.

In fact, I’ve gone and ripped off the entire concept from someone else’s article that I read last night!

Said article was written by Todd Brown over at Twitchfilm.net.

The article was, of course; titled “Villains of My Youth,” within which Mr. Brown cites his 5 favorite/most influential childhood film villains.

In all, the article was devoid of flash, and totally straightforward, however I found it very interesting to read someone else’s thoughts on the subject.

Anyway, it got me thinking, and by the time I sat down to start writing tonight, I realized I wanted to borrow Mr. Brown’s idea, and type up my own version of it!

That being said, I apologize in advance to Twitchfilm.net, and Mr. Todd Brown, but afraid that I’ve gotta’ do what I’ve gotta’ do.

My 5 most influential villains, in no particular order; are:

Jenner the Rat, from The Secret of NIMH (1982)


When I was a kid, sword fighting was just about my favorite thing in the world besides Godzilla and dinosaurs.

While The Secret of NIMH was a wonderful film, that I watched all the time as a kid, but, in truth; half the reason I fucking watched it so much was to see Justin and Jenner’s sword fight at the very end of the movie.

While this sequence was the highlight of the movie for my 3-5 year old self, even back then Jenner stood out to me as not only a terrific villain, but a very poweful presence.

The scintillating timber of Paul Shenar’s (the Columbian dude that says “Don’t fuck me Tony” in Scarface) voice, coupled with Don Bluth’s superb attention to detail in the facial animation of the character, served to create an intense and visceral character, that, while lacking in screen time; certainly left an impression on me.

Remember when I said sword fights were my thing back in the day?

Well, my next favorite villain is:

Sir Guy of GisbourneThe Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)


The Adventures of Robin Hood was a movie I used to watch at a friend of my dad’s house.

My dad would drop me over there as a sort of daycare from time to time, and every single time I ended up watching 1 of the same 2 movies:

Rodan, and The Adventures of Robin Hood (colorized edition).

Now I gotta’ tell yah’, some of you might not know this about me, but as a kid, if I ever even considered watching something besides a Godzilla movie, that meant that movie was really fucking special to me.

Robin Hood, was really fucking special to me as a kid.

Though I loved the movie, and it’s treatment of the Merry Men as being, well, truly fucking Merry, Sir Guy always stood out to me as a tool among tools.

Back then I mistakenly referred to him as The Sheriff of Nottingham, but mistaken identity or not, half the reason I watched the fucking movie was to see his ass get stabbed.

The climactic sword battle at the end of the movie will always stick with me as one of my fondest childhood memories.

Seriously man, Basil Rathbone and the king of swashbuckling himself, Errol Flynn, go balls-out on each other in it.

Look it up, the choreography and execution hold up even to this day.

Next on my list of villains, is:

The BlobThe Blob (1988)


Holy fucking shit.

Let me remind you, that this list is comprised both of villains that I liked, and villains that influenced me as a child.

Well, in terms of villainous influences of my youth, The Blob pretty much takes the cake.

In short, The Blob scared the piss outta’ me.

As a kid, I had nightmares for years about amorphous blobs, and other such faceless monsters that wanted to eat me.

Now, you know what the really crazy part is?

I didn’t see the remake of The Blob until a few years ago!

No, I’m not a total pussy that wets the bed over monster movies to this day, (*Ahem!* Not that I ever did…) what I mean to say, is that I didn’t even have to see the movie for it’s title character to have a huge impression on me.

All I ever saw of the movie as a child, was the cover of the VHS.

Yup, that same cover that’s just a few lines above.

Excuse me, I’m going to go check my closet for monsters…

Next up is:

Marcus Penn – Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995)

Fuck you, Steven Seagal’s movies are fucking AWESOME in just about the most AWESOME way.

By that I mean, they’re about as awesome as they are awesomely shitty.

Anyway, Under Siege 2 was the first R-rated film I ever got to see, and as such, I watched it an unhealthy amount of times in my youth.

Like the first Under Siege, 2 has the distinction of having a pair of villains that are simply too good for the movie itself.

That being said, Everett McGill’s portrayal of Marcus Penn AKA the silver-haired knife fighting dude, is a classic of film villainy, even going so far as to trump Eric Bogosian’s egotistical Travis Dane.

At least in my book.

McGill, holds a presence throughout the film, both figurative and physical, that is truly admirable.

Oh yeah, and the big knife fight at the end was bad-ass.

Last but not least, we have:

Megatron/GalvatronThe Transformers: The Movie (1986)

If anyone were to be at the top of this list, I’d say it would be these 2.

Transformers: The Movie, was a movie I watch literally every day of my early childhood.

My mother can attest to that, as she had to sit through it with me every day.

While I didn’t really get to see all that much of the Transformers cartoon as a kid, I was just a little bit too young; The Movie was just about my favorite thing in world as a kid.

As such, my understanding of the Transformers universe was largely derived from the first 2 seasons of the cartoon, and The Movie; that’s all.

Megatron was just about the most bad-ass villain I can remember.

For fuck’s sake, the man had his own laser gun sound effect and he turned into A FUCKING GUN.

He was tough, arguably more powerful than Optimus Prime, but more importantly, he demonstrated just how evil he was, time and time again.

Hell, during his one-on-one battle with Prime in The Movie, he goes so far as to feign a fair fight, only to cheat and break his own terms left and right.

Not only that, as Galvatron he kills a fuck-ton of high-profile characters, some of which are fellow Decepticons!

Megatron/Galvatron was one of the first villains ever presented to me in my lifetime, and to this day, he remains one of the strongest examples of the archetype that I have yet to encounter.

Filed under: Movies, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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