Ever notice how sometimes we think we know something when all we’re really working from is just one fraction of the whole picture?
Though I think it’s kind of funny now, I realize that most of my knowledge of movies as a kid was derived from this kind of thinking.
In my youth, I didn’t actually watch all that many movies.
Yesterday I posted a list of my 5 favorite film villains from my childhood, and I couldn’t help but notice that nearly every movie on that list (except The Blob. FUCK The Blob…) was a movie I watched “almost every day.”
You see, I watched movies all the time, however the variety of films I would watch was extremely limited.
My parents and my brother however, watched all sorts of stuff, mostly R and PG-13 movies that I would have to leave the room for.
Despite my not having actually seen any of these movies in my youth, I would often overhear, or be told factoids about them by my parents or my older brother.
This lead to me developing a habit of becoming content with what little I knew, and often writing off the film as unnecessary viewing because of it.
In case you forgot, (don’t be ashamed, Jurassic Park III sucked balls) basically it goes like this:
“I believe that in this world there are 2 kinds of boys: ones that want to be astronauts, and ones that want to be astronomers.” ~ Dr. Alan Grant
The analogy is that some people thrive on hands-on experience in their passions, while others tend to explore them at arms reach.
In case you are already lost, what I’m trying to say is that; as a child, I feel I developed some tendencies akin to that of an “astronomer.”
In many ways I feel I am still marching down that path.
Anyway, that’s enough of that sappy introspective bullshit, the real reason I’m typing this article is because I found myself laughing over some of the ways I would pretend to “know” movies as a kid.
In general, the way I would “know” movies as a kid was by discovering one key moment in the drama of the film.
This lead to me knowing Top Gun for years exclusively by it’s soundtrack, (which my mother listened to, WAY too often) and that it was “the one where Goose dies.”
I didn’t know who Goose was.
I didn’t even know how or why he died.
Hell, at some point I even recall pondering whether he was even human, what with his name being Goose an’ all.
Apologies for whatever spoilers I may have divulged just now, but come on man, if you don’t know Rocky IV and Top Gun, you sir, deserve to be hit with a tack hammer.
In the brain.
Not in the face, the brain.
In the case of Rocky IV, I had actually seen the first 2 films in the series, and had somewhat of a connection to the character.
Know what’s hella’ funny though?
You know what my brother told me when I asked how Apollo died?
He told me: “What do you think? Some guy walked up to him and punched him in the head.”
While that’s actually completely true, Apollo did get punched to death, I just love how straight and to the point my brother was with me.
Bear in mind, we were both very young at the time.
And wouldn’t you know it, my brother wasn’t lying.
The list of movies I used to “know without knowing” (kind of like “fighting without fighting,” but, y’know, lame) goes on and on.
I know some of them are exceedingly vague, but see if you can recognize any of them:
1. “The one where the bunny throws up and the hippo shoots everyone.”
2. “The one where the alien jumps out of the guy’s chest.”
3. “The one where the alien’s chest opens up and he pulls out a ray gun and kills everyone.”
4. “The one where Godzilla bleeds (for the first time).”
5. “The one where the guy gets his head stepped on.”
6. “The one where Batman says, “Eat floor.”"
7. “The one with the black rock.”
And the trick question for the evening:
8. “The one with the train that goes too fast.”
I’ll post the answers for those care to read them sometime tomorrow.