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The Top 10 Best Overkills in Movies, #2: Marked For Death

Well, well, well, it’s good to see you again Steven Seagal.

While Out For Justice was far and away the superior Seagal film, Marked For Death managed to carve a niche for itself in the vast timeline of Seagal-ian film history by featuring the best overkill in the entirety of his career, as well as being the only film in which Seagal actually kills the same man twice.

Also, it’s one of maybe 2-3 movies in which Steven Seagal is forced to run:

Tee hee, I’ll never get tired of that…

Anyway, Steven Seagal doesn’t actually double-kill a man in Marked For Death, (although one could argue he does more than that by the end of this overkill) rather he kills a pair of twin brothers who just happened to be played by the same man.

The brothers in question are the heads of a Jamaican voodoo cult/drug cartel that just happens to have fucked with Casey FUCKING Ryback’s, I mean, Steven Seagal’s family.

Oh yeah, and they killed his partner.

Protip: DON’T try to fight Steven Seagal, and DON’T fuck with his family.

That being said during the dual-conclusive battles of the film, Seagal recruits the aide of a pimp-ass posse of ass-kickers consisting of Tom Wright AKA The Biggest Fuckin’ Eyebrows EVER,

Tom Wright: Master of Eyebrow-Fu.

and Keith David AKA The Pimpest Voice on the Planet.

Did I mention Keith David had the pimpest voice on the planet?

Being as this is a Steven Seagal film though, neither of these guys will play any sort of role in killing off the 2 major villains in the film.

Seagal doesn’t share his kills…

Anyway, the villains of Marked For Death share a persona going by the name of Screwface.

Don’t ask…

Screwface I engages in a brief melee battle with Seagal, only to have his package sliced open,

WOAH! Now that's just straight-up wrong!

and then promptly have his head lopped off for the purposes of further desecration later in the film.

While the death of Screwface I was indeed tasty, and quite epic in it’s own right, it was by no means an overkill, least of all by Seagal-ian standards…

The real overkill in Marked For Death, the one worthy of the title of #2 Best Overkill in Movies, takes place during the final climactic battle (there were several…) of the film, wherein Seagal takes on Screwface II.

The battle begins as Seagal and his posse raid Screwface II’s nightclub, with a wounded Keith David opting to handle the majority of the underlings and fodder while Seagal goes for the big dog.

Skip to 2:18 for an abridged version of the fight (Sorry!)

Our battle begins as Screwface lunges from the shadows and takes a swing at Seagal with a sword.

Being as Seagal himself is armed with a sword, he naturally deflects the blow.

After a bit of sword-clinking and bladed-patty cake, Screwface II steps back and declares:

With that, Screwface II resumes his attack, only to be met with a retort in form of a slice across his chest (and pimp-ass jacket).

With that, Screwface II once again charges forward, this time making the mistake of stepping into arm’s reach/WRECKING YOUR SHIT range.

This of course results in Seagal flipping ‘ole Screwball II onto his cracked out, colored contact lense wearing ass.

Lookit' 'im, layin' there like a lump... I'm talking about Screwface, by the way.

Shrugging off his trip to the mat like a champ, Screwface immediately scurries out of the hallway and into the bar section of his nightclub palace.

Seagal promptly follows him, assuming quite possibly the fruitiest/most impractical sword stance the world has ever seen.

As soon as they’re on the hardwood, Screwface II bum-rushes the Seagal-inator, clashing swords with him, and eventually managing to disarm him in the process!

I call bullshit!

Hang on, he did what to Seagal?

Huh…

ANYWAY, naturally the 2 lock-up and make a move towards the nearest hard surface so Steven Seagal can…

Get PUNCHED in the face.

Okay, now I know something’s up.

Luckily, the grappling continues and Seagal manages to…

Get PUNCHED in the gut.

THROWN through glass.

THROWN through more glass.

SMASHED face-first into a table.

and THROWN into even more glass.

WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!!???

Seriously man, this is a fuckin’ Steven Seagal movie!

Steven Seagal doesn’t get beat up!

Man…………….

Well hang on, let’s take another look at this, I think I just found the problem…

AH HAH!

It was an imposter all along!

Nothing more than a Steven Seagal impersonator, getting his fool-ass whupped tryin’ to be THE MAN.

Finally back in the fight, the REAL Steven Seagal scoops up Screwface II and promptly flips him on his head.

