Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Remember The Shockmaster?


Oh, The Shockmaster…….

In all of wrestling history,there has seldom been a wrestling debut as horrid, or retarded-ly fucking stupid as The Shockmaster’s.

Let’s just break down the events of the video depicted above, shall we?:

You have Sting, Ric Flair, Sid Vicious, The Harlem Heat, and Davey Boy Smith all together staging a promo.

To sum up, pretty much every major player in WCW circa 1993 was on the stage for this promo.

During said promo, Sting makes mention of a “mystery partner” that was to be joining his team in an upcoming 8-man tag match.

Shouting in a bold and proud manner, Sting gives his “mystery partner” his entrance cue by calling out his name:

“The Shockmaster!”

Suddenly, from the far wall twin fountains of fire spring up, giving way to the embarrassing sight of a obese masked man awkwardly falling face first through the particle board fixture, sending his sparkling mask tumbling to the floor in the process.

During this “shocking” moment, the crowd remains entirely silent, completely baffled by what they’ve just seen.

As he lay on all fours, struggling to retrieve his glittery mask with some measure of difficulty, The Shockmaster pathetically, and quite audibly, mutters to himself:

“I fell down… Ohhhhh God…”

Stumbling to his feet, the jeans and vest clad Shockmaster quickly attempts to salvage what little of his dignity remains by standing before the other wrestlers, and revealing to the crowd; in full detail, the sad truth of his costume design.

The Shockmaster’s helmet, (the one that fell off during his face-plant) without even the slightest attempt to disguise it’s fiercely iconic imagery, was none other than a silver spray painted Stormtrooper helmet.

Despite being virtually dead in the water, with zero crowd reaction, and all of the mystique and threat of his persona dashed to pieces by his horrid entrance, The Shockmaster nevertheless continued with the promo.

Forced to stand in the corner and lazily bob his head as Ole Anderson provided his reptilian speaking voice over the PA system, The Shockmaster was no doubt experiencing the kind of personal hell that only a show business fuck-up can provide.

During this sequence, Booker T can be heard muttering to himself:

“Who is this motherfucker?”

Similarly, Davey Boy Smith shouts numerous times:

“He fell flat on his fucking arse!”

Truly, there is no greater moment of suck, than that of The Shockmaster’s debut.

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7 Responses

  1. Sean Parker says:

    Oh my goodness. There are no words. “Pathetically uproarious” doesn’t do it justice.

    It just goes from one moment of comic gold to the next. I love how there’s just that super long awkward pause after he staggers up and nobody knows what to do. Then Sid Vicious starts screaming at him and the Shockmaster begins pantomiming, thinking that Sid is his voiceover. And then, my favorite part, the Shockmaster realizes how badly he’s screwed things up even further and just stands there, confused and nearly motionless, while his actual voiceover starts up. He doesn’t even start acting until after his own “voice” states that he’s the Shockmaster. And then when he does, he just kinda does this weak, slow nod as if he just figured it out. And then that laugh.

    No one could ever stage a screw-up this bad. This is one of those once-in-a-lifetime moments of pure, wondrous failure.

  2. mooselicker says:

    Should’ve gotten a bigger push.

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