Pay special attention to Megatron’s hilariously drawn out yell of “Starscream!”, and Soundwave’s voice in general.
October 23, 2011 • 10:23 PM 0
Pay special attention to Megatron’s hilariously drawn out yell of “Starscream!”, and Soundwave’s voice in general.
July 26, 2011 • 6:31 PM 11
*Caution! This article contains spoilers for ALL of the live-action Transformers films!*
Before you lose your shit and start calling blasphemy at the title of this post, please take heed and understand the face that the above phrase is only in reference to the live-action Michael Bay version of the character.
I grew up watching the original Transformers.
Optimus Prime was, and is; one of my biggest heroes.
That being said, after (finally) watching Transformers: Dark of the Moon, I can honestly say, with an absolute degree of certainty; that Michael Bay’s take on the character barely qualifies as a “in name only” representation of the original Optimus Prime.
Watching Optimus Prime evolve, or should I say, degenerate; from film to film has been a horrific and sickening process.
The original character of Optimus Prime was that of a regal and clean-cut goody goody.
He was noble to the point of being kind of a tool, he rarely was at the forefront of combat, deferring most of the dirty work to his Autobot cohorts, and in every case, regardless of how practical it may be; he did whatever he could to stand for peace and altruism.
He was an admirable role model for impressionable young children, and one that, in a perfect world, would still hold up to this day.
The first live-action Transformers movie, a mediocre film overall, but easily the best of the trilogy; took many liberties with it’s interpretations of many of the Gen 1 characters, however when it came to Optimus Prime, it mostly got it “right.”
In Transformers 1, Prime was every bit as regal as his old self, with the sole exception of a few uncharacteristically goofy moments.
One of his finer moments in the film came at the very end, when Prime attempted to sacrifice himself and the All-Spark.
He never once suggested using it to destroy Megatron, nor did he ever seem at any point prepared to outright kill his lifelong rival.
While his character was never developed to the point in which anyone could really care about him, it was nonetheless very appropriate to have Prime mourn the death of Jazz at the film’s conclusion.
Really Prime’s only really odd moment was during his battle with Bonecrusher, wherein he basically decapitated the severely outmatched Decepticon without giving it a second thought.
While somewhat shocking, dealing with his opponent at the time, quickly and efficiently; was cause enough justify Prime’s course of action.
Even so, while it was cool to see Prime cut loose and kick-ass, it’s hard for me to associate the phrase “stone cold killer” with him.
Which brings us to the train wreck that is Revenge of the Fallen.
Probably the worst in the trilogy, Revenge of the Fallen’s version of Optimus Prime was worse than the first film, but in my opinion; not quite as bad as the 3rd one.
Not all too different from his Transformers 1 counterpart in speech and mannerisms, the one really noticeable change in his character came in the form of a gung ho, “kill them until they die from it” attitude.
I’m guessing it makes me sound like a pussy to say so, but I was downright shocked to see Optimus blow Demolishor’s head off at the beginning of the movie.
While far from the dumbest or most offensive sequence in the movie, seeing a childhood hero think nothing of executing a defenseless opponent just seemed really fuckin’ wrong to me.
Similarly, it came as a shock to me that Prime would brutalize and utterly obliterate The Fallen at the film’s conclusion.
The world was no longer in danger, and in his “Super Saiyan Prime” form, The Fallen seemed to be no match for him; so in my mind it seemed kind of odd for Prime to go the extra mile to butcher and obliterate his opponent.
I’m not at all opposed to killing in Transformers movies, however I do take offense to unjustified killing via the hands of Optimus Prime.
Killing Blackout during the 3-on-1 battle in the forest (arguably the best scene in any of the movies) came as a result of necessity I.E. defending himself and more importantly, Sam.
Decapitating a defenseless, and largely incapacitated opponent, was hard to justify outside of appealing to a bloodthirsty audience.
There was a phrase that Prime tossed around in virtually every episode of the old TV show, namely that of “Easy, Ironhide.”
This phrase was meant to separate Prime from his more bloodthirsty counterpart.
The phrase was used in Transformers 1, but somewhere down the line they decided to ditch it and the philosophical implications it brought to the table.
That being said, while Prime was obviously trending towards a more bad-ass persona in Revenge of the Fallen, in my eyes they took this much too far in Dark of the Moon.
Prime’s role in Dark of the Moon was somewhat diminished in comparison to the previous films in the series, however his behavior in the 3rd film was borderline offensive.
First off, and this applies to all of the Autobots; I found the idea of the Transformers rallying behind the U.S. military to combat terrorism to be more than a little insulting.
Throughout every film, Optimus Prime has declared himself to be an ally of humanity, making it completely absurd that he and the other Autobots would seemingly align themselves exclusively with the U.S., a single nation among hundreds of others.
