*SPOILER ALERT!* If you prefer not to have the appearance of The Lizard from The Amazing-Spider-Man spoiled for you, stop reading NOW! *SPOILER ALERT!*
As goofy as the photos above may be, sadly, they aren’t responsible for my rapidly darkening mood in regards to the upcoming Amazing Spider-Man movie.
It’s funny actually, despite being a reboot of a major Marvel franchise, amid all the buzz surrounding The Avengers, Man of Steel, and The Dark Knight Rises, the production of The Amazing Spider-Man has been somewhat of an enigma as of late.
Unlike fuckin’ Turn Off the Dark…
*Shiver* Spider-Man villains putting on a fashion show… The stuff of nightmares I tells yah’.
Truth be told, aside from the infamous “Mirrors Edge trailer,” and a quick article I did a few months back regarding the new costume design, The Amazing Spider-Man has been almost entirely off my radar.
Sure, I grit my teeth a little over the prospect of rebooting a barely 10 year old film series, however outside of that, I really could care less.
That being said, the one thing that could’ve got me excited about this movie, has just been ruined by a leaked image of a goddamn Pez dispenser.
Allow me to explain.
In my youth, animals were one of my greatest passions, in particular lizards and other reptiles.
At one point the Komodo Dragon was my favorite animal, prompting me to do a number of school projects based around them.
I used to flip through my (vast) collection of Zoobooks just about every fucking day, in particular the reptile and special edition dinosaur issues.
Godzilla was, and still is, one of my biggest heroes.
And when it came to comic book characters, in particular Spider-Man villains, you can sure as hell bet The Lizard was my favorite.
In truth, he was kind of a lame character, particularly in regards to his power set, but even so, I’ve always liked him regardless.
That being said, seeing Dylan Baker cast as Dr. Curt Connors (The Lizard, dumbass) in Spider-Man 2 and 3 was cute in the sense that it paid homage to the greater Marvel universe, (something that has since become widespread) however I’m not gonna’ lie, it sucked some serious balls being teased with the prospect of a Lizard story arc over 2 movies only to end up with the lame-ass, cluttered finale of Spider-Man 3.
Imagine my surprise when it was announced that The Lizard was going to be a/the(?) villain in The Amazing Spider-Man.
Being a Lizard fan, my initial reaction was that of:
Despite boasting some decent acting credentials, I still think it’s funny that Welshman Rhys Ifans AKA the Welsh guy from Little Nicky and the Welsh kicker from The Replacements, is going to be playing Curt Connors.
By the way, did I mention he was Welsh?
Seriously though, I really don’t have much of a frame of reference as to whether he’d make a good Lizard, but oddly enough, it’s not him that has me less than thrilled about The Amazing Spider-Man.
Which brings us back to the aforementioned Pez dispenser:
While it may not be an official rendering of the character’s design for the upcoming film, or even a reflection of what the character’s final appearance, given the possibility that his transformation in the film may in fact be done progressively instead of all at once; the fact of the matter is:
This looks like fuckin’ garbage.
Seriously man, aside from the green skin, the features of the character don’t even look reptilian to me.
Last time I checked, reptiles, lizards in particular, are noted for their rigid facial structure and beady eyes.
This fuckin’ lizard has his eyes on the front of his face, and doesn’t even have so much as a goddamn snout.
I know they were probably trying to humanize him for dramatic purposes, or more likely, made him more human shaped to make animating his lip movements somewhat easier, but even so; this ain’t the fuckin’ Lizard.
Jesus fuck man, even if you were to put all of my “science-y” gripes aside, at the end of the day this design looks just plain fuckin’ boring.
And we all know how well that little venture worked out, right?
To whoever designed this Austrian dispenser of confectionery FAIL, congratulations, you have succeeded in making a superhuman lizard-man look boring.
My guess is they recruited the guy that did the Time Ninja cover to do the concept art for The Lizard: