Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

Enter: Big Mac

To all the ladies out there: This is Azn Badger's "1 AM Man-Face."  If you are seeing this it means come bearing back rub or get the fuck out.

To all the ladies out there: This is Azn Badger's "1 AM Man-Face". If you are seeing this it means come bearing back rub or get the fuck out.

Seeing as most of my intended post for the day got nuked by WordPress, I think it’s about time I posted something short and sweet.

It’s been a few days since I did my little piece on Double Dragon II: The Revenge, and I’ve come to realize that I failed to mention what I regard as perhaps the most memorable part of it.

Deep within the recesses of the Forest Level, there resides a beast.

A beast so dreadful, so vile, so unbelievably Insta-Tanned the fuck out, that even the fearsome Abobo, hair-ed or otherwise, dare not challenge him.

Enter, “Big Mac.”

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

I honestly don’t know why my brother and I named him “Big Mac,” as he’s obviously modeled after Predator/Commando Arnold Schwarzenegger, but one thing’s for sure, he was one bad mutha’.

While not the most cerebral or creative of men, his sharp crew cut and herculean, jaundice infused strength were more than enough to get me shaking in my boots.

His repertoire consisted exclusively of Rick Flair-esque knife-edge chops to the torso:

THE CHOP.

And some sort of funky-ass shoulder tackle that looked more like he was tripping over a rock or something.

*BAM!* "Man, I'm hella' sorry dude! Somebody should really pick that up, someone could get hurt..."

Attempts at getting past this hulking wall of a man-savagery usually resulted in dropping all your lives and continues to “Big Mac’s” repeated shoulder tackles.  Either that or…

No, actually that’s really about all I ever managed.

“Big Mac’s” appearances in Double Dragon II were few, but memorable.

I think my favorite was his first, where he decided to bring his truck to work with him:

Behold: The Man-Mobile.

“Big Mac” will always live on in my memory as the definitive “Big Ugly Side-Scroller Boss.”

He was cheap.

He was scary.

And he always managed to make me squeal in mock terror:

“Oh no, it’s Big Mac!”

Filed under: Games, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

36 Responses

  1. Greg says:

    Double dragon needed guns. Sure it would have resulted in the entire game playing out like Indiana Jones where he just shoots the badass arab with a sword. It’s not like they’re batman or superman or spiderman…or ninjas…or many other kinds of characters that are opposed to firearms.

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