Azn Badger's Blog

What About the Lysine Contingency…?

A Tribute to the Greatness that is Donnie Yen: Part III – My Relationship with Mr. Yen

I first ran across Donnie Yen in 2001.

I had just purchased Godzilla, Mothra, King Ghidorah: All-Out Monster Attack on DVD from a mail-order bootleg service.

While the movie itself was great, (leading up to this I was suffering from post-Gamera trilogy Shusuke Kaneko withdrawals) there was an Easter egg on the disc menu (just click on Godzilla’s eye!)that included a number of trailers for upcoming Japanese films.

The first few were for older Godzilla movies that were finally seeing DVD release.

'Bout mother fuckin' time!

The last few however, were some of the coolest trailers I had seen up until then:

Ichi the Killer

and Shura Yuki Hime (2001)

I like the guy with the Fozzie Bear ears at 1:06 in the Ichi the Killer trailer. He’s silly.

Okay, now picture what it’s like seeing those for the first time when you’re a bloodthirsty 14 year old boy who’s only just starting to identify with his racial background.

I watched those trailers more than I watched that Godzilla movie.

And I loves me some Godzilla.

While neither of these movies were all that good in my opinion, (remember, I’m not a Miike fan) I was very impressed by the fight scenes in Shura Yuki Hime.

While he wasn’t in the film, after watching the trailer for Shura Yuki Hime so many times, my limited katakana comprehension at the time allowed me to read at :46 into it, that the “Akushon Direkuta” of the film was “Doni Iiyen.”

That’s Donnie Yen to you an me. Well, me anyway.

Unfortunately, the bootleg service I used only specialized in Japanese films at the time, with only a limited number of Chinese ones, leaving me with no real way of getting a hold of any Donnie Yen films.

Then I discovered that Donnie Yen had been featured in a number of American films.

I promptly looked them up and was treated to stuff like this:

… and Donnie Yen being mysteriously killed, OFF CAMERA, in Blade II.

Needless to say, I felt cheated.

In almost 4 years of searching, I was only able to see Donnie Yen in Iron Monkey, 3 shitty American films, and I guess if you get technical about it, I got to see his choreography in Shura Yuki Hime and Onimusha 3.

Where was all the good stuff?

Almost forgot... In his pants.

I figure you guys are a little sick of having Donnie Yen’s man-package thrust in your faces every day, so I think I’ll give you a reprieve tomorrow.

Check back the day after next for “Part IV – The Real Donnie Yen!”

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