I know these movies have obligations to portray the U.S. military in a certain way, largely due to multi-million dollar contracts with the armed forces; but attempting to trick kids into believing they’ll get to hang out with autonomous transforming robots when they sign-up is more than a little offensive.
Oh well, at least it’s not as dumb, or as blatant as Taiwan’s military ad campaign:
Moving on, it’s hard to deny that Prime’s gung ho/take no prisoners attitude from Revenge of the Fallen was turned up to 11 for Dark of the Moon.
Gen 1 and first film alum, Ironhide, as well as a handful of other Autobots are killed in the film, however at no point does Optimus Prime take a moment to reflect on their passing.
The death of any Autobot is always going to be a big deal, but for IRONHIDE, one of the most well known and beloved characters in the franchise to pass on without acknowledgment; is pretty fuckin’ lame.
What’s also pretty fuckin’ lame is hearing Optimus Prime arrive at the battlefield and declare bullshit G.I. Joe phrases like:
That’s a direct quote by the way.
I don’t care how many civilians the Decepticons kill, to hear the venerable leader of the Autobots order a fuckin’ genocide on the opposition is just plain fuckin’ wrong.
To make matters worse, Prime once again can’t seem to stop himself from killing everything in sight.
Countless (generic) Decepticons meet their fate at the hands of Prime in Dark of the Moon, however the really offensive deaths come at the film’s conclusion.
At one point Megatron proceeds to offer Prime a truce, whereupon Prime interrupts him and proceeds to tear his fuckin’ head off.
Following this, a mortally wounded Sentinel Prime crawls about on the ground and begs for his life, whereupon Prime interrupts him and proceeds blow his fuckin’ head off.
Apparently, negotiation is not one of the Autobot’s strong suits.
I don’t know about you, but shit like this grinds my motherfuckin’ gears.
It’s like the equivalent of a grossly unwarranted and unexpected heel-turn of a beloved face in wrestling.
The only difference is, in wrestling shit like that usually ends up paying off in the long run.
Corporate Rock, while hard to swallow in the first few months, was one of his better moments.
G.I. Kill-Master Prime, as well as any of the live-action Transformers films, will likely continue to be shitty as ever 10 years from now.
Anyway, I won’t be writing a review for Dark of the Moon, (it sucked) but I felt I needed to pound out this article, because I genuinely felt that this interpretation of the character was entirely “wrong.”
Oh well, I guess this is the kind of shit you have to expect from movies when the military is heavily invested in their making, the countries’ been at war for over a decade, and kids have been living off Call of Duty games and their imitators for the past 8 years.
May 1, 2011 • 10:38 PM 3
There’s something particularly heroic in the act of sacrifice.
While the term “hero” largely refers to individuals of admirable or extraordinary traits, courage and bravery; the ability to rise up and act in the face or adversity, are characteristics that define the word just as well.
Of the past 9 MANLY moments we’ve explored up to this point, most, if not all of them have involved instances wherein heroic individuals had to put their lives at stake for a cause greater than themselves.
In fact, in the case of our 6th and 2nd MANLIEST MAN moments, (Jim Brown’s suicide run in The Dirty Dozen and Optimus Prime’s battle with Megatron in Transformers: The Movie respectively) the MANLY MEN involved in said moments ended up losing their lives despite their accomplishments.
Martyrdom is indeed a powerful form of heroism and MANLINESS, and unsurprisingly; it just happens to the kind of MANLINESS that makes the finale of Sam Peckinpah’s turn of the century Western classic, The Wild Bunch; THE MANLIEST MAN MOMENT IN ALL OF FILM:
Unlike the vast majority of the movies on this list, The Wild Bunch is a legitimately great film.
That’s not to say Transformers: The Movie and Commando aren’t quality films in their own right, I for one fucking love them; however it’s hard to deny that they aren’t of the same caliber as a classic like The Wild Bunch.
That being said, when it comes to films with themes like brotherhood, redemption, and MANLINESS; there are few better examples I can think of than The Wild Bunch.
The finale of The Wild Bunch involves the main characters, a band of somewhat amoral hired guns; recognizing a need for justice in a wartorn Mexican community.
Not lawful justice mind you, just plain old fashioned MAN-JUSTICE.
Initially working for the local warlord and his German arms provider, the Bunch complete the task assigned to them and collect their reward; but at the cost of having their comrade Angel, a Mexican revolutionary; taken from their ranks and brutally tortured.
The Bunch react to this atrocity with disgust and anger, however they ultimately end up gritting their teeth and walking away.
Some time passes however, and their collective consciences rouse their spirits to take action.
In an awe-inspiring act of MANLINESS, the remaining members of the bunch, consisting of Willam Holden’s Pike, Ernest Borgnine’s Dutch, Warren Oates’ Lyle, and Ben Johnson’s Tector; march through the town and towards the warlord’s compound with fire in their hearts.
