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MASSIVE Summary of Mega Monster Battle: Ultra Galaxy Legend, Part I

Alright everyone, here it is, the article that set me 2 or 3 days behind schedule with my writing.

Yesterday I posted pretty much the closest equivalent to a review of Mega Monster Battle: Ultra Galaxy Legend, that I possibly could.

The movie is pure eye-candy, and was definitely made for fanboys and kids.

Being as I consider myself pretty much both of those things in regards to Ultraman, I don’t feel qualified to write a full-on review for this movie.

Nah, that’s bullshit.

Truth of the matter is, I’ve never encountered a film so entirely devoid of structure and plot, while at the same time so visually exciting; and to be perfectly honest, I simply don’t know how I feel about the experience.

That, and this took a crazy long time to write, and frankly I don’t feel like putting any more time into Ultraman stuff right now.

Oh well, get settled in, ’cause what follows is a MASSIVE scene-by-scene summary, almost like a slideshow (if I could use plug-ins with my blog, I would hella’ make one).

*Ahem!* Spoilers Ahead.

Man, it's like their language was created specifically for making awesome title screens...

The story of Ultra Galaxy Legend is very straightforward, and is pretty much explained to us over the course of one exposition heavy scene.

Unfortunately this scene doesn’t come until a half an hour into the film, so bear with me until then.

The movie begins with an homage to the original Ultraman TV series, by dropping us into a fight between Ultraman Moebius and Bemura, the first “monster of the week” featured in the very first Ultraman episode EVER.

"From off the top rope!"

After a somewhat awkward battle, wherein the choreography is much faster and less pose oriented than in perhaps any other Ultra movie, we’re treated to a montage sequence explaining the who’s who and what’s what of the Ultra and Ultra Galaxy universe.

A scene from the opening titles of CSI: M-78 Nebula.

The whole montage bears a striking resemblance to the one featured in Godzilla: Final Wars, complete with similar synth-heavy background music and flashy posing by all of the featured characters.

Now THAT'S a posse.

In fact, the whole movie bears a certain resemblance to Final Wars, but that’s a discussion for another time.

In between beats we are treated to a few brief scenes of life in the M-78 Nebula, in the Ultra homeworld of the Land of Light.

The Land of Light

These scenes do a wonderful job of showcasing just how far the visual effects have come for the Ultra series, as well as do a fair amount to flesh out the previously only barely seen M-78 Nebula.

Watching Ultraman Taro oversee the training of a bunch young Ultramen brought a smile to my face, as well as a few bad memories of the Star Wars prequels‘ jedi academy scenes.

I wish my teachers wore fucking capes...

Moving on, our story begins with Alien Zarab, a shape-shifter that famously terrorized the original Ultraman way back in 1966, showing up at the Ultraman equivalent of the Phantom Zone, with gadget called the Giga Battle Nizer in tote.

After storming the Ultra prison, Zarab frees an evil Ultraman named Belial, (you can tell he’s evil ’cause he’s black and red and has claws) apparently with the intent of joining forces with said evil Ultraman.

Um, not sure if I would trust that guy...

Yeah, Zarab gets to speak maybe 3 sentences before Belial shoves the Giga Battle Nizer up his ass and out his mouth.

Before Belial can leave the prison however, Taro and a bunch of no-name Ultra’s show up with the intent of putting the bunneh’ back in the box.

"Why couldn't you put the bunneh' back in the box?"

Of course, with Cameron Poe nowhere in sight, Taro and his troops get smacked around something awful.

I swear, Taro’s Ultra goombas get flipped and thrown into pretty much every wall and all-around hard surface available during this fight.

Yup, whole lotta' this...

Like watching a WWF tables match where everybody’s a Dudley Boy… and the ring is made of tables.

With this, Taro gets desperate, chugs a 5 Hour Energy, and spears Belial right off the fucking cube, down through the atmosphere, and down onto the Ultra homeworld’s surface.

Then things really get cool.

Okay, maybe not THAT cool, but still pretty cool nontheless.

Belial takes on virtually every Ultra character from the M-78 Nebula, all at once.

The choreography is hard-hitting and well shot, with very energetic camerawork that is creative, but never dizzying or confusing.

Most impressive however, is the fact that fanservice is kept to a minimum during this scene.

Well, kind of anyway.

Belial tangles with Ultraseven 21 and Ultraman Neos. Oh yeah, and some no-name Ultra Grunts too.

Despite nearly every Ultra taking part in the fight, only a scant few actually pull out any of their trademark moves, and for the most part, everyone is portrayed as nothing more than chaff getting in Belial’s way.

Color me surprised when I saw Ultraman Powered and Great kicking around in there.

Yup that's Great about to get kicked there on the left, and that's Powered on the right doing more than he ever did with an entire season of his own show.

Would’ve thought Tsuburaya would prefer to forget about those two…

Anyway, somewhere amid all the chaos, Ultraman Moebius gets tossed up into the stratosphere.

With most of the lesser Ultras cast aside, the original Ultraman, Zoffy, and Seven show up in their pimp capes and get a few nice moments to shine, as they should.

Pimp to a degree only the truly PIMP can acheive.

Ace, Jack and 80 do too, but 80’s appeal consists of being able to put both the balls and the cock in his mouth at the same time, so needless to say, I really didn’t care.

Plus, none of them had pimp capes.

After flattening all the Ultras, Belial makes a move to steal the Ultra Spark, which is apparently the source of all Ultra power.

"OH, MY BELOVED ICE CREAM BAR...."

Before he can get to it though, Ultra Father shows up and is all like:

"Git' yo' fingahs' out my cookie jar, son!"

Belial ain’t havin’ none ah’ that, so they throw.

Father lands a few nice knife-edge chops, but eventually Belial gets pissed and starts no-selling his bumps.

Belial manages to get the upper hand, and after SHOOTING TARO IN THE FACE, and bitch-slapping Ultra Mother, saunters over to the Ultra Spark and straight up jacks it.

Now, apparently the Ultra Spark really is the source of all Ultra power, ’cause once it’s gone, the whole damn planet starts to freeze over. Like, real fast.

It's like "The Day After Tomorrow", but with Ultraman!

With the Ultra planet freezing fast, Taro takes drastic measures and sets himself ON FIRE (don’t worry, he does that sometimes) so he can preserve the last vestiges of the remaining Ultra Spark power.

With that, Ultraman and Ultraseven manage to shield themselves from the wave of ice, while everyone else, Father and Mother included, gets frozen solid.

Yeah, the two most popular characters in franchise history manage to avoid getting frozen. Didn’t see that coming.

We are now 20 minutes into the film.

Check back tomorrow as we move into the 2nd act!

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Filed under: Movies, Tokusatsu, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One Response

  1. pandasmash says:

    Dear God that is detailed. Keep it up dude, its excellence.

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