Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

The IdentityHawk Is Kind Of A Prick


Yesterday I posted an example of what I’d consider to be a truly awful TV commercial.

Given that I’ve been starved for writing inspiration for the past few days, I figure one more “bad commercial post” wouldn’t hurt.

Let’s just hope this doesn’t become a regular “thing” on this blog…

Anyway, I’ve been watching TV a little more than usual lately, particularly the local networks, and as such; a few frequently aired commercials have been nagging on me as of late.

One of them was the StopBuggingMeNow commercial from yesterday, and the other is the IdentityHawk one at the top of this post.

While nowhere near as piss-poor as yesterday’s epic crap-fest, the IdentityHawk commercial is fairly poor in terms of scripting and overall production values, though it was shot at or near HD quality; so you can tell they at least tried to produce it semi-professionally

Despite this, there’s some aspects to it that are giggle, or at least sarcastic snort worthy.

For one thing, I love how the music makes a 180 degree tonal shift from America’s Most Wanted eerie, to Walmart wholesome pretty much at the drop of a hat.

Despite this though, the real star of the show is the no-nonsense IdentityHawk mascot.

For whatever reason, the poorly rendered (though not unbearably so) CG hawk has a few quirks to him that make me smile.

More specifically, his ultra straightforward manner of speech and rather severe case of cerebral palsy make me laugh.

Something about the idea of a douchebag hawk swooping in and yelling “HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN’!?” to some guy picking through peoples’ garbage just seems humorous to me.

I love how the fuckin’ hawk basically cuts through the dude’s bullshit and doesn’t really give him a chance to explain himself in the slightest.

In fact, now that I think about it, the IdentityHawk really seems like kind of a prick, as had the “identity thief” character not voiced his intentions out loud, there’s a good chance he might’ve just been some homeless guy picking through garbage cans for food.

For an identity thief he has a splendid head of hair. Jus' sayin'...

I’m all for identification security and what not, but does protecting one’s information really mandate the use of asshole-ish, talking, CGI hawks to protect one’s garbage cans?

Seriously man, if this IdentityHawk shit hits the big time, we could be looking at a grim future where neighbors end up routinely murdering each other with their IndentityHawks over dumping shit in each other’s dumpsters.

Shit, if my neighbors had a douchy CGI hawk in their yard, my dad and I probably wouldn’t last a week.

IdentityHawk, keeping your identity/garbage safe from thieves/homeless people ’cause it’s the ‘Merikuhn way.

 

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