Arriving at the compound, the Bunch confront the warlord amid an entire mess hall worth of troops.
The warlord, at this point severely inebriated and thusly unaware of the seriousness of the situation, casually asks them what it is they want.
To this, Pike responds with a single demand:
Retrieving the battered and beaten Angel, the warlord seems to be willing to comply with their request.
Unfortunately, the warlord draws a concealed knife and ruthlessly slits Angel’s throat, prompting the Bunch to gun him down on the spot.
There is an awkward moment as the warlord falls, a calm before the storm.
Both the soldiers, and the Bunch themselves; stand in silent awe of the utter insanity of what has just transpired.
The Bunch have ample time to run, and yet for whatever reason; they stand their ground.
Slipping a deviously knowing glance between one another, the Bunch recklessly assault the army of Mexican troops; resigning themselves to the lethal eventuality of the overwhelming odds before them.
Scores of Mexican troops are slaughtered as the Bunch wildly spray fire into the crowd, laughing maniacally at the sheer ridiculousness of the predicament they’ve willingly thrown themselves into.
As the initial surprise of their attack begins to fade away however, the soldier’s sheer numbers begin to wear on the Bunch; resulting in nearly all of our “heroes” receiving serious bullet wounds at some point.
A major turning point in the conflict occurs when one of the Bunch manages to get ahold of a mounted machine within the base, increasing the Bunch’s attack power 10 fold.
Unfortunately, even a machine gun isn’t enough to turn the tide completely, as one by one the Bunch begins to fall apart.
At the end of it all, only Pike and Dutch remain, with Pike dieing a heroes’ death manning the machine gun as Dutch is gunned down trying to come to his aid.
In the end, The Wild Bunch isn’t really a story about good guys and bad guys.
As mentioned earlier, the Bunch is made up of brigands and outlaws; making them questionable as traditional heroes.
Despite their somewhat underhanded nature though, in the final act of the movie; the Bunch manage to redeem themselves by demonstrating a clear belief in the concept of moral decency and justice.
Everything they do throughout the movie, especially in the finale sequence, could very easily be viewed as “wrong” or unjust; however in going back for Angel, and thereby adhering to their personal form of MAN-CODE; they gain a very small, but meaningful degree of redemption.
In essence, the Bunch gave their lives not for glory, or even necessity; but simply for the purpose of being MEN both in life, and in death.
In that sense, I can think of no MANLIER act of MAN-NESS in the pantheon of MANLY cinema.
Well folks, thus concludes the Azn Badger’s list of the Top 10 Manliest Man Moments in movies.
Hopefully you all enjoyed yourselves.
I for one seriously need a break from all of this MANLINESS business, as all of this writing has pretty much pushed me to the brink of MAN-SANITY.
Maybe I should watch some Ugly Betty or something, cleanse the palette…
April 30, 2011 • 9:50 PM 1
As much as I adore everything that is Godzilla, and as much as I enjoy watching intelligent rats stage crazy-ass sword fights; Transformers: The Movie was far and away my favorite of these movies.
While some (read: Orson Welles) would criticize Transformers: The Movie as being an hour and a half long toy commercial, for kids who grew up watching it; there’s no denying that it had a charm to it that made it truly special.
More than that, Transformers had a severity to it, a real sense of life and death stakes that made you, especially as a child; truly give a damn.
Say what you will about it being a feature length marketing device, in my book any movie that goes out of it’s way to kill off nearly every major character in the franchise within it’s first 20 minutes has at least some semblance of legitimate dramatic merit.
Hell, of all the retarded-ass kid’s movies that I used to watch, Transformers: The Movie was one of the only ones my mom was willing to sit down and watch with me.
Combine the film’s rather morbid tendency to be cruel to it’s main characters, with decent animation and a kick-ass glam rock soundtrack; and you’ve got a recipe for success.
It’s interesting to note that, for me at least; Transformers: The Movie represents most of what I know and love about the original Transformers cartoon.
I was born a few years after Transformers began to fade from the mainstream, and as such; I really didn’t see much of the TV series outside of a re-runs on the “Power Cube” every once in awhile.
If it weren’t for me having an older brother that was around to experience the Transformers phenomenon first-hand, I don’t think I would’ve had nearly as strong an association with the Generation 1 stuff.
Thank God for my brother, otherwise I would’ve been denied the pleasure of growing up watching the 2nd MANLIEST MAN moment in all of movies EVERY FUCKING DAY!
While one could (and indeed should) argue that the live-action Transformer movies are overlong and meandering piles of tripe Elmer’s glued together with eye-fucking CG and rejected elements from the National Treasure movie’s scripts; the 1 thing I think we can all agree they did right, was Optimus Prime.
Optimus Prime is one of the most admirable and heroic characters in all of fiction.
Steadfast and noble, he is the picture of stoicism and bravery that we all wish we could live up to when the chips are down.
In short, Cullen is Optimus Prime.
While the live-action movies flipped the charming minimalist aesthetic of the Generation 1 cartoon on it’s head, and often failed to allow him the opportunity to speak with the same regality by feeding him hokey lines; just hearing Peter Cullen’s voice come out of the CGI Optimus Prime was all I needed to see that even Michael Bay couldn’t completely fuck up his character.
As shitty as the live-action Transformer movies are, at least 5 minutes of them contain scenes of Optimus Prime being just as I remembered him.
That doesn’t forgive the 2 and a half hours+ worth of crap contained in the rest of the film’s running times, but even so; it counts for something.
That being said, our 2nd MANLIEST MAN moment is perhaps Optimus Prime’s finest moment, that of his heroic, and tragic; last stand against Megatron and the invading Decepticon forces:
Words can’t describe the EPIC MANLINESS of this moment.
At this point in the movie, the Autobots are really taking a pounding and don’t know how much longer they can hold out.
The vast majority of the Autobots from the first season of the TV series are killed off during the conflict, leaving Ultra Magnus and a ragtag group of Autobots, both young and old; to defend Autobot City.
As the Dinobots struggle in battle, Optimus Prime steps from the shuttle; grimly surveying the destruction of his people’s Earthbound sanctuary.
With any eerie sense of finality lingering the air, Optimus Prime transforms and rolls out; for perhaps the last time.
CUE AWESOME FUCKING INSPIRATIONAL ROCK SONG.
Pimp that he is, Optimus’ first move in battle is to RUN THE FUCK OVER Thrust.
From that point forward, the difference in power and capability between Optimus and the rest of the Transformers becomes readily apparent.
Still in truck form, Optimus is fired upon by several Decepticons; with all of the incoming laser blasts having no effect other than maybe singeing his paint job.
Leaping into the air and simultaneously detaching his trailer, Optimus does a MANLY gravity defying flip through the air, all the while CAPPING THE FUCK out of every Decepticon in sight:
Make no mistake, this is Optimus Prime at his PIMPEST and most BADASS.
With the majority of Megatron’s heavy hitters out of the picture, Optimus corners the evil robot and issues perhaps the MANLIEST of MANLY ultimatums:
Despite that EPIC-NESS, the 2 continue to exchange AWESOMELY MANLY remarks until, inevitably; Megatron claims he will kill Optimus with his bare hands, then proceeds to spear Prime’s ass to the ground.
Cutting back to the fight, Prime manages to toss Megatron into a wall, whereupon the devious Decepticon takes an opportunity to go back on his previous declaration and toss a sharp rod into Prime’s hip.
Immediately capitalizing on his opponent’s moment of weakness, Megatron lifts his arm blaster and fires several volleys at Prime.
Deftly slipping the incoming blaster fire, Optimus rushes Megatron and cracks him with a wicked right cross, knocking the Decepticon leader to the ground and severing the blaster from his forearm in one fell swoop.
Ever the sneaky bastard, Megatron once again makes use of a foreign object, picking a beam saber off the ground and swiping it across Prime’s stomach.
Sparking from the gut, Prime clutches his wound and staggers backwards, prompting Megatron to leap into the sky and initiate one of the single coolest shots in cinema history:
With an AUTOBOT SHORYUKEN, Optimus manages to counter Megatron’s overhead assault, only to end up being mule kicked in the chest by Megatron’s immediate retaliation.
With both fighters off-balance, the 2 robots slam into each other and tie up in a grapple.
As Megatron threatens to tear out Optimus’ eyes, our hero nevertheless manages to overpower the evil robot, grab him BY THE EARS; and toss his ass a CITY FUCKING BLOCK.
With Megatron severly injured and face down on the ground, Prime retrieves his blaster rifle and points it at Megatron.
Acting very much out of character, the ruthless and dastardly Megatron pleads for mercy.
Rightfully suspicious of his nemesis’ uncharacteristic behavior, Optimus is ultimately robbed of an opportunity to gauge a proper course of action as Hot Rod jumps in from out of nowhere and tries to subdue Megatron, only to end up being held as his hostage.
Grabbing a blaster pistol he found hidden amid the rubble nearby, and with Hot Rod now being used as his human shield; Megatron fires a volley directly into Optimus exposed stomach plate.
Too strong and too brave to take a knee, Optimus withstands the first shot, only to be felled by the 3 that follow.
Ditching his hostage, Megatron stands over Prime and taunts him at gun point, with the words:
“It’s over Prime…”
With those words, Prime; summoning the last of his strength, rears back and uncorks the MOTHER OF ALL DOUBLE AXE HANDLES directly into the Decepticon emblem of Megatron’s chest.
His chest plate shattered to pieces, Megatron falls off the nearby ledge, bounces off the balcony below, and crumbles onto the ground below.
With their leader utterly defeated, the battered and beaten forces of the Decepticons flee from Earth; leaving the Autobots to tend to their own.
Shortly thereafter, Optimus Prime would die, and Megatron would begin life anew under the guise of Galvatron.
Anyway, this has been our 2nd MANLIEST MAN moments in all of movies.
Check back tomorrow for the reveal of moment #1!
March 28, 2011 • 9:47 PM 8
Fallout 2 is one of my favorite games of all time.
I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve stepped into the boots of the savior of Vault 13, but I’d figure the number would have to be close to triple digits.
For the most part I skipped Fallout 1, largely due to the absurd degree of enjoyment I experienced from my time with the sequel.
That being said, Fallout 2 had a charm to it that few other games, in my eyes; have managed to live up to.
There’s just something about the inherent minimalism of the first 2 Fallout games, and indeed most text heavy adventure games; that lends so much to the experience.
Reading a graphic description of how I just blew some poor shmuck’s eyeball out his ear, while watching the same shit different day stock death animation play out; was a primitive gameplay element that really worked for me.
Which brings me to my feelings on Fallout 3.
In short, I really didn’t care much for Fallout 3.
Being as it’s a Bethesda product, I came into the game fully expecting the game to play like “Oblivion With Guns,” (and equally shitty animations) and to be honest; I don’t think anyone could dispute the fact that it does.
There was a time in my life when I played a lot of Oblivion.
I missed out on Morrowind, but regardless; Oblivion was a neat game with a colorful world and an impressive breadth of content to uncover.
Sure, there were a shit ton of problems and issues that cropped up while you played it, but for the most part; my time with Oblivion was a positive experience.
Fallout 3 however, despite borrowing several ideas and gameplay systems from Oblivion; just didn’t do it for me.
The first major problem that I’d like to address in Fallout 3, was the fact that the dialogue system feels weak compared to Oblivion, or even previous Fallout games.
That’s right, I said “first.”
As stupid/pointless as the speechcraft system in Oblivion was, I kind of liked the idea of playing a brief mini-game to stand-in for the very real process of developing a rapport with someone.
In short, Oblivion gave one the option to improve their standing with a person through idle chit-chat, thusly expanding the number of subjects they could converse with them about; and the depths of which they could probe into said topics.
Fallout 3 ties it’s dialogue options directly to your character’s skill ratings, with speech skill centric options being listed with a percentage of success statistic.
In other words, if you have a high enough rating in appropriate areas; then a special speech option becomes available.
What I discovered, early on; was the fact that all of these special speech options, were the “right” thing to say.
In Fallout 2, the “right” thing to say wasn’t necessarily the appropriate thing to say.
I can recall an instance or 2, particularly in New Reno; wherein I said something that seemed lucid, that seemed like what needed to be said; only to have the character I was speaking to take offense to my logic and blow me off.
This wasn’t because I didn’t have a high enough speech rating, but rather because I failed to read the character of their personality properly, and simply said the “wrong” thing.
By my reckoning, there wasn’t a single person I wasn’t able to talk down in Fallout 3.
With all of the “right” dialogue choices clearly outlined for me, all of the guess work and intricacies of conversations faded away the moment my skill ratings got high enough.
Honestly, the “right” comments were so boldly outlined; that I’m pretty sure I managed to get through more than a few conversations without even reading what people were saying.
That’s enough about that, let’s move on; shall we?
I think a huge part of the problem for me, was the scrounger/pack rat mentality the game instills in you through scattering usable/pick-up-able items fuckin’ EVERYWHERE.
I understand that about 80% of what you find in the game is in fact junk, and not really all that useful; but the fact of the matter is, there’s simply too much shit to pick up/look at/jam up your ass.
Seriously, I don’t even want to think about how many minutes or hours of my life I spent dumping shit out of my inventory, picking up a busted-ass rifle, using said rifle to repair my slightly less busted-to-shit rifle, and re-picking up my previously dumped shit.
I hardly got anywhere in the main story of Fallout 3, quitting around the time I first got power armor; but rest assured, I did every fuckin’ fetch quest and sidequest up to that point.
I’m a completist, I do shit like that.
That’s why sandbox/open world games never work out for me, ’cause in trying to do everything, I end up accomplishing nothing.
*Ahem!* Let’s get back on topic, shall we?
Another gripe I had with Fallout 3 that was somewhat similar to the hoarding bid’ness of the gameplay, was the fact that items and equipment felt somewhat “cheaper.”
I use the word “cheaper” in the sense that, with so many items strewn about the environments; the frequency of quality items, or failing that; shitty items that can be pawned for profit, made most every item I ran across seem far less important or special.
In Fallout 2, good armor and guns were really fucking hard to get your hands on unless you were a really skilled thief, had a shit ton of money, or managed to kill someone equipped with said items.
All of the above methods required either high skill ratings, a little energon, or a lot of luck to enact.
Not only that, even if one were to have all of the above going for them; the number of items in any given environment was significantly lower than in Fallout 3, resulting in items being scarcer, and thusly more vital.
In Fallout 3, I can’t think of a single moment wherein I couldn’t afford to buy whatever the fuck I wanted, nor can I think of a time in which my inventory wasn’t full of decent shit that I was never going to use due to the extraordinary wealth of better shit I’d run across on a regular basis.
I think the worst example of this that I can think of, was at the very beginning of the game.
I just came out of the Vault, and the game told me to go to Megaton.
Given that I’m me, and I’m not one to go anywhere without looking for hidden goodies first; the first thing I did, was run up onto a collapsed highway.
To my surprise, I happened across a hoard of bandits that wanted my nuts.
Despite my being armed with little more than a baseball bat, using the power of circle strafing and bunny hopping; I beat the ever-loving shit out of about 20 bandits and took all of their shit.
That’s right, I fought 20 bandits, with a bat; and took all their good shit, thusly putting me ahead of the curve in terms of equipment and weaponry for, I don’t know; THE WHOLE FUCKING GAME.
Speaking of killing 20 bandits with a bat, that brings me to another gripe I had about Fallout 3: the “cheapness” of life within the game.
Killing someone, anyone; especially in the early portions of Fallout 2, was a fuckin’ EVENT.
Given the turn-based, purely statistic based structure of Fallout 2′s gameplay, it was very much appropriate that difficult battles; wherein your character or his party were severely outclassed or outnumbered, were really fuckin’ hard to win.
I’d never say Fallout 2′s combat was realistic, but it’s inherent difficulty made it seem appropriate given the nature of the game’s environment.
Fallout 2 was a mean game that often took it upon itself to dick-slap you across the face and remind you that, as cool as your character was; he was still just a man.
As opposed to a Batman, who is of course a symbol; and thusly cannot be killed or corrupted.
Fallout 3 seems to have tossed this concept out the motherfuckin’ window and into a 4-lane highway.
As mentioned above, I took out 20 bandits, with a bat; all within the first 5 minutes of the game.
Admittedly, that was kind of cool at the time, as I can recall humming the Conan theme at some point during all the mayhem and carnage; however after it started happening every 5 minutes, it started to bother me.
During my time with Fallout 3, I killed hundreds upon hundreds of raiders, robots and crab monsters.
I did that in Fallout 2 as well, (with the exception of the crab monsters, of course) but the only difference is; it took me the whole fucking game to achieve said kill stats, not the first half of the game.
You what’s really fucked up though?
Of all the things I killed, I’m pretty sure I ended up taking out Super Mutants more than anything else.
The LOU FUCKING FERRIGNO’S of the Fallout universe.
In Fallout 2, Super Mutants would utterly wreck your shit.
You could be decked out in power armor, and rockin’ a motherfuckin’ Bozar; but Super Mutants could still tear your ass up unless you came in with a plan.
In Fallout 3, I found myself killing Super Mutants with alarming regularity.
Not only that, I did so with leather armor and a fuckin’ hunting rifle.
To be fair, I could do that in Fallout 2 as well, but only because that game afforded you the option of scoring pinpoint shots to people’s eyes and radioactive packages; making it easier to disable or severely cripple your enemies.
*Sigh* Believe it or not, I’ve got more; so I’m just gonna’ dump these last few gripes in bullet point fashion.
Money is far too easy to acquire, given that anyone will buy anything from you for a decent price, even if you never put a single skill point into barter like I did.
Dungeon textures and layouts are cookie cutter at best. There wasn’t a Vault or cave I walked into that felt at all different or unique.
Karma is too easy to acquire, (through giving water to the unfortunate) nor is it seemingly all that important.
Perks are too frequent, and too powerful. Seriously, since when does Bloody Mess give you a damage bonus?
Weapons and enemies aren’t varied enough. Like the dungeon textures, everything kind of felt same shit different day.
Anyway, there’s probably other shit I can say about Fallout 3; but in all honesty, I think I’m running out of steam.
I bought Fallout 3 for $10 retail, knowing full well that I probably wasn’t going to like it.
From what I read and saw before picking it up, it seemed to me like a pretty good game; but in my heart, I knew from the get go that in my eyes; it just wasn’t Fallout.
In all, it’s still a neat game world; with some neat characters and places, but for me it all just seems like too much.
I think the first-person perspective and 3D engine hurt the game in the sense that it forced the game world to contain all the things that a real world would.
In the real world, cans probably would be fuckin’ everywhere following a nuclear holocaust.
In the world of Fallout 2, said cans indeed were apparent; however they served as static scenery and couldn’t be interacted with.
In Fallout 3, pointless interactive shit like this is fuckin’ EVERYWHERE, simply because; in order to maintain the illusion of a livable 3D world, it must.
