Welcome back everyone, to the fourth and final part of my MASSIVE Scene-By-Scene Summary of Mega Monster Battle: Ultra Galaxy Legend!
Yesterday, things were looking up for our heroes, as we were treated to our first glimpse of the awesome power of Ultraman Zero!
What evil tricks does Ultraman Belial have up his sleeve for our awesome new hero?
Read on to find out!
Let me begin by saying this: Kudos to the people over at Tsuburaya for not fucking up by having Zero fail to live up to his hype.
He does.
And he does it well.
Too well in fact.
You remember in Dragonball Z movie 12 when Goku and Vejita fused into Gojita and flattened Janenba inside of a minute?
Okay, maybe you don't. I do though, so fuck you.
Well, that was awesome because we spent half of the movie waiting for the fusion to happen, and when it finally did, we were treated to the arrival of a character so powerful that he pretty much turned the whole power level spectrum upside down.
Ultraman Zero on the other hand, gives the same impression of being overwhelmingly powerful, but we spend 10 minutes watching him be awesome.
10 minutes is an eternity when dealing with awesomeness.
As was the case in populating a movie with, literally, over a hundred unique monsters, sometimes less is more.
Anyway, personal objections aside, Zero cleans house in epic fashion, taking out all the monsters, and pwning Belial like a little bitch without so much as breaking a sweat.
"SHIENKYAKU!" Brownie points to all those that recognize the reference!
Eventually, Zero blasts Belial with possibly the pimpest Ultra finisher in franchise history, sending him into a volcanic ravine.
You would think that would be the end of the battle, but being as this is an Ultraman movie, Belial decides to come back for one more round by combining the fallen souls of his 100 bitches into a single massive, rod-puppet controlled body.
So rubbery... So very rubbery...
With the arrival of this most impressive super monster, Ultraman Leo and Astra finally decide to show up.
No sign of Ultraman King though, lazy bastard.
Everyone jumps into battle against the largely immobile super monster, launching their respective trademark attacks, and unfortunately inflicting little to no damage in the process.
Oh yeah, you know Dyna tried to put it in his mouth. However, even a dick licker like Dyna couldn’t fit 100 cocks in there at once…
Just when things start to look grim for our heroes, Rei gets the bright idea to use his Battle Nizer to take control of the still functioning Pimp Cane that Belial dropped in his battle with Ultraman Zero.
Apparently, this is what it takes to steal internet from Comcast these days...
Sure enough, the plan works beautifully, and the super monster is thrown into spasms and seizures, as the 100 monsters comprising it’s body begin to rebel against it.
Ultraman Zero approaches the Ultra Spark, (yup, it hasn’t moved since Belial planted it in the ground almost an hour ago) and uses it’s power to transform his twin Eye Sluggers into one of those Klingon blade thingies.
Yeah, this time YOU know what it is, not me. Fuckin' Star Trek, bein' all complicated n'shit...
Following this, Ultraman orders everyone to, you guessed it, use their trademark attacks to distract Belial (he’s mounted atop the super monster’s head) and the monsters so Zero can land the killing blow.
From a distance it almost looks like the end of Ghostbusters...
Cue epic explosion:
Sorry, no George Lucas Special Edition "Vertical Rings" though. Maybe in 20 years.
With that, Belial is finally defeated, and peace restored to the universe.
Ultraman Zero returns the Ultra Spark to it’s rightful place, thereby redeeming his past wrongdoings and freeing the Ultra homeworld from it’s icy state.
"Okay Taro, you can have your ice cream back."
Asuka and the ZAP crew are invited back to the Ultra homeworld for “thank you’s” and mutual, emphatic nodding.
Unfortunately, they aren’t allowed to tour the planet, as apparently the radiation of the Ultra Spark will, well, kill them.
Dyna escorts Rei and the humans back home, and then Ultra King brings our film to an end with a nifty little speech that isn’t all that dissimilar from the one at the end of Starship Troopers.
"They'll fight, and they'll win! Join the Mobile Infantry today! Would you like to know more?"
Oh yeah, and then there’s a last minute reveal where we find out Belial’s still alive and will likely show up whatever Ultra whatsit they decide to follow this movie up with…
But you wouldn’t care about that.
Hope you enjoyed the experience of READING a plotless movie, I know I did.
Hopefully, I’ll never do something like this again, don’t think my brain can take the stress…
Until tomorrow folks! See you later!
Filed under: Movies, Tokusatsu, Uncategorized, Anakin, Astra, Battle, Belial, Darth Vader, Dyna, Fei Long, Galaxy, George Lucas, King, Legend, Leo, Luke Skywalker, Mega, Moebius, Monster, Rei, Reimon, Star Wars, Starship Troopers, Street Fighter 2, Ultra, Ultraman, ZAP, Zero
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