FUCK YEAH!

With Screwface II now halfway across the room, Seagal takes this opportunity bad ass-ily recover his sword:

Now once again armed with their blades, Seagal and Captain Dreads once again square-off, with Screwface II predictably being the aggressor.

As with earlier in the fight though, Screwface II once again makes the mistake of stepping into range one of Seagal’s big mitts, thereby resulting in him taking a shot from the hilt of our hero’s sword.

Either Seagal's tryin' to pinch a loaf, or he just spit in Screwface II's face...

This discourages Screwface II, but ultimately doesn’t stop him from lunging forward with a sluggish and truly ugly thrust.

We all know what happens when you charge straight at Steven Seagal:

With the fight now taken to the dance floor, under the disco lights, Seagal and Screwface II take this opportunity to strike some flashy poses…

POSE.

Okay, maybe Seagal’s not really the best at posing, but whatever, a crazy stare counts.

Anyway, the 2 do some more of that sword-patty cake bullshit you see in movies all the time, until Seagal gets frustrated with his lack of hand-eye co-ordination and calls off the game:

Now, despite having just been cut down the middle of his face with a fuckin’ sword, Screwface II actually manages to tough it out pretty well.

Oh well, as they say:

Anyway, Screwface II’s sword gets knocked out of his hands, but even so he manages to battle back by charging Seagal with a bar table.

Screwface II used Bar Table! It's Super-Effective!

With Seagal now pinned against the wall, Screwface II proceeds to bash his opponent’s head against the pillar behind him.

That's not Seagal.

Nope. No way that's him. It's a fake. A lie. Bullshit.

After STUNT Seagal, (I refuse to believe Seagal took a hit in this fight…) gets his head bashed against the wall about 50 billion times, the REAL Seagal finally steps in and calls an end to the image-killing madness.

With one deft move, the REAL Seagal grabs hold of Screwface II’s face and…

Well, you’ll see:

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah, did I mention that this was where our #2 Best Overkill in Movies officially begins?

That being said, with Screwface II now eye-less, and therefore mostly helpless, Seagal decides to take his usual tactic of throwing his opponent into hard surfaces, and turn it up to 11:

Wow.

That was just about the coolest thing ever.

*AHEM!*

I stand corrected…

Anyway, once both fighters get to their feet, and by that I mean Steven Seagal grabs Screwface II by the hair and hauls his ass up, our Jamaican drug lord somehow summons the strength the throw a punch at Seagal.

While that might’ve worked on STUNT Seagal, this is the real deal we’re talkin’ about, so naturally the punch gets slipped quite handily.

With his opponent off balance, Seagal slips under Screwface II’s arm and grabs hold of his neck and package, and proceeds to snap that fucker over his knee like a popsicle stick:


Not to be outdone by himself in Out For Justice, Seagal decides to go for the gold and truly push the limits of overkill-ery.

With Screwface II now paralyzed, eye-less, and very likely already dead, Seagal takes the poor Jamaican clone and chucks his ass into a wall, again.

Corpse Desecration: An American Tradition...

Whoops, did I say “wall?”

I meant, “elevator shaft.”

"I'm reaaaaaady..... Ready for the big ride baby....."

That’s right folks, our overkill ends with a dude getting chucked down an elevator shaft.

Not only that, but when he finally hits the bottom, there’s a conveniently placed hunk of metal that serves to elevate this kill from a mere “fall,” to a full-fledged “falling impalement.”

Only thing that could make this better is if the elevator came down on him afterwards.

With that, our #2 Best Overkill in Movies comes to an end, but not before Steven Seagal plays us out with the classiest of one-liners:

HAHA!

Get it?

‘Cause they were twins?

Ah fuck, whaddah’ you know….

Tune in tomorrow for the long-awaited BEST OVERKILL IN MOVIES!!!!!!!

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3 Responses

  1. Carv says:

    I have long maintained Tom Cruise is the best runner in movies. It’s the high hands!

    Watch and believe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJdMDvjfyQ0

    • aznbadger says:

      Holy fucking shit! Not only did I never realize how fuckin’ fast Mr. Cruise was, I am straight up blown away by how eerily close his running form is to the T-1000’s in Terminator 2. I swear, he’s a bionic/6 Million Dollar Man or some shit…

  2. Classic Stephen Seagal Movie. I liked his first 5 films. The last ones he made were very poor.

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