Anyway, I ended up selling my copy of Fallout 3 to my brother; so for me, the nightmare is over.
Hopefully this marks the end of my days raging on Fallout 3.
Come to think of it, here’s hoping my brother doesn’t suffer the same fate…
November 5, 2010 • 4:33 PM 9
Today we’re gonna’ be talkin’ about SAD SHIT.
SAD SHIT as in The Top 5 Traumatic Deaths in Movies kinda’ SAD.
Please take note that everything contained in this list is a product of the Azn Badger’s childhood; so don’t expect any movies on here to be made anytime past the mid-90′s.
Anyway, let’s get thing’s rollin’, shall we?:
The NeverEnding Story was a tough movie for me to watch as a kid.
It was long, I didn’t really get it, there was a lot of unintentionally scary imagery, and oh yeah, it was long.
So long in fact, that I never really finished it as a kid, resulting in me thinking the whole thing ended with the end of the world at the hands of The Nothing.
Pretty fuckin’ sad, am I right?
Thankfully, I went ahead and saw the rest of the movie a few years ago, thusly patching up a few childhood scars in the process.
That being said, while this death doesn’t really count as a death; ’cause if memory serves, Artax is still alive and well at the end of the movie, to the young Azn Badger the fuckin’ horse died in the mud hole.
Anyway, this death marks probably the first and only time the Azn Badger ever felt any sort of emotion in reference to a horse.
It was the fuckin’ kid that got to me, that girlie-boy Atreyu.
They’re both standing in them mud, and the fuckin’ kid is blowin’ his lungs out screaming at his fuckin’ horse to “not give in to the sadness of the swamps” n’shit.
Meanwhile, the music is swelling and gettin’ all sad and crestfallen n’shit.
The whole thing was just too much for me as a kid, and for the life of me; I bought into it.
While I didn’t really “get” the Neverending Story back then, little episodes like Artax bitin’ the big one stuck with me on a visceral level; in this case, making me very sad.
Fun Fact – The only reason I remember that damn horse’s name is because of his death scene when Atreyu yells it about 50 times.
Repetition: It works.
Mufasa was a pimp.
You take the raw power of James Earl Jones’ voice, and transplant it into the body of the biggest, baddest, most pimp-as-fuck lion in all of existence; and you’ve got Mufasa.
Needless to say, in my youth; Mufasa’s death hit me pretty hard.
As I hope we all know, Mufasa met his fate at the hands of the combined force of a stampeding herd of wildebeast, and the nasty claws of Jeremy Irons.
Any less, and I’m sure his pimp-ass self would’ve survived somehow.
Anyway, Mufasa; pimp that he is, rushes headlong into the stampede to save his pussy-ass son, Simba.
While he is successful in rescuing the boy, Mufasa takes some serious shots from the fuckin’ wildebeasts, the kinda’ hits that would fold a lesser lion in half.
All the while, Hans Zimmer’s music was goin’ crazy, and all the kids in the audience were either pickin’ their boogers, or hoping against hope that ‘ole Mufasa was gonna’ pull through and not fall prey to “Bambi’s Mother Syndrome.”
Just as Mufasa’s managed to escape the stampede for just a few seconds, out strolls his brother; Jeremy Irons.
Slimey prick that he is, Jeremy Irons busts out his freshly manicured nails; and digs them puppies into Mufasa’s paws; but not before saying something creepy and vaguely savage like:
How ironic that the pimpest of all lions would be felled by a bunch of wildebeast AKA the butt of every Discovery Channel predator/prey joke…
To make matters worse, Mufasa’s death has the added impact of having a 40 minute guilt trip attached to it.
Jeremy Irons tells Simba, straight to his face; that the whole thing was his fault.
This of course results in Simba running off into the wild for the next 10 years to eat bugs and talk to clouds.
Oh well, guess we all have to cope somehow…
The Land Before Time was a special movie for me back in the day.
Come to think of it, while I’m sure how it all worked out, Don Bluth movies were all some of my favorites as a kid.
Although it wasn’t a Disney production, rest assured Mr. Bluth saw fit to work some “Bambi’s Mother Syndrome” into the mix in the form of Littlefoot’s Mom.
Much like the Lion King after it, Littlefoot’s Mother meets her fate partially due to the actions of her son.
In short, Littlefoot and Cera are dickin’ around in the wild, they piss off Sharptooth, Littlefoot’s Mom shows up to save the kids, does so, but is mortally wounded in the process.
Cue lengthy and heartbreaking death scene wherein parent reminds child that “they’ll always be with them.”
While the actual battle with Sharptooth was awesome to the young Azn Badger, instead of horrifying as it may have been intended to be perceived, the death sequence afterwards was just plain tough to sit through.
Even now, I bet I’d have a tough time getting through it without biting my lip or taking a deep breath or 2.
I watched the both of them about a million times, and I don’t think I ever got close to getting tired of them.
While Robin Hood had swashbuckling and and ungodly amount of merry laughter, Leagues had Kirk Douglas and a GIANT FUCKING SQUID.
The epic-ness of these 2 factors made for one of the single most spectacular and enchanting films of my childhood.
That being said, despite Kirk Douglas’ Ned Land being my favorite character, James Mason’s Captain Nemo was a pretty close second.
Even as a kid, I loved his pimp-ass beard, and the curious way in which he spoke.
His voice was awesome and all, but I loved the pace of his speech, how it was just a half beat slower than everyone else.
Appropriately, it made him seem enigmatic, like you’d never be able to figure out what he was thinking in a million years if you tried.
Anyway, while 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea was yet another movie that I didn’t quite “get” when I watched it as a kid, Captain Nemo’s death was something that I understood all too well.
As with seemingly all deaths on this list, the music made all the difference.
Captain Nemo is running atop the Nautilus, dodging incoming gunfire from the dudes that want his technological secrets.
He jukes left, he jukes right, and all the while the strings in the orchestra are goin’ fuckin’ nuts.
Suddenly, just as he’s within feet of the entrance to the lower deck of the submarine, his body spasms and the music crashes to a halt with a horrifying *DOOOOMMM!*
No squib, no blood spurt, just James Mason’s ACTING TALENT and the power of a music cue.
From there, the rest of the movie has Nemo, resigned to the fate of his eventual death; lurch and stumble his way through the submarine to a couch next to an undersea viewing window.
Nemo’s last moments are spent gazing into the deep blue that he loved so much.
While the death was pretty epic, it was the initial gunshot that hit me as a kid.
As soon as that music cue hit, my tiny heart sunk down to my toes.
*Sniff!* I honestly thought he was going to make it…
This may seem like a cop-out to some.
A predictable, bandwagon-y ploy to get the nerds to read the blog; however if any of you genuinely think that, then you obviously don’t know the Azn Badger.
As mentioned several times on this blog, I watched Transformers: The Movie, quite literally nearly every day of my early childhood.
My older brother did the same.
Transformers: The Movie was one of those magical films that just did it for me as a kid.
I loved Godzilla movies as kid, but that was because I loved Godzilla as a character.
Transformers: The Movie was a case of me simply loving an individual movie more than any human child should.
While I was a little bit too young to have enjoyed the Transformers TV show while it was first airing, The Movie served as my ambassador to the series; giving me a crash-course on the Gen-1 stuff before I even started watching the re-runs.
That being said, the opening battle on Cybertron, that takes the vast majority of the original cast of the show and kills them off in favor of new toys, I mean characters; was truly a thing of beauty.
The battle on Cybertron worked because it had actual stakes.
Lives were lost on both sides of the conflict, such that you truly got the sense that everyone was fair game.
Hell, Ironhide was one of my favorites from the TV show, and he got his head blown off in the first 10 minutes.
These were big name guys, characters that were at the forefront of the action in every episode of the TV show, and here they were gettin’ their clocks cleaned in the first 20 minutes of The Movie!
Then they went and killed Optimus Prime.
If the battle between Optimus Prime and Megatron at the beginning of Transformers: The Movie is one of the best fights in cinema history, then the death of Optimus Prime is surely one of the most dramatic deaths.
I love the subtlety of the death sequence.
Everyone is gathered around Prime, their facial expressions communicating far more than words could hope to.
Perceptor, the closest thing the group has to a doctor, presents his diagnosis with a simple:
“I’m afraid the wounds are, fatal…”
With the silence broken, Daniel; the child of the group, is the first to speak his mind:
From there, the whole thing just gets more and more epic.
At the end of it all, the hammer of childhood trauma drops as Optimus Prime’s entire form turns black, a decidedly fatalistic percussive music cue hits; and Prime commits his final act as his head limply turns to the side.
That, my friends; is how you kill an icon.
August 9, 2010 • 8:36 PM 0
Sorry for the protracted nature of this post-subject, I didn’t realize how long and BORING the game was until I had already reached the point of no return
Oh well, live and learn I guess.
I think it goes without saying that you won’t be seeing a Let’s Play on the Azn Badger’s blog for quite some time…
August 8, 2010 • 10:05 PM 0
Godzilla fatigue has officially settled in.
For real, I ran out of things to say on the subject more than a few days ago, but this game just WON’T FUCKING END.
*Ahem!* Anyway, after today we’ve only got one more stage to go.
I can’t begin to tell you how happy I’ll be to start writing about something else…
August 7, 2010 • 9:35 PM 0
Today however, we’re movin’ on to Pluto, and believe me, it’s no cakewalk.
Seriously man, it’s long as fuck!
For real, it took me 3 videos this time man!